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LiveJournal for sqrt.
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| Monday, November 12th, 2001 |
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That number up there .. that's the number on the white label of this library keyboard. I haven't written much lately. Ya'll probably noticed that. .. and honestly, it's not because I don't have anything to say. It's because I've been *doing* things. With actual *people*! I made two new friends this weekend. I went to Epcot (Disney World) .. and Medieval Times, a really cool restaurant where you get to watch knights joust. The only time I really get online .. is when I'm at college, like I am right now, or when I'm at home and in want of some tetrinet. Back to the friends. One's name is Jessica. She is really awesome. She sings .. used to live in Africa, because her parents are missionaries .. a very devout, funloving chica. She invited me to go to her church, and I think I honestly might make a go of it this coming Sunday. I haven't been really, really attending for a long time .. ever since my friends moved off to Athens. I have a *couple* of times since, but not enough. I need to find a 'home'. We decided, together, since she likes tapdancing and I like tetrinet .. that there should be a special program for tapdancing while playing tetris. Indeed. The other girl's name is (not surprisingly) Jennifer. I already knew her .. more of an acquaintance than anything, but now it's different .. 'cause when all three of us were together for those couple of days, we just got along .. *really* well. It was fun. We talked about stuff that I don't normally talk to people about. Just... just... fuuuuun! .. and I'm still excited, 'cause it was great. Today, cousin Chris and I discovered the college nature trail .. and instead of going home, I walked most of the afternoon. I think I'll start filling up some of my afternoons with jogging or walking that trail. It's long, and there's a pond .. and the weather has been gorgeous. It'll get us ready for some backpacking that we're planning around Christmas. Another reason why ya'll haven't been seeing much of me, is because late at night.. I'm generally on the phone with James. We talk and talk and talk and talk and talk, and he's great. Hilarious. I've thoroughly enjoyed his company .. *grins* .. especially since he's the only one who can keep up with my 'hours on end' tetrinet spurts. Yes, he usually wins, but I'm getting better! Yes, I am, darnit! Aaaaaanyway .. I'm out for now. I'm going to try to fall back into my routine updating, but it's been hard to keep up with myself. |
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| Tuesday, October 30th, 2001 |
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I saw this on Miss Sonya's journal, and I had to give it a try. Many years ago there was a period of time that is often casually called "Medieval." It was a time, so the story tellers tell us, of tiny kingdoms, brave knights and ferocious dragons. Transportation and travel were both crude and difficult, usually necessitating that each kingdom be as self sufficient and self reliant as possible. So it was very important that within each kingdom all the major crafts and professions of the day were ably represented to insure the survival of the kingdom. In the English language we still see remnants of some occupations in the familiar surnames such as Smith (as in the village smithy), Carpenter, Miller, and Baker to name just a few. Interestingly enough, beyond the specific title the vocation also took on its own greater personality. This personality preference can also give a broader understanding of the basic complementary style and types necessary to the kingdom's survival, or perhaps any organization's success. Although the specific vocation influenced the name, it was no accident that certain personality types and styles gravitated to certain occupations. The personality of these jobs suited the inclinations of the job holders, and the predecessor to modern day job descriptions was born. The successful matching of a job-holder's personality to the personality and unique requirements of the job was necessary to the kingdom's survival, or perhaps any organization's success. The successful kingdoms more than likely were able to blend the differences into a powerful and formidable entity. With today's diverse workforce, the corporate kingdom that acknowledges and nurtures these personality preferences could become an organization as successful as the Camelot of old. Even though we now appear to have the freedom to explore many different career alternatives, we still have a medieval vocational personality within each of us. This personality, properly identified and understood, can motivate our success but, if ignored, may set the stage for our ultimate failure. Since times appeared to be