It's always the same, NOTHING HAPPENS [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Cover my ears, drown out the world

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

More terror from this weekend [Nov. 28th, 2004|10:28 pm]
[mood | lazy]
[music |Guided By Voices - Tractor Rape Chain]

Sitting around in my room with Chelsea, Matt, and some other people:

M: There are many tears in your relationship
C: Before sex and after sex
D: But most of all, during sex

While fooling around with Chelsea, I put on Prince's The Gold Experience and start singing along:

C: Please stop singing Prince, it is a total turn-off for me
D: But singing Prince makes me feel like a real man
C: Fooling around with me is supposed to make you feel like a man, not singing along to Prince!

Lying in bed at 2:30 am:

C: (background: one of her parents is Christian, the other Jewish. Around the holidays they alternate between Chanukkaballah and Son of God day) I think my parents are doing Chanukah this year
D: Does that mean I have to wear a skullcap and read the old testament?
C: (silence)
D: Tora bora is not only a set of networked tunnels in mountainous areas of Afghanistan that the mujahedeen used when fighting the Soviets and Americans, but also a humorous quip about how interesting the first five books of the old testament are.

Many tears in our relationship.

link1 comment|post comment

I don't know why anyone even talks to me anymore [Nov. 25th, 2004|12:16 pm]
[mood | devious]

Last nite at Denny's with my mom and Chelsea, after I had just eaten my mushroom swiss burger and my mom was done with her turkey club sandwich, leaving half the sandwich and a bunch of fries

D: Oh my god, I'm never eating again
C: You say that every time
D: I mean it this time (eyes rest of turkey club)
C: You're drooling and biting at air
D: Must not eat
C: Here, just take a bite (sticks sandwich in front of my mouth)
D: (pathetically bites at sandwich, starts crying) I eat my emotions (with turkey hanging from mouth)
D: (finishes sandwich)
D: (lunges for fries)
C: (pours diet cherry coke all over the fries in attempt to sabotage)
D: (dies)

even better, later on...

C: Remember how you wanted me to call your happy trail the trail of tears?
D: LOL, yeah
C: And how you wanted me to call your penis Tetragrammaton?
D: Hells yeah, you should
D: My penis is the truth
D: It is, was, and will be
D: It giveth life, and it can taketh away
C: I hate to think of your penis killing a little baby
D: Like, if we were to have sex during childbirth
C: Oh god, that would be horrible
D: Hey, it wouldn't feel all that good on my part either

link2 comments|post comment

[Nov. 14th, 2004|07:52 am]
"I like to imagine the condom-applied-by-mouth is the closest mortal man comes to whatever happened to Batman on the way down the batpole from the library to the cave."
link1 comment|post comment

[Nov. 10th, 2004|01:03 am]
[mood | thankful]
[music |Pavement - Fillmore Jive]

Zachary Locklin
Survey of Professional Writing
Submission #2--short story
to be discussed 6/15/04



Fifteen Things About DJ: a biography

1.
His new girlfriend, Chelsea, has knitted him a set of three gloves. She has also made for him a hood with cat ears. The gloves are pink and the hood is purple.
The hood is not connected to anything.

2.
His handwriting is fine and neat. However the sheer fineness of it makes it difficult to read.
In class he fills pages writing continuous paragraphs of his professors' words. He does not break paragraphs between classes, and he does not separate, say, Contemporary American Literature from, say, Introduction to Chaucer or, say, Theater and Theatricality.
His papers are typed in point ten font, despite the pleas of his baffled teaching assistants. The papers, littered with footnotes, extend to fifteen, eighteen, twenty-five pages past the assigned maximum.

3.
He never listens in class.

4.
The eponymous hero on watching two squirrels make love by the side of a path:
"In the animal world, all sex is rape."

5.
The look on his face when you tell him you're reading Derrida.

6.
He has every Prince album, including the new one. His favorite song is "Prince Alone in the Studio" by Smog.
He has every Pavement album, every Xiu Xiu album, every album by the Silver Jews.
His computer is littered with music and with photographs from bizarre websites. He stays awake for days at a time, visiting news websites, trolling for stories about protestors mangled beneath foreign tanks, children falling from skyscrapers, bizarre sexual practices. Then he emails his friends with the results.
He loves those stories.

