12/17/04 03:32 pm - 17th December
Here I present to you
A ONE-ACT PLAY, ENTITLED "Abby Can't Pay for College"Persons of the Play:Abby, an 18 year old College Student wanting to get away from Clark College
Clark College, an evil Community College (with various Attendants and Clerks)
Sallie Mae, an evil Lending Company
SCENE 1: It is dark and cold and cloudy outside in the Northwest. Our heroine, ABBY, fresh out of work for the day, heads to the registration office with papers and identification in hand, hoping to register for winter quarter.ABBY:
(excited and hopeful) Oh boy, I can't wait to get on track this quarter! I'm well on my way to studying music theory and possibly becoming an orchestral conductor!
(faces a registration attendant, hands her the paperwork)ATTENDANT: Okay, here is your schedule, welcome to Clark for winter term. Here's the payment you owe us.
ABBY:
(shocked) Nine hundred dollars!? How am I going to afford that...? I haven't gotten enough money from my new job to pay for school, and I know Mom wants me to live on my own about this, and she might not even have $900 extra lying around...
ATTENDANT: Go upstairs to the Financial Aid Office, they can help you there.
SCENE 2: Upstairs at CLARK COLLEGE, in a dimly lit and dingy office. A CLERK sits at the desk at the back of the room, stamping papers. He motions for ABBY to come forward.CLERK: How can I help you?
ABBY: I'd like to apply for financial aid.
CLERK: Good, send us your FAFSA information, and here, here's an application for the Stafford Loan.
ABBY: Thank you.
SCENE 3: At ABBY's house, in front of the computer. ABBY is busy attempting to remember her FAFSA pin number, and apply for a Stafford Loan at the same time. At last, she cackles maniacally as she has finished both things. Suddenly, a knock at the door!SALLIE MAE: Miss Abby, hi, Sallie Mae here. I'd like to let you know that we can't confirm your loan application until we receive word from Clark that you are in fact enrolled for 16 credits.
ABBY:
(horrified) But that would mean...
CLARK COLLEGE:
(entering through magical portal) That would mean you'd have to pay your tuition first, which is already a week overdue. Hand it over.
ABBY:
(horrified) But I can't pay you until I get my Stafford Loan check!
SALLIE MAE: ...which we can't give you until you're fully enrolled.
ABBY:
(sitting down, burying head in hands, whimpering softly) This cycle will never end...
Lightning and thunder flash outside, as CLARK COLLEGE and SALLIE MAE stand over ABBY, their eyes glowing evilly. CurtainFIN
~~~
Now, wasn't that delightful? It's all true, even the magical portal part. Especially that part, in fact. I'm kinda sad now, but I actually think it's all gonna work out okay... still pending an email from financial aid at Clark, so who knows what they'll say.
In other news, I got a new outfit. I wish that I weren't so pale, cos then I would take a picture of me wearing it and delight you all in my sense of fashion. (Speaking of which, I still need to make that "Ich Bin Ein Berliner" T-shirt I've been wanting to do for awhile) It's a button-down collared shirt, kinda blue and white and cream and reddish in colour (all in stripes though) and a green pair of buttoned trousers that are
incredibly soft. I also got some argyle socks. Now all I need are some argyle sweaters and I'll be
super cool.
♥