Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in 007's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, September 12th, 2001
9:35 am	holly christ save me. i can't believe that i was this fucked up at a point in my life. thats all. -dave man how times change (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 3rd, 2001
12:46 pm	okok my new account name is drift2fly, there's nothing in there yet, but there will be shortly. If you wanna check it out, be my guest, if not...well i dunno, it's your thing. I'll keep my old accout open for a few days so everyone gets the message. dave (Comment on this)
11:42 am	YO, listen up.... I am sick of live journal, so i am getting rid of mine. BUt I have decided to open a new account, just a place where i can keep some peotry ang songs that i wrote. I think that i have to many personal things to write about, and that often it offeneds people, and also it's depressing bullshit. I'll leave one more post with my new account name. (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 1st, 2001
3:04 pm	i can't stand PHS I hate having to go there because it reminds me of what a fucked up past i've had. Although I am trying to live on with things and not look so far back into my life, but sometimes you can't help it. Phs, my old high school is really dicking me around with credits. First I have them and then I don't. And today I had to see six old teachers to have them sing a grade change form. I don't have time for shit like that, and the consulers are so blind to see that i'm not in high school, and that i have other things i would rather be doing, or should be doing. I don't see why I had to do all that stuff in the first place, they fucked up on my transcript, not me. And the women i talked to copped such an attitude with me, and i was like, this is your job bitch just do it and let me get out of her. Then she really crossed the line when she asked me to go into the other room to wait for something to print out, pick it up and bring it back to her. So i fucked it, got the shit looked at it. It had not a damn thing to do with me, and i felt that she was dolbertily wasting my time. What a snatch. Nothing is going good for me. School sucks, it must be hard to run a school when your head is so far up your ass. 90% of the staff is that way, which was just another good reason forme leaving. I am sick of hearing about people and how things are going so well for them. Really it's great, and i am oh so proud of you, but keep the shit to yourself, no one wants to hear about it. Maybe that's selfish, but i don't really give a damn. I am soooo sick of life, and happy people, and everything good. I used to be like that, and thats why it bothers me so much. But lets see, i am exceeding in things that i need to do, which gives me a little self esteem boost. But that dosen't do a damn thing when your way below zero. I don't want to talk to any one, any time, any where, any more. I want to pull my self inside out, tear out the shit i don't need, and leave in what i do, or want to keep in. then flip sides again. I am sick of crying every morning, and every evening. but there is only so much i can do for myself, and i can't even get the help i need, because of a tiny little earthquake. i am gonna go get a hair cut, go down to the old dock, and smoke a pack of ciggeriets. la la la de, the beat goes on. fuck off, love, dave ps. sorry if that offends anyone, wait nevermind....i really don't care. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: finaly found that linkin park song (4 Comments |Comment on this)
12:25 am	whoa...hoold up a semi good thing just happened, i got the ok for the tatoo. march 9th. Still gonna be a shitty day though, for i don't see things improving. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 28th, 2001
10:43 pm	{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{w h e n the h e l l i$ THIS$ $hlt gonn@ E n d??}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} i am sick of being depressed any shitty feeling. what can i do? I can fill it in with discrations, and that brings temperay relief. I am so sick of it all. I just want to shut off. and stop feeling. i am in such a daze. i don't want to know people. uhhg i hate life so fucking much. so much. I am losing my passion towards things, yet i am sucessful in others, and doing extreemly well in fucking up in life. so wish me luck, i am looking to maybe making a sucessful career out of it. fuck me, and fuck you. Current Mood: sunk Current Music: U2--don't talk (4 Comments |Comment on this)
6:20 am	today is the da_y. it's early again. I have not been sleeping. I hate this shit. Today is the first day of several consueling sesions. I guess that everyone I know on LJ thinks i am totaly fucked up now. life is depressing. and I am so depresses. questions? no? well, i didn't think so. i'm out..dave Current Mood: crushed Current Music: SmAsHiNg PuMpKiNs___**~~^^,<>>>>__----T0d@Y (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 27th, 2001
