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A Flower's Grave

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Swiped from Maiji [Jan. 24th, 2005|02:58 pm]
(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything
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[Jan. 22nd, 2005|08:18 pm]

Webcam, bitchezz.
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[Jan. 20th, 2005|06:55 pm]
I've been really debating if I actually want to go on a trip over spring break now. I have a feeling that it's going to depress me terribly if I do go, either by A)not wanting to leave or B) feeling seriously out of place. =/ I really want to see Libby and Lisa though, but it's gonna cost me a ton of money.

My original plan was to stay for the whole spring break, which is like 8 days. Jesus. Undoubtedly they'd be sick of me after that XD. I'll ponder seeing how much it costs to just go over an extended weekend (like a Saturday through Tuesday affair or something) and if that's any easier on my wallet.

Plus, I'm really no good at flying. >_> Flying alone is going to be a test, that's for sure.
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[Jan. 17th, 2005|08:45 pm]
I had to write a sestina for my poetry class. It was a ton of fun but a real test when you have to stick to the formula. Here's what I came up with- I wrote it rather quickly, in about a half hour.

When I Wished Upon Vega-Nine
James Vnuk

When I was a little boy I had been told
That you could wish upon a faraway star
So one night I made a wish after some time
After the lamps had all gone out late in the night
I picked out a star and took note of its light
And made my wish upon Vega-Nine.

At that very moment, out on Vega-Nine,
The star people stirred with the wish they were told
And jumped on rocket ships faster than light
Flying far away from their isolate star.
Sailing off deep into the black, black night,
To arrive at Earth in their due time.

And so after traveling ten years time,
To Planet Earth came the people from Vega-Nine.
Their rockets landed in Washington on a March night
They did not say “we come in peace” like the movies told,
But instead “we want the boy who wished upon our star”.
Their bodies glowed warmly in an incandescent light.

The people of Earth felt embarrassed by their light,
Primitive and stupid when compared at the time.
“Let’s blow them up,” said some men, “with the power of a star!”,
Afraid of the warmth and civility of the people from Vega-Nine.
They weren’t concerned with money or war like humans are always told
They were happy without their vices, from their home somewhere in the night.

When they had arrived I was called at home late at night,
So they drove me to Washington and I woke up under the lights
Of their spaceship, and when I met them I was told
“We’ve come to fulfill your wish, but it will take some time”.
And I went out with the people from Vega-Nine
To bring peace and humanity back to this planet on a lonely star.

Soon enough the people that lived by that lonely star
Stopped fighting with each other at all hours of the night.
After they had met the people from Vega-Nine.
After long the Earth people began to glow their own light
Humanity had grown up like the star people after such a long time.
My wish was granted when humans saw; they did not need to be told.
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[Jan. 8th, 2005|12:51 am]
I wanted to say a thing or two about some of my favorite things of the year. Since I'm very tired and my mindframe is sort of focused on one thing, I'll have to serialize this. For tonight though...

*trying hard not to spoil*

Favorite Books Read

His Dark Materials By Philip Pullman
This is best work of fantasy I've read in years. Possibly ever. I feel that nearly everything about it is perfect- there was no limit to the imagination of story, and Pullman wrote as someone that knew exactly what he was doing. This is literary fantasy. This is what I want to create. I too was heartbroken in the end, I didn't want to see the characters go, I dreaded the last page. The events in the story had causality, mixed with a dash of irony, truth even- something that so many books I've read lack. Towards the end though I do feel that the author got a bit preachy against the church and I probably would have prefered he stick to being subtle in his message, but I certainly felt like I had read something important. Yes, it is a work of fantasy geared towards young adults, but there was more truth and bits about the human condition in these books than 90% of the literary fiction I've read has been able to successfully convey.

