[

Mood of the Hour

|

thoughtful

]

No, I'm not talking about one of the seven deadly sins...I'm speaking of probably my favorite of the Palace Girls.

This evening, I went to the bar to sing for the first karaoke night. Heath came in shortly after I did, and I thought to myself, that it was rather strange seeing him out of drag. By the way, since I know there are readers of my journal that aren't from Lawton, Heath and Vanity are one in the same. Heath is a very handsome man. He's a very beuatiful woman, as well. When Vanity performs, she puts all of her energy and emotion into her performing. She never performs without giving it her all. Two Sunday nights ago, she performed and just about made me cry. She's a very good friend. I don't think she realizes the place that she holds in my heart. Oh, and it's most likely that she won't read this either. I just felt like getting these feelings out there.

So, there you have it. A journal entry with no questions, no problems, just a little praise for a very good friend.

Take care, all.
Jim

[	Mood of the Hour	|	curious	]
[	Music in my Mind	|	Opening fanfare for Miss Gay Oklahoma!!	]

I had a longish talk with Tillie last night about apprentice judging for Miss Lawton. She also told me how I can apprentice judge for another preliminary and possibly be able to be a judge for other prelimnaries prior to Miss Oklahoma this year.

We alked about Miss Oklahoma last year, and the fiasco that followed. But, she asked me who I thought should've won. I told her that at all of the Miss Gay Oklahoma (MGO) pageants that I'd been to, by the final night, I pretty much knew how things were going to turn out. But, at last year's MGO pageant, I had no idea. She asked about the first runner up, I forget her name. "What did you think of her talent?" I told her, that she performed it well, her costuming was great, and her choreography was outstanding...but, "it didn't do anything for me". She said, "Great! That's the idea. And, that's exactly what you should say."

It seems that every contestant starts out with 750 points and it's the job of the judges to deduct points, where they see fit. But, for every point that you deduct, you have to have an explanation for deducting them. That's where the credability of the judge comes into play.

So, there was a small lull into the conversation, and I said, "How much does polotics come into play?" She said, "I would hope it wouldn't come into play, but judges are only human. Think about this: There are two contestants and they both give A performances. Who do you pick for the A+?" I said, "Oh, I see." And she said, "No. WHO DO YOU PICK?" I said, "I don't know." She said, "There's always going to be a little bit of internal polotics going on. In this instance, you're most likely going to pick the person who either you know better, or like better, or whatever."

Even after this short conversation, I don't think I'll ever look at pageants the same. I'm looking forward to this year's pageant season. And, next year, when I compete, I'll have that extra little edge. And, I'll blow their socks, er, um hose off! Mwah, Ha, Ha, Ha!!!!

At the behest of Miss Tillie, I printed out the Category Descriptions from the MGO website. Anyone who thinks they know about the pageant, should go take a look. I thought that I knew, too. I had no idea.


That's all for now,
Take care,
Jim

[

Mood of the Hour

|

bitchy

]

Last night I had more sexual dreams than I've had in a long time. Most of my closer friends will wonder, "Who was it THIS time??" They've been all over the board as of late. First there was Mike (that really screwed me up for a while), then there was Christopher (and you already know how that one made me feel), but this last one,...well, it was nice, but I wonder why he's back in my dreams. I still care about him, but ... but, nothing. Nothing is going to happen. I won't let it happen, not again. I can't allow myself to even consider it. But, it was nice. Very nice.


Talked to Mom last night. She said that Jan played for Baptist Men's day. She was pretty upset with Richard for not "getting over his homophobia" and asking me to play for the service. I told her that it wasn't worth getting upset over. "His loss." Then, she blew me away, yet again by saying, "He's going to be pretty upset when he gets to heaven and all those gay people are there." I just love my mom. She's great.


I've decided not to compete in the Miss Gay Oklahoma Preliminaries this year. I'm going to try to judge instead. I talked to Tillie and apprenticing this year at Miss Gay Lawton. Maybe I'll compete next year. I'm hoping that judging a year will help me compete better in future years. I really have no desire to be Miss Gay Oklahoma. But, it would be fun to participate in the preliminaries and experience Miss Oklahoma from the inside, instead of just watching from the outside. I'm just not as into it as the other performers from Lawton. It's fun. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.


