Emma's Journal

I have some new user pics taken today (and 1 taken last week before I got my hair cut) thanks to Cass's pxt phone. Yay.

Devon has been real grumpy I think it's still his tooth. And now he has a cold. Speaking of cold, brrr it is so freezing!

I also have a couple of albums with pics of Devon at yahoo now. The URL is http://photos.yahoo.com/kyannastar

Not much else to say. House is good, I can't read Cass so I don't know when she's grumpy or tired or fine or anything. I have that problem with everyone. I guess I just have to trust people to tell me if they need to. :) I know I get criticised for thinking people are always pissed off when they're just blah or not bouncing off the walls with joy. LOL

Hehe Devon is talking on the remote control "phone".

Off to town for a bit this afternoon and then Matt says he's coming around to see Devon after work, so hopefully that happens. He's not terribly reliable.

I'm feeling a bit weird, I think I'm a bit off colour, my skin hardly has any feeling in it.

Haha yesterday Cass & I were playing badminton on our back lawn with our cool $2 shop set (definitely worth the $2!) and Devon comes out of the house draped in Cass's undies! He'd gone into her laundry hamper and put them on around his neck. Hahaha it was so funny, I wanted to take a photo but Cass didn't want a picture of her underwear circulating around the net. :P

I've been so so tired lately, I don't know why, probably because I'm not resting enough during the day but there's so much to do that I guess I just want to get stuff done too much. Devon is STILL cutting that molar, so we have bad days like today when he was crying a lot.

Mum, Sam, Devon and I went out for tea to Shiel Hill Tavern. I'm usually a bit of a restaurant snob, I don't like the ones where you have to order at the counter, it just doesn't feel right, but I don't have a choice anymore. Mum and I went out for dinner a couple of weeks ago and Devon made so much noise that I realise that I'm doomed to family restaurants for at least the next 5 years. He screams randomly, for example, not upset but just cos he can, and he loves the sound of his own voice. *sigh*

Oh and he is learning new words all the time - in the last week he's learnt "truck", "dog", "duck" and "fish" and he says "bye bye" all the time. Cass tells me he says "hi" too but I haven't heard him yet. I'm sure Taylor says "bye" too cos it sure sounds like it!

I'm loving the new house, although I still haven't totally unpacked but working on it every day. It's not far off. The deck and back yard are just great and Devon is loving being able to go outside so much too. I can't wait for summer here it'll be great. Mmm bbqs. As soon as things are unpacked and back to normal I can have people over for one of those. :)

Here I am procrastinating doing useful stuff like continuing to sort my room etc. but it's okay because I'm gonna be hard at work this afternoon finishing stuff at the old house.

I'm so glad I moved. I like it here a lot more, I'm sitting right next to my sliding door which is open to the deck looking out on our sunny backyard. Devon loves playing in the yard and on the deck, I'm pleased that we went for a kid friendly yard. Devon also loves living with Taylor and having somebody to play with and feed the food *he* should be eating too!

I can hear Cass in the background playing Singstar. Hehe. She is so much better than me at that, I like to play but my voice is absolutely shocking. It's good of her to put up with the torture that is me trying to sing!!

Yesterday we walked the kids down to Marlow Park, the one by St Kilda beach. We took photos too (yay for Cass's pxt phone), I'll have to upload a couple. Anyway, I should go and do my laundry before Devon wakes up, which I think will be very soon!

In the new place and we have FINALLY got our phone on. It turns out that they connected the house at number 6, not 61! It took mum ringing up this evening and asking after having hassles trying to get it connected all week. Thank god that's sorted.

I am so loving the new house. It is warm and sunny and the way it opens out onto the deck is just great. I do have to say that despite Pine Hill being a nice community, and liking the rural outlook, it's warmer here in South Dunedin! My room is still coming together but it has a door onto the deck which is really nice. Once it's sorted I'm sure I'll spend a bit more time in here, but at the moment it's messy, plus we heat the lounge so it's warmer.

Cass and I have had a bit of adjusting to do to get used to living together, but I think it's going to work out okay.

I have been really lucky to have lots of great helpers when I moved too, including Matt and Gareth, which was really great of them! Especially Matt, when things are so difficult at the moment!

Anyway, I'm very tired and I need a shower and then my bed!

I'm not on long tonight because I have to be up at 6am to get to the conference on time tomorrow. Well, to meet the other girl that is being sent from the people who are sending me in town first, and then register and all that.