7.
His most recent band is called the Bi-Polar Bears. Their two best songs are called "You've Got Some Bible Stuck in Your Teeth" and "Jean-Luc Godard Eats Baby Heads."
He and a friend are the geniuses behind Osama Van Halen and O.B. Gyn Kenobi. Those were supposed to be online screen-names but the internet supplier, in an unprecedented move, rejected them on principle.

8.
In Contemporary American Literature he plays hangman.
In Theater and Theatricality he draws Viking helmets.
In Introduction to Chaucer he diagrams every possible method for committing suicide. Chief among these is: "digging a pit fifty-feet deep, with me at the bottom, filling the pit with orange chicken and banana Snapple, and I have to eat my way out, only that's impossible, so I'll just drown." The diagram features a stick-figure representation of him, it's face turned up in anticipation of the already-descending deluge of food.

9.
On why Vikings will always win in a fight-to-the-death with Pirates:
"Pirates are all about money. Vikings just do it for the love of killing. Pirates are total pansies."

10.
The year-old banana Snapple in the cupholder of my car was purchased with him in mind. But if we give it to him now, he'll still actually drink it. That's why it's still in the car.

11.
What about Zombie Pirates?
No.

12.
The third glove is so they can hold hands in winter.

13.
On living in a leftist forest-mountain-seaside community:
"Every time a girl is raped, an angel gets his wings."

14.
"No no no," he said. "You don't need to read Lacan. Just read Zizek."

15.
His second favorite movie is Kairo. His paper on Lacanian systems of identification in Pulse is the number one entry in any internet search for Kurosawa Kiyoshi.
His favorite movie is Purple Rain.

16.
Fifteen things about DJ.
There was something else. Two days ago he said something hilarious about hanging yourself, but I've already forgotten it. The walls of his bedroom, which he never leaves, are painted dark purple.
He has taken over twelve hundred pictures of me on his digital camera, all in the space of about five non-consecutive days. He has taken over six hundred pictures of my fiancée. Three hundred each of Kristi and Scott, one hundred of Carra who he doesn't really know. Two thousand of his various cats.
He doesn't sleep, ever. When he does sleep it is randomly, deeply, and for a day at a time. I thought he was dead, once, when he wouldn't answer his door. He was only sleeping.
The rape jokes are actually quite funny, in context. Especially considering the other people who go to his university. And considering that DJ is the kindest, gentlest, smartest person I have ever met. We stood for fifteen minutes staring at these posters, pictures of real Santa Cruz couples, with headings like, "We don't allow violence into our relationship." I said, "Some people really like violence, though." DJ said something about angels and wings.
The hanging-yourself joke was funny in any context.
He has read every book ever written. If you mention that, he just shrugs.
He once called a classmate Fucktard to his face during a class discussion. The guy actually deserved it.
He always called the hangman class Contempt for American Literature, and he was right.
Fifteen things about DJ. Forty-three things about DJ. Eight hundred twenty things, sixteen thousand things, ninety million things about DJ.

link2 comments|post comment

On the Subject of Presidential Politics [Nov. 1st, 2004|01:11 pm]
D.J.: She probably voted for Bush
Chelsea: No way, the only bush I trust is my own
D.J.: If it bleeds, it leads
linkpost comment

Best title for an Ian Curtis solo album: [Oct. 31st, 2004|01:10 am]
[mood | recumbent]

Epileptic Warrior.