9:17 pm	audioVOX--phone in my pocket, keys in my coat & a twisted back hat. What another great day this has been. Well not really. I just got back from the club. And it feels good to be sore, so good. I forgot what it's like. I worked out to hard for having a cold though. I am gonna try to get back to going all the time. It's good for you. And i want to build my arms up before i get my tatto. sdfagkjhaoijgaoij---fustration. I feel so weak. Today i was running a little late for school. Through on some jeans of mine, that my brother wore the day before. I put my cell phone in the little side pocket. I noticed that it didn't fit in there as well as it used to. I figured screw it, maybe thet sharnk a little bit or something. I totaly looked past it and didn't give it another thought. I put my knees up on a desk at school, it's just comfortable from me to sir like that sometimes. My phone slid out of my side pocket, followed by two other objects. I had no idea what it was untill i reached down to pick it up. 2 glass parts. Picked up the frist half and it was one end of a glass pipe. God i thought, everyone was looking at me pick that shit up. this one kid was all, whhhoah....nice peice. I said, umm yeah thanks. We had a sub in class today. and she bent over and said, oh...thats pretty....what is it? I thought, shit it's all over. I said emmm that it was a glass necklace that broke off my neck as i jammed it back in my pocket. She must of been brain dead. Any one else would of knowen that was a pipe. I got up right after that, fucking pissed off. Wrapped in a paper towel and throgh it away. God my brother is such a fuckhead. I am looking to move out of this house. Maybe move to hill top in these appartments across the street from bates. Then I could crawl to school in the morning. Life sucks so much, no one said it was going to be easy. One of stefs friends stopped by today while i was at the gym, picked up her stuff. I was feeling a little better about things up to that point. The sweetest pictures of her. All these little things that remind me of her. I hate this shit. I just want to waste away. It's good to see that she is doing good without me. Not having to worry about my shit and all that. In the end all i ever really wanted was for her to be happy. And she got it. Leaving me like shit. I totaly asked for it though. I want to get away from all this crap. I sort of talked to her today, but all it dose is makes me feel worse. I did write a beautiful song today. It gives me the feeling. I don't want to post the lyrics. Some songs should stay only within who writes them. Sounds lame, but that's how i feel. I am so annoyed by everything. I wish there was something i could do to release all this tension. I have tried, reading, writing, music, painting, drawing, working out. Nothing works. I am so unhappy. god this sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks. gooooooooooooooooooooooddamit. all i can do is hold my head, and bleed tears. It's that i have realizied who i really am, but what i have done to others around me. that choking feeling, your eyes burning, the way tears roll down your checks, and it leaves a little dry streak. And the next one follows it's same path. when tears drip into the cornner's of your lips, and you can taste them, salty bitterness. my eyes turn red. and the stale feeling that's left on your face, like wearing makeup. the feel of slightly warmed steel under your fingertips. Gliding. Swaying. wrapping you. the feel of a body. a neck and a head, almost like a woman. god nothing makes sense to me. I am trying to analize my life, but the more i look at it the more fucked up it gets. and i know that something is really wrong with me, and it's scary as hell. Knowing that something is there, but not knowing what it is. It's like i have a really really deep cut, but it's not bleeding. the pain of this is undescribable. god i am a liar. but it seems like there is something else driving. WHy dose life suck like this, and why i have been blessed with this gift to lie so easily. I wish my paretns would of beat the hell out of me everytine i lied when i was a lad. i don't feel like i am making any sense so i am going to stop writing. i don't think that i am going to post anything for a long time, untill i get checked out. so untill then LJ. sometimes i hate this thing, but i would never write without it. i guess...wish me luck, pray that i am not a total head case, evadbave Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Smashing Pumpkins---through the eyes of ruby (Comment on this)
