| ugly answers-------------------------------------------------------------- |
[19 Jan 2004|09:15pm] |
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 gloomy |
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music |
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bright eyes - contrast and compare |
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why is this happening? what is this shit? why do i suck? whty can"t i eat?>/ wish i could make my girl happy. what am i doing? what is bluegreen? where are we ? why ar e we? why am i doing anytghing? who are we? as you sleep. etching is soon. tomorrow maybe. biting biting on the floor...the plate is being born. i'll be on th efloor watching TV looking the reasons listneing to the moving. time to draw time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draww time to draw here where the carpet is cool and soft underneath the clock. you gather around/.././/.
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| firST WEEK |
[16 Jan 2004|09:31pm] |
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mood |
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depressed and excited |
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music |
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cursive - the ugly organ |
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today is the sixteenth. 16................ i went shopping with the area assistant for the printmaking shop. beveled a zinc plate for etching. played some warcraft. did some drawing. got drunk. loved my girl. the most amazing person i know. i saved the nitric acid from copper. i am a hero. or so i thinkkkk!@%#%$@#%$ i am so sad. the world is ending slowly. my nieces and nephews are so doomed. with the dickTaTor in control. :( what dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luckwhat dumb luck....so rub it in. thought i loved this world. so i was sadly mistaken. we are powerless. it is hopeless. this entry has gone on too long as he raises his arm.
time to draw....
i am what is left....
a puppet....so he would sulk...and drink...and mope and cross his arms and hope to die.
then a fairy came one night to bring this sorry boi to life. my love. my arms my legs my heart my face they are alive. he just drifted away. and now i wonder how i was made. my arms...my legs....
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| craZY mad...iOu0*( waCKNESs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[11 Jan 2004|10:17pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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sounDS of simPsonsS and WArcraFt333 |
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man.>/ i am so drunk.
i am not sure i want to make art anymore. whyu is that.? i mean. over xmas i made no prints. i just played warcraft3. i love that game. still working on it. my sweetness is playing frozen throne. she lovesthe elves.
crap a lingus.ilove VOdKA!@34827 and mike'sh ard lemon aDE.!!!@#$%!@#@!!!341(groupings of #'s = diVISIONS oF foUR. i love fOUR!!@#$#4342511 hehehehehehehehhehehehhhhehhe
i am so drunkded.!!@# classes started to morrow. i am so uninterested. i am unmotivated. art isnt within my radius. i am stuck. i am got a job working in the printmaking shop. in some ways i can see myself working in a shop as a shopdoG more than making art. like i NOn't waNT NA makE anYNMORE arT. just work in aAPrinTSHOP>>>>???>>... i dunno. art is dying. i am dying. everying is dead. maybe it is over and i should do what i really am interested in....playing warcraft and drinkING voDKA. and some mike''s hard lemonade.lemoNNN aid AiID aid AIDAID
lookie here.
here is something that make''s it all betterszze.I(&UY;{()B
i say helloOH to everyYBOODby...on lj and my love ofF oall lovesS my girlL deadgiRLLLL.
piss out.
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| mmmmm nmmmmmn mmmmmn mmmmmn ----> i jumped into the river. what did i see? |
[10 May 2003|12:47am] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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radiohead - amnesiac ac ac ac ack ack acky |
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wine. i jumped into the river what did i see? black eyed angel swam with me. my sweetness is asleep. if you can not speak of something we must pass over it in silence. nothing to fear nothing to doubt. ohhhhhhhhhh. ohhh. ohhhhhh. ohhh. ohh. shivering in silence. went to the shore. the birth of oceans facinated me. there was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt.
i am amazed at the mystery of life. the truth still isn't known...we are alone. really. what do we know? what can we do? the eye stares into twilight! screaming crapholes!@#$%9 wow...did i say screaming crapholes???W?W??W?W@#@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i jumped into the river. what did i see?
got tired of idiot politics and i read about Ludwig Wittgenstein and oceans birth. come on - come on - you thin K yo U driv E m E craz Y!!! come ooooon come on. holy roman empire. come on if you think. come on if you think you can take us on!!!@#$ you can take us ooooooooooonnnnnn!!! you and who's army????!@???!???!@?!?@$#????!??!???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!do you think you can defeat us. you forget so easy!!! we ride tonight. we ride tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy roman. we ride tonight. shiver. we ride tonight. the half moon sinks slowly towards the ho-risen.
