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Friday, April 19th, 2002
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11:49 am
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I was just sitting up on the roof drinking a V8 and enjoying the beautiful day. Its cool up there because you can see whats going on all over the neighborhood. YOu can see the city. And at the same time you are up in the tree tops in a little bit of open space. So anyway I was up in my little "paradise" and this squirrel decided I was in his territory or something. At first I though maybe he was just passing by or checking me out to see who the new girl on the roof was, but no he wanted me gone. He was doing this crazy barking sort of noise and had the super fluffy tail. And you know those little guys can be surprisingly scary. But I thought hey I am bigger, probably smarter and we can share the roof or he/she can leave. I tried to ingnore the little bully but it just kept comming closer and closer trying to look frightening. I bet squirrel bites hurt! I didn't find out. I tried making the noise back at the bully and he looked really confused for a minute but would not retreat. So when he was only about two feet away I decided something needed to be done. Swinging my arm didn't work, throwing little rocks did little good, but a splash of V8 on the little guys face worked for some reason. V8 isn't that bad! But he looked at me like wow I guess you win after all and took off, shaking his head a little like a dog and trying to get the red stuff off. I won! not a big deal but I never would have expected to have that happen today. :)
current mood:  pleased
current music: gregory page
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1:50 am
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Tonight was interesting. Some really good times were involved. Tasty food. Funny movie. Awesome hostess and much much more. It's now past two in the morning and I am awake which irritates me. I want food but am not hungry which confuses me.
I have an idea of what I am going to do tomorrow but I am going to leave it unsaid at this point. If it happens i will mention it.
Why is it fun to be mean to each other for some people? i don't get it. Why does it make people feel good to make other people feel small, stupid? I don't enjoy it when I am the one being made to feel small, or stupid, which by the way i do not think I am. This is not necessarily aimed at anyone in particular just some things that happened today made me think about that sort of attitude.
Just going to sleep for a really long time has a certain appeal to it. I would never do "it" but you gotta admit its slightly attractive in a way sometimes.
I have some amazing friends . . .Jamie you rock we have the best talks, jill you make me smile and I'm so glad we are getting to be friends, Ryan you are nice, funny, calming, cool, smart all at the same time.
Um I want to write more because its something to do but what to write? Can't think of a thing and just had a nice big yawn which may mean go try sleeping again. For some reason the bed just feels very lonely tonight even though i'm not alone, hmm
all in all I am a content and happy person. This entry may not sound that way but hey we all have a crappy sort of mood once in a while. So just let me get this grrrrrrr out of my system along with the feeling sorry for myself and we will all move on, woo hoo feeling much better already!
ta
current mood:  contemplative
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| Thursday, April 18th, 2002
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8:10 am
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So I thought to myself "am I really tire?" and discovered that I'm not tired at all really. Just wanting to escape the nothingness that fills my days at the moment. So instead of sleeping i will fill this day up. Sleeping away life may be easy, comfy . . . but how boring. What kind of memories will i have to look back on. What about creativity, ingenuity, interaction, smilling. These are all good things, natural highs if you will. So I have no money, I'm working on that and just in the last few days of waiting around for papers to be sent, letters written, forms filled out . . . In these last few days of absolute fredom, I am going to make the most of my time. The first thing I need to do is realize that even when i am by myself i am hanging out with a cool person. To have a nice time, a meaningfull time, I don't have to be with others. I need to learn what that void is that makes me scared of being by myself and fill it. YOu know how people say "I just want to be alone"? Well even when that sounds good in theory, it does nothing for me, it makes me antsy, it makes me nervouse, it makes me feel like Im missing out. How stupid! If I don't think about it it's cool, I just go about my day doing little things here and there, but if it comes to passing any activity up to spend time on my own I'll almost always op for the group activity. How silly.
So recently there has been a common theme reoccuring in my life in a way. I have suddenly been confronted with the issue of cutting several times. Now don't panic I have never tried it. But just hearing about it, knowing about it, etc i think I can understand why people might do it. Why am i writting this here, now? I don't know i just thought of it.
BBQ tonight! It should be so fun, with lots of nice, fun people and good food and movies . . . :)
current mood: contemplative
current music: pixies
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| Thursday, April 11th, 2002
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10:23 pm - your moms a chipmunk and she dresees you funny
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what's a promise? Whats forever? . . . i guess their what you make of them. How much you value them.
today started out as maybe one of the most sucky days in quite ssometime but ended with amazingly groovy goodness. Jill came over and we chilled and went to long life noodle company which rocks my world and to my pleasant surprise, hers too. We chatted and chatted and laughed and had meaningful conversations and conected really well. We lost the car for a few minutes, broke into my apartment and over all had a most lovely evening. Just goes to show you never know how the day will turn out. I have an interview tomorow! Good luck to me! Scissorhands plays tomorow. Good luck to them! I don't like that my sis is sad, i need to get to the bottom of this because she rocks and deserves lots of happiness and smiles galore! Ok enough of this computer stuff . . . its a love hate relationship between me and the computer at the moment. ta
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| Tuesday, April 9th, 2002
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2:26 pm - what ever . .