Worth mentioning- Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
Lolita was my favorite book of the year until I read Pullman's trilogy. Nabokov's prose style blew me away, part in fact of just how amazing it was and also that it wasn't his first language. When I read the book I poured over just about every sentence with delight and fascination. It's so tragic, the story- I felt crushed in the end, by both Humbert and Dolore's fates. I sympathized with them both dearly, particularly Humbert. I know all too well the pangs and madness of obsession, and in a sense we seek the same thing- though I have no interest in HH's nymphets I will admit to having an attraction to innocence in women- a kind of vitality, energy and purity, much like what Humbert loved.

I also really enjoyed Memoirs of a Geisha, Slaughterhouse-Five and Catch-22. In fact I didn't read a book this year that I didn't like, these five just stand out well above the others. I'm certainly willing to discuss any title further. =D I'll move on to movies, games, music, whatever as they come to me. Hopefully not before too long.
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[Jan. 6th, 2005|01:11 am]
Because I'm ona bit of a Tom Waits kick tonight I decided to treat myself to a new LJ color scheme :o

I was thinking about how I have so little to say on this thing lately. I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing.
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[Jan. 5th, 2005|12:12 am]
Holy crap, just realized I have six Gmail invites. o_O Free to any that ask I suppose...
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[Jan. 4th, 2005|08:39 pm]
Well, it appears that I'll be heading off to the Spokane Airport sometime in mid-March to spend my spring break with Libby, aka [info]destined_fate

....along with anyone else that happens to be in the vicinity and decides to show up *hint hint to all of you*

Yes, it shall be a momentous event of gregarious origin!

So that's the plan, lest I end up not being able to afford it.
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[Jan. 4th, 2005|01:11 am]
Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
Lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
Drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
Lets me see there is so much more and
Beckons me to look thru to these infinite possibilities.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
Drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind.
Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

I embrace my desire to
I embrace my desire to
Feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow
To feel inspired to fathom the power, to witness the beauty,
To bathe in the fountain,
To swing on the spiral
To swing on the spiral
To swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human.

With my feet upon the ground I move myeslf between the sounds and open wide to
Suck it in.
I feel it move across my skin.
I’m reaching up and reaching out. I’m reaching for the random or what ever will
Bewilder me.
What ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one’s been.
We’ll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one’s been.
Spiral out. keep going.
Spiral out. keep going.
Spiral out. keep going.
Spiral out. keep going.
Spiral out. keep going.
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[Dec. 29th, 2004|01:44 am]
Answers to the 25 song lyrics meme from some time back:

1. The White Stripes – Well It’s True That We Love One Another
2. The Beach Boys – You Still Believe in Me
3. Tom Lehrer – Alma
4. Grant Lee Buffalo – In My Room
5. Michel Polnareff (Dreamers Soundtrack) – Love Me, Please Love Me
6. Marvin Gaye – God is Love
7. Nick Drake – Which Will
8. Smashing Pumpkins – Take Me Down
9. Outkast – She Lives in My Lap
10. Smashing Pumpkins – The Sacred and Profane
11. Prince – U Got the Look
12. Madonna – Papa Don’t Preach
13. Voltaire – The Man Upstairs
14. Daft Punk – Digital Love
15. Stevie Wonder – Higher Ground
16. The Jimi Hendrix Experience – Come On
17. Joni Mitchell – California
18. Lenny Kravitz – Fly Away
19. The Eagles – Hotel California
20. Xenosaga – Kokoro
21. AIR – Playground Love
22. Bob Dylan – Outlaw Blues
23. Tom Waits – Swordfishtrombone
24. Beethoven – Ode to Joy
25. Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty – I Can’t Say Goodbye to Yesterday
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[Dec. 28th, 2004|01:10 am]
The Empire Strikes Back is the greatest movie ever.
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[Dec. 27th, 2004|04:56 pm]
Lisa, this card is wonderful. <3 <3
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[Dec. 26th, 2004|09:13 pm]
I thought about making an entry about what I was given as gifts over the holidays, but I decided to get disgusted instead.