the only thing left is printmaking. painting is dead. wine, printmaking, and my sweetness!!!#@$(*^C%DFD%DD%DDD%DDDD%DDDDD%l s86df9C%DFDDDDDD%l s86df9CFuseless tech can go to hell!!!fuckthisshitholecrapcangotohellDDFyou and showho'sarmy???D?D???>----
the mini semester class i was going to take is not going to have enough students to get off the ground. so i mailed the teacher and asked about a special problems course so that i could work with her and the artist from new york who is part of the whole project. she mailed me back and said that i could do a professional intership course which is much better and important!!!! i am about to cry with amazement! words mean nothing!!!!!!!!!!!@($*&^#*$@&#$^*(!!!!!!!! notinhng nothing nothing nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! words are nothing!!!! there is no future!!! it is all now now now nwonwo now now now!!@# what can be said which is important. let's go down to the waterfall. never look back. i love you jen. forevermuch. areive toone a poodle! morning bells. it pours over me with the slow coldness of dirt. still it is fullness and emputy. iz. iz....ifewoi iz.... fiz iz....alizzzzi...i iz. iz. i........jerry climbs the side of her cage up the bars to the top...once again. once again....she is paper in the wind ow pain....putting on the smile. i cant belive that i have the chance!!! i cant belive that i have the chance!!! i cant belive that i have the chance!!! i cant belive that i have the chance!!! i cant belive that i have the chance!!! i cant belive that i have the chance!!! this is so important!...i think i want to work in a print shop!! yeah. well. yeah.
yeah.
words suck.
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| my thunder. |
[22 Feb 2003|01:19am] |
You are my thunder.
always.
&
4
ever.
i love you.
jen. 4 - ever - much.
you are at the center of my world.
i weep at your beauty.
i love you without limit.
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| fifty....50...,k* origami cranes float... |
[22 Feb 2003|12:47am] |
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music |
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bright eyes-- - == =_++ _ _)( (* fevers & mirrros |
] |
i have lived in the same [plave for a long time. 50 cranes. in the river. fevers and mirrors. i have been ther for too long. you turn on a spindle...you dont expain how you are so much loooser. i touch the clasep of your locket. my purple glasses. i imagein the darkness. solids changing into darkness. changeing in to darkness. guiitar pluck mysoul mysoul mysoul. stone mysnulel, mysoul. wwII wwI pain. the sound of suffering. but then 50 cranes travel a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos. a sea of pianos crash against a shore of pianos.
then they make me a blaket of regrets of silliness. hold me tight. 50 origami cranes float...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...floatt...float origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float... origami cranes float...
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[22 Feb 2003|12:40am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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bright eyes --=0=8 fevers and mirrors |
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the sound of a train.
wow! far away. places. voices i cant hear out of raige. wow! range4.
miusic. bits and pieces.
the sound of a train.
th sound of a train.
when you look at the surface of the ocean it is calm. i should be a fish. in the future i want to0 discover a new fish or a treasurne,.! act stupilp!! kjuist just try and stay out of each other'''s hair. summer sachool. digital porn. porn. fish. your in charge. now i took my head off. family. gone. goo. int. out. trash. 12:'"#44!!@#
\\\\
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L-p[]978uHEAVA3N4PLIJ() N86 b o8y6PERQG(ATORYO*^Y 9786yt97t% 98HEL P7T >iYWGi&g;
(#yu (U
-9 -07U(
(
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| questions cant be answered easily, |
[22 Feb 2003|12:24am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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bright eyes -- the soil ep |
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we made 50 origami cranes.
we put them in a rain filled river. or creek. they floated down...away from us. to heaven. they blessed us. helping us to heaven. you are free, you are free, you are free, you are freezing. waiting for the sun to explode. bright eyes providing lyrics to our lonely, inked stones and acid drenched copper plates. life is difficult. hope they thought tonight was at least a bit fun. i am sad. it is okay. i have been sad for weeks. have to work on my litho tomorrow. too bad one is ruined. :( :( :( that is how it works sometimes. sometimes. sometimes. the questions cant be answered easily, but i want it to be easy.
oh my god. oh my lord. what am i too do? roll your eyes and i will go away. dont leave me guessing...dont keep me waiting. jesus, jesus, god, good good god. :( what is happening? wide awake in a shoppin mall. :(
where do we come from?
where are we?
where are we going?
we all make predictions...
the truth isnt out yet.