simpler then, let us return to the kingdoms of medieval Europe and see what we would have done then, regardless of what our names are now. Your distinct personality, The Dreamer-Minstrel might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You can always see the "Silver Lining" to every dark and dreary cloud. Look at the bright side is your motto and understanding why everything happens for the best is your goal. You are the positive optimist of the world who provides the hope for all humankind. There is nothing so terrible that you can not find some good within it. On the positive side, you are spontaneous, charismatic, idealistic and empathic. On the negative side, you may be a sentimental dreamer who is emotionally impractical. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms. Take the test here! |
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| Saturday, October 27th, 2001 |
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Okay, so, today wasn't the greatest. I've obviously backed out on my original plan to go camping -- due to a bad cold. I love cool weather, but the rapidity of change drives my senses haywire. .. and I'm just not feeling up to the whole dark and alone bit. It doesn't usually bother me, but .. right now it does! I'd rather sit here in my comfortable little computer room and type in my livejournal. I -tried- to download icq last night, and I sent messages to a few people who's numbers I could find .. but when I got home this afternoon the thing wouldn't even work, so I just.. deleted it. Whatever. I'd probably end up never using it anyway. Good ol' sorcerynet'll keep me occupied. I worked this morning. Mrs. Kathy forgot the cheesecake, and she was mad because her daughter, Brandy, had apparently dyed her hair apple-red. I went out with my friends again. Nothing big. My head is really bothering me .. probably because I stayed up so late last night, and then woke up so early to work. In fact, I should probably be asleep right now. Blah. |
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Another comfortably uneventful day. I slept late, came online, had a few friends rant away their problems. The usual. Allan got me interested in a game that I'd never played! Tetrinet! It's Tetris, but you play against opponents. Okay, so, I'm not that great at it. I've never even played regular tetris .. but I can still enjoy it, right? Even though I suck like a newborn, and I lost even when they handicapped themselves and used special mixeverythingup blocks on -themselves-, instead of me! I can still like it, right? *shifty eyes.* I made a couple of trips into town. As usual, it does not matter how much I wash my car. All I have to do is drive it down the road, the dirt road, and it's just as filthy as it was before. It's getting worse, too. It's beginning to sound more and more like rabid chipmunks under the hood. I'm scared about that. Not that it'll break down, and become useless .. but the fact that I might end up having to get a new one, and I haven't exactly been hiding the fact that I'm raising money for my leave-the-country fund. They know I have the money, but they don't grasp the importance.. the significance of it.. to *me*. Lord, I've worked hard to save it. Please don't let it fizzle back to the bottom. I would start over if I had to, but I don't know how much I can take. Then again, if I don't have a choice .. I don't have a choice. We'll see. I will go. Mark my words. .. and if I have enough for the plane ticket itself, when the comes time, and that's -all-? I'll still go. Just watch me. I had sweet and sour chicken for lunch. Woo-hoo. Chinese rules. Cassie and Allyson came home from UGA this weekend, and we went to town around 11:00 .. to sit at the Huddle House and just talk about life, how things are going for everyone. I wish that I was up there with them, but I can't .. especially if I'm to follow through with my current plans. My scholarship is good for a lot of things, but it wouldn't cover the expenses of an apartment and food. While it does sound minutely intriguing, I don't think I have the 'umph' to live in a cardboard box and fast for 4 years. Why do people look at me like I have a second nose growing out of my forehead when I tell them that I'm an English major? I would understand if they'd gotten ahold of my livejournal and noted my blatant disregard for respecting several of the rules .. but I'm fairly certain that this is not the case. It's the major itself. I've been told that it's good for basically.. nothing. I definitely need to look into this more, so that I can contradict them with my own research. I mean, I don't know if I'll end up changing it at some point, as I've pretty much.. just started college. This is only my second semester. .. but I'd still like to know what I'm getting into, while I'm in it. Advisors have no value here. I wonder if that's normal. Well, as much as I'd like to go on .. I need sleep. 10:30 a.m. .. I have to be at work. Just me and Mrs. Kathy until 3, and she said that she made us another strawberry cheesecake! Woooo! I'm addicted. Yeah. Good night, journal.. and folks who glimpse you, perchance. |
