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LiveJournal for in pieces.
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| Tuesday, April 29th, 2003 |
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yeah.. wish i coulda talked to her today. meh... oh well. ill see her tomorrow for sure though. my eyes are dry and blaaah. i hate meap testing. i should sleep good right now though cuz im tired as hell. i feel like i love everyone right now. i love you all... night. |
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| Monday, April 28th, 2003 |
| Sunday, April 27th, 2003 |
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some funk ass shit went on this weekend... its fixed though. i promise. big miscomunications suck ass. hmm... it happens. new things... i think. nah. nevermind. |
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today was so wierd/cool/kinda pissed me off i definetly am wierded out by some things. |
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| Friday, April 25th, 2003 |
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| so you go acting like she is yours or something. fuck you. You are obsessed. i cant believe it... why would one person.... i dont know, i guess i was that way once. | ||||||
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| Thursday, April 24th, 2003 |
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this is me. Take a good look. A really really good look before you decide. I feel like there is a pit in my chest or stomach and it isnt going away. I just want it back to what it was. I just wish i had you back. am i dying inside? i cant be, i wont believe it to be true. i just want to be with you. just you. What is left of what you felt before? Like for instance, i love you to death. could you possibly feel that way for me? I want you to love me like you used to. To have the touch you had, to keep me and not let go. Just like you said, forever we are one. Nothing can break us apart,something did. Can the seperation be welded? i hope it can. Just let it be brand new once again, to feel that new relationship. Like the smell of a new car, you love it and cant take yourself away. i want you back. to hold forever and ever. |
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| Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003 |
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just chillin. i wanna play my drumset right now. its way too late for that. yeah. someone tell me what to do with my retarded hair. i need to do something to it. meh.. rufio is a great band. |
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| Monday, April 21st, 2003 |
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RUFIO LYRICS "Above Me" If I were to walk till time saw no end. If I were to climb till the air was too thin. I could not find a picture fit the frame. As perfect as you. As perfect as you. You showed me life and lived nothing less. Yet you're so above me. I'll take my time you memory is bliss. The angel above me. When I look at the stars they shine of your eyes. The sky it burns bright with your presence tonight. Yet your so above me and I cannot fly. To the angel above me I long to be with. With. Angel above me. To look at the mountains vast and great. Is one step above in seeing your face. To look at the stars for they lead the way. To the angel above. If I were to walk till time saw no end. If I were to climb till the air was too thin. I could not find a picture fit the frame. As perfect as you. As perfect as you. You showed me life and lived nothing less. Yet you're so above me. I'll take my time you memory is bliss. The angel above me. When I look at the stars they shine of your eyes. The sky it burns bright with your presence tonight. Yet your so above me and I cannot fly. To the angel above me I long to be with. With. Angel above me. |
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| Sunday, April 20th, 2003 |
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| yeah so im freakin bored as shit yo. im sittin here at my grandmas house... thank god for the computer, otherwise id be jumping off bridges. sheesh. newho, im gonna go hang with *the fam* im out. peace. | ||||
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| Wednesday, April 16th, 2003 |
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| im bored outta my skull today. shit you. nothing at all to do around this house. ive been online like all day since i got home from school. i wish there was something better to do than that. im so glad tomorrow is only a half day. Three classes, Band (hahahahaha), Algebra 2 (dur its Sambanis) and German(just a dumb quiz) yeah i should probably study for German but i know most of everything anyways. It should be pretty easy. Then i go home and chill there til my doctors appointment at 12:30 and that will only be til like 1:30 so yeah ill come home after that and sit here on my ass. Sound like a good time? hell yes it will be. Maybe ill find something to do. word to that. oh man i need to do some laundry right now. My clothes are minimal... so im going to go start a load of laundry and maybe ill get enough clothes done to have a decent outfit tomorrow. werrrd.well... looks like im gonna go clean clothes. peace. | ||||||||
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| Tuesday, April 15th, 2003 |
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| so today was decent. i definetly am going to fix this all. its workin right now. | ||||||
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| yeah its worth it but still... why not NOW? i guess i will understand in time right? i certainly hope so. Whatever is depressing me needs to seriously fucking stop now. i am sick of being down in the dumps for now reason. i thought i knew why but that was totally off... then i blamed it on that and lost it all. what am i? some sort of dumbass? i guess so. whatever though... i suppose i should stop thinking about that. I need to go eat some food so i stop being sick to my stomach. blech. | ||||||||
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| Monday, April 14th, 2003 |
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| im going to stop letting it control my emotion, i will do what i want and not have regrets. i will make things happen right. i will stop being depressed, i will stop having headaches because i cant do what i want right the first time. I AM IN THE FUCKING DARK. pull me the fuck out. NOW. i hate this so much. all i do is make myself sad, what the fuck is seriously wrong with me, how can i let one thing control how i feel? fuck it, im sick of letting that happen. ALl i can do is what is right for me right now. When i get myself in order everything will be so much easier. I had a conversation with someone tonight and it really helped me out, they told me that they would stand behind me and my desicians. I am glad someone will. No one else has ever showed as much support as this person has. Maybe a few others but the rest could care less. I am mending myself from my regression state. I will grow up. I am sick of always being sad or pissed or depressed. i love being happy. So i will be happy more often. | ||||||||
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| Sunday, April 13th, 2003 |