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I used to be poetic, I used to be dramatic, I used to . . . I used to be not so happy as i am now. But wow it sure did feed my creativity. If only I could have both. There are little mistules floating in the air and settling at the tops of all the hills. It smells like rain and the air is damp but there is no actual rain yet. My little bulbs on the walkway outside are loving it and getting so tall and strong, building up strength to fight those burning rays of summer sun that are on the way. Jobs appear to be plentyful but none but i can't seem to catch one. I keep thinking I'm close and then bam another wall, another week of waiting. Another week of watching the last of my savings drain away into the river of expenses. I love my life none the less. I have amazing friends, an amazing love, a beautiful neighborhood, terrific family and I know that i will succeed. I have a good education, I am smart and I just have to convince "them" of that. if only they knew what they were missing.
current mood:  anxious
current music: hari krishna's next door (I have no idea how to spell that)
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| Wednesday, April 3rd, 2002
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7:58 am
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DONIE DARKO - wow, hmmm, ca-ra-zeee. last night was interestingly fun for the most part. We tried a new restraunt that was very tasty. Went to tower and loooked at mags and listened to some music. S and J and R got drinks with balls in them and then we went to s and j's for a dvd. Can I just say that naoma is rad. I'm not sure why exactly but last night I came to this conclusion. Wer got to chat a little and hang out a little and she's just an all around cool person for a lot of reasons. Ryan you rock too. Always nice, considerate, funny as hell, smart . . .yeah you guys are the rad kids. No I don't want something from you . . .
Why do I feel personally insulted when people don't like music that I do? When you think about it I shouldn't care. Cool!
current mood:  complacent
current music: nothinng
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| Wednesday, March 20th, 2002
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12:30 pm
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| Monday, March 18th, 2002
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11:41 am - hmmm I have all this extra pizza maybe someone will trade me for a computer . . .
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okay this may be so silly but the free/trade/barter section of craigslist is cracking me up. Will trade ballet lessons for dry wall instalation . . . lets trade: lots of pizza for your imac . . . will trade toilet instalation for professional masage . . wanted bunny slippers in mens size 12. Ha ha ha are these real? I wonder if these people get responses. Ok thats all.
current mood:  silly
current music: royal tenenbaum soundtrack
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7:49 am - its a beautiful day in the neighborhood
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well hello everybody. Its what 7:30 and I am up and planning on staying that way. My family is comming to visit this weekend which should be groovy. The sun is out, birds and squirels are singing. i kinda made a new friend this weekend which makes me feel rad, jill seems like a very nice girl and hanging out will be cool. I hung out with cool people, Jamie, sam, alex, ryan, ryan, mimi, sam, devon, naoma, Danny, paul, trent, dano. saw some good shows, an ok movie and found very nice mexican food. I miss the beach but get to go visit it soon. This just may be the week I get a job!!! have a nice week, do something creative and fun. OK don't take me off your friends list yet, i'll stop with the mister rogers stuff but hey I just had this realization that you have to enjoy life by noticing the little things in it that rock!
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| Friday, March 15th, 2002
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9:24 pm
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the time machine. i have heard very little about it but I am going to see it with members of the band Never Again. We are going to eat first I hope. That should be a lovely evening. They are at practice now but should be here at any time. It is so cold.
current mood:  hungry
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9:18 pm
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I finally understand the frustration people always talk about whoo have done the college thing found something they really would love to do then cannot get a job. i try everyday. I get my hopes up now and again but only to be back at zero. i am out of money and a little worried. it will happen eventually but I hope thats soon. depression is creeping up on me little by little I am afraid. I need to get into action, get stuff done . . .and fight it off. No more staying in bed forever crap. Thets easy to say now but what about when its time to get out of bed and i cannot think of a single thing to mativate me enough to actually do it for quite a while. I am not crying all the time or anything like that. I have close to no motivation to get stuff done that I need to get done, then I feel bad about it. Arg. I need someone to kick my ass asd get me moving! I can't quite reach my own with my foot.
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| Wednesday, March 13th, 2002
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1:57 pm
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nothing to say really but I haven't updated in 6 million years so I tought I would. And then m,aybe I would get inspired with something to write, but I guess not so maybe later.
current mood:  cranky
current music: ani
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| Thursday, March 7th, 2002
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7:52 am
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well my birthday was a success. A happy fun adventurouse sort of day. Just the way I like them. Danny made it a superb day. Thanks buddy. Hmm I have an interview today and then we go to a show tonight. Sounds like another good day to me.
