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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Forseti's LiveJournal:

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    Tuesday, January 1st, 2002
    1:43 pm
    AAARRRRRGGGHH
    I tried to post an entry earlier and I got an error, then it deleted the entire post. Now I have to start all over again. I haven't posted in a while and I forgot that when I make long entries I copy them to notepad just in case as this has happened before...... Well, guess I'll get started again.

    Current Mood: aggravated
    Saturday, December 1st, 2001
    11:42 pm
    Boots
    I got my boots back from the cobbler the other day. I had sent them in to have new heels put on. The heels were entirely worn down, I haven't even worn them in a month or so. Normally I'd just buy a new pair but no stores around here sell them. The thing is that I really don't feel right in anything other than that type of boot, I've been wearing that kind for years. The only boots I wear (Sorry Rachel, I forgot the name of the company) I went w/ another company once and they sucked ass. So I figured I'd just have new heels put on. When I got them back however, I took a good look at them....... Normally every few weeks I clean them w/ laether cleaner, and then rub them down w/ conditioner. I haven't do that in month's tho, so now the leather has gotten kinda dried out and cracked. So I am going to order a new pair from the factory. I can still use these for everyday wear, it was only $7 for the new heels anyway. My custom boot straps are removeable, so that won't be a prob. Now I just have to get some leather cleaner and conditioner. I've got a lot of other stuff to post but I don't feel like typing all night.

    Current Mood: happy
    Thursday, November 29th, 2001
    10:21 pm
    Dreams
    I had this odd dream the other night. I was in this huge building, kind of like a combination of an airport, a train station, and a bus depot. THe building had several floors, both above and below ground. I was on one of the higher floors trying to make my way to the train station. So I am walking through corridors, going through hubs, trying to get there. *Editor's Note: Hubs are large circular areas that have many corridors leading to different parts of the complex or to different concourses. Anyone who has been in a major airport that serves as an air traffic hub like London Heathrow, or Atlanta, GA knows what I am talking about.* It's like 4 am so the place is mostly deserted, a few worker cleaning and stuff, but that is about it. I am finally getting close to one of the nexus points where all the elevators and such are located. I follow the sign and take that corridor and a couple hundred yards down, the gate is closed. I go down this path anyway cause there is another one branching about halfway to the gate. Before I get there however, about 8-10 people; two of them obviously workers for the complex; come out of that corridor and head for the gate. The workers open the gate and they all head down the corridor. This all disturbed me because they all seem to be in quite a bit of a hurry, so I check the clock on the wall to see what time it is. The clock said 4:20, but it is moving very fast, for every second that goes by, the clock moves a minute. I quicken my pace and as I pass the branching corridor I see several people coming my way running. I run after the group that had just opened the gates, round the last corner to where the elevators are, and emerge into chaos. There are hundreds of people waiting for elevators, pushing the buttons, but nothing is happening. I ask someone what is going on and she tells me that there are explosives set throughout the building and will explode then the clocks reach 12. I look up to see what floor the elevator is on, it is on the lowest level and isn't moving. There were several banks of elevators, each bank had 6 elevators and they were all in the same condition. As I am making my way through all of this I see a group of 4-5 people go for the emergency stairwell. As I pass that stairwell, I hear sounds of fighting and gunshots. I look through the glass in the door and see about 10 men armed w/ shotguns in full body armor. I go past all the elevators and see like 6 people off to the side talking. I join them and they are trying to figure out a way to get out since the elevators aren't working. I told them about what I what seen in the stairwell, and a few others say they say the same thing in others. They said they tried telling people that the elevators obviously weren't working but they wouldn't listen. We looked back at them and saw that they were opening the doors and climbing down the service ladder, there wasn't enough time for that tho.
    The seven of us go off to search for another way out, but we aren't having much luck. We passed by a utility closed and I tell them to see if we can find anything useful in there. One woman, seeing a can of gasoline, suggests we make Molotov cocktails to throw at the guards in the stairwell. I didn't think this was a good idea because we needed to get thought the flames to go down the stairs. Then I spot a veritable gold mine: magnesium, nitric acid, alcohol, and mercury. *Editor's Note: OK some of this stuff has no business in a utility closet, but it's a dream damn it.* From these things you can make a rudimentary stun grenade. Editor's-Note: Isn't chemistry fun :) * After a quick and dirty chemistry lesson, we get to work. We were able to make 4 stun grenades.
    We make a run on the nearest stairwell. We get to the door, light the fuses( we had decided to save 2 for later just in case), toss the in and close the door.A second later they go off. We rush in there and see they worked, the guards are disoriented. Just as we finish, we all look at the clock..... one second to go....then...
    Scene Change: News Report