9:17 pm	audioVOX--phone in my pocket, keys in my coat & a twisted back hat. What another great day this has been. Well not really. I just got back from the club. And it feels good to be sore, so good. I forgot what it's like. I worked out to hard for having a cold though. I am gonna try to get back to going all the time. It's good for you. And i want to build my arms up before i get my tatto. sdfagkjhaoijgaoij---fustration. I feel so weak. Today i was running a little late for school. Through on some jeans of mine, that my brother wore the day before. I put my cell phone in the little side pocket. I noticed that it didn't fit in there as well as it used to. I figured screw it, maybe thet sharnk a little bit or something. I totaly looked past it and didn't give it another thought. I put my knees up on a desk at school, it's just comfortable from me to sir like that sometimes. My phone slid out of my side pocket, followed by two other objects. I had no idea what it was untill i reached down to pick it up. 2 glass parts. Picked up the frist half and it was one end of a glass pipe. God i thought, everyone was looking at me pick that shit up. this one kid was all, whhhoah....nice peice. I said, umm yeah thanks. We had a sub in class today. and she bent over and said, oh...thats pretty....what is it? I thought, shit it's all over. I said emmm that it was a glass necklace that broke off my neck as i jammed it back in my pocket. She must of been brain dead. Any one else would of knowen that was a pipe. I got up right after that, fucking pissed off. Wrapped in a paper towel and throgh it away. God my brother is such a fuckhead. I am looking to move out of this house. Maybe move to hill top in these appartments across the street from bates. Then I could crawl to school in the morning. Life sucks so much, no one said it was going to be easy. One of stefs friends stopped by today while i was at the gym, picked up her stuff. I was feeling a little better about things up to that point. The sweetest pictures of her. All these little things that remind me of her. I hate this shit. I just want to waste away. It's good to see that she is doing good without me. Not having to worry about my shit and all that. In the end all i ever really wanted was for her to be happy. And she got it. Leaving me like shit. I totaly asked for it though. I want to get away from all this crap. I sort of talked to her today, but all it dose is makes me feel worse. I did write a beautiful song today. It gives me the feeling. I don't want to post the lyrics. Some songs should stay only within who writes them. Sounds lame, but that's how i feel. I am so annoyed by everything. I wish there was something i could do to release all this tension. I have tried, reading, writing, music, painting, drawing, working out. Nothing works. I am so unhappy. god this sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks. gooooooooooooooooooooooddamit. all i can do is hold my head, and bleed tears. It's that i have realizied who i really am, but what i have done to others around me. that choking feeling, your eyes burning, the way tears roll down your checks, and it leaves a little dry streak. And the next one follows it's same path. when tears drip into the cornner's of your lips, and you can taste them, salty bitterness. my eyes turn red. and the stale feeling that's left on your face, like wearing makeup. the feel of slightly warmed steel under your fingertips. Gliding. Swaying. wrapping you. the feel of a body. a neck and a head, almost like a woman. god nothing makes sense to me. I am trying to analize my life, but the more i look at it the more fucked up it gets. and i know that something is really wrong with me, and it's scary as hell. Knowing that something is there, but not knowing what it is. It's like i have a really really deep cut, but it's not bleeding. the pain of this is undescribable. god i am a liar. but it seems like there is something else driving. WHy dose life suck like this, and why i have been blessed with this gift to lie so easily. I wish my paretns would of beat the hell out of me everytine i lied when i was a lad. i don't feel like i am making any sense so i am going to stop writing. i don't think that i am going to post anything for a long time, untill i get checked out. so untill then LJ. sometimes i hate this thing, but i would never write without it. i guess...wish me luck, pray that i am not a total head case, evadbave Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Smashing Pumpkins---through the eyes of ruby (Comment on this)
9:17 pm	audioVOX--phone in my pocket, keys in my coat & a twisted back hat. What another great day this has been. Well not really. I just got back from the club. And it feels good to be sore, so good. I forgot what it's like. I worked out to hard for having a cold though. I am gonna try to get back to going all the time. It's good for you. And i want to build my arms up before i get my tatto. sdfagkjhaoijgaoij---fustration. I feel so weak. Today i was running a little late for school. Through on some jeans of mine, that my brother wore the day before. I put my cell phone in the little side pocket. I noticed that it didn't fit in there as well as it used to. I figured screw it, maybe thet sharnk a little bit or something. I totaly looked past it and didn't give it another thought. I put my knees up on a desk at school, it's just comfortable from me to sir like that sometimes. My phone slid out of my side pocket, followed by two other objects. I had no idea what it was untill i reached down to pick it up. 2 glass parts. Picked up the frist half and it was one end of a glass pipe. God i thought, everyone was looking at me pick that shit up. this one kid was all, whhhoah....nice peice. I said, umm yeah thanks. We had a sub in class today. and she bent over and