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WOOOOOOO [30 Sep 2001|07:57pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Akaline Trio......... Clavicle ] exciting news!!!!!!! bubba wrote me a note. he said i was beautiful. hes great.... im hoping things only get better. hes very unique and lovely. just lovely. it makes me happy to get butterflies again. a woo ok done for now -k post comment

fat cow eating dancing man [26 Sep 2001|10:49pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | blink182*shut the fuck up..she said.. im going fucking deaf. ] ok im home from work......... sometimes i really dont like it when guys hit on me. is that wrong? some girls like it but i hate it. i should be able to walk around and not be scared that i will get shoved into a corner and raped. not like i couldnt take any of the nastys that come into work but still....theres this huge guy... i mean HUGE and he always says shitty stuff. it grosses me out. i dont wanna know. keep it in your pants. ew. he gets spaghetti with 5 meatballs. and i mean five huge meatballs. ew. might as well eat a cow, gross face. is it wrong to not want o be pretty sometimes? i dont think im concieted i would just enjoy not having to deal with that feeling when i feel helpless. its gross. yes well hopefully mr beautiful will think im beautiful and tlak to me tommorow. its time. its time for kisses and snuggling and falling in love and hes just the one for that. mmmm mmmmmm im so ready. gees. ok well i am tired and i have shit to do so goodnight my lovely journal. "who if other people like me, if i wasnt me, i wouldnt like me"-a third grader -k post comment

*** [26 Sep 2001|03:55pm] [ mood | busy ] [ music | stupid radio......rawr ] today was an average day just like my horoscope had predicted. i didnt talk to mr beautiful but i did pass it along the grapevine that he was beautiful and id definately become president of his fan club. i gotta go to work so ill fill u in tonight when i get home. bye journal. -k post comment

ouch [25 Sep 2001|08:20pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | *i wish you were here* incubus* ] my pants are too tight and i have a headache in my ear. hopefully they are not related. when i get bored i like to get on here and hit the random thing and read about other peoples lives. i wonder if anyone has read this. i wonder. i hope so. i hope people dont look at me how i look at people. i hope that... my body will stop aching soon. ouch ouch. even my fingers hurt. this is not normal. im such a slacker but its alright with me. tommorow will come and these awful pains will stop. i should work out. my fear is to be ugly. that is a horrible and shallow fear yet i am not horrible and shallow. weird, yes, but not shallow. i only hope for the best for myself. i know my gentle mystique will carry me far in life when my wit and brain will not. am i a slut? no.. but full of opinion tonight. i miss my friend kyle...not ass..the other one. he is lovely to talk to when i feel lonely. he is so very honestly enjoyably happy but i wonder if maybe he has emotion inside him. id love to see it come out. not becase i want him to hurt, only cause i want him to understand me, he sometimes reads this so if u are reading this kyle im not trying to be mean ,kid, only thinking about you. anyway. i enjoy how he talks to me about nothing and i could use a good nothing talking to about now. i need a booster. something to pick me up and make my body stop aching. owe owe owe. my heart hurts. i am lonely. i miss kisses. i miss back rubs and massages that only led to the odvious. i am horribly missing touch but not in a nasty way. only wanting what is rightfully mine which is happieness with someone who loves me. a lot. and kisses me a lot. and touches me a lot. kyle come stay with me tonight. in kansas. with me. u are so happy and wonderful and id love for that to be a part of me too. id love for your joy to rub off on me in more ways than one. read this please read this cause i will never tell u how i feel about u cause i know u better than me and id never want u to feel like i do. you are so happy and sometimes i feel like my saddness rubs off on you. now i am aching. in more ways than one. argh. k post comment

[25 Sep 2001|07:20pm] [ mood | irritated ] [ music | the vomiting noises in my awful head ] i have that fucking song in my head. iiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i wish you were hereeeeee..........AHHHHHHHH! i wish it was october 23rd...or is it the 24th..? i dont know. i need te incubus cd. i need it. i need that song.its driving me nuts. im starting to get loney. i want a boyfriend. i want someone. i want someone to keep me company and someone to talk to me and kiss me and i can kiss them and we can be stupid and tlak about all those things you can only talk about with someone u really care about and fall in love. at school all i see is stupid couples in the hallway...kissing..talking about anniversarys... i want that. i want someone to suprise me and touch my back and give me goosebumps. bullshit..had it..... and i got hurt. but stilllllllll............. i think im going to scream..............#@$(%&*$(#$&%!@#$*****!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrr k 1 comment|post comment

