NoKi's Journal

Subject:	in shock
Time:	9:47 pm.
Mood:	restless.
Music:	"i miss you" by: aaliyah.

hey there i'm sorry i haven't updating this for a month. :sighs: well, let's just say i started dating after the break up with jay then i ran into an amazing person... we hit it off. everything was perfect. he's so amazing i can't even begin to explain, but jay came back to me on valetine's day.. i cried the whole weekend because i didn't know what to do. jay was my first love... right now, i'm back with jay... but the person i was blessed to meet, i can never forget. i've lost 10 pounds with so much stress going on, with my family, school, and just i dunno, i can't explain what's been going in & out of my head. i've quit my job because i just have too much going on right now... i'm trying to slowly get back to who i am. it'll all be okay...

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Subject:	when it's over.
Time:	8:46 pm.
Mood:	contemplative.
Music:	"all i have" by j. lo.

hey, well just this tuesday jay broke up w/me. i've been trying to stay strong. smiling and keeping my head up high but a piece of me deep down inside is crying. the weeks i felt so neglected prepared me for that morning. i was never the kind of girl who went out with all the guys in the beginning of high school. this year i know i'm ready for a relationship i'm not wanting it to be a long relationship, but it if happens to be then so be it. i just want things to flow. i guess i'll just wait for that kind of guy. i'm starting to notice that i'm doing the stuff like i use to do when i was in paxon like fixing my close friends up with other people. for example like my cousin christian aww.. i guess since i can't find happiness now i'm trying to fill in that void by making others happy. that's the way i let things out... but at some point i got to make myself happy. i've always felt guilty for making myself happy for a long time... i dunno... i can only be happy for awhile... i guess it comes from the past.

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Subject:	hospital visits.
Time:	9:25 pm.
Mood:	scared.
Music:	an old fave of mine :sigh: "always" by atlantic star..

hey there, what can i say i live in the hospital now j/k today i got a cat scan done for my kidney's because i've been having pains on my sides for about two years now, tomorrow i'm going back for a check up on my knee cap cos i have a bruise from august when i got in that total car accident it hasn't healed so i think their going to do some x-rays.. so much for a good start off for the year. lol well, i'll fill in some more entries sometime this week. take care-peace.......

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Subject:	i can only do so. . . much. :*(
Time:	11:17 pm.
Mood:	crushed.
Music:	"why i love you" by B2K.

hey there.
how's everyone doing out there?? i'll update you on what's been going on now. well, just about last month jay tried to lift some weights his soccer coach wanted him to work on, and he pulled a muscle in his back. :( it's so bad that i can't even hug him without hurting his back... gosh........ i hate it. it doesn't help that were already having some problems right now, and the fact that i can't hold him in my arms when i'm feeling down.. something so simple like that. juss makes me more emotional. this morning, i parked in-front of his house ( i pick him up in the mornings) and he called my celly saying that he's not going to school because his back is hurting to where he can't even walk. :( while he was telling me this he sounded like he was about to cry.. or he was telling me in a teary voice..:sighs: baybee feel better for me. so today, i got him a teddy bear with my favorite material some super soft thingy maj iggy.. when i stopped by his house.. i had to open the door.. because he couldn't get up.. so i juss let myself in. when i gave his card.. i had to open it for him and help him tear open the box for the teddy bear..i had to kiss him while he was sitting in the lazy-boy and while i was standing up, he couldn't even hug me. when i left, while i was walking to my car... i was trying to hold back the tears... cos i could see how much pain he was in.. it juss tore me apart. so make sure you get to hug and kiss those you love and care for dear because you never know, one day you just might not get that chance again. take care-God Bless-N-peace....... ::hugs..::

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Subject:	i'm still alive.
Time:	8:50 pm.
Mood:	exhausted.
Music:	"let's take it from here" by justin timberlake..