said, oh...thats pretty....what is it? I thought, shit it's all over. I said emmm that it was a glass necklace that broke off my neck as i jammed it back in my pocket. She must of been brain dead. Any one else would of knowen that was a pipe. I got up right after that, fucking pissed off. Wrapped in a paper towel and throgh it away. God my brother is such a fuckhead. I am looking to move out of this house. Maybe move to hill top in these appartments across the street from bates. Then I could crawl to school in the morning. Life sucks so much, no one said it was going to be easy. One of stefs friends stopped by today while i was at the gym, picked up her stuff. I was feeling a little better about things up to that point. The sweetest pictures of her. All these little things that remind me of her. I hate this shit. I just want to waste away. It's good to see that she is doing good without me. Not having to worry about my shit and all that. In the end all i ever really wanted was for her to be happy. And she got it. Leaving me like shit. I totaly asked for it though. I want to get away from all this crap. I sort of talked to her today, but all it dose is makes me feel worse. I did write a beautiful song today. It gives me the feeling. I don't want to post the lyrics. Some songs should stay only within who writes them. Sounds lame, but that's how i feel. I am so annoyed by everything. I wish there was something i could do to release all this tension. I have tried, reading, writing, music, painting, drawing, working out. Nothing works. I am so unhappy. god this sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks. gooooooooooooooooooooooddamit. all i can do is hold my head, and bleed tears. It's that i have realizied who i really am, but what i have done to others around me. that choking feeling, your eyes burning, the way tears roll down your checks, and it leaves a little dry streak. And the next one follows it's same path. when tears drip into the cornner's of your lips, and you can taste them, salty bitterness. my eyes turn red. and the stale feeling that's left on your face, like wearing makeup. the feel of slightly warmed steel under your fingertips. Gliding. Swaying. wrapping you. the feel of a body. a neck and a head, almost like a woman. god nothing makes sense to me. I am trying to analize my life, but the more i look at it the more fucked up it gets. and i know that something is really wrong with me, and it's scary as hell. Knowing that something is there, but not knowing what it is. It's like i have a really really deep cut, but it's not bleeding. the pain of this is undescribable. god i am a liar. but it seems like there is something else driving. WHy dose life suck like this, and why i have been blessed with this gift to lie so easily. I wish my paretns would of beat the hell out of me everytine i lied when i was a lad. i don't feel like i am making any sense so i am going to stop writing. i don't think that i am going to post anything for a long time, untill i get checked out. so untill then LJ. sometimes i hate this thing, but i would never write without it. i guess...wish me luck, pray that i am not a total head case, evadbave Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Smashing Pumpkins---through the eyes of ruby (Comment on this)
6:01 pm	just thought you should know I did not mean to imply that Stefany has any stds, she does not under any circumstances have any, i was just being rude and stupid in writing it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
4:37 pm	no real title i can think of........... I go to bed so early now. Last night at eight, the i woke up at 11, and then one more time a 1:00. Then I couldn't go back to sleep. It's been like that for some time now. Last 2 nights i haven't even slept. I guess i have to much on my mind. So I wake up to think about it, not even meaning to. Just for the record, to any one reading. That i posted that i was tested for stds. I just want everyone to know that i was mearly doing it, just to know. I am postive that i don't have anything, but i just wanted to get check, i think that most everybody should. I would never have a sexual realshnip with anyone that i thought would have an std. And i would and always will make sure that i know thier medical hystory before ingageing. So i don't anyone to get the wrong idea about anything. not much has changed either way. The days are still long, and not seeming to improve much. My dad took me out to dinner last night, because i didn't want to be alone. Sometimes i just don't like it, ya know. I'll write more later cause i have more i wanna say, but no time to type it. evad Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: new songs i recorded onto a little redorder (Comment on this)
