| 11:55am 29/09/2004 | |||
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*i'm not going to make updates anymore unless they are happy or at least useful. i read this shit and i'm like 'god, shut the fuck up.' and that isn't helpful at ALL. *i started a skirt last night and i have a lot of ideas. so. this afternoon will be working on dainty & dirty sites, and making designs to gocco print. *http://www.myspace.com/thecoldwar - please to add us to myspace if you haven't. especially if you're a band. we want to tour in the next 3 months, so we'll need as many contacts as possible around the globe. whee. *tomb raider 2 was awful but awesome and angelina will be my hot ball of love one day. why is it so much harder to meet girls than guys? girls never ever ever ever ever hit on me. it is sad. *how cute is this cake? or this one!? |
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| 10:20am 28/09/2004 | |||
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home with a cold. eating soup, drinking tea, shivering. recommend me some books. meh. |
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| 11:48am 27/09/2004 | |||
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ebay auctions! I'll be doing these maybe once a month to try to make some extra cash on top of unemployment, as it's about $500 less than my monthly expenses. So please to be kind and take a look if you can! Thanks! |
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| 01:58pm 25/09/2004 | |||
 i'm in a weird cutey design mood lately, (along with the rest of the planet), as evidenced by my portfolio, but i think mostly it's 'things that can be made with basic shapes' like this bird, and the flowers on my portfolio. what's next? mushrooms? clouds? mushroom clouds? sticks of butter? |
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| 11:17pm 21/09/2004 | |||
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http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/09/22/pl Singer Yusuf Islam, formerly known as Cat Stevens, was taken off a diverted United Air Lines flight... government official said Islam was on the watch list because of "known associations and financial support to organizations believed to be aiding terrorism." According to U.S. officials, he is an active supporter of Muslim charities. Hey, if you can be deported for financially supporting terrorists, shouldn't we deport Bush? In other new, Sky Captain and the World of Shut that Dumb Gwyneth Paltrow Hag Up was freaking amazing. Except for a scene with dinosaurs and also the aforementioned GP. I want to live in a hazy 1940's future land, with Jude Law in a lot of leather, and Angelina Jolie in an eyepatch. Thanks. P.S. Giovanni Ribisi is adorable. And has the best name ever. |
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| 11:53am 17/09/2004 | |||
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last night i made semi-healthy banana bread. it came out pretty well. this is what: 1/4 cup butter or margarine for veganness 1/2 cup raw happy sugar 4 or 5 smushy bananas 2 eggs or egg-fakey for vegans 2 cups whole wheat flour 1 tsp baking soda 1/4 tsp salt cinnamon vanilla dash of nutmeg walnuts yay. i can bring it in the car tomorrow as a snack. we leave at 4 am. |
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| 02:48pm 15/09/2004 | |||
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She said, "I know what it's like to be dead. I know what it is to be sad." And she's making me feel like I've never been born. she said she said - the beatles |
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| 02:48pm 14/09/2004 | |||
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trouble - cat stevens eight miles high - the byrds dark globe - syd barrett (didn't REM cover this for a flexi in sassy? or am i high?) a hard rain's gonna fall - bob dylan |
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| please to come | |||
| 04:27pm 13/09/2004 | |||
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| 07:32pm 12/09/2004 | |||
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Just watched Fear, Anxiety & Depression, directed by Todd Solondz. It's good, it was done in 89 but seems like it's early 80s, and very cute and funny. It helped. Whatever. I also walked around looking for a cafe, one was full, the other closed on Sunday now. Do I live in a large metropolitan area, or am I just on crack? I'm so spaced out and detatched and weird, I don't even know myself. Hello. How do you do? I do as I please. It's cold and windy and I want to curl in front of the fire and drink cocoa. (We get two weeks of summer? At least it was nice for Drew's 'rents anniversary yesterday.) If I don't stop eating, none of my clothes will fit, and I will pop. Tonight is band practice. People should come to the show this Wednesday at the Hemlock. Us, Jeweled Cats, and Death of A Party. It will be good. I promise. I want to dress up slinky and smoky and rad. Perhaps. |
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| 03:52pm 06/09/2004 | ||||
H-h-h-h-h-eat wave. More of the same, wandering around, melting. Hung flyers, failed to find a decent cafe to sit and write in, looked for tomato plants, looked at a mini-van for the band (blue plymouth, 94), bought juice, melted more. Came home, put on a bikini, and hosed myself down. Girls gone mofoing wild. It's too hot to garden or think or write so I think I might try to make vegan potato salad and a masala marinade for tomorrow dinner and dance around to Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me in my bikini and generally be a chubby little donut belly. Shimmy. |
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| 08:44pm 05/09/2004 | |||