The Day of the Damned (Valentine's) is coming up. I, of course, will wear a black band around my arm and curse St. Valentine for even having a day. I might even take the day off and not even get out of bed. I might see if okieopus wants to have dinner and curse the day with me.


In other news, Greg and Jim are supposed to be back in town today. They're the ones that got me the job at the Baymont. I'd really like to sit down with them and let them know what's going on at the hotel. But, I'm sure that's not why they hired me. I haven't ranted about the Baymont yet. But, I will tell you that the second day I was there, I called the Best Western and told them that if they could find anything for me to do over there, I'd leave the Baymont and never look back. I mean, when the General Manager tells me that she's worked in the hotel industry for years and has never liked it, and wants to do anything else, how can I help but think, "What the hell are you doing as a General Manager of a hotel??" But, that's a rant for another entry.


I guess that's enough random thoughts for right now. Just wanted to update a little and let everyone know that I'm still alive.

Take care, all.
Jim

[

Mood of the Hour

|

irate

]

I don't understand how certain books can be bannded, much less why. The idea of banning a book in the first place, seems unbelievable to me. I mean, aren't books meant to be expressions of the author or authors? And, lest we forget, this is the United States of America, where people have died for the freedom of speech that we hold so dear. Why then, are there any banned books at all??

It seems that there is a list of 100 Banned Books. Here is a list of the ones that ( I have read )

Take care, all. And, happy reading!!
Jim

[

Mood of the Hour

|

annoyed

]

...it can be found near the interesection of Interstate 35 and State Highway 7, near Davis, Oklahoma...at the Arbuckle Ballroom.

( Read about the trip to the Twilight Zone )

[

Mood of the Hour

|

melancholy

]

"Oh Captain, my Captain."


Captain Kangaroo died today. Sad. I remember watching him everyday when I was younger. My brother and I would sit in front of the TV at the house on Charter Oak Circle in Edmond, Oklahoma and eat our cereal while laughing at this strange man who talked to puppets and had ping-pong balls dropped on his head too many times for me to count. Those of you that are too young to remember the show (and I fear that's quite a few of you) won't be as nostalgic as some on this day. Just know that his shows were great. It's where I got my Mr. Magoo fix as a child.

Captain Kangaroo took us to many strange and interesting places in his career on a children's television show. I remember one episode in particular when he went to an amusement park and showed the Spider ride. I can remember being exhilarated just by watching other people ride. Strange how the mind works to bring back those great memories.

One thing that I didn't remember about the show, was how he looked so old. When I watched the CNN blurb this afternoon, I thought, "Wow, he was old even while he was making the show." Oh, and I also thought, "What is with that haircut??" But, I guess it was the 70's. =)

Rest in peace, Captain.



Take care, all.
Jim

[

Mood of the Hour

|

contemplative

]

"Some mystery should be left in the revelation of character in a play, just as a great deal of mystery is always left in the revelation of character in life, even in one's own character to himself."

~Tennessee Williams



"When I remember that dizzy summer, that dull, stupid, lovely, dire summer, it seems that in those days I ate my lunches, smelled another’s skin, noticed a shade of yellow, even simply sat, with greater lust and hopefulness—and that I lusted with greater faith, hoped with greater abandon. The people I loved were celebrities, surrounded by rumor and fanfare; the places I sat with them, movie lots and monuments. No doubt all of this is not true remembrance but the ruinous work of nostalgia, which obliterates the past, and no doubt, as usual, I have exaggerated everything."

~ Michael Chabon

So I got the job. The interview, second interview, and hiring all took about 12 minutes. Pretty uneventful. I get the idea that I was hired before I got there, and this was just a formality.

I start - get this - tomorrow. At 9 a.m.


Anyway, very happy to be working again. I think that's all that matters at the moment.

Take care,
Jim

The following are interview questions, fielded by dietcokeboy:


1) What political issue gets your most riled up?

I don't really get riled up by political issues. Quite honestly, I probably wouldn't even vote if I wasn't really wanting a change to happen. Most of the time, politics are something that really doesn't effect me. At least, not on a daily basis. Jon will probably gasp like a little girl at reading that, but that's just the way I am. I usually vote democrat, unless the person running is just a complete idiot. Oh, and I don't talk politics. Ever.



2) When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a teacher. Possibly because I loved school so much. Summer time was a complete drag for me. No school. I suppose, after middle school, I wanted to be a music teacher. I loved music, I woke up thinking about music, it was my happy place. Actually, I still love music. All aspects. Yes, a teacher.