My Christmas was lovely until I got home and came online to see dozens of people bitching about what they got/didn't get as presents. There wasn't even a hint of this kind of jackassery in my family, not even from the young children who by rights shouldn't be so polite and selfless.

Then, I see people measuring the "success" of their Christmas by the amount of materialstic, meangingless junk they were given. A successful Christmas nowadays is how much free stuff you scored, not by making strides towards a more peaceful world and warming the hearts of others. And when they didn't get as much as other people or not what they wanted some people actually have the nerve to get upset and/or bitch (friends list, don't think you're exluded here...I've seen some of it from you guys too so don't try to play dumb if you feel the need to say anything :p). It's sickening. Religious implications or not, this holiday has just become another reason for people to be selfish. eBay tells me in my email that I can "Get What I *Really* Wanted This Year!". Go on, bathe in your parents' money and mortal posessions, we have far too few hedonists in society these days!

I'll not pretend that my family has a fair bit of money. We're landowners, we have a nice house. Of course I don't have any of that stuff, I'm really just a guest at home now that I've moved out- my home is my dorm room. All of my posessions can fit in a 20x12 foot room comfortably. I don't live the same lifestyle as my parents do, and I love it this way. 70% of all my property is books and clothes. Before my family came into their wealth my mother, brother and I lived in an apartment not much bigger than two or three of these little rooms put together- we were below the poverty line. I've had wealth and I've been poor, and I am poor once again. I prefer it this way. The point of all this is to say that yes, I do feel like I can justify getting angry. I know the value of a dollar and I take no sympathy for the spoiled.


I'm not a religious person (and that's no secret) so I can't say I believe in the spirit of Christmas, since I never did in the first place. I do however understand and appreciate the ideology that's at the heart of it. We have holidays to celebrate our nation or the dead, the ones we love or the multicolored galaxy of religious holidays- this is the only one all year where we're supposed to celebrate generosity and the triumph of peace- we celebrate it in the name of the most selfless man in history.

(I will say though that my favorite gift and the one that means the most to me was a pocketwatch given to me by my step-grandparents. I'm pretty alone in this belief and my step-grandparents I'm sure didn't look at it this way, but to me a watch has always been a symbol of affection, trust, and pride all at once. To me a gift of a watch from an elder is a lot like passing the torch. Wearing a watch when you're a kid makes you feel like you've grown up a little. A good watch will live longer than you will. It's a symbol of adulthood and potential. I really appreciated that.)
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[Dec. 17th, 2004|05:59 pm]
For the past six years I've been made to deal with unrequited love. It's showing no sign of coming to an end. I'm doomed to be alone.
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[Dec. 16th, 2004|10:39 pm]
Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play!
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play!
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from!
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly!

( Prepare for the ultimate in obscurity! )
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[Dec. 16th, 2004|10:32 pm]
Diana got me these sweet Heavy Metal, adult-oriented hardcover comics of Peter Pan. They're quite awesome and I had actually put them on reserve at the bookstore some time ago (and then removed them cause I was being pressured to free up space xD) after rummaging around in the overstock rooms. Awesome art and they're hilarious. Thanks so much~

Oh yeah, and we saw Closer tonight. It was okay, a little disapointing. It seemed way too self-important and I felt it was really hard to relate to; it seemed to me that the characters were illogical and stupid, written essentially to be manipulated by the script writer into awful situations.
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[Dec. 16th, 2004|10:40 am]
After 80000000 hours of installing and downloading patches, I started up FFXI last night. Here's my info if you're interested.

