I will.

Events tonight have proven that.

Something good will happen out of all of this.

I know this to be true.

Shattered. That is what I am. Shattered.

I am so tired of good things slipping through my fingers.

I must say, Stompers Boots is an amazing company.

First off, they have the most complete stock of butch boots I have ever seen. Wescos, Chippewas, Dehners, they got 'em. And dear lord are the boots hot. Woof. Yum. Schawing. Pant pant pant. You get the picture.

I had the opportunity to walk into their store during the Folsom Fair in San Francisco, and saw that they had the boots I had been lusting after for a while - in stock no less - the Chippewa Rally Boots.

So, its obvious that I walked out with them. Yum yum. Woof woof. Extra padding on the top perfect for kicking scenes (I was able to test that function in the store - it worked.)

So, fast forward to yesterday, when I am strapping them on to go to one of the worst TES meetings I have ever been to (sorry, had to put that in there.) And what happens? The top strap on the left boot just snaps off when I am tightening it. Ack! Plus, since I trust Stompers and Chippewa quality so much, I threw out the box and receipt while I was still in San Jose. Double ack!!!

Well, I just got off the phone with them. They are sending me a UPS tag so that I can return the boots for free, they are taking them without receipt, and will be sending me a brand new pair of boots.

Hot damn.

Oh yeah, for all you glove fetishists? They'll be all going on sale in a few weeks, because Stompers will be clearing out their stock so that they can concentrate on boots. Happy clicking, folks.

Current Mood: pleased

I know birthdays are supposed to be happy, but I'm actually feeling quite lethargic today.

I thought that as our relationship grew, it would become easier to handle seeing my fae for short stents of time. I thought it would be easier to say farewell, knowing I would see her soon.

It isn't. It's becoming so much harder.

I cried my eyes out when she drove away yesterday.

Love... it's a wonderful thing. But damn I miss her right now. Hard.

Current Mood: lonely

I'm home from California... had a great time, albeit too short.

:-)

Just finished watching Empire Strikes Back from my brand new set of Star Wars DVDs. Definitely renewed my passion for that series. Makes me feel like I'm 10 all over again, pretending to be Han Solo to my friend Scott's Luke. I took Han over Luke any day of the week.

Nice to see that George didn't fuck with that one too much (I missed the Special Edition when it came around the 1st time.) Although, with all of his pluckings of the strings and rewriting of scenes, you would have thought he would at least give us a longer view of the bounty hunters. Bastard.

Dad is still alive and kicking. Still working on getting him into the new hospital for the second opinion. Looks like the insertion of a stent might be possible for his arteries... that gives me much hope. Got some second-hand < sarcasm > fabulous </ sarcasm > advice from my older brother Allan about how we're dealing with this... I believe the term "morons" was used by him.

Fuck you Allan. I've been doing this for over 20 years without you... and I'll keep going another 60 more. Plus, I've been constantly three steps ahead of your amazing monkey intellect. Go back to the forest where you belong... I don't need you anymore. Possibly never did.

Yes, I'm up late... but it's alright - I'll sleep on the plane. I fly out tomorrow at noon for golden San Jose California, where I will spend a lovely day surrounded by my leather family. Then on Saturday, I am reunited with my fae. Happiness is mine.

Have a good weekend everyone... stay out of the hospital, don't kill anyone, don't break-up, and tell me all your exciting stories when I get back. Love you all.

Dad visited the cardiologist at the original hospital today. Apparantely they did not communicate their thoughts well (what a surprise.) They did not mean to say that his heart is untreatable... what they meant to say was that a bypass could not occur due to of the way it was clogged. They feel a stent would work well.

The other interesting thing is that while his arteries on the left are clogged, the right arteries are working fine. Therefore, they believe he is in no danger.

They were no help to us at all in arranging a second opinion at Presbyterian. So we'll have to do it ourselves. Oh well.

On other news, I'm very excited about this weekend - I get to spend my birthday weekend (sort-of) in California with my Momma Bear and the faerie I love. Not a bad way to spend the weekend. Perhaps a little jaunt down to the Folsom Fair for more canes (Sorods here I come!)

My parents saw my plight with the laptop... so they are buying me a birthday present. When finding out what I'm getting, people are hating me. So, I'm not going to say what it is. I'll just mention that it is a new computer, and the case comes in the shape of an alien. That is all I'll say. (to say I'm excited beyond all compare is not an exaggeration...)

