And then I knitted Amanda's hat. It's awful cute, but now it's done I'm wondering if it'll be too loose. :P She's actually EXCITED that I'm making her a hat! It's a muckin firacle. She actually took a handful of the yarn, put it on top of her head, looked at my mother and said, "This string is gunna be my hat!"

I told her it would be done tomorrow. It's done :) Now I hope it isn't too loose. I measured her head and it's the right size and all... but it seems really stretchy-loose, if ya know what I mean. It only took an hour or two, though, so I can frog it and reknit if I have to.

Devin's watching Mortal Kombat. Such a bad movie. But he's like me and doesn't watch good movies to fall asleep to. If it's a good one, you won't fall asleep.

And that's all I know.

Current Mood: amused

So much to post about and I just haven't done it.

I had group yesterday, AND shrinkage. Shrinkage (wherein I go to see my P-sychiatrist for meds) is a 20 minute appt where I fill him in on stuff and get scripts. So I cried through group, and Really Cried through shrinkage. Crying is NOT good for this headache, I tell you.

Group has been useless. "Group" has generally consisted of me and one other person. We'll call him H. Me and H don't have much in common except we're both depressive. We both also have sleep issues. The end.

So I walk into the shrink's office and he says, "I see you're in Trasitions group." I said, "Yeah, for whatever that's worth." He said, "Well that's good, I think it's time you moved on from therapy." Then I started to cry. I told him that they seem to be the only ones who think so. I don't think so, Evan sure doesn't think so, Mom sure doesn't think so, anyone who's been having to deal with me lately sure doesn't think so. I explained to him that I hadn't had any productive therapy all year. It's no one's fault, it's just that Suzi wasn't well.

He can't do much for me. We've pretty much established that meds aren't the answer for me. And that's his job. Meds. So he says what can they do for me? I said, I dunno - what CAN you do for me?? If I knew what to do, I wouldn't BE THERE. Fuck.

So he's going to talk to Tracey, and he wants me to talk to Tracey (the chick in charge of group) and see what we can do. Problem being - they're WAY understaffed. People with individual therapy are lucky to get one session a month. So I'm fuck-ed. I'm sinking fast, and I really don't know what the hell to do about it. There's not much I *can* do about it. I can fight, but I'm TIRED. I'm just tired of being this way. I'm tired of the depression and the mood swings and the fucking borderline issues... and I'm tired of being so confused and frustrated. FUCKING TIRED.

I'll be ok. I always am, somehow. So don't worry about me, really, I just NEED to vent.


In other loverly news - Amanda's father is at it again. Fuck fuck fuckity FUCK. I should post about that in a friends-only post. If only for legal reasons. Cuz see, Mom's gotta go back to court. And I dunno when I'll post about it, cuz it stresses me out BIG TIME to even think about it. And shortly I need to go get Amanda for the afternoon. And I don't need to be stressed out BEFORE she gets here, right? She stresses me out enough.


Yes, still fighting the headache. Gotta come up with $50 before I can get physical therapy. Cuz of an old bill. Cuz of a certain person who used to be in my life. Cuz *I* sure never knew about this. So I gotta probably wait till next week, when Evan gets paid. So that I'm sure we can cover rent and food. I really gotta try the PT cuz I can't deal with this headache anymore. Soon as I think it's getting better it goes WHAM, BITCH!


Still knitting. And knitting. And knitting. I love it sooooooooo much. I really do. I've had a couple projects that didn't turn out so good, but I learned a lot doing them, so it was definitely not a loss. I've got a couple of projects done that I don't know who they're for yet. But most of the things I've done I've had a person in mind for them. Gotta measure my sister's head today so I know how big to make her hat. She's decided she likes to wear hats, and Mom can't find one that fits her. So I got some really soft boucle in funky colors and knitted up a swatch, and it's gunna be fabulous. I want to knit her a kitty hat for Christmas, but this one will cover her till then. Till I can find an affordable SOFT yarn that is in the right color(s) that will work for it without too much tweaking with the pattern. My head hurts so much that it's hard to tweak the patterns, so I'm tending to either make shit up on my own or follow a pattern almost exactly. Course, I followed a pattern exactly the other day and had to frog a finished hat, but I figured out some new things so it was all good, and I fixed it and made it right. I still don't really like it, but it's ok. I'm sure someone needs it.


And there's more, but this is too long.

The end.

Current Mood: blah

You Are Pumpkin Pie

Even when people are full - they make room for you. Good or bad, your smell is most likely to arouse a man.

Current Mood: amused

Oh yeah...

In December my Dad is doing a business trip to Philly. The company he's visiting asked him where they wanna go out to eat. But he doesn't know any specific restaurants, just that there's some good 'uns. Dad LOVES food - loves just about *everything*. And from what he's said, the guys going with him are the same way.

So where's a couple good places for him to suggest?

Headache remedies anyone? The damned thing is back. I had about 3 days of minor headache.

