I love this song |
[21 Apr 2002|04:52pm] |
Best I ever had
So you sailed away
Into a gray sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now
But it's not so bad
You're only the best
I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had
So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it
so I Run away and hide
And I may find in time
that You were always right
You're always right
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever...
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I can't fall for it again. |
[20 Apr 2002|12:45pm] |
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music |
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Faithless- One Step Too Far {4:58} |
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I called Jed last night, to see if he was going to the movies (I needed a ride back home). No one was home. So I got one from Theresa, and later that night almost right before I left the phone rang. Too my great surprise, it was Jed. Jed doesn't call people. Even if he says he'll call you, he doesn't (I would know). I was so surprised... I didn't even leave a message, but I guess he checked his caller ID or something...
*shrug* maybe he was bored Anyways, he told me that he was going to the movies. And guess what? He didn't. Now I mean I could deal with that... he didn't go, so what? It's not like I was supposed to meet him there or anything... but... He is always doing this to me... saying he'll call, and then not calling. Promising me he'll be somewhere, and not showing up. I've learned to expect it from him, but it still hurts.
I'm just so frustrated... I thought I had everything worked out... I thought I knew what I wanted and what I would be happy with. I thought I could be happy just being friends, but now I'm not sure. I feel like everything I do is childish and a waste, because I feel like I'll never be much of anything to him.
I wonder if he knows that those things bother me so much...
Well, I haven't slept in over 24 hours, so maybe I'm just in a bad mood and will feel better about the whole thing after I get some sleep.
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*sigh* |
[20 Apr 2002|11:12am] |
I'm changing my colors... yet again... or at least i'm going to try to...
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bleh |
[17 Apr 2002|06:14pm] |
Yeah I know the picture didn't work, but I had to get off the computer so I didn't get to fix it or delete the entry. Yahoo! has some weird little deal with the pictures, and I'm not sure if you guys can see them... but if ya want try anyways, here's another link: click if you can
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i hope this works. |
[15 Apr 2002|09:53pm] |
here's a picture of me... not a very good picture, but hey...
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][? ... ][ ... ][\/][ ... ][? |
[15 Apr 2002|07:11pm] |
i got invited to a party on the 27 nth. yay. not much else is new... i have tons of homework. i lost my social studies book and now i have to copy all jed's work. nice of him to let me take his notebook home.
I need to finish my colors...
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trying to figure me out |
[15 Apr 2002|05:28pm] |
i do not like to talk about jed. i'm sure it's annoying and not fun to read, but since this is my livejournal and i can write whatever i damn well please in it, i'm going to write about jed. i've liked him since last year. i don't remember how close we were, but it seems that this year we've gotten to be really good friends. for a long time i wanted to go out with him, even thought i don't like having a boyfriend. after a while i figured out that i really didn't want that, and i got really confused. but now i think i know what i really want. i don't want to go out with him, because i love being his friend. and we would eventually have to break up, and feelings might get hurt. i'm kinda of happy that he didn't ask me out (like he was going to), but i'm also a little hurt. what i want for us is to be friends and hang out. the problem with that is i feel like he wouldn't really consider me a good friend because i'm a girl. some times when we hang out (like today) and we talk and he comes up and starts talking to me, not the other way around, i feel like maybe he does care about me. at least in a friendly way, which is ok with me. but then i'll see him just talking to another girl, or goofing off, and then i'll feel like he doesn't think much of me except as some girl. i try so hard not to, but i can't help but to a little jealous when i see him around other girls. Especially Sabrina, because she's a bit of a flirt. plus I think I'm ugly, and so i see her (who i think is at least prettier than me) talking to him and it makes me feel even uglier. and now i see girls with him who i always thought i beat in the looks department, and i wonder if i don't have enough personality. maybe they are really interesting and i'm completely boring. i feel like i have to compete for his friendship. which is really all i want. i could live with out dating him or with him liking me back, but it hurts a lot when i think he doesn't consider me to be a good friend... ...this makes me wonder if i really do like him as more than a friend.