heyhey sorrie, i've been so busy.. with work, school, and juss sleeping in. i got a ferret!!! it's a baybee (7 weeks) and it sure stinks.... she poops too much. her name is aiko. well, anyways... me & my honey bunn are fine we celebrated our one month on the 7th. he bought me a shirt from one of my favorite stores mr. rags. and i painted him.. a picture frame in his favorite color w/our picture that his bro took at t.g.i.f. and got him a lil bear w/ a hallmark. i couldn't write anything that i usually would write instead of getting a hallmark.. i don't know why i've been having writers' block .. i guess cos i'm happy right now. well, i gotta go.. now and watch some t.v. since i have no life anymore always on the go. hey Rob!! i got a message on my celly from Erv. but the message cut off... i couldn't hear what he was saying, fill me in please. okie dokie take care... peace....

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Subject:	updating...
Time:	9:09 pm.
Mood:	exhausted.
Music:	"get up" by bone thugs n harmony ft. 3lw..

yoyoyo.. hey sorrie.. well, import nite was s...w..e..e..t. not to mention i was in awe of everything around lol. heehee there was this long row of imports waiting to park hehe.. it was awesome .. i met up w/this dude while i was going back to my car to get my camera.. and he gave me a sticker w/a website for hatchbacks cos he had an si too!! it was the black one grr.. i had a fun nite i bought 4 shirts a pair of head lights.. white tinted blue.a sticker that said "vtech inside".. and i got a hat..lol well, let's juss say i spent a lot. :looks down: well, yesyes i've been smelling like southwest sauce and onions for this past week working at subway, i don't know when it's gonna rub off!!!my friend called my celly, joseph, i haven't heard from him in forever.. he wants me to go to the race track w/him and his buds.. and maybe take a run. i dunno.. lol.. i'm not ready yet. lass.. nite.. i raced a supra.. w/this dude i knew from paxon.. he's very cocky now, an automatic supra... and he whooped me:( of course. i gave up on 3rd gear.. i also bought new pedals, their tazo from japan, i got them from aero trends cos my pedals i ordered from evolution tuning hasn't shipped in yet!!! i want to cancel my order now.. s'okay i'll try to sell it. oh by the way.. i hate TOLLS... while i was in o-town.. i had to drop off jay at his bro's apartment.. and well, i was lost w/j.r. for 2 hours in 2 a.m. we had to go through about 7 tolls wasted about $3.50 on tolls lol by the time i got back.. to the hotel.i was knocked out then i get a call on my celly from mark and christian calling to pick them up cos they were drunk :( i was so.. tired so me & j.r. juss.. took a quick nap for 15 minutes.. we were knock dead asleep. oh yea at the orlando convention center.. this man took a picture of me.. with a lady.. he turns around and looks at me and says "take a picture of her she's cute." then he took his video camera and started filming me for a while?!?!? i don't know what that was for.. hopefully not for a racing magazine cos i looked terrible!! well, i gotta go.. now.. i'm getting tired from feeding y'all lazy hungry people lol j/k take care **MuAAhhh**

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Subject:	HoT iMpOrT nIgHtS!!!!!!!!!!!
Time:	9:00 am.
Mood:	excited.
Music:	"trade it all" by jagged edge/fabulous.

yoyoyo.. juss getting ready to go to orlando baybee... mark's driving my car,jay's coming, christian too, and j.r... so it'll be a full car..in the si baybee. wooooohoooooooo i'm going to take a lot of pictures.. and i want to try the model search photo shoot.. but i dunno it depends if they'll accept me cos i'm juss turning 18, and what clothes their making the girls where .. cos i'm not showing too much lol...well, i'm off.. juss want to say what's gonna happen tonite... i hope it's everything i hoped for. take care-God Bless-N-peace....... *mmmuuaahh*

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Subject:	all praises to You.
Time:	5:15 pm.
Mood:	happy.
Music:	"satisfy you" by p.diddy &r.; kelly..