4:25 am	I wish Days pass, pain grows, no sleep, no dreams. ew, what have i done to myself. You know it these extreem times of shit, i had a little comfort. Got someting like four emails from people of whom i didn't even think cared. I also think that i may have pointed heads in the wrong direction. Yeah life fucking sucks, it could never be worse. But just when i say something like that, something else usally comes along. Depression is at it's worst, and taking a tole that i never thought it could. But it's not worth taking a life for. Hmmm I am sick of THIS life. Living behind a shadow, liying. That can be changed, and i am set up to see a consuler. It sucks that it took all this shit to realieze that i am a compuslive liar. Eventhough i knew it before, i guess i just lied to myself. But to my friends: don't lose faith. I might be completely cracked out, but i would never hurt myself. One day i will live life to it's fullest, but not right now. There is to much pain. I don't think it gets much wores. Yeah i have all the emotional shit that pretty much out maxes any kind of pain i would ever have. BUt i have a cold now, and my sinuis are killing me. And this cough. I don't really have much going for me right now. NOt even music. EVen that seems far away. It's like i said, i have a few good friends. But that only dose so much. But what it dose is so good. I wish that i was a really descriptive writer, and that i could tell you just what it's like. And then you would know, you would know never to act like this. Hmm who ever posted, "yeah you fucked up, but life is still worth living." I know it is. But not a life like this. The life that i am living is not worth living, but things are subject to change. I would never change my life by death. I guess I'm really fucked up. But not that much. Maybe right before that line. And it's no that it hasn't ever crossed my mind. It's crosses everones. Everyone wonder what it's gonna be like, or what it is like, and how others would react to it. It's you get to a point of feeling so low. I didn't know this was possible. I had no idea. I think that lying comes natuarly to me. And that i notice it, but at the same time i don't. It's hard to describe. But what i hope tp do from consuling is to get rid of it all together. But not by ending my life. Thats a cheep way out. NO one worry about me. I;m cool, and i can push on. not going to school today, i am sick off my ass, and i haven't slept in 2 days. Current Mood: tired Current Music: radiohead---pyarmid song (Comment on this)
Monday, February 26th, 2001
3:56 pm	i find myself.... Not even a full day since she left. I can remember a time thinking about what life would be like if she ever left me. And I couldn't think of it. Such umiamageble pain. And i figured there would never be a time. But now it's over. It's fucking over. I told myself that i can push on and forget. But i can;t do it. I am never going to let this down. I am going to remeber this girl to the grave. All ways thinking. All last night, and all day today, i have done things to keep my mind off it. But everything reminds me of her. I have smoked, went to the mall, been around people as much as i can. But no one feels this. No one can relate. No one understands. Why did i let this happen? The only person that ever actualy ment anything to me. Beautiful things. And i was so blind and so ingorant. Looking at this, it makes me wonder how i treat people, and all people around me. I am thinking that maybe i need serious help. I would lie to a perfect stranger. But i have never gotten anything out of it. I guess i am to imperefect in a perfect world. All this beauty, and i shut it all out. It's a wonder that i haven't enjoyed a sunries or set. Why the stars seem so far away. And why i have lost my abbulity to write, anything thing at at all that has any kind of meaning. I hate life so much right now. All i can think about is leaving, getting the fuck out of here and never looking back. Yeah it won't solve a thing. I can just bury old problems. After i think i can move on, and get some kind of help, i am out of this town, and out of this life. I am living my life as a wole joke. Maybe i do apperacitae the sun, moon and stars. Getting down to it, i love this earth so much. BUt the earth is on;y so much. There is so much here that I have shut out. People and life of all kinds. Doing that i have sucked the life right out of myself. I hate hateing my parents and family. HMmmm i can get away but what good is it. I can think of four escapes, none worth taking. But have been taken into deep consideration. I never thought I'd catch myself saying it. I have been lying to myself. Maybe i got into something way to deeply and feel way to hard. But you know, sinking down was so beautiful. And i know that feeling will never be replaced by anyone. Sometimes i wonder what hot lead would feel like. Drilling deep. But who am i to say. Some one tell me...was i always this way? What brought me down so much, what makes me act so low. Stopping to think about it, you don't really have friends on live journal. I can think back to a time when i used to draw endless pictures in a notebook, and i wrote for hours with no restrictions. But now i think twice. before writing anything. God this fucking pain. It feels like my back has been twisted, and the tear duts of my eyes are getting hot again. I feel this presure when i walk around. Damn it hurts. My advice to any one, if you love some one, dont lie to them. Don't lie to