3) What one thing would you most like to accomplish this year?

Before December 31st, 2004, I would like the be a college graduate. I've dragged this out long enough I think. I don't have that much more to be finished. Certainly not enough to have to take alot of classes at one time.


4) What was your relationship with your parents like, growing up?

My relationship with my parents was better than most, at least I'd like to think so. We were raised to respect those who were in athority, and never ever to disrespect them - under any circumstance. There were certainly times when I thought my parents were being unfair, or even mean. But, looking back on it, I see that they did the best job that they knew how to do. Even when I was nine and my dad took the "spare the rod, spoil the child" addage to the extreme and I was removed from my home for two months. I look back now, and know without a doubt, that we were loved. There was never any doubt about that. When we were older, there was no set curfew. We knew that we had to be home "at a resonible time" and coming in after that time would've meant a set curfew. So we didn't stretch it.


5) What's your favorite way to spend an afternoon alone?

My first reaction was to say sleep. There's nothing in the world like an afternoon nap. I guess, the answer depends on the setting that I'm in at the time. Assuming we're talking about an afternoon alone that I have nothing else planned to do... When I lived on the farm, an afternoon alone would most likely be spent hiking around the 500 acres that I had at my fingertips. When I lived in Dallas, an afternoon alone would find be at the local bookstore. Searching for those rare gems among the ordinary book after book after book. Around here, I great afternoon alone involves jumping the car and driving out the the mountains. Either taking a camera, or a pair of binoculars, or just a nice comfortable pair of tennis shoes and going hiking.



This was fun. I hope we both learned something in the process.

Take care,
Jim

Ted: Food & Wine Connoisseur


Which Member from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is your type?
brought to you by Quizilla

[	Mood of the Hour	|	contemplative	]
[	Music in my Mind	|	"Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain"	]

The future husband and I went to dinner, then came back to my place to watch porn. Actually, it was like Mystery Science Theater 3000 Porn. We commented on everything, through out the movie. My roommate probably thought we were crazy. And, I suppose, we are.

Sometime toward the end of the evening, Eric called. I knew it was him when it rang, because he's somewhat fanatical about "The Young and The Restless", so his ring on his cell phone is the Low one. To know when it's him, I gave him that ring on my phone as well. Anyway, when it rings, I say, that'd be Eric. To be completely honest (even though I know he'll read this), I wasn't really sure I wanted to answer it at first. He's hurt me so bad in the past, and I'm certainly not up for that again. But, I suppose that there's a tiny part of me (buried under all of the emotional scars), that wanted to talk to him, so I answered. It seems that Carlos was out of town, and he felt that he could talk freely then. Well, this was enough to tick me off. The fact that he doesn't feel like he can talk to me unless Carlos is on the opposite side of the state. My initial reaction was to say, "Fuck You...I don't have time to talk right now." And, I guess, in not so many words, that's exactly what I did. I told him that Jon was over and then was distant. So, the conversation ended with me telling him that I would call later. I spent the rest of the evening with Jon and got back home around 12 a.m. Then I thought about it for about 15 minutes, then I broke down and called him back.

The call: It wasn't all bad. My main concern has always been that Eric's happy. Not that I should care after all that we've been through together. I shouldn't care if he's alive or dead. But, I guess, Eric's still holding a place in my heart - granted it lies under alot of hurt feelings, and many emotional scars, that may never heal. But, he's still got that place. We talked for an hour and a half. We caught up. We talked about his life...and mine. And, before we hung up, we decided that we'd try to get together ... soon. And, we'll see.



I've made the same mistake more than enough times to know that it's not a mistake that I want to make again. I know that there's a fantasy that is held is two people's hearts and minds, that quite frankly, will most likely never happen. And shouldn't. I couldn't help thinking, even as I was talking to Eric, that we'll probably end up telling our grandchildren about this, and look bad with sentimental hearts. I used to think that we'd tell our grandchildren. But, as of late, I (regret?) that it will be our respective grandchildren. Sorry, it's not something that very easily understood. Not by you, or myself.


I'll think on this more and get back to you. Until then, know that mistakes are something that we (should) learn from.

I've learned. But, have I understood? That's a question that only time will tell.

Take care, all.
Jim

P.S. For Jon:

"A lie??"

"An error."