I spent all yesterday helping Cass clean up her flat. What a job! What a relief to get it all finished. Although, it's always easier to clean and tidy somebody else's place, although with the 2 babies crying a lot it wasn't easy. Taylor was tired and didn't like when Cass went away to take a carload to where she's staying, and Devon hates when I can't give him my full attention. Now I just have to pack *my* entire house, move it, and clean it. *sigh* Cass's stepdad shouted chinese for tea though so that was really nice.

I was unimpressed Cass's flatmate didn't help though (and leaving some of his stuff for her to clean up), there really isn't a reason to not do your part in something that is your responsibility. Sorry Gary, but I just didn't think that was right. Having "stuff to do" isn't much of an excuse either, I'm sure you could have managed it just like everybody else in the world has to.

And in a general grump I had a strong memory about an ex-friend (the one who said M.E. stands for morons excuses) and the number of times I helped her move (lots, but especially the one where I packed everything and carried half of her stuff down the street as fast as I could to her friend's, while she yapped on the phone), yet when we fell out she accused me of laziness and that she didn't remember me helping her hardly at all. 99% of the time I don't care, it's the past, but I guess it was just a trigger. Grrr! I realise a lot of you have her on your friends list, so don't mind me, it's just something that pissed me off.

And that's not to say I had any problem with helping Cass, I like helping people who are my friends, it was all good. :)

Total exhaustion has been how I've been feeling today. I dragged myself through the morning until Devon went to bed at 11, had a shower and went to bed until he got up, and then made lunch, went into town for a WINZ appointment, came home, made tea, put Devs to bed and here I am. I haven't got anything done that I should. Oh except a bit of packing, just a box of ornaments/cups etc. No more cat in my room at night! He wakes me up every couple of hours!! I think that must be what it was. I'm also eating too much out of... I'm not sure quite what.

I can't wait for an open plan lounge/kitchen because once again at this time of year the kitchen is too damn cold at night to be in.

In a better mood today which is definitely a good thing. Devon and I both got a much needed midday sleep too. I skipped ABC club since Devon was sleeping, and I would have had to leave early as I had to get something off the new landlord. I wasn't terribly bothered anyway, I wasn't in the mood for the people. Matt was a sweetheart and brought me over some boxes so I can pack. I thought that was lovely considering we are broken up and he doesn't have to do anything for me. (Unless it involves Devon). I guess that shows that we can be friends, or at least nice to each other for Devon's sake.

I am off to bed with a hottie, a hot chocolate, some chips (yep on goes the kilos) and a library book. :)

I have the serious munchies after being in a hell of a mood this evening. I spent the day helping mum clear the last of grandma's stuff from her old room at Brooklands, wasn't sad to see the back of the place, especially considering (although I haven't run into her in a while) the nasty nurse who I had a run in with a few weeks back.

Went to my second session of a parenting course this evening, although half the class seem to be partially illiterate, including the facilitator who I do in fact like, but doesn't seem to be able to understand the words she is reading out, nor realise that the word acknowledge doesn't start with "aw".

Ouch yes I am being mean but as I said I'm in a bad mood.

Unimpressed with a fellow class member who I was quite friendly to, yet she managed to ignore just about everything I said to her. Feeling quite offended, yet I am aware that I've never bothered to be friendly to her before, and I can't really see us hitting it off anyway. I'm still peeved about it for some reason, it's weird when you are offended when someone you don't like doesn't seem to like you either! LOL

Then again my mood may be tinting my view of things.

Oh yes and also a girl who lives up the road came over today, she always turns up when she wants something. I haven't seen her for ages but I realised that was because she's got a phone line now so she didn't need to come and use my phone. Instead she turned up complaining that she had no firewood and couldn't get any anywhere (uh.. has she perhaps tried a firewood shop? duh), so in my guilt that I hadn't bothered to talk toh er for ages I gave her a wheelbarrow full of my wood and apologised for it not being enough. God I hate myself sometimes. Then I mentally kicked myself for 2 hours afterwards, wondering why I just couldnt' say "no". Last time she was here she was pressuring me to lend her a DVD even though I told her I didn't want to. Thankfully she forgot about it even though I had caved in earlier. I don't like people who push me after I've already said no. It's disrespectful. At the time, with the firewood, I was telling myself that she was somebody in need and I was selfish and horrible not to help her, and it wouldn't hurt for her to take a little bit. Matt, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, I know it was you who slaved away transporting and cutting up the wood and I know you don't like this girl. I am resolving to become more assertive. I just *have* to.

And then on the way home I cut myself on mum's gearstick. It looks pretty nasty and it's bled lots. Stupid bit of metal. Grrr.