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( further adventures of ) After walking around for awhile and overheating, came home. Then sushi with Alli, driving aimlessly dérive style in general direction of beach, kidnap Melanie, drive through some giant crazy rich part of town (St. Francis Wood) with giant houses and fountains, down the coast, end up past Pacifica at an beach with huge waves, which we ran into over and over. I twisted my bad arm once as the ocean knocked me down, but overall it was exhilarating and rad and calming. As I was rinsing off my sunglasses when we were about to leave, they were pulled from my hands, and replaced with a tiny intact sand-dollar about the size of a quarter. I do not think that was a fair trade, ocean. Those were expensive and vintage. I think it was trying to teach me a lesson. I also think the more stressed out I am, the more dumb things happen. Sending frantic energy == getting frantic energy back. I always want to just walk out and drown. Maybe when I'm 80. I just noticed my neighbors setting up an indoor lamp (with a lampshade with 'leaves' on it, gag), a laptop, and hideous green plastic 'outdoor' chairs in the backyard. I turned on my lamp and the guy knocked on my door and said they were having a mojito party and I could stop by. Gross. Just don't leave your fucking tacky ass chairs there when you're done, little man. And also, it's nice that I can't have my windows open when it's 989834759837 degrees because your freaky little middle-aged yuppie friends are walking past all night. Get crazy with your mojitos. WHOO. Good thing I'm going out. I need to find something to wear. My depression == lots of weight gain. Eat better starting now. Cry. |
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| 11:34am 05/09/2004 | |||
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( the weekend thus far in pictures ) bike riding with drew and parks and lakes and ice cream parlours. came home and i was cranky and we watched american graffiti and made fun of george lucas. now i am sleepy and heavy and strange and trying not to eat sugar even though i want some and feeling benedryl-hungover and not knowing what to do with my day. i want to do nothing. but i'm going to force myself to. meh. help. |
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| 03:49pm 03/09/2004 | |||
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bike + park + pbr + cookies + melanie + sunshine == yay dear melanie, you are the cutest. sorry i interrupt you every 5 seconds. it's not only that i am socially retarded, but also you make me think of things to say so i get too excited and pee on myself. love, tamera |
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| 11:03pm 02/09/2004 | |||
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| 05:20am 02/09/2004 | |||
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Society and microcosms - consideration, compassion, and universal thought. The idea of a collective mentality - village mentality, but on a universal scale. It's a manufactured microcosm - you and your family are what your universe is - because it's easy to divide and conquer if you don't consider your fellow humans family. Would there be war? Homelessness? Shitty assclowns? No. We're trained to be unaware of the bigger picture. To clamour over others in an attempt to be the biggest richest strongest. It makes no sense to me - what is gained? What deep emotional and soul-fulfilling experience are you having by driving that SUV and being totally unaware of others? We're trained to ignore and not recognize our own souls - to concentrate on the surface and the immediate. Or, in the case of religion, to focus on the afterlife. Both are absurd. We exist - deeply, richly, gorgeously, and in the now. It would be a crime to not celebrate and take this existence as far and beautifully as it will go. We have so much power and capacity that will go unnoticed and unfulfilled in so many. It's as if we're living lives that are designed for a higher consciousness and thought process, but we default to shitting, fucking, and killing, like animals. Humanity is an experiment that seems fantastic in theory, but in practice falls devastatingly short of expectations. Or perhaps my expectations are too high, and I should be thankful for the glimmers of consciousness between the shitting and fucking. Ok, that isn't giving humanity enough credit. I feel jaded, swimming upstream. I want a world in which we have compassion and understanding of fellow human beings. Idealistic to an extreme. When I think about the cafe, I am torn - can I face people every day? On the other hand, I want a communal space, a collective, a space that makes you notice, and change. Even if you walk in and subtly relax, or experience a stillness, or find a piece of beauty - that's a path to consciousness. In the same way that I consider "art" anything that makes you change or inspect your reality - I require a space or environment that has an effect on people. I want eyes to open, values to shift, conversation to occur. It's a part of the system in that it needs money to survive and pay the rent, but what is for sale is not mass-produced blindness and complacency, but thought and a space for stillness and creativity and art and lovingly and mindfully made things. Starbucks, for instance, is purposefully designed to be surface, to not make you change your thought process at all. Consumerism and 'pleasant' design - the risk of thought. Do the designers behind it really understand what they are perpetuating? What it truly means to create design that is just pleasing and non-offensive? The idea of a homogenized and shallow slick society? I know musak was purposefully created to be evil, but how many of today's designers understand WHAT THAT REALLY MEANS IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF HUMANITY? Any crack in the facade and the entire edifice can tumble down. Anarchy! We might realize we don't need this car and this sweater and this toy and this automated mopping system and this bug zapper and this bread maker and this video game and this movie and this magazine and this way of life and this government and this orangemochafrappucino. We may realize we don't need these things at