attended a frelling kickass drum & bass event (note to self: Pendulum. find. now.), ate some fabulous food, spent the first quality alone time with Kermit in ages, talked about all kinds of important stuff, learned a little tarot, taught a little numerology, helped a friend through the aftermath of his first real drug experience, gave and got back tenfold. i am blessed with so much love, both incoming and outgoing. we are the keepers and the guardians. we hold the keys to the universe.

and now to make up for all the sleep i missed.

6AM is a time no one should ever wake up to. it should only be discovered by creeping up on it from behind, screaming loudly and then going to sleep. it should be a secret time that only a handful of us know about, and only because we've stayed up to see the sunrise one too many times.

working on Thanksgiving is riDONKulous. but here i am :) heading out :)

later today, i may dress up like the fancy girl i am. there will be no pictures, tho. at least not yet.

Happy Thanksgiving, to those of you celebrating it.

mud and dirt-covered SUVs with random stuff strapped to the roof make me unspeakably happy

i missed crafting things with physical results.

iconing only sort of fulfills this because the result is digital and not...tangible.

i'm not really a visual OR an auditory learner, i'm TACTILE. and i teach this way too.

current music: DJ Manian - Lovesong

general asshattery at work today. the holidays tend to bring out the whoremonkey in everyone.

i tried to keep it together, but i'm just so tired lately. i don't sleep enough and when i do, it's not restful.

i had three (THREE) seperate very stressful dreams last night. all about loss, fear of death, fear of pain and conflict at work. i need to find a job where i feel appreciated. or where i feel *any* employee is appreciated. the owners of our store are buttpirates who only ever look at the bottom line. seriously, people, this is no way to run a company. no wonder they're being sued and getting bad publicity. karma. look it up. next to it, you will see a picture of Lazy Acres and all the people they screw.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway. *puts aside her cup o' bitterness*

my mother is up at some relaxing place for the next few days...i need to go over there and do laundry tomorrow and get a new pot for my orchid (because i knocked it over without my glasses on the other night and the pot cracked.) so sad. poor chocolate-y orchid.

speaking of chocolate. need to consume. now.

being a good girl is boring. my horroscope says so.

i do need to sleep more, however. and figure out some way to make next Saturday work without requiring another 27-hour day. maybe i can get them to let me go at 1 so i can take a massive nap until 3 or 4 and then head to LA. we shall see.

told people at work about the crazy old lady story. they were greatly amused. as were a few customers who unintentionally overheard :)

something about that moment just now reminded me of my room in Italy. *gets homesick*

and that reminded me about my disturbing dream last night about trying to drive my car down a busy freeway while heavily drugged. i'm still confused about that. it may be time to simplify my life further in ways that might be painful. but you know what they say...when things clearly aren't working...well, i'm sure they have something clever to say about that.

current music: K's Choice - God In My Bed

so i came home for my lunch break...god knows why, since when i do that i get to spend a sum total of 5 minutes sitting down before i have to head back to work, but on my way home, the reasoning became crystal clear.

i was waiting at the stoplight to turn onto my street. the straight lane next to me had a green light, but the first car wasn't going, they just sat there stopped. the car behind them was right next to me and it was this old OLDASS lady who must have been about 80. all of a sudden she leans out of her car window and yells at the car in front of her, "STOP SUCKING HIS DICK AND DRIVE!"

oh, lordy. the special.

just...thought i'd share.

that, and the most beautiful couple came through my line again tonight. i had the intense urge to tell them i loved them, but y'know, suppressed that. they were just standing there holding each other again and it was fecking LOVELY. *adores*

and now freyis is back in town! yay! maybe, if i'm lucky, he'll call me up :)

so...i watched the first episode of Huff...and all i have to say about it is ( SHIT. not *another* show i have to religiously watch... )

someday...Farscape. the day after that? i'll finish/start season 4 of Six Feet Under. wow. behold my behindness. i do not need new shows adding to the stack :)

and now, FUN WITH LASERS!

how can people expect to be given anything if they don't give in the first place?

i feel all off-center lately and needy for the easy energy of thousands of people at once. their focus and sense of 'normalcy' with regards to physical existance would stand in nicely for a lack of my own. i feel like the shy nobody who never leaves her house and has no friends even though this is blatantly un-true. new people looking in only see the surface of things and it gets me thinking about how i look from the outside again. this never ends well, mostly because it is completely irrelevant and irrelevant things only serve to distract us.

