Glossolalia on a Shoestring's Screedbook

13:06 - Leo McKern, RIP

The most intense and engaging of the Number Two's on The Prisoner has finally escaped this Village. He leaves behind an incredible legacy of film & TV credits.

Be seeing you.

17:37 - back from the butcher's

The Vicodin's finally kicked in. So now it's actually possible for me to write (rather than seethe in periodontal agony).

The gum in front of my lower incisor is now a tangle of bloody sutures. I am wearing a custom plate over my upper palate to keep me from tongueing the gaping hole there. Gauze is soking up most of the blood, but it occassionally gags me at the back of my throat.

The good doctor was remarkably quick. However there wasn't *quite* enough Novocaine in my upper palate (the source of the gum graft)... not good. At the end of the main procedure he jabbed the needle back into this site, which hurt like a mo-fo by that point, to add a bit more Novocaine.

What sucked most was, the pharmacy took down my insurance information wrong, so when I came back to pick up the pain pills, they weren't ready. The Novocaine was already wearing off, and I was getting a bit anxious. They made the excuse, "Almost ready", and had me sit down...

After another 15 minutes (and a precipitous drop in the remaining concentration of Novocaine) I pleaded my case: "I've been waiting for 45 minutes. The Novocaine has worn off. I have an hour's drive ahead of me before I can take the pills. What's the hold-up?" (try to imagine this mumbled through gauze and severe pain)

So they finally figured out that my pills had been 'put aside' by one of the techs because of the insurance snafu. They cleared it up, I paid my co-pay, and started south.

Traffic SUCKED wet donkey balls and it was nearly an hour & a half (remember, all the while in the throes of dental torture) before I could get home and down some milk & Vicodin.

Now that it's been the better part of an hour since the pill, I'm finally feeling a bit better. In other words, I'm no longer an enraged, wounded animal blinded with pain. This is a significant improvement.

Current mood: groggy

Current music: "Be a Dentist" from 'Little Shop of Horrors'.

04:14 - into hell

"Of course, if you hung in there long enough, the inevitable descent into hell finally occurred. That's right, you remember it: You fell hopelessly in love with a completely insane person, a dangerously paranoid schizophrenic perhaps, but you were too f*cked-up on the good drugs to even notice it. Maybe for a couple of years." --Marilyn Jaye Lewis

Current mood: apathetic

Current music: Squirrel Nut Zippers: Damnation

16:03 - Ah... depression.

The night falls as if slain by the sun, cold and alone are we.
the salvation for which you sacrifice yourself
flares once, then dies,
devoured by the all-encompassing dark.
all hope must surely perish.
your heart desires no more.
how could you tear us asunder?
lost souls surround us, crying,
save us from ourselves.

Around, all around, the dark memories gather.
My dread grows as the dagger of your words falls against my naked soul.
It mutilates me, and darkly my
blood drips
to the broken ground.
In my madness I call your name
while oblivion takes my hand.
Now alone, my cascade of tears falls upon dead eyes.
This is my Hell...

I am bereft here, weeping in blackness:
flailing through this bitter void,
heart so torn and bleeding.
this desire so severed,
a surreal abyss,
thrown away;
yet I wish for
your lips so vital.

21:54 - a license to thrill, Baby

Oh, beHAVE...
Austin Powers Union Jack shorts.

Where were these when we were working on "Noises Off"??

20:21 - Rearranging the letters

... of 'Republican National Committee' gives:
Inept ballot count: America mine!

19:29 - sheesh - more men needing their effin' "SPACE"

Today R told me he "needs his space" for a few days, maybe more. I think it's understandable that I'm upset by this.

OK, it's kind of a double standard, because hey, I can go on a road trip and be incommunicado for several days while I go 'find myself' or whatever. But he can't.

Basically we had a pretty intense couples counselling session yesterday evening and he got real vulnerable and scared, and he hasn't yet recovered from it. I've told him I support him and I'm not going anywhere, but he's still stuck in self-loathing and wants to crawl into a hole right now.

I'll let you know if/when he comes out of it.

Current mood: rejected

Current music: Bowie: Space Oddity

18:35 - Trip Report - cutting loose

01AUG02, after dinner

I don't have to get a doggie bag! I can order the most expensive wine! I can drop the towel on the floor! I can sleep in! I can eat cookies in bed!!

Current mood: ecstatic

00:01 - cat be gone

Remember how I cat-sat my mom's cat a few weeks ago?

He's dead now.

A few days ago I called my mom for a completely unrelated reason - I'd left some lace and buttons at her house, and wouldn't be coming by to pick them up as planned - and she sounded... weird.

I asked her how she was and she said, "I've been better."

It took a little prying, but eventually I learned that her cat had stopped being able to move his back legs, and was howling constantly with pain, looking up at her as if to say, "Do something, mom!" so she took him to the vet's.

The vet said there was nothing he could do for him. Perhaps they could wait for a kidney donor and give him strong painkillers in the meantime?

But my mom decided to end it right there. She had him put down.

I know she was sad to do it - she'd had that cat since waaaay back when I was dating R². But still, it creeped me out...

... mostly because it reminded me of how she'd off'd my Irish setter while I was at college. Without telling me. I had to pry it out of her.

My mom'd come into the kitchen where the dog was, and freaked out totally that the dog had bitten off the huge tumor under her leg, and sprayed blood all over herself and the kitchen. The next time I came to visit, she still hadn't cleaned up the blood, even though the dog was long dead by then.

It was sick.

I'm trying really hard to forgive her for that, but I still can't quite do it.

Current mood: discontent

Current music: POT USA: Kitty