Gold star to whoever gets both parts of it.

linkpost comment

[Oct. 20th, 2004|04:19 pm]
[mood |awesome]
[music |Talk Talk - Time It's Time]

[11:22] gbh: my only hope in life is that I get to see the destruction of human civilization before I die
[11:22] shegottheclap: hah
[11:22] shegottheclap: my grandparent were crazy as shit
[11:22] shegottheclap: and they were obsessed with the end of the world
[11:22] gbh: awesome
[11:23] gbh: it's the most exciting thing that could ever happen
[11:23] shegottheclap: they used to talk about the rapture
[11:23] shegottheclap: all the time
[11:23] gbh: I like disasters
[11:23] shegottheclap: and how the moon was going to turn blood red before it
[11:24] gbh: I'd never be so gauche as to have a biblical tilt to my vision of the end
[11:24] shegottheclap: haha
[11:24] shegottheclap: a purely sadistic tilt i assume
[11:24] gbh: I don't want salvation
[11:24] gbh: no redemption
[11:24] gbh: pretty much
[11:24] gbh: it isn't even sadistic
[11:25] gbh: it would just be a lot less boring
[11:25] gbh: that's all I'm after
[11:26] gbh: a change in the world
[11:26] gbh: it's like when you were a kid, did you ever have favorite toys that one day you just decided to break out of boredom?
[11:27] shegottheclap: YES
[11:27] shegottheclap: i understand now
[11:27] gbh: exactly
[11:29] gbh: I just want the world to break one day
[11:31] shegottheclap: i dont know
[11:31] shegottheclap: i have to make it as a rockstar
[11:31] shegottheclap: with my theremin
[11:31] shegottheclap: first
[11:31] gbh: well it doesn't have to be anytime soon
[11:31] gbh: just before I die
[11:31] shegottheclap: then ill be ok with the world ending
[11:32] gbh: other people dream of moving to foreign countries
[11:32] gbh: a change of scenery
[11:32] gbh: it's like that really
[11:33] gbh: rather than see something new, I want to see everything I know in a new light
[11:34] gbh: anyway I'm not really that obsessed with it, it's just something I like to rile people up with
[11:34] shegottheclap: hah
[11:34] shegottheclap: sick bastard
[11:34] shegottheclap: im going to go sleep
[11:34] gbh: what would that woman do if everything around her changed?
[11:35] gbh: think about it
[11:35] gbh: or not
[11:35] shegottheclap: shed
[11:35] shegottheclap: hbrmm
[11:35] shegottheclap: hrmm
[11:35] shegottheclap: i dont know
[11:35] shegottheclap: but it would be interesting to watch
[11:35] gbh: she'd probably be a lot less boring
[11:35] gbh: exactly
[11:35] gbh: it's like a reality show, taking someone out of their environment and seeing what they do
[11:36] gbh: my environment just happens to be postapocalyptic
[11:37] shegottheclap: king city is post apocalyptic?
[11:37] gbh: hah
[11:37] gbh: I wish
[11:37] gbh: I used to have dreams that I'd be wandering around town alone after an earthquake
[11:37] gbh: going through the ruins
[11:38] gbh: like the omega man or something
[11:38] shegottheclap: you're such a geek
[11:38] shegottheclap: a demented geek
[11:38] gbh: you gotta understand
[11:38] gbh: I was reading about fallout patterns and radiation poisoning when I was in third grade
[11:39] shegottheclap: haha
[11:39] gbh: from this awesome set of 1960s science encyclopedias
[11:39] gbh: the kind that tell you to duck and cover when a nuclear bomb goes off
[11:41] shegottheclap: i wish i had some of those
[11:41] gbh: one time I had this dream where my mom was one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse
[11:41] shegottheclap: did you tell her about it?
[11:41] gbh: she rained down nuclear destruction upon the earth
[11:42] gbh: she spared me though
[11:42] gbh: in a room somewhere in space not unlike the one in 2001: a space odyssey
[11:42] gbh: yeah
[11:42] gbh: I don't think she thought much of it
[11:42] shegottheclap: wierd
[11:42] shegottheclap: maybe she is one of them
[11:42] *** shegottheclap signed off at Wed Oct 20 11:42:51 2004.

linkpost comment

help me pick a halloween costume [Oct. 13th, 2004|11:42 am]
[mood | hungry]
[music |Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out]

I don't usually do anything for Halloween, but I might this year, so I decided I'd think about it in advance. If I do end up doing anything, I've got two possibilities as far as costumes go, but I can't pick. So you guys should pick for me.