we have yet another illogical reaction at hand. to yet another boy (not from New York state this time). the more obvious methods will be made use of, physically and not. we shall see what we shall see about that. back to the no-sugar-no-dairy-less-cooked-food portion of this evening's show. bring on the apple juice.

and the frelling going to frelling BED before midnight. i'm *not* trying to sabotage my own life and then complain about it in the morning. i'm NOT.

the phrase for the day is: Seriously Special Science.

and also: CAKE.

energy is being good and staying where it's placed. i've been making my bed every morning almost without thinking. this is new as i usually leave it a pile of blankets and shite until i have to get into it at night.

also, the Tens Experiment finally worked. behold, for i control my universe.

laundry today, followed by floor-sweeping, followed by water dispenser procurement. we'll make this place liveable yet :)

current music: ATB - You're Not Alone [Radio Edit]

so now that my domain is back up *coughIDIOTScough*...heh....

right, so...collected contest entries from the past two months...you'd think there'd be more here, but i've been slacking with great skill.

( 24 BtVS/AtS, 3 LotR, 3 OC, 2 other )

and as always: previous 'other' icons can be found here, Buffy icons here, and OC icons here.

wahahahaha, so i am dumb. but DirectNIC is stupider. like a brain damaged crack whore.

fuckers never e-mailed me to let me know my domain was expiring, hence all the downtime. *feels like she should be weirded out by the failure of automated systems* eh, whatever. renewed. now begins the waiting for things to properly propagate.

work today, no work tomorrow. whatever shall i do? laundry, i guess. and buy more Swiffer things. OMGSWIFFER!

so my orchids really do smell like chocolate. all i had to do was water them a little :) score.

i had important things to saw at one point in time, honestly. i guess i haven't made any steps forward in a while.

wahahahaha my host is down :) i hope they're doing something damn important because i have not been able to check my e-mail for, like...24 hours now. fuckers :)

so, things work out. things do not fall apart. things take new shape.
because we're frelling awesome like that.
why didn't i take a second to listen to MY OWN WORDS? wow. the special.

my apple juice looks weird and i am afraid to drink it. I DRINK ANYWAY! OMGYAYZ0RZ!
if i mix apple juice and strawberries and five thousand vitamins...will i die?
that probably requires milk or something. thankgod i don't have any milk.

the relief if palpable, even though i have no idea what the angst was about in the first place. a lack of trust in myself. must remedy.

less thinking, more...knowing.

(i am nothing but books and heart)
it's amazing what a little actual sleep can do.

current music: usual suspects - doorway (gridlok + echo remix)

oy, 9:30-6pm during the winter is THE worst shift ever. i live in a cocoon of total darkness becasue the sun has set by the time i get off work and pretty much the only sun i recieve is in the car on the way to work. how sad.

other than that...day was, y'know, pretty damn SPECIAL.

general asshattery from the customers until OMGOMGOMGNOAHWYLEOMGOMGOMG ordered two yerba mate lattes from me. that was kinda fun. he used to shop at the store in Solvang too tho so it was more of a "wtf are you doing HERE?" reaction. must say tho, the man just gets hotter and hotter every time i see him :) baby, wife and all :)

then there was my customer crush, who i hadn't seen in at least a month...i willed him in, though so i wonder if that counts...what am i saying? of course it counts. anyway, he was much with the hotness as well and with the not bringing his wife/gf/thing and with the having of whole unnaturally long conversations with me on purpose...*happysigh*

also, one of our new hires? has the unfortunate name of.....WILLY JOHNSON. *snorts up milk*

so apparently Saturday is World Kindness Day and gandalfjr got a jump on things by saying random niceties in her journal today, so here are a few...i'll try to do a few every day until Saturday too, 'cause i'm a slacker like that and little bits seem better than big bits :)

( darkjosh, glambat, excommunique, and gandalfjr )

so i'm not doing NaNoWriMo because we all know i lack the motivation and the perserverence, like WHOA, but pieces slip out here and there anyway. this is a bit of something much much longer that i felt like sharing because, well, at the sick and twisted hour of 2AM, ( it seemed like the thing to do. )

so anyway :)

there's THAT.

my background is now Say Anything. it'ssopretty! i didn't make it though and i forget who did...damn. Jenah...whoever that is :) i love this movie.

in other news: what the FUCK am i doing up at 2AM? someone, please...put me to sleep.

current music: Blank and Jones - Counting Clouds