Good times, noodle salad. [entries|friends|calendar] Rosemary [ website | the desiderata of felicity ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Oh, the Logic [31 Aug 2004|07:05pm] I know this has been going around, so I won't copy and paste the whole thing, but I just have to pick out some of my favorites. I'm changing it from "Republican" to "Bushite", though, because I know there's a difference. ( To be a Bushite, you have to believe: ) Couldn't have said it better myself. post comment

feel the beat from the tambourine [31 Aug 2004|02:40pm] [ music | Dancing Queen - ABBA ] Cranes had officially dubbed today ABBA day. Everybody put in your ABBA CDs and DANCE! :) 1 comment|post comment

Something Completely Different [30 Aug 2004|10:09pm] I'm going to go wake up my boy so that we can finally watch the final episodes of this past season's Smallville together. We're both in better moods today than we have been in. It's funny being with someone of the same astrological sign, because I think we have the same kind of out-of-the-blue mood shifts at the same time a lot. Some of that is just our connectedness and both having energy sensitivities and such, but some of it just random. We didn't see one another until this evening, and yet both confessed that we'd privatley made a decision at the start of our days to be more positive today. One Leo horoscope for today actually reads "You'll have some very special cosmic inspiration to get you out of bed". For me, it was thinking about my grandma. I mentioned in a post yesterday that I didn't know how she did it, so many years of being chair-bound and not being able to do much. And I remembered that during the brief time I was living with her, she got it into her head that she was going to start painting. She got all these supplies, and one day, she managed to sit up at the kitchen table and paint some silly pictures of the cats. I'm not sure if she ever managed to do it again on another day, but she had that goal in mind, and by god, if she didn't sit down and make herself do it! So, it just made me realize that I can still have my goals and even if I'm never able to finish them, or even start them, the thoughts of them can keep me going. My grandma is one of my spiritual guides, and I do not doubt that she came to me and planted these thoughts in my head this morning as I was waking up. Anyway, off I go to wake the sleeping person in the next room and watch me some teenage Superman drama. Catch ya'all tomorrow. 7 comments|post comment

Privilege [30 Aug 2004|09:37pm] Male privilege certainly isn't the only kind of privilege there is. I'm aware of the fact of my own white priviliege, for example. I don't always stop to think about the ways my being white works to my advantage, it's true. But when it's brought to my attention, I fully accept the reality of the situation. It's a difficult thing to really admit to oneself, I think, that we live in a world that grants us privileges just for some characteristic or another that we were born with. If we are not actively trying to make use of those privileges, it's difficult to accept that we really do have them and use them every day. This is on my mind due to a recent post in feminist. The following link was provided in a comment, and I thought it was really good and wanted to pass it on. It's a list of male privileges, and I it made me think. The Checklist Dave and I get into this sometimes. It sometimes shocks me that there are some things that my very open-minded and intelligent and sensitive man-love doesn't understand about women and about feminism. Most recently, this came up when I was talking about my fears around the cab driver that recently scared me with his stalker-ish conversation. Every woman I've talked about it with has had the same reaction - a kind of stunned, maybe you should call the cab company and complain, holy crap, please be safe reaction. Dave's reaction was more along the lines of - what's the big deal? I know that was partly due to his own laid back nature, and partly due to his not wanting to feed my own fears and get me even more triggered than I already was. But another big part of it was just not knowing what it's like to be female, or disabled, or in some other way vulnerable just for how one looks or is percieved. Despite his social anxieties, he is a big intimidating looking man, someone I'd be scared to run into in a dark alley if I didn't know him, and someone who I feel safe with if I do happen to be out at night for some reason. When I talk to Dave about my fears of sexual assault, and the fact that it's stastically likely to happen again, he attribiutes this somewhat to my past experiences and the PTSD. But I don't think I know of a single woman who doesn't have these fears, who doesn't live with the knowledge that this can and quite possibly will happen to her, and who doesn't take precautions against such things in some way. It is, in fact, a male privilege to not understand and live with this daily fear. It is a male privilege to feel safe walking down a street after dark. It is a male privelege to not feel scared when a stranger says that they recognize you or know something personal about you, even if that person is just saying something as a coincidence and does not intend any harm. It's not men's faults that they have this privilege. Just as it's not my fault to have the privileges that come with being white. But they exist, and they do need to be recognized for what they are. The checklist in this article can largely be re-phrased to represent white privilege, straight privilege, able bodied privilege, etc. Not all of them, of course. Some things are unique to gender privilege, just as each group has it's own items that could be added. But check out this checklist anyway. Check your privileges. Be aware of them. Mostly, be aware that not everyone has them. 18 comments|post comment