    A news reporter is giving a report on the number of people dead and wounded in the hoax bomb threat (that's right, no real bombs) at....(can't remember name of building), and that this woman....shows clip of a naked woman lying in a field, finger painting all kinds of stuff on her body and laughing hysterically orchestrated the event. When asked where she got the backing to fund such an operation, she was elusive but hinted at ties to the government.
    Then a title screen pops up like this was all just the start of some movie..... then I woke up.

    Current Mood: weird
    Thursday, November 22nd, 2001
    8:35 pm
    Choices
    One of the few things that my father taught me is that nobody can MAKE you do anything. This is something that I deeply believe. Even if someone has a gun to your head you still have a choice.
    Life is a series of choices, you chose what path you take through life. You chose what your priorities are. Wether to put your career before your personal life; wether you are going to be materialistic or people oriented; giving or selfish. You also chose your goals in life. You can chose money, power, love, raising a family, devote yourself to a religion, of many other possibilities.

    Making a choice is not enough though. If I were to chose right now that I wanted to be a doctor, that doesn't automatically make it so. Along with that choice mush come the will to execute it; to do what is necessary to make it happen. Don't tell me that you want something if you aren't willing to put some kind of effort into working toward it. I feel that if something is important to you, you will make time for it.

    I speak from experience here. At one point I was working full time and going to school at night. Four days a week I left the house at 7 am and got home at 10 PM, then I had to write papers and other school related work. For about a year I didn't go out at all, all my time was spent working in one way or another. One day I finally realized what I was doing, and thought what was the point of all this work if I can't enjoy myself. So I rearranged my schedule. I only took classes 2 days a week(even tho that kept me in school till almost midnight), and went out at least once a week.

    Actions. Life may be a series of choices, but your actions and how you go about implementing those choices is what defines you as a person.

    Current Mood: indescribable
    12:49 pm
    Oh, BTW...
    HAPPY THANKSGIVING
    12:41 pm
    Lone Wolfing It
    If you have ever seen the movie High Fidelity, the is one part where one of the characters say that the are certain types of people that have a predisposition to believe that they will be alone the rest of their lives. Well, I am one of those people. It is something that I have felt in my heart since I was a child; that I will live and die alone.

    I've been alone for most of my life, as a child my parents left me to myself for the most part. When I was a teenager they gave me a section of the house away from everyone else, usually the basement. For a while, when I was 16 I lived in the house by myself. At another point my father got me my own apartment. And my family is by no means wealthy, middle class, I'd say. Not that I'm complaining, I wanted to be left alone. For the most part I raised myself; most of my behavior is based on logic. I have this whole hero complex going on too, probably from reading too many comics and fantasy novels.

    I've made it this far on my own. I've supported myself since I was 18. I started working in a new job when I was 21 and excelled at it. I was made a junior engineer at 22 (mind you, w/ only a high school education at the time), and was raised to full engineer status at 24.

    Recently however, I find that I want someone that I can talk to, share thoughts/problems with. I am now 27, and the past 13 months have seen some serious problems. Including being burned out and having what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown. Is it too much to ask for to have someone to talk to. Someone I can trust and rely on. Someone who will be there when I need them, take time to listen. And believe me, it has happened where some very bad things have happened and I called a friend to talk and they were too busy at the time, didn't even bother to call back.

    I guess that is one of the reasons why I started this journal; someone to talk to, if only myself. Sometimes you just need to get things out. When I was younger I enjoyed talking to girls about stuff. I found them easy to talk to and they had an interesting perspective on things. Since then however, I have begun to have an increasingly bad opinion of women. I'm trying to fight it but it is getting pretty rough. I haven't had that many relationships, I am pretty picky about who I go out w/. But the few that I did have did not go very well. One was downright awful. I've been lied to, used, cheated on, pushed aside, taken for granted, and ignored. I guess that has tarnished my view a bit. Actually, I retract what I said about women, I am not going to hold the whole gender responsible for the actions of a few. I know there are good women out there, I've even met a few of them. Just need to find one for myself.