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| maybve europe! someday... |
[15 Feb 2003|02:39am] |
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mood |
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gloomy |
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music |
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a bit...just a bit. but still....screwedriverszed. |
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i am so drankeed on screweedd rivers! but other wise i am fine. hello jeremmy and samwise! we had so much fun tonight!ds thank you for coming tonight on valitines day and eating mexican food. sorry we didnt have indian food!
you guys are so wonderful.!#$
:)
L:)
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| vous breakdown. i spe |
[08 Feb 2003|12:13am] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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music |
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bright eyes in my head |
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i think i might be having a nervous breakdown. i spent alot of the time today on the verge of tears...it feels like i can barely make it anywhere to do anything anymore. i am so tired. litho is wonderful but exhausting. i realized today that i will never paint again. it is kinda sad. but i was watching an etching demo and realized how old i was and how many printmaking techniques there are. i will be busy my whole life learning them all with no time for painting. however long that life is. if the world ends tomorrow then i wont learn as much as i wanted. i am working on a mezzotint, two lithographs and a linocut. only one of these prints is class related. it is the lithograph. i am hoping to put together a portfolio of relief prints soon. about 8 to 10 prints. a portfolio in printmaking is just like an album in music. it is a collection of prints. it will be a private portfolio with about 10 copies. just for friends and family. these will be my first relief prints.
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| gloomy presentiments of things to come |
[06 Feb 2003|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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gloomy |
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for months bush has been telling us we are going to war soon. now it seems very very soon. today he said the "game" is over. hussein says he doesn't have terrible weapons. we know he does. everybody knows he does. that isn't the issue. the administration doesn't seem to understand this. the issue, at least to me, it seems is this. cant we try harder...much, much, much harder...to get the weapons from hussein without killing many, many, many innocent people? now the north korean leader announced that the bush administration does not have a monopoly on preemptive strikes. we know for a fact he has nuclear weapons. bush refuses to talk with him. several pakistani nuclear scientists, who have sympathies with al qaeda, have quit their jobs with the government of pakistan and are currently missing.
war always causes suffering. no matter how "just" we call it. i know war will never go away. i have no illusions about that...it just saddens me.
goya's 'disasters of war' prints (i have seen this whole series in person. it is amazing.)
this really isn't a liberal observation, really...it is just an observation of someone who is trying to see others with empathy. those who suffer most in war are innocents: children, women, civilians.
the reason i say this isn't a liberal observation, as opposed to conservative, is because i haven't chosen a side. the reason is that people from both "sides", left and right, seem to think that everything is permissible to achieve their goals...including murdering innocent people. why am i surprised? the creator is insane and blind.
still....i must make prints, everyday...printmaking has chosen me. i love you my sweetie girl. forevermuch.
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| printmaking studio |
[02 Feb 2003|02:46am] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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...of course i didnt get to the printmaking studio saturday. i am sad...maybe i will make it sunday.
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| thomas the cat says hello. meow. |
[01 Feb 2003|02:22am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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music |
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bright eyes |
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war. wow...what can we do? some say vote? wow what a waste of fucking time. they just steal elections. i think the best thing we can do is try to have a fucking normal, sane, life with love and being loved.
making prints still seems important.
somehow.
we will go...tomorrow. what we will do is grain a limestone from bavaria till it is smooth and has no scratches.
then we will draw on it with greasy lithographic ink or crayon...then we will put gum arabic and nitric acid on the stone depending on how much grease we put in the stone. at this point we are trying to fix the drawing we did to the stone. we do a second etch...more gum arabic and nitic acid.
at this point we can run it through a lithographic press. damn am i so drunk. i would like to say now that i am sorry i waited till i was drunk to respond to all of my friends journals entries. hope i didnt misspell all of the words in this post and all the others.
at this point i bow. mainly cause my stone for litho is so heavy i have to use a lift to move it. :)
litho is fucking amazing!
thomas the cat says hello. meow.
i love you sweetie girl.............
xxooxoxooxooxooooooooxxx
xooxooooxxxxxxooooxxooxx
(entry edited after i saw it today. didnt even remember what i wrote last night. of course i am drinking again while editing.)
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| <|---litho---|>------->printing the image. |
[27 Jan 2003|12:03am] |
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mood |
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drunk |
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music |
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function of gum arabic |
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saturday my girl went with me too the print lab and made some flash cards for our history of photo class. then she helped me with printing my litho. it was amazing and terrifying. she kept the stone wet and i inked it. we just took proofs before the 2nd etch.
i rubbed the stone with mineral spirits. it removes the crayon and other drawing media off the stone. then i rubbed up the parts of the stone which had the drawing with asphaltum. this holds the drawing for printing. then i sponged the stone, with water...removing the gum arabic. the stone is then ready to print. deadgirl kept the stone wet with a sponge. and i used a leather roller to ink the stone where the asphaltum is. this is where the chemical change has taken place in the stone which makes it oil loving so that it takes ink really well. this is the point which we took three prints.
i love you my queen.
gum arabic
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| <|----ut pictura poesis----|> |
[24 Jan 2003|08:32pm] |
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mood |
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drunk |
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music |
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crappy telly and good wine...time to draw more |
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i have had very little time for this journal or much of anything else lately.