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i know what you want |
[15 Apr 2002|04:20pm] |
Holy Fucking Shit. jeramy just instant messaged me. i'm not really still mad at him, i don't really feel anything. but he just told me that we could still be friends with "privileges".
*shocked expression*
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[13 Apr 2002|08:16pm] |
i stopped mid color-change. i'll finish later.
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god no... save me |
[10 Apr 2002|07:54pm] |
this girl i have been arguing with on my TOD suddenly left me a... somewhat nice note... *shudders* if i was some sort of super hero, like superman, only evil, the somebody else kindness to me would be my weakness. we would be in the middle of a battle, and all of a sudden the good guy would say how all of this was stupid and counter-productive, give me a hug, and then apologize. after that i would be completely mind fucked and wander around aimlessly for a few days before coming up with another evil plan...
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fell asleep on the living room floor |
[07 Apr 2002|08:11pm] |
*yawn* ...man i just woke up. i slept from like 5 to now or something. anyways... oh yeah i called jed a lil bit ago. we didn't talk long because it's kinda late and because i needed to do my work. but i told him about Saturday... which i guess i still haven't written about... so you guys don't know what i'm talking about... well i also told him about me and jeramy breaking up. and then i fell on my ass a couple times. he has that affect on me.
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[07 Apr 2002|02:34pm] |
why can't we have what we had when other people are around why can't you be like that friend I thought I'd found
why do things have to be different when we're not alone why do we pass each other in silence when we're not talking on the phone
do you feel a little safer sitting in your room only company is your dog and my voice and promises that break too soon
I try to pretend not to see you when it seems you don't notice me maybe we're both pretending, ignoring where we want to be.
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jeramy is fucking gay-wad |
[07 Apr 2002|12:25am] |
wooo... sorry about the subject, but i've had it with this dick. it's kind of a long story but i'll start from the beginning. ok so he asks me out Monday night, after not speaking to me for the longest time. now some of you might know that i have some major trust... *issues*, with boys in particular. so when jeramy asked me out after not really talking for a while and then when we did talk the only things we discussed was like what me and justin did and erm... doing stuff i was naturally a little wary. not to mention the fact i didn't know what this was doing to mine and jed's relationship. so i did the only thing i knew to do, and asked jed for advice. i tell him almost everything and he has never repeated anything back to anyone, and him being a guy and all, i figured he could help me out. and plus it would give us a chance to talk about me and jeramy and let him know i haven't forgotten about him. but other than jed, i brought no one else into the whole jeramy situation. what was the jeramy situation? well besides the fact i wasn't sure what he wanted from me. we could not carry on a conversation by ourselves for 5 minutes. and plus he hardly saw each other. but i figured things were going all right when i started eating with him and hanging out in the mornings, but then i saw my shoutout in his info slowly dissolve. it went from a nice, lengthy 'i love you' to a 'luv ya stay kool' to a '-sunni-' down at the bottom squeezed between a '-sabrine' and some other chick. now some of you may not grasp the significance of these AIM shoutouts, but to people at my school, they give you important insight on somebody else's social life, and into their relationships. i suppose your worth increases the more you give , the more you get, and who you're giving them to and getting them from. even though my info is void of shoutouts (i have better ways to waste the limited space in my info, thank you very much) i was a little annoyed at jeramy's change. especially since he hadn't let on to me anything was wrong. so then i find out jeramy is talking about breaking up with me. to theresa. to my sister. not his best friend (though i'm sure he told him, too) . and not to me. i would have absolutely 100% understood if jeramy had talked to his best friend about it, and left it at that. i mean, i went to jed. everyone needs someone to talk to about this stuff, right? but no. he tells my friends, my family, and even writes in this info "sunni, sorry we did not work out" before coming to me, even once. in fact, i found out through theresa. so i sat and pondered how to get him back. i thought of cheating on him before he could break it off, or making up a some story about me cheating. it would have felt so nice to let him handle breaking up, and then say "Oh good! because I was kinda cheating on you, and I was almost feeling guilty!" but instead i got on line and told him that what he did was wrong, and that i was mad. we started talking a little bit later, and he said things about how he likes me, but he 'just doesn't know' and when he saw i was mad he said that if i was going to be like that then he was going to go because he didn't need this right now. excuse me? what? you don't 'need this right now'? oh i'm sorry i was just in the fucking mood for a fight because i have nothing fucking better to do with my time! oh please forgive me and let me know when you're in a better mood to know how you disrespected me! then he said that he needed to do some "soul searching" and that "we're just not a match" ah, no shit. well then i talked to him more today. it was so hard to talk to him because he kept saying that he was sorry and still l-u-v loves me. aw, how sweet. of course i forgive him! i mean if he says he sorry then he must mean it! just like how he said he loved me and that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and all that cute stuff! i know he really meant it!