    No such luck tho. Guess I'll just have to pick myself up, dust off and go it alone once again.

    Current Mood: distressed
    Tuesday, November 13th, 2001
    7:45 pm
    Cooking
    In keeping w/ the spirit of being in the country now, I'm making venison stew today. Also in keeping w/ tradition of making a huge mess and taking an obscenely long time when I cook, I am using several pots and a crock pot. Now then, as I have never cooked venison before, I searched the web for recipies.I found one that sounds especially tasty. But again, keeping w/ tradition, I am not following the recipe. Nor am I measuring anything, measuring cups are for pansies and the non-elite, heh. Outside of chemistry, I don't use 'em. What follows is the recipe from the web w/ annotations by me, ,my comments will be enclosed in "*"'s.

    Venison Stew



    *First thing. I think it must be said that you must first acquire a deer from somewhere. To my knowledge, you can't just run to the corner market and pick one up. Where I currently live however, acquisition of said animal should not be a problem. They can be seen running through fields, running across the street and in my yard. I think they may be taunting me. I don't have any use for a gun, nor do I own one. I think they know this and hence decide to run and play in my back yard. heh. The deer currently cooking was donated by a friend of my father's. I am thinking of littering the yard w/ the bones, maybe that will scare them off..... too bad I don't have the head. I could stick it on a pole back there as a warning to all deer type creatures. That should be good for some psychological warfare.*
    Ingredients


    • ½ lb bacon or salt pork

    • *Gotta love pork fat :) *
    • 2 lb venison steak

    • *About that, I guess. I just grabbed a whole shoulder and stripped it down. There's a good bit of meat.
    • 4 tbsp flour

    • 6 cups water

    • *Water? HA I say again, HA. I'm using broth. I'll get to that later*
    • 1 large tomato, chopped

    • *I'm not in the mood for chopping tomatoes. I got a can of crushed tomatoes from the store*
    • 2 medium carrots, sliced

    • 2 medium stalks celery, sliced

    • 2 medium potatoes, cut into 1" cubes

    • 12 small white onions

    • *Do yourself a favor.....just go out and buy a package of frozen baby onions. I tried to be cute and use all fresh ingredients. Let me tell you, peeling a bunch of tiny onions is not fun.*
    • 1 tbsp chopped parsley

    • 1 cup fresh green peas

    • salt and pepper to taste

    • *What, no garlic? Here are a couple of additions:
    • 1 small sweet onion, diced - Onions have enzymes that tenderize meat. I always use onions when browning meat, and venison is reputed to be kinda tough.

    • 2 cloves garlic crushed - There, I feel much better now.

    • Pickapeppa sauce - Oh, say about 2 tbsp

    • 5-6 dashes of that sauce that starts w/ a "w", I can't say it, not even going to attempt to spell it, and too lazy to go get bottle

    Preparation & Cooking instructions


    1. Cut bacon into 1" cubes and saute in large saucepan until lightly browned. Remove and set aside.

    2. *Add garlic and sweet onion to amount of oil stated below. Sweat onions.*

    3. Cut venison into 1½" or 2" pieces and brown over high heat in 4 tbsp bacon drippings. Stir in flour. Lower heat and let brown 2-3 minutes, stirring several times.

    4. Add liquid and let it simmer 1 hour or more until venison begins to get tender, add more liquid as necessary.

    5. Add all the other ingredients, except peas, and continue to simmer to make a thick stew.

    6. Simmer peas in a separate pan until done. Strain and spoon over or around stew when served.

    7. *Screw that, the peas are going in w/ everything else.*

    The rest is all me so I am going to stop w/ the *'s now. I don't use water for stews and such, I use broth. Using water is a good way to take alot of flavor away from your dish. Broth is also a good excuse for being lazy and not getting all the meat off the bone.