I have a taste for sweet things )

linkpost comment

[Oct. 11th, 2004|06:57 am]
[mood | hungry]

[01:14] gbh: I'm listening to the red hot chili peppers
[01:14] gbh: under the bridge
[01:14] gbh: I don't know why
[01:14] ubuzach: really?
[01:14] gbh: although
[01:14] ubuzach: i could never get into the chilli peppers
[01:14] gbh: the 30 second outro at the end is the greatest piece of songwriting genius in the history
[01:15] ubuzach: i don't remember the outro
[01:15] ubuzach: oh, wait, i think i do
[01:15] ubuzach: taht IS genius
[01:15] gbh: the best description of the RHCP I've heard: they sound like a middle school boys' locker room smells
[01:15] gbh: under the bridge is a uniter, not a divider
[01:16] gbh: my brother was telling me about this time in 7th grade that his class was listening to the radio and the song came on
[01:16] gbh: and everyone in the room got totally somber because they were feeling it
[01:16] gbh: and this tuff gangsta kid got all serious and was like "this is my song, this is my life"
[01:20] ubuzach: that's awesome
[01:20] ubuzach: that song is ALL of our lives
[01:20] ubuzach: particularly you and me because we're so down and out
[01:20] ubuzach: also taht smith's line about under the bridge
[01:21] ubuzach: "under the iron bridge we kissed/and though i ended up with sore lips"
[01:21] ubuzach: you and me, buddy
[01:21] gbh: I'd like to go on the record as stating that it isn't the song that is my life but anthony kiedis' slow motion jiggling breasts in front of the backdrop of a nuclear explosion
[01:21] ubuzach: totally
[01:22] ubuzach: you know i always thought his 60065 was jiggly but everyone was always like, no wayz zach, that's hotness not jiggliness
[01:22] gbh: gus van sant you magnificent rat trap
[01:22] ubuzach: quoi???
[01:22] gbh: he's the one that directed that video
[01:23] ubuzach: really???
[01:23] ubuzach: vraiment???
[01:23] ubuzach: c'est homme, il est bizarre san blague!

linkpost comment

fuck you, joan didion [Oct. 10th, 2004|02:22 pm]
[02:21] ubuzach: remember that in a world where choice is impossible, choosing not to choose is a choice in itself
[02:21] ubuzach: because nothing applies
[02:21] ubuzach: in the mix
linkpost comment

[Oct. 9th, 2004|09:27 pm]
link2 comments|post comment

man I love a good night's sleep [Oct. 1st, 2004|07:34 pm]
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/por/37164940.html

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/38492530.html

http://www.zombietime.com/how_berkeley_can_you_be/135-3545_IMG.JPG

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=1147847

http://www.airtoons.com/toons.php?toon=12

http://www.stephenmalkmus.com/dynamic.php?action=viewentry&id;=18
linkpost comment

[Sep. 13th, 2004|02:27 am]
[mood | annoyed]
[music |Smog - Distance]

Was I the only one who was really excited and almost happy when I read "mushroom cloud over north korea?" Alas, life is full of bitter disappointments. All I want is to be there for the end of the world. I love catastrophe. In the greek sense. Point of no return, things will never be the same again, etc etc. This world is too boring and ugly, let's shake it up a bit. Can't make an hommelette without breaking a few eggs. I love nuclear bombs and abortions. There are at least five inside "jokes," or at least shared experiences/knowledge, in this entry. I don't think any of you will get more than one, if that.

"A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke." Soren Kierekegaard, Either/Or (Diapsalmata)

link2 comments|post comment

[Sep. 7th, 2004|11:18 pm]
Well, I'm going to be stuck in San Jose until Friday nite, it seems. It is kinda boring because the person I'm staying with doesn't get home until 6 and goes to sleep around 12, and the rest of the day I'm on my own without access to my usual entertainments besides the internet (although what do I need besides the internet?).