major major sarcasm there...
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isn't he sweet? |
[03 Apr 2002|09:06pm] |
these are the messages i found when i logged into yahoo! today: hey babe, i no you are away but i miss you so when you come back im me love ya look at my profile on yahoo hey i miss you sooo much i love you soooo much sunny iam soo happy we are together i have never felt like this before i really care about you.... please don't break up w/ me ever look at my profile it's all for you sunny it's 9 please come on i miss you soo much sunny i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sunni i miss you sooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this was on his profile: Occupation: lovin my gurl.................... Hobbies: doin anything i can to make my gurl happy because i love her so much she is the best thing that has ever happened to me... Latest News: i found my new love the gurl that makes me have a reason to live i love you sooo much sunni i love sunni i love sunni i love sunni i love sunni i love sunni i love sunni i love sunni i love sunni Favorite Quote:"sunni i love you soooo incredibly much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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what makes me hate guys... |
[01 Apr 2002|07:46pm] |
...you never know if they really like you, or just want to get some.
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most embarrassing easter moment... |
[31 Mar 2002|02:56pm] |
today everyone goes to church. i know our church was packed. even jed who never goes to church was there. i had a bad head ache so i left after communion and waited outside for mass to end. i waited around for a while. i waved to jed when he came out, and since he was like the last person out i figured my dad had gone to the car with my sister. only i forgot where we parked. so i set off in search of the car or my family, and decided to head for this one building. there was only one car near there and it wasn't ours, and i was standing next to it looking inside the building. i turned around and who do i see coming around the corner? jed and his family. there i am, standing next to what turns out to be their car, looking like i ran up the hill to wait for them. did i say anything to them? nope, i just walked away, wondering if they think i'm some sort of stalker. i finally find my car, but nobody's there. i started walking back to the church and something fell out of a tree and hit me on my head. i almost fell down, and when i recovered i saw jed's car driving by, and him staring straight at me. yeesh. his parents probably think i'm really really stupid... i can see them now.... "Jed, I'm sorry, but we can't have you hanging around Sunny any more. She seems very dumb, and we don't want you to catch any of her stupidness."
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'nother aim convo |
[31 Mar 2002|02:33pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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the tv |
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this one with my friend jeramy. i don't know why i'm posting this...
