Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Melosond's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, October 17th, 2002
12:07 pm	I sent Troy an e-mail with the link to Bowling for Columbine so he could decide if he wanted to join me in seeing it, and he wrote back, I watched the trailer. I want to see the movie. Tell me what I have to do. I WANT to SEE THE MOVIE!!!! troy That makes me so happy. I love it when people get super excited about things that I'm super excited about. And I get to see it tommorrow! YESSS! Current Mood: excited Current Music: Beck's new album. Yummy. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 16th, 2002
6:29 pm	Sometimes my parents and I will sit on their bed before they go to sleep, and we'll sit and talk. Tonight we were doing that, and it was going just fine. Then dad looked at me and said, "You should exercise more." Nice. Very nice. Got to see Coleman today, that was super fun. He's doing an internship at a Quaker retreat center. He's working two days a week, and he does chores at the center. His room is essentially a dorm room. But he doesn't have a roommate, and it has a sink, plus nice windows. I asked him if he doesn't get god-awful bored at times, and he said that's like asking if, since I only have two classes a day, I don't get god-awful bored. Point taken. Tomorrow I want to make cookies. Current Mood: doo doo doot Current Music: Jay Leno -- Dan and I are watching it in PA & NC (Comment on this)
Friday, October 11th, 2002
12:00 am	So I've been learning my lines for the past, oh, week or so. And we were supposed to run through them today. Just a quick run through so we know what to work on over break, and in the future. So I do okay on my lines last night, not stressing out about it. I get into class, have a good warm up session, and Heidi and I get up to do our lines. And zoop! There go my lines out the window. I stutter over lines that, an hour ago, were right there in my head. The night before I was dancing around my room, saying my lines. But once I stepped up to say them, I freaked out and they were gone. It was embarassing and upsetting. But so the fuck what? I'm going home tomorrow! Last night Ryan and I had the first good conversation we've had in... jeez, I don't even know how long. It started with him asking a favor of me, which was highly irritating. What was new and different about this time, though, was that it didn't just end after he asked the favor. We actually kept up the conversation. We made jokes. It was okay. For the first time in forever. Which isn't to say that about 99% of the time when we're outside of the internet he does fun things like, if we were, say, at the caf with Beth, he'd be talking to the both of us but would never actually look at me. And that is such a horrible, horrible feeling. All of a sudden BAM I'm gone. I do not exist at that table. But it's a step closer than we were at the beginning of the year. Am gonna watch a movie with the old crew. Don't know what movie, don't know when. Hypoglycemia is acting up, so am super cranky, but pizza should arrive soon. Current Mood: testy Current Music: Jay Leno and Jerry Seinfeld (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
11:45 pm	Hi. I feel like saying something, writing something, but I'm not entirely sure what that would be. Have I mentioned yet how excited I am to be going home on Friday or Saturday? I'm blaming my dragged butt on the junior year slump, but I don't know how accurate that is. Is it a junior year slump, if such a thing exists? Or is it because I was working away from home all summer? Don't really know. But today has been super-tired day. I watched half of Mtv'sThedeVil Diary of Bono and Chris Tucker in Africa. Taped the other half. It was really interesting and excellent; if you get a chance to see it, you definately should. I also watched MTV's Fight For Your Rights episode on sexual education in schools. The thing that stands out most is some video clip where a guy asks his teacher what he should do if he plans to have sex before marriage. She leans down to him and says, "Then be prepared to die." I wonder what it says about the show itself that this is what I remember first. It focused on a bunch of high school students in Texas who, because their town has about triple the number of STDs that other towns generally have, begin demanding sex ed in their classes. The last portion of the show was dedicated to the abstinance crew. I think it said that thirty percent of people who signed the True Love Waits card eventually had sex before marriage. Have to go to bed. Adios, y'all. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Barber - Adagio for string (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 8th, 2002
5:55 pm	YES!!! MICHAEL MOORE'S BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE IS GOING TO BE IN PHILLY OVER FALL BREAK!!! I GET TO SEE IT!!! It's supposed to be even more excellent than his past movies... Wow. So excited. It looks like it's going to be SO GREAT. Wow. Wow. So excited. Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: Bowling for Columbine trailer (2 Comments |Comment on this)
9:42 am	When people ask me what I plan to do with my English degree, I say I plan to win the lottery and retire at 25. But this works, too. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 7th, 2002
9:37 pm	Waaaaaaiting for advil to kick in... So many lines for Shakespeare class... Should've done more memorization over the weekend... I knew it... Current Mood: owie (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 6th, 2002
