Okay, people are going a little bizerk over this gmail thing.
Apparently I have no idea how cool it is. I think people are giving up the rights to their inheritance, selling kidneys and risking serious physical damage in order to be in possesion of one of these accounts.
I can't wait to sign up.
But it's not like I don't have an address at every other provider under the sun. yahoo.com; email.com; hotmail.com
The problem is I can't just use my first name. sunnee@(whatever).com is always taken. Seriously, how many people whose name is sunny spell their name sunnee?
A whole bunch of people I guess.
Back from part one of our trip. Had a wonderful time.
Home just long enough to do laundry and pack for our trip to Aliso Viejo and San Diego next week.
I AM NO photographer by any means but here are some pics from the trip:
PICS
Monday May 17 6am:
Drive to Monterey and spend one night there
Tuesday early afternoon:
Head to San Francisco and spend one night
Wednesday afternoon:
Leave for Ashland Oregon and spend one night
Thursday morning:
Make our way up to Portland to spend the weekend for my sister's wedding
Saturday afternoon:
Anne and Eric's wedding
Sunday early afternoon:
Drive to Lake Tahoe and spend two nights
Return to Vegas on Tuesday
Monday May 31:
Spend 4 days in Aliso Viejo
Friday June 4:
Drive from Aliso Viejo to San Diego to spend weekend w/ friends and family
Normal life to resume on June 8
My neighbor passed away.
Not because she was 79, or sick, or otherwise deteriorating but because tragedy led to a graciousless ending to a wonderful, most loving woman.
I wouldn't know Mrs. Palmer beyond neighborly associations had it not been for her husband's suicide two months ago, but I felt a very strong desire to reach out to her and fortunately, she accepted. Over the past 2 months my friendship and admiration for her bountifully grew.
I would joke that I was "Driving Miss Daisy" because I would drive her all over town to do her errands. She was legally blind in one eye and losing her sight in the other eye rapidly.
I've never known anyone more heartbroken than her. Dr. Palmer was in a lot of pain the last year of his life and wasn't getting the medical care that he deserved. One Sunday afternoon as we were pulling into our driveway we saw an ambulance in front of their house and a white sheet covered body. I'll never forget the bare feet sticking out from under the sheet, and me just staring, hoping to see toes wiggle or any such movement to indicate life. Although the self inflicted gun shot wound to his head left Dr. Palmer alive for longer than he hoped, eventually his premeditated fate was a success.
Mrs. Palmer held his hand as he wrapped his head in a towel and pulled the trigger.
I don't know if I'll ever understand how he could leave his wife, knowing the extent of her blindness and the battle to survive she would have to face. They were very much quite and secluded. Eventually I would learn that she had an estranged relationship with her family back in Denver. The death of Dr. Palmer mended those relationships and she would meet her own death while she was visiting her sisters and daughter in Denver.
She left me with her garage door opener, her mail key, a hug, and a sadness in my heart that aches to see her again. Two weeks she said. "I'll see you in two weeks."
We never got to that two weeks, instead I received a telephone call from her daughter telling me she was in a tragic car accident that left her paralyzed from the neck down. Nine days later she passed away.
I was her angel she used to tell me. Now, she is mine.
Dear Sunnee and Curtis,
Words cannot express your kindness when found in my distress, but maybe flowers may.
What beautiful people so near to me you are!
Despite my difficult vision, my broken heart, and now without my Sweetheart, you literally have rescued me from self destruction.
With Angels of Compassion such as you, my faith and belief in God's Helping Hands will remain forever steadfast.
Please let me humbly thank you.
Sincerely Yours,
Mrs. Jean Palmer
Just thought I'd stop in to post some pictures of the snow in Vegas as seen from my casa.
http://members.cox.net/sunneer/index.ht
My Livejournal account expired at the end of August and I decided not to renew my subscription. Instead, I've moved my entries over to another site, which may or may not be Diaryland. I'm not deleting my LJ account, simply because I enjoy reading my friend's entries and I don't want to lose my "friends only" privileges. I know I never leave comments, but I do read daily, I'm so nosy that way.
This is where my thoughts now reside
There is nothing more sublime than listening to Cowboy Junkies, having the fire lit, sipping a vanilla cappuccino and reading Letters to a Young Poet.
I'm peaceful and content.
Finally.