i....i feel so alive.... [25 Sep 2001|06:58pm] [ mood | mischievous ] [ music | take a good guess........... ] it was a B+ kinda day. a lovely lovely super lovely guy asked to take my picture today at school. here is the outline: gorgeous, foriegn but not so foriegn, only really dark complected and dark jet black hair and big eyes and big lips and a great hiney and a beautiful smile and great pants and a great sense of style and polite and says bye and hi and enjoyable. and me? well im quiet and mysterious like always. i really should stop that. i should be more outgoing. i enjoy this guy and im sure id enjoy his o so skater like company so maybe i should proceed and go with it. exciting. tommorow is the day i talk to beautiful. ill report my results, dont worry. today i went to sonic in hopes to see my mr great there, but no such luck. i washed my car too. i have to work tommorow from 5-10. vomit. actually its kinda fun. good money. so no worries here. pizza isnt that gross. but maybe ill pack a lunch or something so i wont have to eat the grease infested lumps of meat ....ew....... anyways. no letters today. none at all. I WANT LETTERS DAMMIT. its time for me to write letters. if anyone would like to write me letters then feel free to ask. id enjoy some insight from someone interesting. anyone. talk to me. ok well thats all for now. more later im sure when the bordom takes over. later, k ps...his name is bubba...its even like that in the year book.... delicious. post comment

I FORGOT! [24 Sep 2001|08:43pm] [ mood | content ] i forgot to tell u about friday! friday night i went out with my new friend named patty. shes cute and funny. we had a good time. we went to her boyfriends house and he was having a party and we drankdrankdrank. they were cowboys. bahaha. imagine kimi k and a bunch of drinkin he-hawin cowboys. i should be shot. or i should be given a prize for surviving. :) we didnt really hng out at after that but hopefully i will find a man next weekend. i need one. i need one i need one. i really do. i want a boyfriend really bad. its fall...it hurts. fall is falling on my head...ouch. -k post comment

[24 Sep 2001|08:31pm] i forgot to tell u that i saw kyle today! i did!i saw himn and he saw me and i said hi to vanessa and she was a bitch and i was beautiful and he was not and it was great cause i am over him and . i love . me. -k post comment

[24 Sep 2001|08:19pm] [ mood | thirsty ] I just read a part in here where i was listening to destinys child survivor. is that leagal? i should be shot. ew. post comment

NO SCHOOOOL TODAY bahahaaaa [24 Sep 2001|08:07pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | *P.O.D*Alive* ] no school today. good times. tonight i went to the jv football game in spring hill. that kinda vomit. but o well. it was fun. i hung out with swig and jade and its good to be around them we had good laughs. bahahaaaaa i saw jakob. he moved out of his house cause him and his dad are fighting pretty bad. that makes me so sad. back when we were together they use to get along really well. i dont want to give credit to me for everything but i really do think that i use to help him a lot with his dad but i dont know. he use to kind indicate that i helped him forgot about all my problems. he did that with me too. he really helped me with everything. i miss him. i miss him so much. he looked so goofy tonight but i still wanted to touch him. gees. im ...so.........weird. anyways. no mail today. from anyone. how yuck. id like something EXCITING to happen in my life. something new something great besides work at a pizza place and cowboy parites. gees. something new, im ready for it, throw it atme big guy. i can handle it. im tough. im buff. dobedobedoooooooo, k post comment

some good parts in here...some boring. [23 Sep 2001|11:27pm] [ mood | SPUNKYYYYYY ] [ music | *acoustic lifehouse.......deliciously orgasmic....* ] my buddy kyle (not ass face, a different one) reminded me that i should write in here. thanks kid. wow. summary.....moved back to moms... live in baldwin....have no friends yet.... i have been getting back my flame though. my little spark of frivolouse and spontanious kimi is returning and that excites me a little....a lot. writing again. good good good. i like to write. i like to sing and dance too. but im not good at any of it but writing. and i can admit that without feeling selfish cause i know its true. i know that ill succeed and i know ill be ok in the end cause it flows... like kool-aid. guys annoy me. its fall and the leaves are changing colors so that makes me want to be able to snuggle and smell a boy and get that feeling when u know they love but i havnt felt that in a while. itd be nice to feel that again. i havnt felt that since kyle. speaking of which... i gave up on him finally. i know why i never did. its cause of the sex. i always played it off like i didnt care but i did...cause he took a part of me that i was stupid enough to give but i forgive me and i forgive him so its over and im sparkling. sparkle. sparkle. got a job. proud of me proud of me. its at a pizza place but i feel important when im waitressing so thats nice. enjoyable. another boy. same boy as always. but its ok. he'll figure out that i think about him soon enough and until then its alright. id like it if he never knew though. cause i dont want to hear the same old shit about.... the reasond why not. i wish someone would try. thatd be nice. a little effort from a guy. bahahaha.....good one. ok. i love whoever is reading this cause u actually took time to *k* post comment

SCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCARED [21 Aug 2001|08:17pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | commercials ] TOMMOROW IS THE DAY! wow. ive got everything planned.....everything is in place.... the world will not end tommorow no matter who likes me or who deosnt. im going to be fine. just thuoght id say a little something before i went to bed. hope i can sleep. love, k post comment

Goals for the hell hole..... [21 Aug 2001|12:17pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Nelly Furtado*..all of my thoughts run right back to youu..* ] ok here goes: *Be outgoing *Be Yourself *Focus on the important things such as : classes, homework, grades *Don't Worry about the un-important things such as: guys, looks, clothes, blah blah blah *BE YOURSELF BE YOURSELf im so very nervous but i think that things are going to be ok in the end. i hope so at elast. i like tohang out with mindy and ashlie..but i am getting tired of he boyfriend. he came voer at 9 in the morning to mindy's house with a rose.....vomit. the girl night was blown because he "happend" to show up. vomit. i am now going to go exercise and work out and make myself tired for tonight. cya later journal bo bournal. -k post comment

SUpErnoVa [20 Aug 2001|08:24pm] my new style is supernova. is it super? - k post comment

SCHOOL DAY AFTER TOMMOROW [20 Aug 2001|04:42pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | blink182....."shutthefuckupshesaidimgoingfucking deaf" ] ok so im so scared about school! gees.. ud think after nine years of it i wouldnt be scared anymore but this school is new. but i guess i have had....11 others but thats alright. im just scared off my hiney. mindy and ashlie are very pretty. they both have bodies and stuff ... im pretty..but not hot. id rather think of myself as beautiful.... but im not conceited or anyhting..at least i dont want to be. i just wanna have that confidence so i dont have to worry. .............. i am worrying though. i am worrying like its nobody's business...GEES i just think ill let it got right now SITUATION: scared about school REASONING: guys...looks...grades... friends....confidence.. OK IM LETTING IT AL GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO im pretty, im smart, guys suck anyways, and im social nothing to worry about, kimi. you can do this. You have stood up to a gorrilla, beat up a guy, and now are brave enough to be away from your own mother. no worries so anyways..how are you my lovely journal? alright well for now... ill leave. putting red in my hair tonight...joyjoyjoyjoyjoy. kissssssssss, kimi post comment

A rainy new day [17 Aug 2001|11:33am] [ mood | naughty ] [ music | Jazz's snoring ] im at my moms house now. they sign the papaers today for their new house. im kinda sad that i dont get to live with her but ill be ok. i might get to see kyle today. it would be nice for him to see me when i look nice and when i have actually bathed. :) wooooooooooooo! ok well i got nothing.......... just thought id say hellooooooooooo! bee, k post comment

[16 Aug 2001|10:31pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | the squeeking of my chair ] I have decided to write more. My mom said a while back that she thinks me and peanut should get married.... no. no no no . why are guys something that are important to me? no. get away from me, you awful bugs. sometimes u meet people in life and its like... you know you were supposed to meet them. even if its a checker at wal mart or anyone. i love that feeling. i miss kyle. wow. i havnt really... wrote that in a while.... its weird... hes still stuck on me.. or im stuck on him. youd think that if a person felt so strongly for someone that it was a sign.. or something. but who knows? not me. i have realized these days that i am my own bestfriend, and i lvoe it. pathetic? maybe. but not so bad really. swig. i miss that girl. earlier i was reading old entires in this and said awful things. that girl is a gift from the heavens for me. she really is. all the blonde things she says and how much she does or does not like elvs or herself... i love her. i will never regret being her friend. lets call him "Bristle". Bristle...wow. good guy. i met hima while ago and sometimes hes a little corny but it makes me melt. very untouched and very.... like.. white bread. american..general and unique all at the same time. its nice. its nice to know such a variety of people. ******************** i just cant wait to have sex! bahahahahaa! ok..well..maybe not like that... or maybe like tht... but.... sometimes i sit and think and wow. on the dryer.... kitchen......stairs.....shower...bed....garden....bathtub.... **************************** i miss spring hill. wow. who would have ever guessed that i would actually miss that place. i just had a moment. a thought..a sparkle, if u will im going to be o.k. its amazing when u realize that. i get so sad sometimes but really, im going to be ok. im going to turn out normal and unique and lvoely no matter how much i weigh or who thinks im pretty or how much i love blink182 and how much i do not like (or do love) guys. closure. incredibly great news: I DONT HAVE CRAMPS! :) :) :) sad news: no one is here to talk to me right now. i want to find someone to talk to me. im off on a mission. i might write more later. i love candy orange slices, k post comment