11:06 am	Dream Went into some bar because a flight I was supposed to take was delayed until the following morning at 8am. I went into a restaurant first, but because I'd had some premonition about where I was supposed to sit, I left, and went into the bar. Strange that I left, because it was the same establishment. I ended up sitting with some family who I didn't know. Then some guy joined us (who also wasn't a member of the family), and then another guy (ditto). The two men kissed passionately, and the father of the family said, "Oh, great, a couple of faggots." I don't remember saying anything. Cut to some point where two of my teeth fell out. I don't remember how it happened, but it it did happen in the restaurant. I was really freaked out, and tried to find the waitress so I could put them in a glass of milk (that's what you're supposed to do with teeth that have fallen out). For some reason the two teeth were attached. I got a paper cup filled with milk, and went to try and find a dentist. There weren't any listings in the phone book, and so I went in some sort of motor vehicle that wasn't quite a car -- more like a cart or an old Model T. I think at one point it turned into a bike. I passed by some tiny festival/parade on a dirt road, and tried desperately to get people to tell me where an emergency dentist was, but I couldn't get a straight answer. I talked to the mayor of the town (he was wearing one of those mayoral sashes), who looked remarkably like Rip Torn, but either he didn't know where one was, or he wouldn't tell me. I checked on my teeth, and they'd started to disintegrate. I actually woke up still feeling badly. Then I realized that I was feeling badly that my teeth were gone, and made sure that they were actually still there. I felt better. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 4th, 2002
3:53 pm	Original plan for car: *15,000 mile service *Check driver's side lock *Check A/C 'cause it's making a funny noise when it's on "high" *Winterizing What I got talked into: *Tire rotation *Oil Chance *Check A/C for what is probably caught in there *Check and make sure nothing's about to fall apart/explode Because of the guy who works there, I saved buttloads of money. Of course, I could've done this myself were I smart and checked my records to see that my last servicing was a huge one and was only three months ago. But that's okay, because I now have a lot of respect for the workers at the Toyota place. Neat. Current Mood: grateful Current Music: Sponge - Molly (Sixteen candles) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
11:37 pm	Just now I felt more like a spectator than I think I ever have. I was wandering campus trying to memorize my lines (Macbeth, IV, 3. I'm Macduff [insert requisite Simpsons joke here]), and I came across a couple of people (who included Troy and Beth) playing frisbee in front of Binford. I walked halfway around them, and sat on steps not twenty feet from their toss. I don't think either Beth or Troy saw me in the ten or fifteen minutes I was there. Or if they did, they never acknowldged it. David walked by, and he didn't see me either. It was really fascinating. Not a bad experience, per se, but interesting. Current Mood: Hm. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
1:01 am	I think I found my second and also what may have been my third gray hair. You know, none of the students in Animal House were in front of their mirrors examining what may have been gray hair. Secretly, though, I like gray hair. I like the way it looks. And I like that I have some. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Shh! Sally's sleeping. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 1st, 2002
11:12 pm	Troy/Me although i dont want to get in a full argument about sunday, i would like to clarify why i was so angry. so here it is: the reason for my total frustration was something along the lines of: i asked to be closer to the door, which i did not see as totally unreasonable since you had to drive past that exact spot regardless of whether you let me out at that point or not. so it really wasn't an inconvenience in any possible way. then when you responded by driving off i made clear my intentions to get out of the car and you speeded up and away from our current location making it near impossible to extricate myself from the vehicle. at this point i was now trapped in a car under no control of my own and under full control of another person. i HATE that. i cannot express exactly how angry that sort of situation can make me, although i think that you witnessed a small glimpse of a small fraction of just how angry it can make me. i am sorry we had to both yell and scream about it, but i felt helpless and so i panicked. that is basically why. here's my side i never heard you ask to be moved ten feet. i heard you telling me that this wasn't the door, that this was the wall. and i'd thought (you know how bad my sense of direction is) that your room was on the other end, and that i was closer to the door you wanted. i thought you were joking around when you opened the door. and when you started yelling i got really upset and decided not to stop, because i don't take well with people yelling at me. you told me that i really pissed you off sometimes, and that really hurt, because it meant that there was even more stuff that hadn't been dealt with that i didn't even know about. well, here