At least it's been sunny today so although I've been grumpy for much of it, I've also had good patches - I can't help it in nice weather.

Devon has been very sick, he was rushed to hospital last week barely able to breathe. He has viral croup which usually isn't too bad but he's had real problems with it. We have a vapouriser in his room, and he is getting steroids and non stop brufen & paracetamol now which seems to be helping. It's not supposed to last longer than 5 days but today is day 7. :/

I'm moving in two weeks, found a place in St Kilda. I'm gonna miss this house, I'm gonna miss getting home and no matter what it's warm to walk inside. I don't know if the new house is like that but I doubt it because it's big and weatherboard and I doubt it's insulated. BUT I do think I'm doing the right thing - so I'm looking forward to it. It has everything that Cass & I wrote down that we wanted in a house. I swear, making a list works every time. I'm very excited but I am yet to pack, and I have to go to a conference early next week (in Dunedin at least). I'm not up to it what with Devon and moving and my emotional state and exhaustion. My grandma has just been moved into a residential elderly person's hospital from her unit in a retirement village. Or should I say she moved from her unit to the village rest home, and now from the rest home to the hospital. At least she is now only a couple of minutes drive away from mum instead of having to go all the way out to mosgiel. It's quite scary, and it also means that mum has to shift her completely by Thursday. Not much time at all. We also have to sort through her stuff because it won't all fit in her new room, not to mention the stuff I am storing of hers, because the new place doesn't have any storage room.

Anyway, I'm very tired and I'm off to bed.

After the short death of this journal it's back up again because I JUST CAN'T MAKE UP MY BLOODY MIND, and quite frankly it's probably driving me insane more than anybody else!!!

I've had a lot of "late nights" (as in for me) lately, to combat the sleeping problems I've been dealing with. Rather than going to bed and lying there for ages unable to sleep I'm just staying up later so I'm tired enough when I do go to bed. The problem is I'm exhausted and overtired all day. Maybe it's my M.E. rearing it's ugly head? Maybe it's stress. Very likely to be stress actually.

Matt came and picked up some more stuff today. I'm glad he came and Devon saw him, because Devon was quite upset this morning saying "Daddy... daddy". I got out a photo of Matt for him and he got excited and pointed at it saying "daddy". And he picks up anything that looks like a phone to him, and talks into it and says "dad dad". It's just heartbreaking. Matt doesn't see him enough. It's not good enough.

At least he took away his bedside tables, they were cluttering up my bedroom and more reminders of him.

Oh, and if you're wondering what the heck I'm on about, Matt and I broke up... about.. a month ago ish?

Today was a lonng day. My morning was spent trying to deal with Devon crying lots (turns out his tummy was er.. busy), and lying around feeling absolutely wiped out. I got 2 loads of washing done but that's something that has to be done every day. It got nicely rained and hailed on and it's probably turning into wee icicles on the line as I type. I've still got washing to do too, but I'm out of pegs.

Pancakes for lunch were good, we usually have them for breakfast on Sundays but I didn't feel like them this sunday. And today I just couldn't think of anything interesting for Devon and I to have for lunch, so pancakes it was. Cass & Taylor came over and then we went driving around looking at MORE houses. I wasn't very impressed with the places today, I am so terrified of moving from here into somewhere I wouldn't be happy. I feel like I've got SO MUCH to lose, although it doesn't help that most people think I am taking a huge risk moving from this house. I know Cass gets frustrated with me being so picky while we look, but I *have* to be happy with the place we get, or I wouldn't have the nerve to move at all. And I'm pretty sure, from what we've seen, that it won't be long before we find a suitable place. However, I think maybe at times I'm being too picky - associating places we look at with places I've had bad experiences, rather than looking at each house with a fresh and open mind. I might make a list of what is most important to me, and then I know if I'm just being silly about something or if it's something that really will matter.

It turns out that Gary isn't moving with us anymore, which is a shame, because I thought it would be fun and he seems like a really nice guy. However, Cass and I will get by on our own, and that'll be fun too.

(okay if you're not up with the play here, I am unhappy living completely alone, and now that Matt is definitely not ever going to move in, then I just can't stay here. It's too lonely.)

So cross your fingers for us we find somewhere nice, and soon!

Oh, and Devon is WALKING. He's so clever!