all. There is no value in what we do and why we do it. We work at jobs that we don't get anything out of to buy things we don't get anything out of. We could spend HALF the time working and cover basic expenses, and instead of sitting in front of a TV we don't need watching cable we don't need, we could be doing something that impacts the world and ourselves in a positive manner. Even walking outside and absorbing something beautiful. Anything that changes you, makes you lighter and heavier at the same time. Anything that makes you notice that you are part of a universal experience, that you are surrounded by people and they are like you, you can relate to them and smile at them and acknowledge and understand them, that we can all help each other experience this funny little experiment called life in a much deeper and lovelier manner. I mean, these are basic situ ideals - but they make sense. If we take ourselves out of a manufactured ideal, we can start to see what we really value. In loosing my job, I realized what I wanted - travel, experience, creating things, seeing my family, absorbing the planet. I'm torn myself, though, even after turning these things over and over in my head. Can I live without a decent paycheck? Is it possible? Of COURSE it is possible, what I need can be had with resourcefulness, creativity, and a shift in the perceptions of desire. What fulfills me is not having money, and having money is not a necessary step in getting what fulfills me. We are told it is, but it is simply not true. While you may love a pair of shoes, they do not actually emotionally fulfill you. However, finding a thrift store pair and painting and sewing onto them until they are your own creation and an expression of yourself might. Thinking is free, compassion is free, experiencing is free. I haven't even cracked the surface of what I wanted to say. It is dawn now. I'll try to sleep. |
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| 02:14pm 01/09/2004 | |||
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i've found myself walking alleyways and sidestreets lately, rendering the city new to me, brick walls and flowerboxes. they seem less molested by progress, more calming. reading in the sun, lemon gelato, blue skies and perfumed breeze. little lapping waves from the bay. back inside to the flourescent lights and plastic cubicles, i cannot wait until freedom - 2 months from today. tonight drew wants to have a bike date where we bike somewhere. i have no idea where to go. maybe potrero or somewhere reasonably flat. where is flat + charming? maybe clement and 4th-ish. yes. i have sleepy mouse eyes and i want to curl under my desk and nap. i would also like a small pretty paper parasol. |
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| 09:44am 31/08/2004 | |||
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So I went and looked up what Pluto going direct means, because Kate mentioned it in her LJ: ( weird appropriate stuff some hippie wrote ) |
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| 05:14pm 28/08/2004 | |||
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bike bike bike. it's really exhilarating and a very different experience from walking. however, i am now in complete pain, my knee and my arm are ow ow ow. and thighs! hello! i biked from the mission to the castro to the lower haight through the entire park (this was the best part, i was totally in love with everyone, from the grass-grubbing babies to the old men playing dice in the sidewalk with their 40s) to the beach, down the beach to the zoo, and then the people i was supposed to meet at the beach bailed! so i biked all the way back the same way! i stopped in the shakespeare garden and rested a little, i was really out of it - i dont know how many miles that is, but it's a lot. like 8? 10? who knows. it's a lot on the little banana seat of doom. luckily, my arm-cutting bike-fixing seemed to actually fix it. i'm glad i paid those assclowns who put it together for NOTHING. the beach was windy and the waves were huge, fog rolling and you couldnt see where the sea ended and the fog began. it was gorgeous but not very summery. it's so nice out though, away from the beach, and i want to blow up my kiddie pool and drink mimosas and have a BBQ. anyone down? maybe tomorrow afternoon? if there is interest. also, how do we blow that thing up? i broke my last pint glass trying to wash dishes with my gimp arm. damnit. i talked to my brother and the baby went 'meh meh meh' into the phone and sonded very adorable and actually a lot like me when i am cranky. heheheh. i better go rest rest rest before the show/party/thing tonight. i will not be changing and i smell fucking awesome. love it. ( and who did you meet, my darling young one? ) |
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| 09:16pm 27/08/2004 | |||
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because i don't know enough about people who's journals i read, because i'm curious about who is reading mine, because i am nosy: 1. name: tamera 2. age: 28 3. where on earth do you live: sanfrancisco 4. what makes you happy: banana seat bikes, not working, painting, making music, you 5. what have you been listening to lately: bob dylan, patti smith 6. do you enjoy reading my LJ: 7. if so, why: 8. interesting fact about you: i broke my jaw twice before i was 9 9. are you in love at the moment: yes 10. favourite destination: vermont, london, new orleans, deserts 11. favourite quote: 12. will you post this in your LJ: lala i just did RECOMMEND 1. a movie: the weather underground documentary 2. a book: dinners and nightmares - diane diprima 3. a band, song or album: the mae shi - terrorbird PLUS post a picture of yourself: |
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ohmeohmy |
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sidekicks espionage schedule badchildren the cold war |
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| skip | ||
| infiltrate the file | ||