hello, by the way [30 Aug 2004|08:22pm] Added some folks today, some who I've been thinking about adding for some time and finally just got over myself and did it, and some who recently added me. These adding sprees tend to go in spurts for me. I added a new community and a new syndicated feed, too. LJ is such the addiction. 4 comments|post comment

not so bad today [30 Aug 2004|06:18pm] Was able to write out some bills and do some very simple picking up around the house today. That's the most productive I've been in weeks! I was even able to read some of the more complicated LJ communities today - lately I've just been reading the silly ones and skipping anything having anything to do with politics or philosophy. I haven't even watched any TV yet! It's all very exciting. Maybe I'll even get some basic stretches in this evening before I crash. 3 comments|post comment

Common Poll [30 Aug 2004|02:10pm] [ mood | curious ] Poll #343118 How common are you? Open to: All, results viewable to: All Which of the following common fears do you have? View Answers Public speaking 19 (45.2%) Gaining weight 16 (38.1%) Going out alone at night 14 (33.3%) The dentist 8 (19.0%) Death 10 (23.8%) Spiders or insects 19 (45.2%) Large bodies of water 3 (7.1%) Height 18 (42.9%) Planes 7 (16.7%) Crowds 16 (38.1%) The dark 10 (23.8%) Superstitions 7 (16.7%) Public toilets 13 (31.0%) Social situations 18 (42.9%) Taking tests 7 (16.7%) Which of these common favorite movies are favorites of yours? View Answers The Godfather 1 (2.7%) The Shawshank Redemption 17 (45.9%) The Lord of The Rings: Return of the King 22 (59.5%) The Godfather Part II 1 (2.7%) The Seven Samurai 2 (5.4%) Schindler's List 10 (27.0%) Casablanca 11 (29.7%) The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers 22 (59.5%) The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship 23 (62.2%) Star Wars 15 (40.5%) Citizen Kane 3 (8.1%) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest 9 (24.3%) The Empire Strikes Back 15 (40.5%) Rear Window 4 (10.8%) Dr. Strangelove 9 (24.3%) Which of the following common dream themes do you have? View Answers Naked in a public place 12 (30.0%) Being chased 19 (47.5%) Teeth falling out 15 (37.5%) Flying 9 (22.5%) Falling 14 (35.0%) Taking a test 8 (20.0%) Spiders or bugs 7 (17.5%) Bad weather 8 (20.0%) Bathrooms 12 (30.0%) Dying 4 (10.0%) Wild animals 7 (17.5%) Driving 13 (32.5%) Being lost 18 (45.0%) Sex 21 (52.5%) Meeting a celebrity 3 (7.5%) 3 comments|post comment

tomorrow [29 Aug 2004|09:41pm] Just sitting here, waiting for it to be late enough to take my meds and lie down for the night. Checking the clock every few minutes, asking myself, is this day over with, yet? Not because it was a bad day, or because I'm looking forward to tomorrow, but because there are so few things to mark my time with, so few things to look forward to and count on. Ten o clock, time to take my meds and settle in for the evening - that's one thing to break up my time. With any luck, I'll be sleeping within a few hours. With even greater luck, I'll sleep long enough not to be awake for too many hours tomorrow. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more. It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing. - MacBeth, Act 5, Scene 5 Everything is fine Nothing changes but the time Life is easy when tomorrow's gone I dream of snow Snow's where I belong - Snowman, The Nields And, yet, as Scarlet says, "After all, tomorrow is another day." 5 comments|post comment