yoyoyo.. thank you all my praises got to my Almighty God thank you!! i got a job!! at subway.. by starbucks on monuement.. yea ... :applause: they might transfer me to regency square mall food court.. s'all good cos i juss need this job for dct. well, i'm happy to cos hopefully i get to go to orlando baybee for the import nite... but a lot of my friends are backing out because they have to stay here in the ville cos of the parents or what not. although my God-bro mark, might come w/me cos his supras being fixed...and jay can't go cos of his report card.. :( baybee i wish you could go.. lol there's gonna be a whole..lot of racers..lol hehe don't worrie i won't look at them (looks around) and i'm sorrie that christian can't go to protect me.hehe you know how he's protective when you juss kiss me on the cheek. lol watch over me and all.. but i'm a big girl.. i can take care of myself. i'll behave, i'm not assuring you though that i won't race anyone.. lol. mann.. i want my pedals.. evolution tuning hasn't called my celly yet. well, in other news..."HAPPY BIRTHDAY... CHRISTOPHER HAROLD SIM!!" it's my older bro's birthday today, he's 23 now.. man.. oh man.. when he gets older that only means one thing i'm gettin older..ah..... i'll be 18 less than 2 months.. hehe.. well, atleast i'm going to be legal. but my baybee's younger than me.. by a year and 6 months.. hehe hey jay do you want your baby bottle j/k..hey Rob, thass good to hear you guys are okay.. man you're already in l.a., be careful out there the traffics crazy!! who are you guys playing w/over there?? well, since i'm procrastinator i still need to pack for tomorrow. well, i better go and run some errands to prepare for the show. take care-God Bless-n-peace.......

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Subject:	i'm so excited and i juss can't hide it
Time:	5:29 pm.
Mood:	calm.
Music:	"all that to me" by one voice..

yoyoyo... so sorrie i haven't been updating my journal.. well remember how i said jay is the sweetest guy to me... well lass Sunday proved my point... when i went to his house to visit him he asked me "do you want your surprise now or tomorrow??" and i looked at him and smiled and said lol now... :) so he came back w/ white roses and red tips in his hand..and asked me "isn't that what you told me you liked?" i laughed and said... it was the yellow roses w/the red tips.... but it's okay.. kissing him on the cheek..... ... and he looked embarassed and i said but i don't care... it's the thought... :) jay your such a sweetie... well today i got my report card :shakes head: not so good.. i could do better.. and i'm still looking for a job. this saturday i'm going to IMPORT NITE!!!! yea... in o-town... hehe i get to drive there... i'm excited... i'm going to try to stay there till Sunday. hehe make sure to bring my camera. yepyep. okie dokie.. i'm gonna go and do my laundry and pack for Saturday. wooooooohoooo. Hey Rob, where are you guys now.. still on the road?? i hope you guys are okay.. take care- God Bless-n-peace....... **MMMMUUUAAAHHH**

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Subject:	wHy DiDn'T yOu TeLL Me??
Time:	12:23 pm.
Mood:	calm.
Music:	"deep river" by utada hikaru..

yoyo... sorrie about the late repsonses to my journal updates... i've been really busy. trying to find a job. looking for stuff for the si. well, on friday... jay and i went to some racing stores like velocity trends.. evolution t. and aero trends. i was looking for some red pads, and seatbelt pads.. well we went to the aero trends.. and i asked them if they had one that was red powered by honda.. they said they could specially order it for me.. then jay asked me "do you want it baybee? i'll get it for you?" i looked at him in disbelief.cos he's the 1st guy to actually want to buy something for me, and it felt awkward i know to y'all it's no biggy, but to me being the dork i am it was.. well, before that we went to evolution t. i pre-ordered the red gas pad,brake pad, and the clutch pad. it was about $40.00 i could of got a better price but it's s'all good.later on.nite i went to the QST last concert before their nationwide tour it was s...w...e...e..t. as usual. i also saw some people i didn't expect to see. saturday, i spent it w/my momma and my god-brothers mark & chris... we juss ate out at a japanese place... it was good.. then we drove to the avenues..and met mark's friend Narun. she was really s..w..e..e..t. i wanted to go to the QST/ birthday party.. and i was suppose to go w/Mark & Narun.. but both chris and i wanted to go to the church which was holding a fundraiser and they had some people dancing... so he wanted to say hi to his ex.. and i wanted to see jay.. by the time we got back home it was already too late... mark kept on calling for us to go.. i guess i was really tired..:( sorrie Rob i didn't make it.. to say "goodbye" but my prayers are w/y'all ..hoping for the best..for your welfare and more. okie dokie.. i gotta pop some clothes in the washer.. and jump in the shower to go find a job. take care-God Bless-N-Peace.. *muuahhh* p.s. hehe i got jay back .. by buying him a lil hello kitty key chain with bells.. they were two tiny hello kitty angels in blue and pink..and i surprised him. i put it on his lil messenger bag that he bought that day, and i told him to look at it..he kissed me on the cheek and smiled.