is the thing: there was miscommunication and we both yelled. there is reason to further persue this topic so long as we both realize that we werent both right and we werent both wrong. absolutely if we talk about this more then we will likely end up yelling because all we have are two skewed perceptions of the same thing. they will never coincide and we will accomplish nothing. no doubt well that was easy and mature of us. (compared to sunday) i couldn't believe you almost got hit by a car right after oh man that would have made my fucking day, i would have dragged my broken body around to him and yelled at him and i may have been forced to key his car or do other irrational things. i was furious I would have eaten his car with my car. lol you wouldnt have had the chance since i would have devoured it myself and then i would have run him down with my car. or given you my keys so you could lol am i wrong in thinking that maybe there was something else going on sunday? if you don't want to talk about it, by all means tell me to shut my pie hole or similar. nope, being trapped in a car against my will definitely pushes my buttons ok i could see that. and you saw the wonderful outcome of that yeah... that was all sorts of no good yea Well, I think I feel better. Current Music: Daily Show (Comment on this)
3:48 pm	Hahahahahahahahahaha, ohh man. I hate the fifties. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 30th, 2002
8:17 pm	Got this from mom This poem is composed entirely of actual quotes from George W. Bush. The quotes have been arranged for aesthetic presentation by Washington Post writer, Richard Thompson. Too good not to share, especially during National Poetry Month.... MAKE THE PIE HIGHER by George W. Bush I think that we all agree, the past is over. This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses. Rarely is the question asked Is our children learning? Will the highways of the Internet become more few? How many hands have I shaked? They misunderestimate me. I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity. I know that the human being and the fish can coexist. Families is where our nation finds hope, where Our wings take dream. Put food on your family! Knock down the tollbooth! Vulcanize society! Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
5:54 pm	Hm. Your Existing Situation Volatile and outgoing. Needs to feel that events are developing along desired lines, otherwise irritation can lead to changeability or superficial activities. Your Stress Sources The existing situation is disagreeable. Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the rank and file. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her. as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others. Your Restrained Characteristics Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants. Your Desired Objective Longs for a tender and sympathetic bond and for a situation of idealized harmony. Has an imperative need for tenderness and affection. Susceptible to anything esthetic. Your Actual Problem Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics she admires and to display originality in her own personality. (ColorQuiz). I don't see how that would be a problem... Unless I'm (theoretically) forfeiting my own personality to adopt one that I apparently admire. As for all the rest of it, some of it applies to me, but then, some of it applies to most people. Also, update from the trip to Chicago can be found here. Current Mood: sceptical (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 29th, 2002
10:41 pm	Why is it that having nothing to do on a Sunday evening makes me anxious? That seems silly. Done my homework, cleaned my half of the room (sort of). Did some non-school reading. Had to put it down and instead am doing work ahead of time. Why can't I just read and not be anxious that I'm missing something I should be doing? Weird, yo. Current Mood: restless Current Music: Billy Joel - Angry Young Man (Comment on this)
6:00 pm	Troy and I had Words today. I think something's wrong. Something so small would never [normally] make him as angry as it did today. We were coming back from IHOP, and he was discussing in a tense way with Beth her particular eating habits that might, by some, be considered anal retentive. And so the fuck what if it is? Is that any of his business? I asked where people wanted to be dropped off, and he said English. So I pulled up in front of English, and he made no moves to get out. It wasn't the right spot, he said. This wasn't a door. Which was true. We were next to a wall, and the door was about... maybe 20 yards from where we were. So, since he made no moves to get out, I started driving again. He opened his door. I didn't stop. I thought he was kidding around. He railed on me. I yelled back. I didn't stop driving until I got to Binford, and parked. He got out, slammed the door, got his stuff. Said goodbye and started walking. Some guy nearly hit him. Missed by about an inch. What happened in the car should never have incited the words it did unless something else is going on with him. Damned if I know what's going on, and damned if I want to talk to him about it. Or about anything else for that matter. It upset me. It really upset me. I don't give a shit how badly your day is going, you don't take it out on me. Who the fuck cares that he had to walk "all the way across campus"? It's barely a fucking city block. I don't like this. Current Mood: stressed (Comment on this)