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| why the hell do i feel guilty? where does this come from? i did nothing, what the fuck. i hate when this happens. i hate it because the people that care about me get sad when they see me sad like this. i dont get what the hell is wrong with me. i dont get why i get sad like this. its pretty effing stupid. i have this HUGE guilt feeling and until i figure out why i am going to be pissed off. maybe i feel like i should cry or something? i dont know at all. what the heck is going on inside me right now? im confused, dizzy, shit i dont know why. So im gonna sit and think about this right now. | ||||||||
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I let what i want, control what i should have. i let what i need, sit and wait behind. i love you, yet i hold back. Listen to my heart, for it speaks the truth. i open up, only to you. wishing for you, to return yourself with me. The feeling of a wall, made of concrete. It scraped my skin, this wall appears mildly. I let what i want, control what i should have. i let what i need, sit and wait behind. i love you, yet i hold back. Listen to my heart, for it speaks the truth. Knowing the wound, will only be more harsh. When you stop reaching, for what i have to offer. I prepare myself, only to listen to you. No one else is around, just you and i. I let what i want, control what i should have. i let what i need, sit and wait behind. i love you, yet i hold back. Listen to my heart, for it speaks the truth. My head has an ego, hy heart listens. That is the difference, between the two. One is loving, the other only selfish. Wishing for both, to be like the heart. I let what i want, control what i should have. i let what i need, sit and wait behind. i love you, yet i hold back. Listen to my heart, for it speaks the truth. I let what i want, control what i should have. i let what i need, sit and wait behind. i love you, yet i hold back. Listen to my heart, for it speaks the truth. |
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| Thursday, April 10th, 2003 |
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im fucking addicted. so shoot me. what am i supposed to do about it? nothing to do right? thats how it feels. i hate me. lame... alot lame. i hate what i let myself get into every day with everything, and everyone. i dont get it. im confused, lost and not here at all. fix me someone. yeah that will NOT happen. ddammit. i hate... something i dont know what it is but i hate it. stop this stuff... i think i can do it myself though... i think. |
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| Wednesday, April 9th, 2003 |
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Dear ashley, kick my ass, shoot me, push me off a fucking bridge. All in that order, you did last night. You FUCKING lost it. You lost me, because maybe i dont have to tell you everything, you have the wrong idea. I still want to be there, i still think things could work, but fuck me for believing something that you never wanted back in the first place. fuck it all, yes we had some good times, we really did. Now it's like i cant do anything at all, im allowed to do things with out telling you. Why is it that whenever i do something you have to know about it, why is it so important to you that you know everything that i do every single day? Just answer that saimple question. I tried, i waited, i sat here hoping, just hoping that maybe you could possibly have the heart to say, "yes i really do need him in my life as much as he needs me". Instead you call me when you find something you dont like and tell me that our friendship is over and i ruined it by not telling you things and that you dont trust me. I dont ask you everything that you do every single day. I dont care if you go and hang out with people, you see me flip out when you liked him while we were dating? hell no!!! I sat there and worked you through it, we got through it but maybe he is what you really want because after that our relationship became really unstable, we went on a break... then it was ok for a week after we got back together, i was so scared that you were going to start liking other people. The fact is that you blamed it on me! What a load of shit, it isnt my fault that your interest moved elsewhere. I love you to death... You always saved me from the worst. What can possibly be next in this world for me and you? One day you tell me you hate me and we aren't friends, the next day you just think things are back to normal. How can you possibly be sorry that this is happening, you odnt flop friendships like you are doing. that really REALLY is a killer on someone, like ME. I have feelings, i can be hurt too. You dont seem to notice that what you are doing to me is the worst thing a friend has ever done. Maybe that group of kids i used to hang out with really did sort of suck ass. They never took the friendship that was their and shattered it. you did, you ended our friendship, the first person to ever do so to me. Usually people just drift apart, you sit there on the phone and say our friendship is done, i cant be friends with you anymore. You have no clue how completely hurt i am by you and all of this right now. I am seriously about to flip out or something. I want you to learn, you cant screw with my feelings like that. You really hurt me, you had me under a control that for a while i didnt notice. but last night, i opened my eyes and i saw that what you had been doing, asking me what i had done each day... every single weekend you came back from your dads house, you would want to know what went on in my life. I am so hurt that you want this over with completely. You dont understand how much your friendship means to me. You dont understand what feelings i have put into this and how i just watch you throw it all away for what? because i decided to not tell you a small detail in my life. I miss you entirely and completely, but when you try and control me... i become a loose cannon and i become emotionally crazy. I guess i needed you in my life more than you needed me because you just decided to throw it all away. I just wish you would think rationally about all if this. That would be a major help in my life... maybe it would help you out too. i hope it would. You need to call me or something. ~Erich "Best friend thinks I pulled the trigger Best friend thinks you get what you deserve" |
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| Tuesday, April 8th, 2003 |
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| newho... just chillin up in here. my eyes are tired. pph. no band tonight or school today. too bad i have band and school tomorrow. dumb! f-ing gay! yeah... bye. | ||||||||
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being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up. these are the best days of our lives. the only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right. when will i get it right? im sick of not having something that always was there and now it may be drifting. i fucking hate it. almost makes me sick to my stomach. hopefully it will get recovered. maybe im just feeling depressed, who knows. i feel nauseated. im going to lie down. |
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| yeah so i am not sleeping because it just aint happening. at all. newho, i need to find something to do. im hungry... peace out. | ||||||||
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LiveJournal for in pieces.
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tired.
thoughtful.
sad.
aggravated.
guilty.
okay.
hyper.