    Broth



    Ingredients


    • 1 yellow onion, halved

    • 2 garlic cloves, crushed

    • 2 carrots, cut in large chunks

    • 1/4 cup parsley

    • 3 bay leaves

    • 1 small red hot chile pepper, heh

    • salt and pepper to taste

    • 1/4 cup basalmic vinegar

    • 8 cups water


    Alright, first thing, you need to get this huge chunk of meat down to a size that the bones will lay flat in the bottom of the pot. This is no easy task. I was originally thinking that a sawz-all would work nicely, but alas, I don't have one. Cutting through the bone w/ a knife wasn't going too well. What ensued next was a grusome battle between man and meat. It was fairly brutal, Chaos left the room. I finally had to break the bones by using the edge of the sink. One good shot did the job. Now that the savage piece of meat has been beaten into submission, take most of the meat off the bone. Don't be too fanatic about it, it's ok if you leave a bit here and there. Also, while cutting the meat into cubes for the stew, throw the especially fatty bits into the broth as well. you have to do isThrow everything together in a large pot over medium heat. Bring it to a boil. Turn to low heat and simmer. Cook for about 3 hours, skimming off any scum that dares rise to the surface. You can stir it occasionally if you need to feel important. Strain everything out, give bones to doggies or any other voracious animals that you have around, keep the liquid.

    Current Mood: hungry
    Sunday, November 11th, 2001
    6:32 pm
    Fragmented Minds
    Some Info: I am not a big believer in what people say. I believe that "the proof is in the pudding". If you want me to believe something, prove it. Don't tell me, show me. I have had far too many people:
    A) Tell me something and behave in a completely contrary manner
    B) Say they were going to do something they had no intention of doing
    C) Claim they had or did something that they didn't

    People lie...... people lie a lot. In fact getting a straight, honest answer out of someone is damned near impossible at times. Some people lie so much they can't even keep track of their lies and you get a different lie every time they tell the story. I actually find this fairly amusing, but I'm not going into that now.
    Why do I bring this up? Because I have to rely on someone else for information on some things that happened. Yes, I know that I can't be everywhere, but this is supposedly stuff that I did. Here's what happened as I see it..... In the chaos and depression prior to my leaving NY,..... part of me went renegade, and decided to take care of some things that I had neglected. This was first brought to my attention because I was told about something I did that I don't remember doing, kinda had to more or less believe this cause at the time I was someplace I don't remember going to. At the time, I thought it was an isolated incident caused by depression and stress. But then people started asking me about conversations I don't remember having, about finishing stuff I don't remember saying I'd do. One guy was asking me about something we were talking about when I went to his house to get some stuff I had lent him and I'm trying to tell him that I hadn't been to his house in months.
    So I started thinking. I realized over the pervious couple of months, there had been several occasions where it was much later than I thought it was. I'm talking about 5 or 6 hours. I just wrote it off as "ah, I must have gone to sleep", even though I didn't remember going to sleep or getting up. *Editor's Note: I am absent-minded. I don't think it is so much forgetting, as it is not paying attention to what I'm doing. I put things down and forget where I put them. Normally tho, I will eventually remember where I put it and why* Now having to rely on other people to tell me what I was doing does not sit well w/ me at all. Imagine how you'd feel, having someone else telling you that you did stuff that you don't remember doing. I'm not talking about a night out drinking, I'm talking about a normal day here. So I started paying close attention to the time throughout the day. I was living alone at the time, and with the exception of that one time, every time it happened it began and ended at my house. That is why I hadn't noticed before.
    Then it happened again. This time I lost a whole day. I got in bed and went to sleep Wednesday night and woke up Friday morning, a total of 38 hours I can't account for. *Editor's Note: Now at this point, I have to give credit for sheer sneakiness. The renegade faction obviously didn't want the rest to know anything was going on. Hence, me being back in the house by the time it was over. This time, knowing that I am keeping track, I am out for a whole day and wake up back in bed at 9:30 in the morning. I didn't figure it out till about 11 that night.* Nobody saw me during that whole time. It is entirely possible, however unlikely, that I was sleeping that whole time. The thing is, I have a dog. Chaos is not going to sleep for 38 hours, she is going to get hungry and she is going to want to go out. Chaos will, and has on many occasions, wake me up if she has to go out. And as there was no mess on the floor anywhere, at some point in that 38 hours, I must have gotten up.
    That was the last time it happened, and that was back in June. I am still kinda skeptical about the whole thing, I don't really want to believe it. But there are some fairly large holes in my memory. I have a good memory. I remember phone numbers of people I haven't called in years. Even if you mention something I have forgotten I will remember or at least have a dim recollection of it. But this..... even the one time I can pinpoint when it happened.....nothing. That time, I went upstairs to get the mail at about 4:00, came back down, turned around a corner, and that's it. For the life of me I can't remember taking another step. The next thing I know I was talking to Donna at her house and it's like 7:30.Then I went outside to work on the car, next thing, it's 1:00 in the morning.
    I am glad I got out of there. Entirely too much stress.