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Subject:	ReLaXeD
Time:	7:13 pm.
Mood:	giddy.
Music:	"nobody" by keith sweat..

heyhey... did i tell you how happy i am now?? lol sorrie i can't help it... i stop and think every now and then.. and say.. wow. Jason treats me right. what did i do to deserve this?? i guess i'm on cloud nine...:sighs: man... he gives me chills when he pecks a kiss on my neck. :) i showed him my hairs standing up on my arms.. he was blushing... i'm excited about this weekend... so many things.. going down.. and i need to find a job.. the lass show for QST's gonna play on friday at the imperial....:( before they go on tour... GOOD LUCK!!! you guys.. hey Rob!! man i'm proud of y'all... i believe in you guys, you can do it.... stay safe.. and sane out there lol... and don't start counting the highway markers on your trips lol... okie dokie.. i gotta eat... take care.. God Bless... and peace. **muuuahhh**

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Subject:	WhY HeLLo...
Time:	11:25 pm.
Mood:	drained.
Music:	"kanariya" by ayumi hamaski.

yoyoyo... today.. mann.. i'm so tired. i had a good day... especially w/my baybee jay. he's such a sweetie... :) why did it take me so.. long to find a guy like him.. well, you know what they say. good things come to those that wait. yepyep ron saw us together... and i don't mind at all.. i hope he noticed that i'm actually smiling now. jay, i dunno i'm so overwhelmed... i've never been treated like this. i've always been neglected. he'll walk me to my class.. write notes to me.. telling me how he wants things to work out. and how.. he wants me to tell him when he does something wrong at all. how i'm "so... cute" whatever he's talking about lol... well, i appreciate him. well, on a different note. today around 4pm my cuz called my celly.. she was crying on the phone... so i asked what was wrong :( and she told me... that her step-dad called and said he was having open-heart surgery today... the 1st thing i did was drop everything and raced over to her house to pick her up... thankfully my momma works at shands hospital so we got there fast... well, we were lost.. going up and down the hospital.. finally we were told to go to the O.R. on the 6th floor. i was so hungry cos i didn't eat all day so i had to look through my wallet to buy a sandwich,chips, and a coke... well, we also had to pay for the PARKING!!! i forgot... so i left her there to go back home to pick up money. well, being me,.. the lady at the booth wasn't even there!!!!so i went home anyways to get money juss in case.. then i went back to downtown to show her bf where's Shands hospital. so i juss got back and i haven't been home all day.. it's around 11 pm... i prayed while we were in the waiting room...i saw the tears in her eyes... when the assistant surgeon.. informed us on what's going to happen.. all i could do was juss hold her... :( i really hope he's okay... something crazy happened at lunch today... this dude has some problems w/ filipinos... some, i mean a lot.. well... he went off on my friends and started punching my 2 friends.. the cops took him away... well, i thought that was the end of it.. his older bro.. comes along... and lucky me & my cuz moved outta the way.. cos he pushed .. my cuzins gf on the step of the ampitheatre...and shit man.. he went after my other friend.. and they rolled to the bottom of the stage...shit.. man i felt badd.. when his lil bro started punching my friend... he was juss sitting there doing his work.. then all of a sudden.. he comes up and punches him.. mann.. i felt so badd .. cos i know i should of pushed him off my friend.. or threw something at the asshole... :(... wtf is going on... they have problems w/the filipinos...i dunno mann.. if it happens again.. i'm not gonna sit n watch him hurt my friends again... well, okie dokie.. i'm gonna eat a salad...take care-peace... and remember to think "everything through before you act."

