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mood |
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 sad |
] |
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music |
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Michelle Branch - Breathe |
] |
Damn this sullen depression I feel I'm slipping under, as I sit and think of him. How stupid I am, for even bothering. How stupid to ponder a prospect so far from reality. How foolish of me to think outside of my box that is the east coast of boring Australia. Yet there he is, in my mind, tucked up in bed on the western coast of the United States. He's so beautiful and charming, and captivated my every thought thus far. It's driving me insane, as I try without luck to think of something else. Damn it, damn it, damn it! He's too far away. Get over it, dickhead, and move on.
I'm a moron. This doesn't make sense. An ocean or two, a different culture and country away and there he is, the only thing I am capable of thinking about. I feel giddy and happy when I think of him, or look at one of the countless photos where he seems to burrow into my soul. At the same time I feel sick and sad at once, a prickeling pain of heat tingling up my spine. A dose of reality, as one might say, to bring me back down to Earth. With a thud, of course. I wouldn't expect anything less from my life - surely to be let down lightly would be nice once in a while, but hardly permitted.
Why do I think of him? It's fruitless (no pun intended) and will bear no end result, so I might as well just cease to think of him, to think of me with him. He's so beautiful, with pouty lips and big, deep eyes. He's so perfect. He charms, says the right things and is versed to an impecible degree. He compliments without going overboard, always leaving me to wonder how he feels. Obviously not as stupidly infatuated as I, but perhaps something? He knows how I feel, but I needn't ask him. There's no point. None at all. It's not as though either of us can jump on a plane to bridge that giant gap called the ocean. Who's saying he'd even like me? Probably wouldn't.
I can't sleep without him invading my head, against my will. I can't do anything without thinking of him. This is so STUPID. I wish I could escape my thoughts, but I can't. Even more, I wish I could magically snap my fingers and make the world a perfect place, where he'd be next to me. I can't go to sleep, as much as I need to. I feel as though I might cry. I feel so stupid. Damn it to hell.
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worried
amused
curious
silly
creative