Life - it's just this thing, ya know?

I'm such a sheep.

1. Think of a word you would use to describe me.
2. Go to Google Image Search and search for that word.
3. Select the picture you see as most fitting, and post it as a reply.
4. Post this meme in your journal.

Current Mood: curious

Huh.

Your Porn Star Name is: Dan Rather

I thought I'd share a quote that makes me smile tonight. Why not.

I have a tattoo of a black rose on my left arm... the origins of it comes from the character Corwin from the Chronicles of Amber by Roger Zelanzy. For some strange reason, when I was 13, I identified a lot with him, and planned my tat from then on out. Of course, it took on other meanings... but I am officially rambling now.

Anyway, the quote that made me smile tonight comes from Corwin in The Hand of Oberon, the fourth book in the Amber series:

"Whenever anything has been mucked up, whenever anything outrageous happens, there is a reason for it. You still have a mucked-up, outrageous situation on your hands, however, and explaining it does not alleviate it one bit. If someone does something really rotten, there is a reason for it. Learn it, if you care, and you learn why he is a son of a bitch."

Not a deep quote, certainly... nothing much in the way of legendary philosophy. It makes me smile nonetheless. Kind of sounds like something I would say.

Current Mood: calm

Yes folks, it's another fish post! YAY!!!!!! (think Kermit introducing the Muppet Show.)

Lately I've been having major algae build-up. I had replaced my bulbs to these high-intensity to better serve my plants. Well, looks like they were working too well.

So, I've backed down on the number hours my tank stays lit. One side-result of that is that I get to observe my fishes on a weekend afternoon while they are in the dark. And what'ya know? They do act differently!

One major difference - in the light, the male swordtail is constantly trying to screw the two girls. Well, in the dark, the tide has turned. One girl fish is basically throwing herself at Mr. Swordtail's feet. I wonder if I'm gonna have some babies coming.

One book I recentely read says that swordtails can easily produce 120 babies a month. Wow. Good thing I have an angelfish who thinks baby swordtails are a yummy treat. Not to mention how much swordtails love eating their young.

Sick, huh?

Current Mood: curious

It is such a puzzlement. Friend talks to me about becoming friendly with people that send up HUGE red flags in me. Of course, my first instinct is to scream "Danger Will Robinson!!!!" and spread my warnings and concerns. But, I bite my tongue, because if I were to constantly do that, I would look like an asshole.

What a predictament. I am a firm believer of letting people figure out shit for themselves (thanks Lolita.) But, when I see potholes in front of a friend's path, it's all I can do not to shout.

Yes, sooner or later, people do figure it out. But, I fear for the harmful stuff that happens in the process.

Grrr. Frustrating. My tongue hurts.

Dad is home now... doctors decided they would be able to do very little over the weekend, so he might as well spend it at home.

While three of his arteries are almost completely hardened, his heart is strong, and is operating well.

We need to figure out what was causing the fluid on his lungs before we can do anything with his heart. If there is an infection, we're looking at 6 months of antibiotics before we get him to New York Presbyterian.

So, he's home, I'm spending one more night here before returning to my apartment on Sat.

Oh yeah, my computer? It looks like it's completely fucked. My video card has apparantely went schizo. And considering I have a laptop, with everything attached to the motherboard, I might very well be fucked.

Here is a quick update on my father.

He entered the hospital because doctors had determined there was heart blockage, and they needed to perform an angiogram to see what the situation was.

We then found out his lungs had fluid as well.

His lungs were aspirated yesterday.

Today, his angiogram revealed that he has total blockage within 3 arteries. The doctors there stated that he is not a candidate for an angioplasty nor surgery. Take him home, and pray he has a good life.

Suffice to say, he is not in a hospital known for their heart care. In fact, it is not a heart surgery hospital.

So, we are going to be sending him to the best hospital we can. I am personally aiming for New York Presbyterian Hospital, ranked 7th in the nation for hearts.

Suffice to say, I am scared shitless.

*punches time clock* Time to truly go to work.

For some reason, EAGames thinks that today is my birthday (they got the right month... but they're 15 days early.)

They sent me a special birthday offer - $15 off anything in the EAGames online store.

Now comes the decision - should I preorder Sims 2 or not... hmmm...

OK, I'm in a bit of a bind. I need a serious male masochist to bottom for me on September 22nd at GMSMA. I'll be teaching Caning on the Edge, an exploration of advanced and extremely fucking painful cane techniques.