Here's a few things it occurred to me to write recently.

First, a threat. I was playing a game with two people, and one of them was about to do something I didn't want him to. I said "if you do that, I will dedicate my life to obtaining the advanced scientific degrees and skill to defy the laws of physics and time in order to travel back to the day you were being born, walk into the delivery room, and kick your head in while you are emerging from your mother's meaty vulva." Later on I said I'd kick his mom's head in too while I was at it.

The first time (come to think of it, probably the only time) I ever called in a request at a radio station was sometime in 1992. There was this really small classic rock radio station being broadcast out of an old house that I actually used to live in when I was very young. I'm sure the radius didn't extend more than 20 miles outside the KC city limits. My dad, uncle, and mom used to kick it in the garage drinking a couple beers and working with power tools to create useless furniture on weekend nites (don't worry, I wasn't neglected, my mom came in to check on us every hour or so and no one ever got drunk, just a few beers to unwind from the unbearable tedium that is life in King City) while listening to the station and calling in a few times. My dad never went by his name, he always just said it was Homer. So there were always requests from Homer those nites. Now, I don't know where the hell I heard it, and can't possibly conceive why I wanted to hear it, but one nite I called in and requested Joe Cocker's "You Can Keep Your Hat On," which is, predictably, about sex wearing a hat. My name? Son of Homer, which must have tickled my nine-year old sense of humor pink.

Another bizarre memory that I came upon lately was the first album I ever gave to Michael. He has borrowed, copied, and just plain taken literally hundreds of albums from me over the years, but I remembered while being driven around in San Jose's Koreatown (bad directions is all you need to know) listening to Pearl Jam's Ten that back in 6th grade, near the very end of the school year, me and Michael (we were in the same P.E. class, Mr. Pett during fifth period) were talking about music and he asked me to record him Nirvana's Nevermind on tape for him, in exchange for him copying me his brother's Ten. I think I wanted his brother's Stone Temple Pilots too, but I'm sure about the Pearl Jam. I gave him the tape the next day, but Michael never did give me a copy. I even remember discussing our favorite PJ songs - mine was Evenflow. I didn't even really understand their other songs, though I always felt really awkward when I'd be with my parents and Alive would come on because of the sex scene between the thirteen year olds. I've never ever, even today, been comfy with sexual things being discussed by television, radio, and musical personalities, or god forbid having to sit there and watch it with them during movies. Like, I bought my mom the first season of Sex and the City for a Mother's Day gift but slyly managed to finagle my way out of ever watching it with her (and not just because it sux0rz).

My foot is getting better. I'm not on 10 Vicodin a day anymore; in fact, I'm not even using painkillers anymore. The blackened dead skin, burnt by acid and rotting from no circulation, is falling off, and the swelling is gone. I can wear shoes again. I'm getting sick now, though, had a very slight fever and aches all day today. Maybe I caught something through the exposed mucous membrane that was my right toe.

When I get home, expect a flood of animal pictures, and maybe a few of me dorking out at the Magic: The Gathering 2004 World Championships in San Francisco.
link2 comments|post comment

As promised, CAT PICTURES [Aug. 31st, 2004|03:28 am]
[mood | predatory]
[music |Prince - 4 The Tears In Your Eyes]

So I guess I'll start off with the new cat. The story behind her goes back about 10 months; I was investigating cat breeds on the internet for no reason and read about the Maine Coon. This breed is one of the largest types of cats that can still be considered housecats. There are legends going back about them; some of them include being descended from Marie Antoinette's personal cat after her stuff was loaded onto a ship 'cause she had the idea of leaving France (the ship followed through, but she didn't). Some include being an offshoot of raccoons, due to the ringed tails and large size (which is genetically impossible but still cool). Finally there are apocryphal stories about colonists in Maine being helped by large cats who would catch fish and bring them back to them during cold winters, because the breed is supposed to be very loyal and friendly (and along with Turkish Vans, one of the only breeds to enjoy swimming in water). And that they were both large and obedient enough to strap a leash on and take a walk with. When I told my brother about them, he became obsessed with getting one. He begged my mom and started talking about them all the time. Almost immediately the facts became exagerrated; a Maine Coon would clean up it's own litter (or better yet, use the toilet), fix its own meals, defeat any potential intruders, mow the lawn, engage in stimulating intellectual conversation, become the breadwinner of the house, benchpres several hundred pounds, and survive in a vacuum indefinitely.