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| Monday, March 4th, 2002
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7:46 am
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Yesterday was a mix of good and bad. Ice blocking was so fun. great people and adventurouse activity. a wonderful combo. jamie and Naoma and i are trying for a girls lunch on tuesday. That should be so fun. We all need a little girl time now and then. I am not rediculus! I have to just keep reminding myself of that and truely believe it. I am considerate of peoples feeling and try to be nice and deserve the same. Have a lovely day. Sorry for the little cathersis but hey if it keeps me sane, its worth it for everybody.
current mood:  hopeful
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7:43 am
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Jamie oh Jamie,
Happiest of the happy birthdays to you. I hope its a great day. You deserve it birthday princess.
current mood: contemplative
current music: crunching of grapenuts in my head
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| Monday, February 25th, 2002
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7:49 am - so i grabbed the stupid bitch by her nappy ass weave
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well now all in all this weekend pretty much rocked. Danny and I went to an estate sale and discovered a cool new place to take the BASE crew and friends(oh yes you should be excited). We bought a amazing antique table that makes me feel like I Love Lucy or something and a really rad book shelf thing that kinda makes it seem like we're grown ups or something (I still love it). Danny has dedicated those to my birthday! Which by the way is getting to be very soon now. I love birthdays but I'm not crazy about the age it will bring . . . Ah well its how you act and feel that count. we hit lane splitters for dinner and were going to invite naoma but could not find her phone number for the life of us. I bought The Jungle by Upton Sinclair and I really like it so far. It has renewed my need to never eat meat again! Everyone who isn't too scared should read it.
Yesterday wegot up and enjoyed breakfast in our new dining area then went up to the botanical garden and explored and had a picnic. It was a beautifully sunny day and everything is just on the verge of blomming. i can't wait to go back. Danny knows that place like the back of his hand so I get my own tour guide and he's cute to boot. Last night was just chill time. Danyy wrote a song and made up for his lack of "computer time" from the day before and I read to my hearts content. Have a nice week!
current mood:  devious
current music: um . . .freekin comercials on the radio
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| Friday, February 22nd, 2002
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8:08 am - meow how is everyone doing this morning meow?
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So Jamie's off to LA and Sam and Ryan off to somewhere to doScissorhand related stuff. Danny's at work all day and I am not. I think maybe i'll see if Naoma wants to hang out this weekend. She seems cool but I don't feel like we ever really get a chance to talk and stuff. It might be fun. Today I work on doing all the little things I need to do in order to be a substitute or at least finding out what all those little things are. We saw a funny movie last night. I think maybe the best part was watching sam and Danny crack up forever during one part of the movie. Those guys are great. Ryan brought yummy surprises for us from his work, aka my breakfast. It looks like its going to be a beautiful day outside and I am going to get out there, enough of this slothfulness. Ellen I miss you!
those last two tings are not related in any way just so you know.
On a completely different subject how can I be so jealous of someone who really has so little. Because what they have is something I cannot. . . OK so anyways back to today . . .well I guess really thats all I have to say for now. TTFN
Whats black and white a red all over? BE CREATIVE!
current mood: awake
current music: ani . . .untouchable face!
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| Thursday, February 14th, 2002
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7:54 am - I may not be a star but I have a star
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This is my happiest valentines day in a very very long time. It's usually a pretty sucky day. But wow its not even 8 in the morning and already Ddanny has made better than I could imagine. For Valentines day he got a star named for us and they send this cool certificate and chart of where it is and everything. So thoughtful and perfect I can't even believe it. Stars where what brought us together in the first place. Jeez what a guy! Happy Happy day to all.
current mood: grateful
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| Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
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9:12 pm - something popped up
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10:23 am - ummm . . can I have the jumbo shrimp tacos hold the shrimp?
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Hola amigos,
como estan? Yo soy buena a hoy. Okay so its been a very relaxing couple of days. i love my mom and sisters we all just click so well and have a great time even if it just means hanging around and not doing much of anything. That makes me smile. It's sunny and warm and I feel like I am in paradise, I am I think! I want down to the beach this morning, got a soy latte and walked and enjoyed the beautiful day at 9:30. Yeah its even easy for me to get up so far. I'm hanging out with nicola this afternoon and I think MIyuki tomorow for breakfast maybe. It's nice to be back but of course I miss Berkeley too. I feel like I have two real homes with great people in both of them. I am very lucky!! I hope everyone is doing well.
current music: jimmy eat world . . .great crazy dancing song
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