Everwinter
Midgardsomr
S'Andoria
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Swiped from TK [Dec. 14th, 2004|09:41 pm]
1. Reply to this post, because I would like to say a couple words about you.
2. I will also tell you what song(s) remind me of you when I hear it.
3. I will also tell you what celebrity/public [or anime/manga/game/book/film] person you remind me of, either personality-wise or looks-wise.
4. I will also give ONE WORD that I associate with you when I think of you.
5. We all could use a boost now and then, so steal this for your journal and make someone else's day as well.
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[Dec. 12th, 2004|04:19 pm]
I haven't really updated in a while although I know I've got quite a lot to say. Finals week is fast approaching and it's sort of snuck up on me x_x

I've been spent the brunt of last week reading in all of my free time, trying to catch up in English. I'm supposed to write a massive paper over these three novels, one of which I finished the other day and two that I've barely begun. I may be able to bullshit the paper luckily but it's a moot point to me right now because I've sort of reached that point where I don't care what grades I get, nor does it bother me if I happen to fail a class or two this semester. I mean, I've made some incredible strides in the second half of semester once I started feeling better- I got a 100% on my sociology project (the first one the professor has given out yet) and a 97% on my math project; I had failed everything in the class leading up to that project, so I was pretty surprised. No one's gonna come down on me if I fail anything- not even my family to be honest. I probably wouldn't get too angry at myself either, and just take it as one of those life lessons- luck isn't always on my side as I would often tell people. =D

Aside from school there's been a couple matters of trivia that have managed to consume my stream of thought. First of all, I met someone. She is awesome. As haughty and assumptive as it may be I was rather quick to say I'd fallen in love- I've been kind of reserved now about saying that seeing as just how strong that word is and how scatterbrained I've been about everything. But if she reciprocated I wouldn't hesitate to fall right back in though XD. She's a lovely, ridiculously intelligent thing that even managed to out-think even me (and not only that, but express it far more eloquently than I usually manage) and I've pretty much been head over heels since. I can however say without hesitation that I'm most certainly in love with her mind and wish I could indulge myself with her intellect far more often than I have. I've found multiple reasons to get myself over to her dorm floor on a nightly basis- some are justifiable reasons like studying away from distraction, but several are made up on the fly just to serve as an alibi in hopes of just seeing and speaking with her. I've tried asking her out a few times but I'm so goddamn clumsy. I managed to ask her to dinner once to which she accepted but being the fool I am neglected to schedule anything. XD It's insane how alike we are in personality and what we have in common- of course she's not like a clone of me (and I would be disturbed if she was) but I have to say- considering how selective about women I truly become interested in she has met the cast majority of my criteria for a girl so far.

What's got me bummed though is that she's already been rather outspoken about how she is presently not looking for or is interested in a boyfriend. I was able to divulge that she only considers that a phase however and will eventually seek out a guy. I would like to be there when she does finally do that. My optimistic, egotistical side feels that I've already seeded some kind of thoughts of romance in her- she did invite me to come with her to a party along with her brother and his girlfriend (whom I happen to work with, by the way) and we've both been fairly eager to befriend each other. I can't say I'm not pessimistic and paranoid though- sometimes I feel like I've already fucked up everything and creeped her out, but I guess she'd have to be a really awful person in order to get that opinion by now. I'm just overthinking things.

Lastly, I've been kind of null/depressed about the holiday break. I'm basically going to be here in the dorms all by myself for close to a month. It didn't really bother me too much over the summer (when I was here without any of my close friends for four months straight) but this time it's kinda gotten to me. Considering my current crush and also that I've changed a little since I started taking medicine (I seem to be more dependent on people now, it's harder to be along I feel) I'm worried that it's going to depress the hell out of me. A few nights ago I woke up scared half to death and in tears over this looming isolation. I'm just going to have to divert myself in the best ways possible- I already ordered Final Fantasy XI Online off Amazon so that should help out to ease my cabin fever. I also have my massive library of books and unfinished RPGs to dive into. So I'll have no shortage of things to do, though I am concerned for my sanity.

Oh yes, and retro avatar. My hair hasn't been purple for over a year now.
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[Dec. 9th, 2004|12:28 am]
*sigh*

Thanks for the words of encouragement there. -_-;;
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