A couple weeks ago we were eating at Denny's and my mom bought the paper to check the want ads. Under the pets section she saw "Maine Coon mix 4 sale" and a week later, we had "Tori" (we're not keeping that name, but a consensus hasn't been reached about what to call her) living in our house. So far, she has been acting coldly aloof to the other pets, if not downright ornery and hissing/growling/swiping at them. She seems to like us humans well enough. She loves eating food out of our hands; she's taken bites out of sandwiches, roast beef on our plate, and even a few licks from an ice cream cone. She hasn't been a big fan of the litter box, preferring to go wherever she wants. She liked staying in closets all day the first few days she was here, now she spends most of her time lying on the couch in the living room, or in the kitchen. She won't eat the other cats' dry Safeway Select food, she either eats cat treats, our food, or moist Tender Vittles. She's a total diva. Not quite what we expected, but few things are.

DOWN, DOWN-RIGHT, RIGHT, FIERCE PUNCH )

linkpost comment

everyday is like sunday (tired + grey, etc) [Aug. 29th, 2004|11:46 pm]
[mood |headache]
[music |Willie Nelson - Time Of The Preacher]

I haven't written in here in a long time. I haven't really felt like doing any writing since I graduated. I think the most writing I've done at one time since then has been a few paragraphs, back when I was trying to decide whether to get a computer or not. I don't really feel like writing much, or reading, or really doing anything. I've gotten so lazy and apathetic about pretty much everything since graduation. I'm even apathetic about my apathy, I'm not in any huge rush to change anything or find something to do besides waste time in my room. I'm only breaking my silence because I feel some sort of weird obligation to put something in here.

Something like cat pictures. My animals are the only interesting things in my house, so they're the only things I really take pictures of. Since my last picture post, I've taken about a thousand pictures of them (no lie). I spent about an hour last nite going through and picking some of the highlights. I ended up with 50+ pictures and a folder almost 3 MB large. So I'm gonna have to spread them apart over a few days. I'm so lazy I'm not even going to post them right now even though that's what I meant to do when I started this entry. I'm bored of it already, I'll put some cat pix up tomorrow or something.

link1 comment|post comment

Been a while since I posted... [Jun. 7th, 2004|03:58 am]
[mood | amused]
[music |Hum - Suicide Machine]

Here are a few gems...

Walker Percy on existentialism: "I'm not sure it presently has a sufficiently clear referent to be of use. Even "existentialists" forswear the term. It fell into disuse some years ago when certain novelists began saying things like: I beat my wife in an existential moment - meaning a sudden irrational impulse."

well, I LOL'ed, anyway...

Now for the real treasure:

CAT PICTURES!!!!!111 )

link1 comment|post comment

The Artist, from Patricia Highsmith's Little Tales of Misogyny [May. 14th, 2004|02:16 am]
[mood | devious]