Just for fun - fill this in for me :)

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
21. If I was an ice cream flavour, which would I be and why?
22. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
23. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
24. Do you consider me a good friend?
25. What makes me, me?
26. Would you make a move on me?
27. Do I cross your mind at least 2 times a day

How to make a kyanite

Ingredients:

3 parts intelligence

5 parts ambition

5 parts empathy

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of wisdom

...not updating...

but please keep me on your friends list, I'm rarely logging in but occasionally like to catch up with friends journals!

Congratulations! You're Gandalf!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Things are pretty hard at the moment. Matt is having 4 operations over the next few months. He's had his first one and has no use of his right hand, and on Thursday he gets his left wrist done so he won't be able to do anything! He's in to have his knee looked at in 2 weeks (another operation he is to have) and then a CT scan 2 days after that to sort for removing growths above his eye. So things are SO hectic. I had to go to mum's last night because I was just so exhausted from running around after Devon and Matt and I'm not very well either.
We have a new kitten, he is cute and what else but ginger. He has white too but he doesn't look like Steve did, he's different. Of course no other cat will be any Steve. It took until now till I had grieved enough to handle another pet properly. This kitten is a cool wee dude though, and likes Matt and even likes Devon. They play together with the same toys! So cute!
I have called him Zephyr since that's what I wanted to name Devon but nobody would let me!
Devon is great although a bit unhappy with teething. He just got his two top front teeth and I think he is getting even more because he is grizzly and dribbly and has his hands in his mouth the whole time. He is so cute, I tried to teach him to say "cat" and he goes "tat" :P He is crawling properly and he can pull himself up to stand now. Matt taught him to clap the other day too. :) He was 9 months old yesterday, wow he feels so grown up already LOL. I will shrink some pics to put in here sometime when I have time to use the puter.

Am sooo slack with this thing... sorry!

Quiz thingy:

I am The Sun

In the tarot the Sun symbolizes vitality and splendor. The Sun is definitely not a meek and retiring card. You have total confidence in yourself. You are not cocky, but profoundly sure of your power. You have unlimited energy and glow with health. You have a greatness about you and stand out brilliantly. Finally, you see and understand all that is happening within your sphere. When you see this card, know that you will be successful at all you undertake. Now is the time to let your light shine.

For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com

What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate.

(I stole this from petiteflamme)

I know very little about some of the people on my friends' list. Some people I know relatively well. I read your journal, or we have something else in common and we chat occasionally. Some of you I hardly know at all. Perhaps you lurk, for whatever reason. But you friended me and I thank you.

But here's a thought: why not take this opportunity to tell me a little something about yourself. Any old thing at all. Just so the next time I see your name I can say: "Ah, there's so and so...she likes spinach."

I'd love it if every single person who friended me would do this. Yes, even you people whom I know really well. Then post this in your own journal.

Matt and I have gone a little christmas crazy! I'm not a christian, so christmas doesn't have any religious meaning for me, but I choose to use it as an opportunity to have lots of fun with twinkly lights, presents, food, family, and a generally good time. We've got 2 sets of lights on the tree and tonnes of decorations. It looks really good. :) And we bought some spray on snow and stencils to decorate the windows. Now we have Devon I want to make it lots of fun for him. :)

Devon crawled yesterday!! Not just the wriggling around he's been doing but literally right arm left leg, left arm right leg, direct-to-what-he-wants crawling!! He's doing so well, getting good at chewing when he eats, sitting up really sturdily, and he says "mum mum mum" now when he wants me. :) So gorgeous!

With this lovely sunny weather I think we might head out for a walk up Ross Creek with some other mums and babies today. Yay for the sun. :)

Yep I'm slack. It's been a while since I updated properly and I can't even remember what I wrote last time! *goes to check*

This last week I've been unwell. I got a breast infection at the start of the week, I don't know what caused it, I think it might either be Devon having less milk now he's on more solids, or, more likely, my positioning for my breastfeeding has been bad. Thankfully I got to the doctor quick smart, and got some antibiotics, but then I reacted badly to them (not allergic, just the usual bad reaction to the ones I was on according to my doctor) and my blood pressure plummeted again, and doesn't seem to be righting itself very quickly. So I've been *extremely* dizzy, light-headed and feeling really weird for the last few days.

Devon is doing well though, he says "da da da" and "ba" now too. He's sooo cute. :)

Gotta go, breakfast is on the table, Matt made scrambled eggs. :)

A thing about the 80s stolen from mipol.
The ones that are true are in bold :P

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The Big Five Personality Test

Extroverted	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	52%
Introverted	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	48%
Friendly	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Aggressive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Orderly	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	48%
Disorderly	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	52%
Relaxed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Emotional	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	52%
Practical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	48%

Take Free Big 5 Personality Test