anyone, don't lie to yourself. Sounds dumb comming from a compuslive liar. But maybe thats the best way to be able to tell. The best thing that has ever happened to me, the on;y thing that i had going for me, the only pure thing. Gone. Fuck i hate it. But what was I expecting, hey dave, thats ok. YOur gonna be okay. There is nothing to worry about. What burns the most, is not talking to her. I have no idea how she is. I don't give a fuck about myself anymore. I just don't care enough. I have drawen a pretty goddamn clear picture in my head of whats happened. oh shit. Think about some one you love dearly, then not hearing from them, period. You can't even see them. Then think about a lie, it can be anything, be creative. OK now picture yourself telling this person your lie. Got it? good. NOw this is the hard part. Reach into your chest and pull out your own heart, and see how far away from you, you can throw it. NOw think about the other person. FUcking broken, distressed, failure, any neggtive word you can think of to describe emotianal pain. Look at them. Look at your hands soaked in blood, and then look back up. What do you see? NOthing? thats right, becasue ther is nothing there. Not a damn trace on anything human. Maybe theres a crick, and some really smooth stones on a trail, the most goergaus landscape you can think of. But what dose that mean, if the one person that means all the world to you, that you could share that moment with is gone. It is so hard to do, and i did that, having a smoke on the school steps, and i broke down. tears flooded from me on to the sidewalk. People walked by and glared, and acting like there was nothing, but you could see it in there eyes. I took the first bus to anywhere. Found myself on a beach. Whats anything matter now. It;s like she died, and i killed her. But on accident, but always reminding myself that it's my fault. Someone tell me that i'm fucked up. Someone tell me that my life isn't worth living. I can think of nothing. Maybe music, that has a power over me more that any drug, more than anything. But it brings me no joy now. I don't think anything could. well, i could think of onw thing, but it's not worth listing. All i want to do is run, but i have to much to fix. Could the day grow any loner? Sorry to jet, someone throw an axe. for me now there is nothing. nothing nothing nothing. d Current Mood: depressed Current Music: the get up kids---i'll catch you---radiohead---ok computer (6 Comments |Comment on this)
4:18 am	fucking shoot me now maybe in the past weeks my life has turned to shit. I can't believe what happened to me. WEll actualy nothing happened. I brought it all on myself, and I am so nervous to type that my hads are shaking. I fucked up the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me, ever. I loed to her fucking face, and now to her it's all a joke. Everything i felt for her, and everything i did. NOthing matters. I've never felft do low. Yoou know that feeling right before you throw up, yeah that's me. I am sick of living this doubble life. There are two clear sides to me, one of which i can't help and the other that needs to be stripped away. I can't believe this, i am going to have to get all the help i can. I ruined a girl. Some one that i loved and cared about and let slip out of my fingers. Ive never felt so blind or twisted.. I know that i deserved everyword of it. Every harsh word, it's all there. It stings so badly BUD I FUCKING DID IT MYSELF. thats the worst fucking part, what the hell was i thinking to let something so beautiful get away from me. NO, what was iu thinkiong to burn something that was so prescis to me. How could I of done that to her. I am missing her to much, and i doubt that i will ever stop kicking myself for this. What do you do, when the best thing that ever happens to you, goes away. I don't feeling like pusking on. (Comment on this)
Monday, February 19th, 2001
8:38 pm	Think When you look at me, do you wonder what I'm like? Do I seem like the type that gazes at sunrise, sunsets and then the stars? Do I seem like the type that writes for fun? Do I seem like some one that composes? Do I seem like some one that has some one to care about? I want to know some ones first impression on me. or do i see like the type that you would just look through? eh i'm not making sense Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: sunny day real estate (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 17th, 2001