At the time Jane got married, one would have thought there was nothing unusual about her. She was plump, pretty, and practical: she could give artificial respiration at the drop of a hat or pull someone out of a faint or a nosebleed. She was a dentist's assistant, and as cool as they come in the face of crisis or pain. But she had enthusiasm for the arts. What arts? All of them. She began, in the first year of her married life, with painting. This occupied all her Saturdays, or enough of Saturdays to prevent adequate shopping for the weekend, but her husband Bob did the shopping. He also paid for the framing of muddy, run-together oil portraits of their friends, and the sitting so the friends took up time on the weekends too. Jane at least faced that fact she could not stop her colors from running together, and decided to abandon painting for the dance.
The dance, in a black leotard, did not much improve her robust figure, only her appetite. Special shoes followed. She was studying ballet. She had discovered and institution called the School of Arts. IN this five-story edifice they taught the piano, violin, and other instruments, music composition, novel writing, poetry, sculpture, the dance and painting.
"You see, Bob, life can and should be made more beautiful," Jane said with her big smile. "And everyone wants to contribute, if he or she can, just a little bit to the beauty and poetry of the world."
Meanwhile, Bob emptied the garbage and made sure they were not out of potatoes. Jane's balled did not progress beyond a certain point, and she dropped it and took up singing.
"I really think life is beautiful enough as it is," Bob said. "Anyway I'm pretty happy." That was during Jane's singing period, which had caused them to crowd the already small living room with an upright piano.
For some reason, Jane stopped her singing lessons and began to study sculpture and wood carving. This made the living room a mess of dropped bits of clay and wood chips which the vacuum could not always pick up. Jane was too tired for anything after her day's work in the dentist's office, and standing on her feet over wood or clay until midnight.
Bob came to hate The School of Arts. He had seen it a few times, when he had gone to fetch Jane at 11P.M.M or so. (The neighborhood was dangerous to walk in>) It seemed to Bob that the students were all a lot of misguided hopefuls, and the teachers a lot of mediocrities. It seemed a madhouse of misplaced effort. And how many homes, children, and husbands were being troubled now, because the women of the households - the students were mainly women - were not at home performing a few essential tasks? It seemed to Bob that there was no inspiration in The School of Arts, only a desire to imitate people who had been inspired, like Chopin, Beethoven and Bach, whose works he could hear being mangled as he sat on a bench in the blobby, awaiting his wife. People called artists mad, but these students seemed incapable of the same kind of madness. The students did appear insane, in a certain sense of the word, but not in the right way, somehow. Considering the time The School of Arts deprived him of his wife, Bob was ready to blow the whole building to bits.
He had not long to wait, but he did not blow the building up himself. Someone - it was later proven to have been an instructor - put a bomb under The School of Arts, set to go off at 4 P.M. It was New Year's Eve, and despite the fact it was a semi-holiday, the students of all the arts were practicing diligently. The police and some newspapers had been forewarned of the bomb. The trouble was, nobody found it, and also most people di not believe that any bomb would go off. Because of the seediness of the neighborhood, the school had been subjected to scares and threats before. But the bomb went off, evidently from the depths of the basement, and a pretty good-sized one it was.
Bob happened to be there, because he was to have fetched Jane at 5 P.M. He had heard about the bomb rumor, but did not know whether to believe it or not. With some caution, however, or a premonition, he was waiting across the street instead of in the lobby.
One piano went through the roof, a bit separated from the student who was still seated on the stool, fingering nothing. A dancer at last made a few complete revolutions without her feet touching the ground, because she was a quarter of a mile high, and her toes were even pointing skyward. An art student was flung through a wall, his brush poised, ready to make the master stroke as he floated horizontally towards a true oblivion. One instructor, who had taken refuge as often as possible in the toilets of the School of Arts, was blown up in proximity to some of the plumbing.
Then came Jane, flying through the air with a mallet in one hand, a chisel in the other, and her expression was rapt. Was she stunned, still concentrating on her work, or even dead? Bob could not tell about Jane. The flying particles subsided with a gentle, diminishing clatter, and a rise of gray dust. There were a few seconds of silence, during which Bob stood still. Then he turned and walked homeward. Other schools of art, he knew, would arise. Oddly, this thought crossed his mind before he realized his wife was gone forever.

link5 comments|post comment

A look into my thought process [May. 9th, 2004|07:22 am]
[mood | aggravated]

I want a new computer.