After missing American Idol entirely last year, I'm finding it difficult to find the humor in these auditions. Some parts are somewhat funny, but after about 10 minutes, i'm finding that it's getting old. The best part was the 5 year old kid singing "lets get it on". Now that was cute.
Jared Fogle from the Subway commercials came into the crown room last year when I was working for Delta. He was very aloof and snooty. I don't think he realized that we saw celebrities regularly and we weren't too impressed with him. He acted as if he couldn't possibly bear make eye contact with any female that was carrying some meat on her bones. Is it me or is his 15 minutes way up?
Curtis is being sued. Completely unjust and borders on blackmail. I actually think he has a case to counter sue for blackmail. In any case, it's stressing me out. I am NOT ready to loose my house and life's savings. I guess the two lessons i can learn from this experience is 1) i need to refine my ability to find peace amidst chaos and 2) i need to detach from the materials possessions that seem so important to me..like my new car. But MAN is this car fun to drive. I absolutely LOVE having this car. I don't NEED it though, that's the lesson here.
I'm a firm believer in the universe giving us the same lessons until we master them. Obviously, i'm still very much in the learning process.
In the past, when I was feeling down, I'd go to the ocean, park or river. In San Diego my spot was Sunset Cliffs in Point Loma or a secluded, wooded area of Balboa Park. In Orlando, I would go and spend hours in the Rosary Gardens at Mary Queen of the Universe Shrine (I'm positive in a previous life I was Catholic). In Jacksonville, where I did most of my spiritual/metaphysical reading, I spent a lot of time at a park in Riverside on the St. Johns river.
I have yet to find my "spot" here in las vegas. Being in the desert doesn't exactly make me feel connected to nature in anyway. The closest that I get is Red Rock Canyon, but it's not exactly a place I would lay down a blanket and spend hours reading and collecting my thoughts. There are a ton of parks here in my neighborhood but although they are quite nice and well manicured, i wouldn't consider them secluded and peaceful.
I need me time. I've become snappy and cynical and a tyrant on the road. I have no tolerance for people, namely strangers who, in my opinion, do or say the dumbest things. Of course it never occurs to me to think that, at times, i'm the person who is saying or doing the dumbest things. That's why taking time to myself is important. It allows me time to realize how I'm guilty of the very things that bother me so. Without some serious self inspection, i may wake up one morning and think that i've become the world's first perfect human being.
I could not be any busier than I have been these past few months. My office has moved to a brand new office building, and through the excitement of furnishing and decorating my own office, I haven't had a chance to keep track of anything else. Working 60 hours a week is just not for me.
On an entirely different note, after I'm done with this gig here in Las Vegas (how long that will be is yet to be determined), I've decided I'm moving to Portland. My sister is moving there next month to teach at a Montessori school. One of our friends here has a house there and after asking which part of Portand is most like the area of las vegas we currently live, i was promptly told that Lake Oswego is most like Summerlin. So the next time I visit Portland I will be sure to check out the houses in that area. I am so ready for a change in weather. Sunshine is so overrated.
This weekend I promise to treat myself to:
a movie
a massage
a manicure
a nap
a few hours outdoors
In return, I vow to accomplish:
getting my car washed
complete laundry attention
reorganizing 2002 files and organizing 2003 files
pull out all 2002 expense receipts for curt
bathe my dogs
clean the house
Now, I'm going to curl up and watch Monsoon wedding and drink hot chocolate. Tomorrow i'm starting my 14 day detox diet. Should be fun.
Some of the best gadgets in my kitchen are the "as seen on TV" products. Like my quick chop or my recently purchased perfect pancake. I've bought them both at Bed Bath & Beyond, thinking I'd just give them a try, never expecting to completely be smitten by them. I served the biggest breakfast of my life this morning. Pancakes, scrambled eggs, potatoes and bacon (for the meat lovers). That pancake maker is the shit. But the best thing about the breakfast was this creamy jalepeno sauce that we put on our eggs and potatoes. Curt's dad gets it from one of his restaurants in San Diego and after years of begging, he finally broke down and gifted me with a container. We call it white sauce. The restaurant serves it as a dipping sauce for chips. I'm trying to get the recipe from him, wish me luck.
I just found out that we're expecting more company tomorrow. His mom will be staying with us for the next couple of days (I think until Thursday), which means I suddenly have to do some deep cleaning. This week my work schedule is identical to last week: Work Mon, til noon on Tues, off Wednesday and work Thurs and Friday. I'll probably end up having to work on the weekend since my company is moving offices to a brand new spot on Durango and the 215. I am thrilled, only because of the fact that I'll have my very own office and most importantly, one with a door (two actually). I'm thinking that alone will make all my work stresses diminish drastically.