    Current Mood: crazy
    Current Music: Megadeth - Sweating Bullets
    Sunday, October 28th, 2001
    9:22 pm
    I'm back...... got in about 1:00 today
    Saturday, October 27th, 2001
    5:51 am
    I'm gone....
    Friday, October 26th, 2001
    9:58 pm
    I got a Tank-full of gas and a Pocketful of money....
    ..and I'm heading for NY. I've been a bit busy of late. I went to get my license renewed, it had been expired since December. I got my car. :) There is now a Chevy Cavalier Z24 sitting in my driveway. I am leaving for NY in the morning to pick up some of the stuff I left there. I'm getting tired, I took some sleeping pills to make sure I got some sleep tonight. They are starting to kick in now.

    Current Mood: excited
    Friday, October 19th, 2001
    7:34 pm
    "If you can't spot the sucker in your first half-hour at the table....... then you are the sucker."
    Matt Damon as Mike McDermott - Rounders (1998)


    Ain't it funny how quotes, sayings, and books can be applied to many different situations.
    Wednesday, October 17th, 2001
    12:12 am
    Yes!
    Star Wars Episoge I is being released on DVD. It's about time, I guess Lucas finally gave in. Now all they have to do is get the rest of them out

    Current Mood: happy
    Wednesday, October 10th, 2001
    6:47 pm
    Can't......resist....must.....watch
    This is my official complaint against whoever puts out that damn Dragonball Z show. When I first saw the show, I didn't like it, didn't care for it, didn't want to see it. This was about 3 years ago. Since then, every time I turn around, that show is on somewhere. At one point Cartoon Network played 6 episodes a day. The WB network played 2. That alone is 4 hours every day of this show. Next point, I have a satellite dish. W/ the satellite dish I have a package that gets me network stations from all around the country.. What w/ different time zones and multiple networks running things in different time slots in each zone, I was up to about 21 different time slots every day that this show was on.
    Let it be known that I am lazy. This being said, you can understand the great effort it takes for me to actually pick up the remote, and press buttons to search for something else to watch(and no I don't have to point it at the TV, it's an ultrasonic remote, even changes channels thru walls). I don't particularly like having things shoved down my throat, which is exactly how I felt about this show. But, eventually curiosity set in....."I wonder what's going to happen". So now I find myself watching the show, downloading episodes and I am sure there will be some dvd purchases coming soon. OK, fine, I give up. I like the stupid show.

    Current Mood: Beaten into submission
    Tuesday, October 2nd, 2001
    1:41 pm
    I ran across my high school class picture today. It's not like it was hiding somewhere, it's hanging in the wall in the hallway. I was lounging around in the hallway (don't ask, I pick some odd spots to lounge around in) and looked up. I was kinda cute, and I clean up real good. :) I think it's shitty that I had a better complexion when I was 17 than I do today. Too much stress in my life. That aside, I think I look better now tho, closer to my personality. That whole 70's sci-fi thing of if you wanna make a character evil just slap a goatee on em probably has a bit to do w/ it. I am gonna go soak my head in some ice water now to take down the swelling. :)

    Current Mood: silly
    10:08 am
    To Rent or Not to Rent? That is the Question
    Wether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer through Sling Blade and Outrageous Fortune or to take arms against a sea of Aliens.....