To top it off... I somehow got peppermint oil all over me... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Feels... Not Good. And so yeah - how do you clean off essential oil?? I miss having the base oils I used to have. At least that would water it down a bit. (What's the word I wanted there? Can't think - head OW)

Current Mood: headachey

Still up. Really frelling tired. My anxiety is through the roof today. All my fingers are bloody from me picking at my cuticles. Had a tension headache earlier, and took some fioricet. That usually makes me drowsy if anything. Then I just got more and more keyed up as the night went on. I just read for like 11 hours on and off - mostly on. Cuz I can't handle just laying there with my mind racing like this.

It's probably just the changes lately. I dunno.

I took a double dose of ativan a few minutes ago. I hope to hell this knocks me out.

Current Mood: miserable

Angry White Boy Polka - flashplayer animation

Sorry, but this is so funny. Not hysterical, more like a SO cute funny. The characters are Funny!!

(start Gir voice) Why IIIIIS my deaf cat so LOUD? WHYYYY is my DEAF cat SOOOOO loud? (end Gir voice)

Day 1,230,483 of headache:
Still hurts. Took all those meds, and I was right - I have two headaches goin' on. The one around the front of my head is better (this morning it is anyway, could change at any moment.) The one in the back - OW. Fuckin OW already. I've done everything I can think of. Essential oils, scents, heat, cold, showers, baths, foods, blah blah blah.

I'm DONE with the headache already!!!!!


Haven't even been knitting. Spent the last two days alternating between reading and sleeping. Mostly sleeping. VERY much mostly sleeping. Tuesday I started taking the flexoril, and it kick-ed my ass. I think it's cuz I wasn't eating much. And yesterday I didn't have any flexoril and it just hurt so bad I couldn't do much but lay in bed. I'd read for maybe half an hour if I could manage it, and then sleeeeeeeeeep. SO unproductive.

I have Amanda this morning or I'd prolly still be in bed. Gunna take her to the bookstore (the close one cuz I don't like driving with this headache) so these boys can sleep a little longer. They were all up half the night. Well, actually, Devin went to sleep at a semi-decent time. As amazing as that is.

And that's all I've got.

Current Mood: headachey

SO you may or may not know, that my favorite doc (Carol, who is actually a NP RN PA etc etc...) left the practice I go to - and well, actually left the state. I was very sad. Today I had my appointment with her replacement. I can't tell if she rocks AS much as Carol, but Maureen rocks, too.

She gave me a migraine med thats name escapes me at the moment. And flexoril to relax me a bit cuz my shoulders, etc. are a ROCK. AND!!!!!!! Set me up with PT. Dude - PT for my headaches!!! Which I've always wished I had... and now I have it!! Maureen totally listened to me, and talked to me about Stuff - not just medical stuff, but Stuff. She said she likes to handle one thing at a time, which is good - cuz that's the way I need to do it or I get overwhelmed. So after we take care of the headaches - we move on to the next thing.

Did I mention that I read that they're doing hypnosis for IBS now??? I find that very intriguing - I wish medicaid would pay for hypnosis. I'm a good candidate for it. (smoking would be FIRST on that list)

So anyway - we're gunna drink some beer tonight with my brother for his birthday. Which is what we did last year :) The night that Evan and I first met (in person.) And watch movies (that the two of them picked out) and laugh and stuff.

I got yarn and knitting needles tonight from a woman on the freecycle list (on yahoo) and I must impress upon everyone how much this list rocks!!!!!! When I posted my WANT for knitting stuff, I explained about the cat and the car (briefly) and got 5 replies so far.

ONE of the replies is from a local cat breeder (persians) who is hoping she may be able to help me get meds for Chloe at a discount! Isn't that just the best??? No interest in knitting at all - but she saw about my Chloe, and wanted to help. I can't wait to put some things on the list myself!!

Another reply is from a woman who has a sister in law in PA - who wants to MAIL me some things!!

And then people wonder how my faith in humanity can remain so strong after all I've been through :)

Current Mood: WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

I thought I'd try to do a quick update...

I STILL have this horrid headache. Sometimes I can function through it, sometimes I can't. It's been close to two weeks now since the damn thing started. I have a dr appt in a half an hour - Thank the Godess!!! *insert prayer that they can do SOMEthing about this damned headache*

I'm addicted to knitting. I'm spending more time lately learning things and reading the lj knitting communities... even if my head hurts so bad lately I can't even knit half the time.

Today is THE DAY.

Today is NOVEMBER 8TH.

It's my brother's birthday. But that's nothing new.

What IS new...

Is that TODAY - is Evan and my's FIRST YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

Oddness - I dreamt about engagement rings last night!!!!! *massive confusion* I suppose it's the one year thing that triggered that. If you don't know me well, you know that if/when I do marry - it's gunna be a while before it happens.

Um... I can't remember what else I was gunna write.

Current Mood: awake