flicks [29 Aug 2004|08:57pm] Last night, I watched Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. I kept thinking they should do a modern remake where the kid brings home someone of the same gender, or someone transgendered. But, I make remakes in my head all the time when watching movies. I think of who I'd like to play the roles, who a good director would be, what kinds of things should be changed and which parts kept, etc. Maybe that's why I get so excited about remakes, but then so disappointed when they're just not very good. How many remakes have been as a good as the original, after all? Today I watched Mrs. Dalloway, which I was primarily interested in because I loved The Hours, which is based, in-theme, on the same story. I still have to read both The Hours by Michael Cunningham, and Mrs. Dalloway by Virgina Woolf. Actually, I have to read a lot more of Woolf, anyway, as the only thing of hers I've read thus far as A Room of One's Own. As for the movie Mrs. Dalloway, Vanessa Redgrave was marvelous, and Natascha McElhone was great as her younger self. What a cutie! She's someone I'm going to keep my eye out for. Just finished watching Blood Work. Not Eastwood's finest film. The pieces just didn't fit together very well, and the ones that did fit - fit too well. When the cops and FBI agents didn't get the obvious pieces right away, I was stunned that they needed full explanations. Other things were never explained at all. And the romance story was so out of place that I had to pause the movie and bitch about it for a few minutes before continuing on. I love a good romance story, but when one is thrown in for seemingly no reason, no romance built up and then suddenly the two key stars are doin' it, and we're then supposed to somehow care about them as a couple - not buying it. Takes the film down a few notches, imo. 15 comments|post comment

Groceries [29 Aug 2004|06:19pm] ( a survey about groceries ) post comment

protests [29 Aug 2004|02:29pm] We're watching the NY protests on C-Span right now. It's bringing back my protest day memories from the 60's. You know, in my last incarnation. No, really. When I see footage of things from that time period, I always catch myself thinking "Oh, I remember that ... wait. I wasn't alive then." When I have participated in protests, I get flashbacks. It's a little crazy. 7 comments|post comment

my hours [29 Aug 2004|01:22pm] [ mood | sad ] Stayed up late obsessing again. I was about to head for bed, but found myself procrastinating, lingering in the living room. Everything felt so pointless. Going to bed, just to wake up and have to think of ways to get through the day again. Will I be able to force myself to get anything productive done? If not, how will I keep myself from going crazy all day long? How will I pass the hours? If I had a job or classes or something to actually do, I'd have different things going on each day to keep me going. Today, I have to work on this project. Ah, tomorrow will be a lighter day, so I can play around a little. Next week is the big event. But my life is primarily just about getting through one hour at a time. There are no major events to look forward to, no projects to work on, no heavy or light days, no differences in one day to the next to the next to the next, excepting how sick I will be, how severe my symptoms will be flaring. I don't know how people do this. I think of my grandmother who did this for years in her home alone, sitting in her chair and watching TV 24 hours a day. I think of other homebound folks, some who are even more limited than I. The sofa-bound days that I have are bad enough, but to be sofa or bed bound every day must be that much more tedious. How do people do this, day after day, year after year? It's all I can do to think about how to get through the next hour. So, the ocd pops up. And I start thinking, if only I had some kind of routine to follow, some kind of schedule to be on, some kind of project to work on with goals and steps and things to do and keep busy with. And so I spend hours on this idea, and I obsess over making it perfect. And for a few minutes, I feel some relief, even some excitment. But then the reality of the situation crashes down on me once again. I can't make a schedule for myself, because my body does what it likes and I never know how sick I will be on any given day. I can't even make a general routine for myself to follow, because some days I don't even have the energy to make food or brush my teeth, and it takes every ounce of energy I have just to use the bathroom. How do I come up with any kind of routine or schedule that will allow for the vast differences in how I feel day to day, physically, mentally, and emotionally? And it becomes so depressing to me, knowing that I can't have any real goals to work towards, and I get to feeling like what is the point of anything? I give up and have a sofa-bound day even if I don't need it because I'm too depressed to think about trying to get anything done, when at any moment, the fatigue and pain or brain fog might overwhelm me and make it impossible to finish. What is the point of all of this? In my mind, I do have goals. In my head, I'm ever-aware of the things that do need to get done. In my heart, I know where I'd like to be going. But in reality, it's just another day of staring at the computer screen or the television. It's just another day of getting through the hours. Tick, tick, tick, this is your life and it's ending one moment at a time. 17 comments|post comment