lithography (litho = stone - graphy = drawing) is quite a bit of work and has taken much of my time. it is rewarding, difficult, and time consuming labor. i have spent so many hours working on this stone. i have probably spent 10 hours working on this stone so far. just getting it to the point of etching (or fixing(for which we use nitric acid)) the drawing to the stone. i will probably spend several hours tomorrow working on it. my stone is so heavy i cant lift it. i must use a dolly/lift to move it around. i almost dropped it a few days ago. i could have lost my foot.
printmaking is so dangerous...painting isnt as dangerous. printmaking is like being a stuntman. or a navyseal....hehehe, it is for risk takers. it is like skydiving. i am such a badass. hehehe painting is for sissies. :) just kidding...i love painting too.
first you must grain (or grind) the stone to level it and remove the old drawings from other students. this took me 5 to 7 hours to get it level. alot of this time is spent out of class. it takes so much time that we are only doing 4 prints in a 4 month semester. i love litho so much. my wrists hurts so much. i have ganglion cysts in them. i cant wait till tomorrow to see how my litho prints. then the second etch. i am about to wet myself. if i wasnt so sleepy i would.
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| offerings to the ground of being |
[04 Jan 2003|11:40pm] |
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mood |
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 productive |
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music |
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A/C and TV |
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been working on relief and monoprints since school has been out. christmas was wonderful. my girl, ![[info]](http://library.vu.edu.pk/cgi-bin/nph-proxy.cgi/000100A/http/web.archive.org/web/20041210154307im_/http:/=2fstat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) deadgirl, got me the best present ever!!! the history and technique of mezzotint.
anyway...i have been working on prints since school has been out....made some good prints and failed on a few. i love vodka. i have a lithography class next semseter which i am quite excited and terrified about!!!! i am about to pee on myself just thinking about it. we are going to use stone. hehehehe. my other two classes are history of prints and history of photography, which i am going to take with my girl. i love vodka. last semester was the best semester ever!!! i learned sooooooooo much. about composition and color and value. with begining watercolor and survey printmaking i had the best two teachers i have ever had. wow. one teacher said that i could be a player. fooking wow!! can this semester even live up to the last one? when i walked back onto the campus to check our p.o. box after christmas i just knew that i wanted to always be on a campus...hopefully as an art professor.
besides relief and monotype i am doing some expirements with collograph. i am about to see if this particular method or technique is going to work. now i am just rambling. i love vodka. i am a bit drunk so i just keep rambling and on and on and on & on & on & on....
think i might just have to take my tiny doggy outside. he just barked at me.
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| just a tiny puzzle piece, better find my place |
[27 Dec 2002|11:59pm] |
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mood |
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drunk |
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music |
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daria and the bright eyes |
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working on a monoprint and gessoing over an old class assignment to paint a brand new painting over the top of an old one. a painting i did last year...a couple semesters ago. sorry if i am not spelling very well but i have had a few cocktails....a bloody mary and a few screw-drivers. since school has been over i have been working on a couple of relief prints and drinking alot.
my girl is soooooooooooo amazing. somehow she managed to get me the present i needed and wanted most of all. probably the most bestest prestent ever!!!! i love you girl!! wow!!!@$%$#^!fucking wow!!!@#$%$* just goddamn fucking holy mother of gOD WOW!@#$@!#$!@$#!#$(^*(&$#^%(*&%()(*)#*)(&(#&_*#(R&* (there we go. i think we got the expression we wanted.)
i think i have found my place. in water color and printmaking survey i had the two most important teachers i have ever had. i understand composition and color so much better than i ever have. now i am a student at the largest visual arts program (not the best, but the largest) ever at the moment. i am learning so much. i finally feel like i am making work that i can be proud of.
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| hi! |
[03 Aug 2002|01:11am] |
it's deadgirl!
i'm posting in J's journal cuz it looks so sad with no recent posts in it.
J is busy doing some amazing art work. he may post some of it here...not that anyone would notice. such a pity that so many overlook his incredible work.
he is also busy with school. kicking ass in art history II like a mofo. fall starts up soon and he has a full schedule, plus work. he has about 2 years left beginning this fall. all of those damn art classes he has to take!
ok, off to post in my own journal. night!
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| friday night movie first time in a long time |
[21 Jun 2002|06:11pm] |
going to see minority report tonight with the two most important people in my life. my girlie and a friend who accepts and understands me very well. he was supposed to be in california now but had to come back to town for awhile. he and i really dig philip k. dick...as a matter of fact so does deadgirl. tonight will be so much fun. i finally have been reading and getting over my depression and ocd...seeing things from the center.
hope everyone has a good friday night.
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hopeful