jeramy: so what's up S0CC3R WH0R3: nm, just chatting. you? jeramy: same jeramy: watching my life fall apart S0CC3R WH0R3: aw, what happened? jeramy: life jeramy: amy chamblin happened S0CC3R WH0R3: i hope you feel better soon :-( jeramy: ya me to jeramy: so who u be likin S0CC3R WH0R3: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: i dunno S0CC3R WH0R3: i haven't had a boyfriend in over a year... its kind of depressing jeramy: y you say that jeramy: i heard you have had some fun thought S0CC3R WH0R3: lol jeramy: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: good point jeramy: you are very atractive y don't you have a boyfriend S0CC3R WH0R3: lol shut up i'm not attractive jeramy: ok well your very sexy then jeramy: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: lmao S0CC3R WH0R3: thanks, u too jeramy: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: lol jeramy: soo what have u been doin lately jeramy: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: nothing at all... i wanted to go somewhere today but never did S0CC3R WH0R3: u? jeramy: so what happened w/ you S0CC3R WH0R3: what? jeramy: i have been hearing some naughty thing's jeramy: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: lol from who? jeramy: people S0CC3R WH0R3: what have you heard? jeramy: um jeramy: you and justin S0CC3R WH0R3: lol jeramy: how was it S0CC3R WH0R3: lol all we did was make out jeramy: cool S0CC3R WH0R3: yep jeramy: is that the only thing you have done hear lately S0CC3R WH0R3: yeah... i saw justin at the fair but nothing happened cuz my parents were there. and i almost got sick on a ride lol jeramy: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: did you go? jeramy: ya S0CC3R WH0R3: who'd you go with? jeramy: umm joey brandon jeramy: and myles S0CC3R WH0R3: ew la la so did you have fun ^.~ jeramy: ya i guess S0CC3R WH0R3: you guess? jeramy: i mean it was'nt great but i had fun S0CC3R WH0R3: oh, cool jeramy: so what do u do on the weekend's now S0CC3R WH0R3: nothing >.< lol it sucks jeramy: y not S0CC3R WH0R3: because i want to do something but theres nothing to do so i get to sit on my ass all day. wooo fun jeramy: no like friday night S0CC3R WH0R3: oh i go to the movies jeramy: cool S0CC3R WH0R3: how about you? jeramy: roller barn S0CC3R WH0R3: damn i haven't been to that place in forever jeramy: i have alot of fun there jeramy: because you can be there longer you can do the same thing's there as u can at the movies S0CC3R WH0R3: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: who all goes? jeramy: no one from are school jeramy: all my friend's from high school S0CC3R WH0R3: oooo jeramy: i have alot of fun there;-) S0CC3R WH0R3: lol ew la la go you! jeramy: ew you no you want some to S0CC3R WH0R3: lmao jeramy: u no u do S0CC3R WH0R3: ooo yeah baby ^.~ jeramy: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: lol jeramy: u want it bad from me S0CC3R WH0R3: aw man how'd you know :-*? jeramy: i no these thing's S0CC3R WH0R3: lol jeramy: i still o u that thong S0CC3R WH0R3: oooo yeah S0CC3R WH0R3: u do! jeramy: i no jeramy: i hope i get to put it on some day to jeramy: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: ya never know lol jeramy: lol jeramy: i no 1 thing jeramy: that i want to S0CC3R WH0R3: lol jeramy: o yes S0CC3R WH0R3: lmao jeramy: i guess we are goin to have to go to the movie's some day S0CC3R WH0R3: yeah buddy ^.~ jeramy: @-----)----- jeramy: a rose S0CC3R WH0R3: aw! S0CC3R WH0R3: <*(((>{ S0CC3R WH0R3: a fish... kinda jeramy: lol S0CC3R WH0R3: lol jeramy: '''''''; jeramy: . . jeramy: <> jeramy: a face i think S0CC3R WH0R3: lmao
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the cops are gonna get us... |
[29 Mar 2002|10:23pm] |
after the movie and everyone was out this girl ginger was getting in a fight with these people. she was shouting and cussing these guys (and girls) out and said she would kick everyone's ass. *applauds* but then she pointed me and kristen out and said we were the only good people there. kristen is dirt, and was talking shit as soon as ginger left.
oh, and ginger's mom said the cops were going to get us, and cussed us out. the cops did show up, and some dumbasses ran. including this one super cute guy i got to talk to ^.^
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mini-speaker fucking |
[29 Mar 2002|10:19pm] |
i went to the movies with tara tonight. i left early because she didn't like the movie and walked up to wal-mart. i made the greatest discovery! two discoveries! the first one was my best friend from second grade who started going to a new school- jamie! yay i am so happy i saw her!
my other discovery was a house and a happy hardcore cd (ok thats like 2 discoveries)! i was so happy i started flipping out and i played a preview of it on wal-mart's little previewers! but the thing is it was really really quite.... so i practically climbed onto the cd display and pressed my ear against the speaker. it was so great.
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more courtney hatred |
[26 Mar 2002|11:41pm] |
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mood |
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jealous |
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music |
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marcy playground- i smell sex and candy |
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i hate hate hate courtney. i've never even talked to her. but i still have very nice dreams about shaving some of her head and sending her to school half bald.
let's see how he likes you then, slut.
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