I've got my eye on my next big house project. Pull up the berber carpet and lay down wood flooring.
Off to clean.
This week has been really quite nice. Short week, which was especially pleasent because the office manager is on vacation until Thursday. Christmas Day was pretty mellow as well. Took the new car and the dogs to Hoover Dam and let the doggies run wild at Lake Mead. Had dinner at the Regent.
today, we went shopping (holiday gift cards). curt is now playing poker with the boys.
It's late but I'm doing some laundry, enjoying my white chocolate mocha and listening to good music.
I'm excited about starting the new year. 2002 has been tough. I'm the kind of person who gets really hyped up for new starts. All my diets start on Monday. My spiritual rituals start the first of the month. It's all silly, really. I usually fall back to old patterns around Thursday or the 20th. I'm an all or nothin kind of gal. Had a bite of a cookie, I'll eat the whole package. Miss a day of meditation, I'm off the charts for a few weeks at the least. I'm all about routine. Funny, how I still think of myself as spontaneous.
So, women hit their sexual peak during their late 20's? I never gave that much thought because I thought that age was irrelevent seeing how I always thought my sexual appetite was healthy all along. Well, I'm starting to believe it now. I'm 28 and I can't get enough. It's scaring the crap out of me actually. It must be a part of the whole biological clock thing because lately I've been wanting to have a baby. I've always known I've wanted children, but before it was more abstract. Now, I'm just about ready.
Which brings me to marriage. I've had several debates with myself about the modern meaning of marriage and how it can be a way to justify a social expection for a normal healthy being in a society that idealizes an "ozzie and harriet" paridigm that doesn't exist anymore. I guess that I resent the fact that a single woman in her 30's or 40's, who chooses to be single, is somehow lacking in one way or another. Many people just assume that she can't find a husband or hold onto a guy. When in actuality, she may just be choosing not to. And this expection to be a part of this marriage society has made many single women and men feel like there is something wrong with them. Also, I've had entirely too many gay friends who are completely exempt from the thought of a traditional, recognized marriage. It was learning from my gay friends who were in relationships that solidified my thoughts on marriage. I couldn't understand how the most loving and genuine relationships that i've witnessed were between two people who could not even entertain the thought of a legal marriage. Did that make their love any less real or pure? Absolutely not. My reasoning, then, became one of "if they don't need marriage then I don't either."
I also didn't want to get into the trap of gaining security from marriage. I was raised to beilive that my life would not be complete without a husband. That until I could get someone to love me enough to marry me, that i wasn't lovable enough.
Of course I don't completely believe that marriage is not for me. Acutally, it is for me. As much as I strongly believe in everything I just wrote, I also believe in the importance of sacred vows and the public blessing of a union of love. Which is why many of my gay friends have had marriage ceremonies. Even though it is not recognized legally, it is highly important that it is recognized in it's own way. And so it will be with my love. Most importantly, I will not be a woman that goes into marriage thinking that i've now completed myself, I will be woman thinking that the man in front of me will be marrying a complete woman, lacking nothing.
Where did all that come from? All I wanted to say was that I'm horny. Geesh.
I was able to sleep in a bit this morning and it felt wonderful. Then I lounged and cleaned until we went to a late lunch at Jason's Deli. They have these yummy bite sized muffins at the salad bar that are to die for. I love the brown ones, I think they're pumpernickel. I really only go there for the muffins and the sweet iced tea.
Went into work for a bit to catch up. Did the deposit, 2 reports and slaved away at some open items in my in box. I really resent working on the weekends. Worked yesterday from 7a-1p and today from 4-5:30. At least no one was there today. The whole company pretty much worked yesterday.
I'm looking forward to Wednesday even though we're staying in-town so it will just be the 2 of us and our pups. I've decided not to cook so we'll probably go to a christmas buffet at the bellagio or if we feel like sticking close to home it will be the Regent. Christmas Eve some friends are having a dessert party at their house. That should be fun.
I'm not moving out of this house. I think that's why I've completely submerged myself into all the decorating I've been doing lately. The plan was to move into a bigger house but I'm over that idea now. The next house we buy will be an investment property. But for now, this house is perfect. It only has 3 bedrooms, but we really don't need anymore than that. We'll move when we're ready for kids. I've grown to love the house and it's great floor plan and I absolutely love my subdivision, with it's wide streets, quiet neighbors and gorgeous views of the La Madre Mountains.