11:23 am	Weird, yo. Had a dream where Dan and I were at a mall, and he was going to get some glitter lip gloss for Paige. We went into some uber-posh store and picked up a giant tub of it, and I kept trying to tell him that he was dumb and that he could get it for a dollar at CVS -- "It's the difference between one dollar and fourteen." He kept saying that he didn't care. I told him that he could even make it himself with vaseline and glitter. I think I eventually got him out of there without spending $14 on glitter lip gloss. We got to a big group of escalators, and one was going so fast that it made some older woman afraid to get on, so she walked onto it backwards and with her eyes closed. Then I was in a group with Beth (I think), maybe Troy, maybe Dan, and Ryan. I didn't see Ryan until Beth said that he was leaving to go to the Circus. Ryan was wearing nice khakis and a dark button up long sleeved shirt that had stripes of shimmery thread in it. His posture was extremely hunched in a way that suggested an annoyed teenager. He gave me a hug before leaving (his first hug this year is in a dream...), which I really didn't like. My arms returned no pressure, though his hug showed none of the discomfort that I was feeling. (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 28th, 2002
3:49 pm	My ex-boyfriend and his hip-hop group are coming to my school in January. HAHAHAHA, ugghhhh... I haven't seen him since... jesus... forever ago. About five years, now. And I haven't regretted a second of it. And now he's back. That's just stellar. At least it's only briefly. Current Mood: ohhhh my. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 26th, 2002
10:32 pm	Last night Sally and I went to see Buddy. He's looking so much better... His fur is so much cleaner and he's gained a little weight (and he smells so much less). He was in heaven, with three people (Sally, New Owner Tim and me) on the floor petting him for about a half hour straight. Eventually he sat right down in Sally's lap, and slowly melted down from there. His head fell into my lap. Tim is crazy about him. He's just the kind of owner I wanted for Buddy. Buddy gets run of the house, good food, and walks, and they make sure that Insane Puppy Chewey doesn't bother him too much. Tim's a good guy. Thank freaking god. We did our sonnet for the last time in acting class today. I couldn't be happier that we're done with it. From at least a week ago I've been so fed up with it that I can't bear to even think it, let alone practice it outside of class. Next we're working on scenes from Macbeth. Ugh, this class is so tiring. Mom's reaction to my thought of taking a semester at Biosphere 2: (after asking where it was, what it's about, and what I'd be doing) Nothing interesting in England or France? I'm not surprised she's not as enthused about the idea as I am. Dad might be more interested. I would like to go to Europe, don't get me wrong, but I missed having my time at home, and I wouldn't get much if I went abroad. If I go to Biosphere 2 I'm gone a maximum of six weeks (as I said earlier). That would be good. My neighbors take some sort of bizarre enjoyment in playing bad music really loud with their door open. I actually went across to tell them to shut their fucking crap music up (perhaps with different wording), and even though I was knocking on their [open] door and saying in a non-quiet voice "Hey, excuse me. Guys?" They did not hear me. Holy god. I just left, closed my door in a non-quiet way, and turned my music up. I think someone did get their attention (somehow), and they turned down the music. Lame-os. So. Troy and Beth are making an attempt to move off campus next semester. Beth is currently in a single, and Ryan is taking next semester off (possibly living at Beth's house and working at her dad's office), so that's all accounted for. They were actually really concerned about how I would feel about it. I'm conflicted (which sounds so lame -- "I have inner tourment! Sob!"). I've thought about it a lot, and here's how it goes: The times I see Beth and Troy are A. in the caf, and that's just Beth because Troy's off the meal plan, and B. when we plan to do something together. It would suck to not see Beth in the caf, because that significantly decreases the number of people I eat with. And seeing them when we plan things changes nothing. And then I'd get to hang out in a real apartment, and we'd all get to cook more Real Meals in a Real Kitchen. I could escape there, if needed. They need out, and I don't really feel abandoned by them (as Beth had been worrying). I think it's great that they can get out, if that's what they feel they need. I can't get off campus. I don't have enough credits or adequate reason (in RezLife's eyes) to get away yet, and even if I did, I'm not sure I'd do it. I think it's a bit too isolated for me just yet. It's not that I enjoy the caf, or a tiny room, or obnoxious neighbors, but I think that, at least for right now, I'd miss out on a lot if I left. And I don't know if Paige wants to go off campus (or if she can), and if I left and she didn't, then she wouldn't have a roommate. But that's a moot point anyway. I don't really know how Troy would've felt about me moving off campus, too. Beth encouraged it, but Troy didn't say anything about it. Again, moot point. But at the same time, it feels weird that they would be going. Sigh. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Daily Show. So much Daily Show. (4 Comments |Comment on this)