IM ALIVE AND KICKING!!! [16 Aug 2001|09:50pm] [ mood | touched ] [ music | weezer*say it ain soooo...owowoo....* ] WOW! i was reminded that i have not written in here for a LONG time! crazy. im sure no one reads mine but wow. so much has been changing in my life. my mom and rick have decided to move.....but it took so long and we were homeless for a while so i went from friend to friend and wow. little journal, you have missed so much. :) im living with my dad! i know! what a suprise! who would have though that one of my most unfavorite person would be my next landlord? its not that bad actually. well.... i get very very lonely. mindy and ashlie are too busy for me...and i have grown up and i feel like they are still causght up back in fouth grade with chasing boys and.. mindy has this guy of hers... TOO SERIOUS! she never has time for anyone but him. i get lonely but i write letters to old friends a lot.tommorow i am going to go pick up laura at school. and i get to see my mom! GEES! i miss my mom. shes my best friend in the whole world and its crazy being away from her. sometimes i feel like im missing a part of myself, but i guess i am, she is a part of me. no boy right now but i ( with the help of a friend) came up with the best analogy!! it is as follows>>>>>> I LOVE new soap. People always wanna use new soap. but old soap that has been used up...no one likes that... so it sits on its soapholder...feeling sorry for itself....thinking that no one cares about it at all...when really....the soapholder has been there for the soap the whole time! holding it and being there for it and.....the soap notices this..and the soap and the soapholder fall in love and live happily ever after. Wheres the analogy you ask? i am the used up soap.....and my soapholder? ...well... i have a few in mind but no boys right now. wooo. a single woman! i am trying to get healthy. trying to work out everyday..not overeat....and i think that by being at my dads and having so much time it helps. When i help myself and take care of myself i dont get so sad and depressed as much but i still have my fare share of it. well.... i have to tell you about this wonderful person i know! hes lovely! just adorable! hes one of my soapdishes and i absolutley think he is fabulous. he is really nice and always cheers me up but i dont want to tell him that i have he "more than friends" feelings yet. sometimes he says things and i wanna kiss him. just then. i want to... but i dont. i just sit there, all beside myself for feeling this way about a guy when im sure, well im not sure, but pretty sure that ...he would jsut be a boy about things...confuse me...make me sad...blah. ok well....enough.... i still have more to say..but maybe later..... kisskisskiss-k 1 comment|post comment

GARLIC [11 Apr 2001|10:24pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Madonna*What if Feels Like for a Girl ] well i finnally told "peanut" that i like him. i really do so much. i mean i didnt just come out and say it but i pretty much told him. he did give laura a 7 on the "would i date" scale. which sucks. i should back off im sure. its bad. him being friends with kyle and all. i mean im sure he knows. but GEES. what am i doing?!!!! ok welllllllllll nothing new really. i just really miss being super happy. ok well i guess im outa here. maybe more soon. scaredscaredscared, k ps........... i burned a lot of kyles writings tonight in the sink, put them in a box, put in garlic, pepper, and stinky stuff, shut the box, wrote bye on it, sealed it with wax, & threw it outside. i feel better. bye kyle. :) :) :) post comment

Popcorn [04 Apr 2001|04:32pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | more lifhouse..hanging by a moment...i miss kissing. ] ok i know. i havnt been faithful to my journal lately and im sorry to all of my readers... (me). kyle finally said it. he never said it to me before but he officially doesnt like me. he told me. "no, i dont like you". it hit me like...... a big... bowling ball. right in the stomache. i threww up 3 times. cried. then came to myself and said "kim, its time." so i took down my kyle shrine, put all of the pics in a box, and said later kyle. but then..........today he brought the pictures from homecoming. aaron doesnt even look at me but i guess its ok. i dont need a man right now. i just gotta find myself and focus on things. i dont know what that is, i need something. a hobbie, anyhting to keep me occupied and away from males. im tired of just getting hurt and they all say "kim, i could enver hurt you, i love u too much"..but then what do they freakin do?! HURT ME. im done for a while. fate will send me a good one and when that happens ill be ready. no more scoping though. they will just have to come to me. maybe more later, k 1 comment|post comment

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