I have a horrible habit (one that I'm sure is deeply rooted in my childhood) of always wanting bigger and better. I've always been aware of my materialistic tendencies. I've done a great deal of work in balancing that aspect of my personality with the humble and generous side of my nature. I spend a great deal of energy feeling guilty for wanting the best of everything, and most of the time getting what I want.
It wasn't a month into moving into this great house, that I had my eyes on building a 4500 sq. ft. house in a guard gated neighborhood. I don't think that's necessarily wrong, I just think that I didn't even take a breath to appreciate what I actually had. It makes me sad, now, to think of everything I've taken for granted for so long. I have a great life. A great future. A great man. I have so much.
I still want the very best and most of the time the most expensive. I don't apologize for that. But I do vow to take all that I have into consideration before I start to crave for that next great thing.
Maybe I'm a lesbian.
There are some women, although very few, that I admire so much, I want to consume them. Not in a sexual way. As a matter of fact, I'm not turned on by the thought of being with women sexually at all. Except for the one very, very erotic dream I had..about 10 years ago. But we've all had those, right? I've always believed that we've all had same sex dreams/thoughts/fantasies regardless of whether we're gay or not. And you've heard what they say, if you adamantly deny it, well then, dig deeper.
Take, for instance, Tori Amos. On saturday night I was completely mesmerized. I always am when I see her live. I don't think I was alone because the two chicks sitting next to me were crying almost the entire time. I couldn't take my eyes off her.
But, alas, I'm destined to be straight. Men, my man specifically, have a way of turning on a different trigger in my body. One that doesn't so much have to do with admiration, although I do admire them, but with raw sexual energy. That, I don't get when I think of being sexual with women.
I started thinking about this because, out of the blue, I thought of a term paper I did in the 6th grade. At a christian boarding school, no less. The topic of the paper was the sinfulness of being a homosexual. I actually had biblical supported facts on why it was abhorrent to be gay. My grade on the paper was A+ with a note from the teacher saying "sunnee, you hit the nail on the head". When the truth was, I was the one that was being slapped across the head with some major brain washing. That was right around the time that Ryan White died. I actually believed, and I'm ashamed to say it, but I actually believed it was his fault.
Oh, how I've changed. Thankfully, I began to question that which I was being told and was able to form opinions on my own. Any point can be supported by one source or another. As a matter of fact, there are probably more biblical passages to support love and compassion and brotherhood than to point to homosexuality as a deviant way of being. And although I have not picked up and read the bible in quite some time, I can not recall ANY of the supporting facts that I so thoroughly researched. In my opinion, God's view on sex is that we enjoy it..that it's between consenting adults..and that it supports our love for one another. Man with man, woman with woman, man with woman..He's down with whatever.
It seems the longer I'm away from something, the more difficult it is for me to return. I guess that's the case with many people, but for me it's especially difficult. Must be a recurring issue, one that I plan to put behind me one step at a time, the first step starting right now.
Has it really been months since I was last here? I think it was around the D.C. shootings, that I fell off the earth. I just kind of "checked out" mentally. I didn't want to read the newspaper, watch the news, or even "surf" the internet anymore. I stopped checking emails, etc. My day to day actions were basically unaffected, but the time I spent on "media" drastically changed. I'm gradually getting to a balancing point. I really didn't miss the time away, but I realized that just because I don't read about the events of the world and my community doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. At least I should be informed. Basically, I needed a hiatus. If a remote island in French Polynesia were an option, I would have taken it in a heartbeat.
Today, I realized that it's been a year since we've been in Vegas. There have been times that I've seriously questioned the move from San Diego, but in the end, I'm glad we're here. Honestly, if it weren't for the side of town we live in, I think we would have moved by now. If you're considering a move to vegas, think North West. I've heard that some parts of Henderson are nice, but the mountains are much more scenic up here.
We've had a ton of company all weekend. I took today off of work. The past several weeks have been really hectic. Painted pretty much the entire house, sans the bedrooms and laundry room. All the model homes I've been to the past year have given me ample ideas. My 2 accent walls turned out really good. My living room is really beginning to take on the renaissance-feel I was going for. The guest room has been redone. And the family room is complete with the exception of the built in bookcase that curt is in the process of building.