icons [28 Aug 2004|09:32pm] Sooooooo.... I decided to create some icons and put them out for public useage. I'm not a very good icon maker. My computer and artistic skills are both somewhat lacking, but I think some of these are good and people might like them. I took everyone's advice and went to photobucket, so check me out there: I have some seperate sections for various themes, but the majority are in the main album. Let me know what you think. They're free to use, don't need credit or anything like that. 9 comments|post comment

photo/image sites [28 Aug 2004|12:47am] For those of you who post photos, or make and share icons, etc. - what is a good free photo/image hosting site? 10 comments|post comment

tell me something I didn't know [27 Aug 2004|01:31pm] All you can really count on now is that nothing will work out the way you thought it would - from my horoscope today. No shit, that's the story of my life. heh 10 comments|post comment

gross [26 Aug 2004|07:08pm] I just watched the movie Ghost Ship. I wasn't expecting much. But - blech. If it was a bit worse or a bit better, it might have potential as a cult film, but it just wasn't good or bad enough. They didn't bother to develop characters or delve deeply enough into the whole supernatural plot. If the special effects had been killer, that might have given it some redeeming qualities, but they were just so-so. The gory death scenes were just gross, which I know was the point, but when a movie doesn't bother to develop the plot or characters, I don't feel horrified by the gore, just disgusted. I did also see a good movie, today. How is that I've gotten this far in life without having seen Thoroughly Modern Millie? Julie Andrews and Mary Tyler Moore as flappers and Carol Channing dancing on a xylophone. Also, there's a man in drag scene. And it's funny. And a musical. Some really pathetic racial and gender stereotypes, but it was the 60's, so what are you gonna do? 11 comments|post comment

food issues [26 Aug 2004|04:09pm] [ mood | hungry ] I know four chocolate cookies does not a good lunch make. But whenever I go to the kitchen to make myself something, it all seems like too much work. So, I don't. Maybe I can convince Dave to either make or buy me something for dinner. 2 comments|post comment

sleep, tv, humidity [26 Aug 2004|09:58am] [ mood | hot ] Going on about four hours of sleep today. Had trouble getting to sleep and then got woken up early. Mrrr. I've got the TiVo pretty much recording something at all times now. Movie channels make me happy. So many movies I'm finally going to get to see! And without editing or commercial breaks. Today we're having a high og 88 degrees and 88% humidity. Not a happy girl! Gonna take a cool shower and lie down in between the AC and the fan and watch my TiVo. Hot. TiVo. Action. 25 comments|post comment

TV [25 Aug 2004|09:57pm] Oh yea. Thanks for the info jkatj. Dave got the TiVo and digital cable working correctly. We're all set up now. Monday, NBC goes back to normal (goodbye Olypmics!). And then all the new fall shows start coming in. And my TV heart is all happy. Time to go get drunk on all my new channels. 4 comments|post comment

tripping down memory lane [25 Aug 2004|08:47pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] An old friend who I knew in junior high and high school years (we lived in different towns and wrote letters constantly to one another) just sent me a small package full of letters I'd written to her back in the day. That was quite a trip! I still have a ton of the letters she'd sent me, but it was interesting to see the ones I'd written to her. Damn, but I was a strange kid! Most of the letters were from 8th and 9th grades, and then it jumped ahead to senior year and my first year of college. She was someone I felt pretty close to, so I actually opened up about things some in some of those letters. That was interesting to read, too. But mostly, I'm just laughing my ass off at my adolescent self. 7 comments|post comment

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