    I watched the new version of Hamlet this morning.This one is set in NY circa 2000. The movie info screen describes it as a"....tale of hostile takeovers....". Yeah, murdering your brother so you can marry his wife and take over his company is pretty damn hostile, wouldn't you say. I know I'd feel a bit threatened. Oh, and the scene 2 opening, the "To be or not to be" soliloquy. It is no longer the touching scene of Hamlet speaking over his father's grave, it is now delivered in Blockbuster Video, wow what a difference. Yep, they've taken a powerful scene and reduced it to some psycho mumbling to himself in a video store. LOL
    It's still got nothing on the "sword 9mm" guns from Romeo and Juliet, I still chuckle every time I see that. I like Shakespeare, but Hamlet sounds like a name for a pig, makes me think of breakfast. Then again maybe I'm just hungry. Oh well, I'm off to get me some bacon and eggs.

    Current Mood: giggly
    Current Music: No Tears for Caesar - The Artist Fromerly Known as Shatner (Free Enterprise)
    6:28 am
    And Lest Things Which Should be Remembered Perish With Time
    "But I, friar John Clyn, of the franciscan order of the convent of Kilkenny, have in this book written the memorable things happening in my time, of which I was either an eye-witness, or learned them from the relation of such as were worthy of credit, and lest things which should be remembered perish with time, and vanish from the memory of those who come after us, fleeing the many evils that encompass us, and every symptom placed as it were under a malevolent influence. expecting death among the dead until it comes, such things as I have heard delivered with veracity, and have strictly examined, I have reduced into writing. And lest the writing should perish with the writer, and the work fail with the workman, I leave behind me parchment for continuing it, if any man should have the good fortune to survive this calamity, or any one of the race of Adam should escape this pestilence, to continue what I have begun."
    Brother John Clynn - 1348


    Ok, so that was a bit over-dramatic. John Clyn was a monk in an Irish monastery during the time the black plague was in England. He was the sole survivor of his house.He helped where he could and wrote all that he witnessed. The point? Well, I was just thinking of writing some of my past experiences in my journal and that passage came to mind. I know that the past is past and all, but some things are quite interesting and might prove for some entertaining reading later in life. So time and will permitting (heh, like I have anything better to do), I may put a few things down here. We'll see.

    Current Mood: dramatic
    Monday, October 1st, 2001
    10:34 pm
    My So-Called Life
    So, what has brought me to this point in my life? Could it be that my own arrogance and contrary nature brought me to this? Arrogance I think I can rule out straight off. I do some of my best work shrouded in arrogance.Besides it suits me too well, it just wouldn't be me w/o it. If that is the cause I am doomed cause I don't think I can get rid of that.
    Obscenely Long Post About Yours Truly )
    9:35 pm
    Oh My God, The Glare
    I'm glad summer is over, cause I could blind someone w/ my skull. I finally went the full 9 and shaved my head. It's not like I had a whole lot of hair before, what was there could only be described as stubble. But the stubble was good for a couple of reasons tho:
    1- I've been... well.... hit in the head a few times and there are a couple of marks. The stubble covered them a bit.
    2- Traction. Women don't appreciate their hands slipping off your head when they are trying to hold it in place.
    It is sooo smooth, it's definitely a no-traction zone now, heh. It doesn't look all that much different than it did before. I like it, I'll probably keep doing it. All I need now is some of that bone white hair dye to do my goatee w/. I figure since I am not working I might as well take (more) advantage of it. I am trying to motivate it to grow too so I can braid it. Ha, that would be interesting.
    So I am showered, powered, shaved, beard/moustache trimmed, nails cut, lotioned, and smellin good. You'd think I had somewhere to go. But alas, I am only going to lie around and watch some TV

    Current Mood: clean
    3:24 pm
    Where's Waldo.... er...Chaos
    I was making lunch earlier and I heard a lot of noise coming from my bedroom. When I go back to check out what is going on..... no Chaos. I am wondering wheres she is cause I put her back on her leash so she must be in the room somewhere, but it's not like there are a lot of places to hide. After standing in the doorway for a couple of seconds, I look down and see her peeking at me from under the bed. I have no Idea what she was doing under there. My baby is so cute, silly, but cute.

    Current Mood: amused
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