This past thursday night, I got an early christmas present. I am now driving around town in a BMW Z4. I love it. We looked at BMWs when we bought our 4Runner last April, and at that time I was going to get the Z3. I'm glad we waited. The Z4 is much, much better..it's only been on the lot for a couple of weeks. Too bad it will be a few more months before I can drive it topless. (the car, not me)
Saturday night was the Tori Amos concert, she was amazing. We had excellent seats. 5th row and center. I thought her opening artist, Howie Day, was quite good as well. Yesterday, I went to Best Buy and purchased his album Australia. I also picked up The Stokes. The only downside of the night was the parking at Hard Rock Hotel. Apparently the rodeo was in town and the entire lot, including valet and the parking garage, was completely full. Who knew the rodeo was so popular.
So, basically, the past few months I've spent my time at work, the Great Indoors, Pottery Barn, the dog park (which for several summerlin residents, has become the baseball fields at Palo Verde High School) and home. With a trip to San Diego, some family and friends, a couple of christmas parties and a few outings to the movies thrown in for good measure.
Okay, so when I fall off healthy eating, I plunge head first. Since the new Cheesecake Factory opened in Summerlin, we couldn't resist picking up some scrumptious takeout. Our selection is always the same: Avocado Eggrolls, Thai Chicken Pasta (sans the chicken) and a slice of the dulce de leche cheesecake. Even split between the two of us, that's a lot of food. But simply divine. If I were to have to choose my last supper, that would certainly be it.
I'm headed out the door in a few minutes to Wild Oats so I can make up for all the indulgences today by stocking my kitchen with lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. I'm also going to dust off my Champion Juicer and start off my mornings with fresh juice. I can easily drink 6 carrots but it would take quite a bit of determination for me to actually eat 6 whole carrots. 6 baby carrots is asking too much in my opinion. My favorite juice is 3 apples and 1 celery stalk or fresh pineapple juice.
Another week awaits.
After house cleaning, we're going down to Freemont Street. I think there's some kind of biker convention going on. Not exactly my cup of tea, but Curtis has a friend in town and we're going to say hi. Probably stop by Main Street Station for some pizza. I'm sure after about 45 mins, I'll be frantic to get back home. Sometimes I just get tourist claustrophobia. It's really a debilitating disease. I should be accustom to it by now, after living in Orlando, Vegas and San Diego..all popular tourist cities, orlando and vegas being infamous. I'm not complaining, really, how boring would this city be without tourists? It's just that, sometimes, they don't smell that good. Not that I'm generalizing or anything, people who live here stink too. Everybody stinks, that's my point and I'm sticking to it.
Thinking about planning a trip to St. George, Zion and Bryce Canyon. I'm feeling a strong pull to get out of the city.
I'm willing it to be rainy and stormy outside. The weather people have promised me it will rain. I've done all my rainy day preperations even. My favorite pj's, a good book (April Rising), hot chocolate and my all time favorite rainy weather CD-Cowboy Junkies-the trinity session. I'm desperate. I'm treating rain as if it's a holiday. I need it more than I've ever needed sex even. And at certain times in my life, that's a whole lot.
This morning I did manage to soak up the dewy coolness as i relaxed on my porch. It felt like fall for the first time. Just as I was really beginning to get use to the idea of cooler weather, the sun began to creep out and cover me with the slightest bit of warmth. As I am writing this I can sense a huge cloud cover over my house. Maybe there is hope yet.
A couple of months ago, before the dead of summer, I blatently bragged about how my electric bill was quite reasonable considering the amount of A/C one must run in order to survive the heat here. I believe I boasted a figure around $60. After several months of $200 electric bills, I say I have far made up for my boasting and bragging. My house isn't that big, but seeing how I require 72 degree sleeping conditions, I guess i deserve it.
Sometime today I will buy tickets for the Dennis Miller show at the Mirage next month. I swear, I live my life according to the entertainment section of lasvegas.com.
A list of show's/concerts I want to see:
*Fosse (wish me luck getting curtis to go see that with me...maybe I'll tell him it's topless)
*Jesus Christ Superstar (Aladdin)
*Grease (Aladdin)
*Miss Saigon (Aladdin)
*David Spade (Ceaser's Palace)
*The Strokes (Hard Rock)
*Jimmy Eat World et al (Hard Rock)
then of course i still need to see:
O (Bellagio)
Frick and Frack (Sigfrid and Roy)
Blue Man Group (Luxor)
*
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