11:16 am	ehh, snow sucks I love the first night and day that i snows, but there's onlt so much that i can take about being drenched and wet. What, 2 nights ago it started to snow and i looked out the window and thought, you know it's just gonna be two lame ass inces like every year. Went to bed, woke up, and seven inches. Yeah it was cool and all, and my friend dan came and got me out of bed around seven or so. We alwasy start the day early when it snows, even at this age. I guess it's kind of retarded but i really don't care. It just wasn't the same thought. This year it was just me and dan. I woke up and got ready. And we trucked down to the next street to a friends house. Even thought he dosen't even live there, will still made it part of tradition. I guess when you live next to a group of certin kids all your life, somethings never change. SO we stopped by there knowing that he wasn't there just to say that we did, and that we made the effort. Getting bored with just the two of us we called another friend. So he came. ANd we made an iglo, trecked through some woods. Made a 7" cock out of snow, with balls to match. I guess that's something that we have done every year too. Only thing we didn't do was the sled races. So many kids turned out for that. Alex, george, dan, mike, joel, bill, matt, john, myself. Man it was weird standing at the top of my street by myself thinking about how all thoses kids have growen up so much in the past years of me knowing them. Bill, has to be one of the dumbest mother fuckers that i have ever knowen. He has the most fucked up family life that i have ever knowen about. BUt you know, he was a good friend. And extreemly smart. I remember that my parents didn't like him becasue he had a motorcycle. My dad alwasy kind of liked him becasue he knew his shit about computers and was alwasy finding ways that my dad could save money on stuff. Matt, was always the smartass. He was the kid that always had the new cool shit. Cause his mom spoiled the hell out of him. New skateboards and snowboards. Matt had the parties at his house casue his parents were always gone. Bill brought the beer and whiskey, becasue he stole it from his half blind grandpa, who was never home anyway and really didn't care any way. Matt was secound best at skateboarding. I don't really remember much about him, expect that he goes to gig harbor high now, totaly turned into a prep and drives a jetta and all this crap. I guess that most often he got the girls. It was split up between matt and the rest of us. I run into him every now and then and we shot the shit fir awhile, matt and i never really had much to talk about, but took comfort in each other's friendships. His mom used to give us rides to go tp houses, man back in those days, we had some really kick ass times. Althought it must sound lame as hell to any one reading this. But these are kids that i grew up with. Alex and goerge were brothers, alex being older and gorge being fatter. They were always bitching about something among one another, alex would come on top most of the time, but i think that george probably could of beat alex up. Alex was the target of most everyones jokes, being that he is mexican, and has a bigott father. Plus his ears stuck out hella. Alex and bill started shit between each other often they fist fought most of the time. I think that alex may of broken bills nose this one time. As years went on alex and i got to better friends, and i am still in good contact whith him even though he lives in another state. ehh this is getting borning and i'm sure that no one wants to hear me reflect on how things were back in MY day. So maybe i'll finish it later, but i doubt it. peace out, dave Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: U2---desire (Comment on this)
Friday, February 16th, 2001
10:37 am	everything sucks i hate living at home, and i hate everything around me. next month, i am moving out. nothing is going my way and i doubt it every will. god, fuck life and fuck everyone fuck every one tha get s in my way. just fuck it. Current Mood: fucked Current Music: who cares? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 14th, 2001
9:29 pm	hot and bothered hmmm, seems like it's been awhile since i have smaked down a post where i wasn't depressed or bitching about something. even though i can, i'm not going to casue it makes me sick. Hopefuly things will be looking up with in the next half hour. I was talking to steff, and all of a sudden she thinks that shes the all state yathzee champ. Well I got news. My grandma is a pro. and i took lessons, and i can kick her ass any day of the week. hmm, did you read that fool? Your goin down. Also today i learned that hot and bothered is used in contex of a sexual referance. Even though i had no idea when i said it. The room i am in is hot, and things occuring to me lately are bothering me. Hence, hot and bothered. i just smushed a bug on my montior. I am in a hella weird mood. peaec out. dave-oh-oh-yeah Current Mood: awake Current Music: NOFX---stary stary night (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 13th, 2001
6:21 pm	write whats write. sinking in an ocean of despair, care, i no longer. i'm bare. whats close, is far from somber, they've pushed away, can i stay, a ship. a wreck, a home, a kingdom, what do you think is Write? When I right, words dribble from my fingers, like my hands are wet, shaking them rapidly to air dry them, the water scatters, some dissapates, and some sinks into skin, forever becoming a part of me. to mostien, to nature, to help. to cling, to fight, to heal, and i didn't even notice, I didn't even mean to. somethings just happen. whats write? whats right? ehh sinking. I'm no poet. i'm just sad. Current Mood: current mood? too many to list Current Music: my own stuff (Comment on this)