I got the one I have now when I graduated high school four years ago. I love it, and it has served me well, but it is nearing, if not already at, the point of obselesence. Why that matters, or if it does, later. I first started thinking about it last summer, before I went back for my final six months of school. I almost got one at the end of the summer - but somehow, through a set of circumstances I still don't understand, my brother complained a lot and I decided to wait and so he got a $1300 computer and I thought I'd get one for Christmas. I wanted it to be an early graduation present - my mom is the one who put that idea into my head - I figured why wait until I graduate, there's no real reason, I'd rather have it while I still have Ethernet so I can download a lot of stuff onto it.

Well, that didn't happen. I decided not to get it at Christmas, getting my digital camera instead. I figured I guess it didn't really matter after all, and the camera is a pretty cool toy. Well, I've graduated now. I was hoping for a $2000 computer, but didn't really expect it. I graduated and I didn't really care about having it right away, I figured it'd come eventually. Well, its been six weeks, and now my mom has given me $900 from her tax return. I browsed a few computer sites, to discover that isn't really enough for what I want.

One, I can't let my little brother have a better computer than me. I don't know if the $900 will catch me up to his computer or not. Maybe, if I put it together myself, but that's another hassle. Second, I am thinking maybe a notebook would be good? I could take it with me wherever I go, and they look cool, and they're also pretty fun toys. I got to thinking, maybe I could use it for portable audio recording and performance - if Autechre or Jimmy O'Rourke can do it, why not me? (On a side note: I got to thinking about how often I "go" anywhere, and I don't really. When I really thought about it, it has been two years since I've gone more than two hours away from my house. Either to Santa Cruz, where I'll visit Chelsea, or Santa Maria, where I visit Michael. I haven't been north of San Jose for two years, south of Santa Maria for two as well. Haven't gone to Arizona (now Texas) to see my dad in those two years either. The only other place I go with any regularity is Salinas/Monterey, and I wouldn't really need to take my notebook there. And do I really need to drag it with me to either of the Santas?)

Except I can't get the notebook I want for under $900, either. Anything under that (that is being sold new through the major distributors) is a Celeron, and I've had enough bad experiences with those to know they suck.

So, I could ask my dad for graduation money. He hasn't given me anything yet. But how bad does that make me sound? Like I have a big sense of entitlement. Maybe I do. But I don't want to seem like I do. That's what I'm telling myself.

And who am I kidding, audio notebook? I can't really play anything except drums, and even then I've gotten rusty. And, even further, what do I *really* need a more powerful computer for anyway? I don't play games (except one, and it is a few years old so it still runs acceptably well), I really only use my computer for browsing, IMing, and as a 100 gb mp3 jukebox. There are a few times a year when I'll amateurishly record a band and edit it, but my computer now isn't really all that slow, I don't think any individual edit or effect I've ever done has taken more than a minute to do. Although recently I have noticed a performance drop, as Netscape seems to be eating excess memory recently. But that's it really. So, is it really about having a cooler toy which can do things I can already do (significantly, although not life-alteringly) faster? I seem to remember something in economics about marginal gain - after a point, you're paying more for slight increases, which seems to be what this is. But then, isn't that the point of the whole computer industry? Be that as it may, it still doesn't justify the cost in that damnable part of my brain some would call the conscience.

You see, as a recent graduate, that money could be useful for other purposes. Would it be wise to just buy a new toy when I could use that money for, say, the first/last month's deposit on an apartment if/when I move to L.A. with Michael or follow Chelsea wherever she ends up? Or to help purchase a car, which I think I might need in the future. Or to cover the financial aid bills; that $900 is a good six months worth of payments.

Or am I just likely to blow it all, $50 here and there, buying DVDs I won't watch, books I won't read, a shitload of food, kitsch, giving away to friends, buying stuff for other people (I'm very generous when I have money), and all other sorts of money sinks?

What kind of dork am I that thinking about this keeps me up at night and causes great moral quandries? Dammit, I just want my computer...

linkpost comment

[Apr. 26th, 2004|01:21 pm]
Back from Santa Cruz, if you'd like to message me, now you can.
linkpost comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]