I already have badfaggot lined up... I need one more.

Anyone?

Wow, two relatively empty weekends in a row! Holy crap!

So, I'm open for some ideas. There are a few locals who's butts I need to see (Jason/Sue? Ken/Genine? August?), and a few out of towners who I need to get visiting (Petal? Tzip? Many others?)

Talk to me.

I kind of expected this to happen.

One of my fish died today... the fish I believed was a Chinese Algae Eater. I knew he would be the one to go, because Petco was so unhelpful when it came to him, and I didn't really realize what I was buying.

He just wasn't eating... I'm not sure if he liked the food I was using. Then again, I doubt any food would have worked.

It was simply a fish I should have never bought.

Ah, chalk it up to learning experiences.

Poor poor sucker fish... ya could have been a contender!

Current Mood: blah

The harrowing month is being balaned by a lot of good stuff, though.

This weekend, originally empty, has now turned into a friend filled romp, including the joys of getting to know friends better. Had wonderful company last night, and have company tomorrow night from DC.

Next weekend I get visited by a very special creature who for some reason is living in buttfuck Virginia...

And the last weekend of the month I get to fly out to California to spend my birthday with my leather family and the fae I love.

So, all is not bad.

I seriously thought about keeping this one to myself. I hate having to write about medical issues like this... I hate the sympathy that comes afterward. So, let me just put this out right now - I do NOT want your sympathy, your sorry's, hugs, etc. And I know that sounds harsh, but with as many medical crises my family has gone through, I look at these situations as work... I have a job to do, and that's that.

So why write about it if I'm not looking for sympathy? Because I need to express it on "paper"... it makes it more real. And, I believe in updating my friends on what is happening in my life.

So, with all those disclaimers out of the way...

It's my father's turn. For the past 6 months or so, he has been experiencing periodic shortness of breath. We finally got it checked out, and it turns out that he has blockage in his heart. Which of course is scaring the ever lving shit out of my father - being overweight, and a diabetic.

He has an angioplasty scheduled in 2 weeks. They're gonna let him spend his birthday (the 9th) out of the hospital.

I'm not worried about the procedure. It has a 95% success rate, and the doctors have it down to a science. I am more worried about the anisthesia. He does NOT handle it well... durning the hairball crisis of 2002, coming out of it turned him into an animal. It was very harrowing for a while. So, I'm crossing my fingers.

To compund issues, my uncle, my fathers brother, is having the SAME procedure done to him next week.

Like, what the fuck???

Gonna be an interesting month.

Current Mood: anxious

So, I bought some plants yesterday. And it would appear I had a few contraband travelers looking for a free ride.

Namely, I now have two baby snails crawling on the wall of my tank. I say two because I have not seen any others... yet.

Not sure if I'm gonna keep em. Maybe the other fish will eat them, thus saving me from the decision.

They're kinda cute. Now.

But, I hear rumors that they multiply faster than rabbits.

Huh.

Current Mood: surprised

Bua-ha-ha!!!! And now all my secret plans have come together!!!! I am now ready to rule the WORLD!!!! HA-HA-HA!!!!!

OK, not really.

But I did finish my fishtank today. Before this, I have had 3 swordtails (Mr., Mrs., and Ms.), the catfish trio (crackheads all of them), and the mysterious sucker-mouth (still not sure what he is, but gosh is he cute.)

And now, the final piece to my tank - an angelfish. YAY!!!! (Yes, I read all of your advice... and did research of my own.... I'll take the risk.)

Also got a few more plants, and new lightbulbs to better serve the plants.

The angelfish... so doesn't look happy. But then again, they never are when brought away from all their friends to a strange new home. It's like the first day at a new sleepaway summer camp... you're always pining for home.

By tomorrow, she'll realize what she has, and take over like the Queen Angel she truly is.

:-)

Current Mood: bouncy

There are several people who have been asking when they will be able to see my new place (hello Jason/Sue & David!)

Well, plans for this week and weekend are fairly open, so, e-mail me and let's make plans, folks!

Is anyone else while watching Dah Arnoldator's speech except him to break into Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck?"

He just said girly-man. *sigh*

Hearing "famous" actor Stephen Baldwin talk about how he is at the convention to support a president who "is lead by God" is making me want to gag.

Current Mood: nauseated