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Subject:	HaPpY HaPpy..
Time:	6:41 pm.
Mood:	happy.
Music:	"fly me to the moon" by utada hikaru..

yoyo...sorrie it's been so long since i've updated my journal.. well, a lot has happened since ummm lass.. week.. this weekend i spent it w/Jason.. my buddy, i've known him since lass.. year... i had a class w/him. well,.. hee :blushes: we kissed on Sunday .. and i can't explain.. he juss treats me like i belong when we walk and juss hanging around the lockers... well, today on the 7th of this sunny october he asked me out at starbucks.. :) i of course said yes..and i juss hope he doesn't hurt me like Ron. i went to the mall on Sunday and got my friend Brittney from chicago... a dingo bear lol.. and a mickey mouse pen since i couldn't find a small mickey mouse plush toy... yepyep.. heehee well, i'm gonna go now... :) peace...

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Subject:	what's this feeling that i feel??
Time:	3:37 pm.
Mood:	lonely.
Music:	"everywhere" by michelle branch.

yoyo.. hey there, sorrie it's been so long since i updated my journal. i've been so tired...and sleeping in almost every class..the desk has become my bed the past week. :/ i've been driving to school.. today i got a parking decal!!yea, no more parking in the dirt. well, let's see tuesday i met up with an old friend of mine, francis at the avenues... i haven't seen him in about 2 years..lol.. my old best friend had a crush on him.. and thass how i knew him. i think since i was about 14 woa... lol then one day i juss found his pic online and i imed him. hehe i hope i can watch "the tuxedo" with him this weekend if he's not working...haha i taught him how to drive my car at the avenues parking lot lol.. he learns fast. well, hmmm..lately i've been juss on the go.. not really taking the time to smell the roses...and thass my mistake.. i need to take it slow..:sighs:i think i need to take martial arts again cos, that would make me feel better. yes, yes it would.. well, on tuesday too, my God-brother mark, took me around hidden hills to help me out with the shifting of the gears..hehehe i finished my dct skit and got a B on it.. while i was doing my skit i couldn't stop laughing....and i was juss standing there laughin.. while the class was laughin' with me :( chris?!?!?!?! where are you pick up your celly!!! man... i need to tell my bro, that i got a car now... where's my big bro when i need him:( well, since i got my baybee,... i need to get a babee....:( lol riight kari?!?!? lol well peace...

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Subject:	shifting gears &seafood.;
Time:	12:36 am.
Mood:	giddy.
Music:	"we at it again" by timbaland & magoo.

yoyo.. well yesterday (saturday) i spent the afternoon w/my mom, we ate at parson's by my old elementary school, jax beach elementary. my papa took me to the alimicani parking lot to drive his car, it's manual.. i got a hold of it in about 10 minutes or so.. the hardest part... getting out of a stop sign on a hill!! i juss rolled back...lol then well, my dad's car is an old 91 bmw ... and it was hard... shifting gears... when i was parking the car.. it was hard shifting it to reverse cos the gear is on the left side by 1st gear.. and it was being stubborn w/me lol... other than that i got a hold of it..i think it'll be a lot easier on the si. i'm suppose to go to the ny jets/ jaguars game today w/my cousins... at 11pm till 5 but my dad's taking me to the dealership to talk to our dealer.i really wanted to go to that game too. hopefully, i won't have to wait that long... for the car.i've been wanting to go to the bookstore and teach myself french 3. i've been trying to get a hold of chris... i don't think he starts school until october... alrighty.. take care-n-peace..

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