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| Thursday, October 25th, 2001 |
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Hi, me. I really need a new hair product. This sounds odd, coming from me, but it's the truth. I never would have considered making a livejournal post in reference to this as an inkling of its own volition .. but you see, someone asked me, yesterday, if I'd stuck my finger in a lightsocket when I woke up that morning. Well, naturally, I had done no such thing. I was late getting up, though, and I had to blowdry my hair.. like I never do, because that's bad for it. I only do it on the rare occassion of a late-day. My hair is thick as it is, and this did not help but to make my head look like a nuclear disaster. Everything flying everywhere. Ya get the picture? So, why do I need a new hair product? Just don't dry it like that again. No dip, tater chip! No, see, that's not the whole situation. It's only an accentuated angle of the whole mess. My hair is a frizz-bomb, and must be treated with according care. I shall seek advice on the morn of the Saturday which comes. .. after work. .. and then I will leave to camp on the beach of grand ol' Jekyll! .. even though it looks like it's contaminated with human waste! Yes! Brave soul that I am. Anyway, I didn't do much today. I slept away the morning, since I stayed up until a ludicrous hour of the night, woke up .. warmed up some leftover spaghetti with shredded cheese, and watched an old recording of The Monkees. Man, I love those guys. *goes to add them to her list of interests.* My parents were packing to go out of town over night. I think they went to Thomasville, for a conference or something. EMT stuff, as usual. Mom went to keep him company. She's finally feeling better .. a bit of a cough, but no more throwing up, and no more fever! Woo! I got to work, and I immediately felt bad for not calling earlier, to see if they wanted me to come in. I got there on time .. 5 o'clock, but apparently only two had worked the entire morning and afternoon. Orders were coming in like crazy. We were supposed to serve a party at 6:30 .. and everything was a huge mess. I asked why they didn't call .. as I was simply sitting at home on my butt doing nothing, and Mrs. Kathy said she figured I'd just show up. Why would I do a thing like that? I'm very conscious of my workplace and all .. but I try not to keep it on the brain 24/7 like I did my last job. Mrs. Kathy is like.. this raging feminist. She never asks for help. Ever. She cleans as fast and hard as a tornado. She's always there. -Always- .. even off duty. Do you people know anyone like that? Someone who just.. can't take a break? Lord, I break into a sweat just watching her. She worries constantly. She does have a good sense of humor. My nickname is 'Chickenhead' .. and she made us a strawberry cheesecake to eat after closing! Man, that was the best .. coldest.. cheesecake I've ever had. Good ol' instant jello brand recipe, eh? I've maintained a record at the cafe, over the months that I've been working there. I've never cut myself with any of the knives. Not once. I'm absolutely terrified of the giant pizza knife.. and even the smaller ones, used for chopping onions and peppers. ..and while I've never cut myself, I have managed to burn myself countless times. I'm always scatterbrainedly grabbing a hot pan or some such. My other records: I'm the only employee to ever stick tinfoil in the microwave and blow the friggin' thing up. I'm also the only employee to run into the bricks lining the drive-thru, and knock them over. They're the big gray kind with two holes, and I couldn't put it back. They're still knocked over. .. and what's the really funny thing about the bricks? Well, see, my brother got his driver's license this year. He's only allowed to drive straight to school and back home.. and to play practice, which is also at the school. Well, he decided to take a turn into town and get a pizza. (Not while I was working.) Mom and dad let him use the big, big, extended cab.. ford truck.. white.. that we have. The thing is huge to maneuver. Well, he pulled through the drive-thru .. and ended up knocking over several -more- bricks, as well as tearing down the front bumper of the vehicle itself. Runs in the family, huh? It goes without saying that there was heck to pay after that. Fortunately, not from my work! They were really great about it. They think it's the funniest thing in the world. They found out after that.. that I'm actually supposed to be wearing glasses, and I'm not. It explains a lot of my actions. I really, really need to get a new pair. Argh. Anyway, I'll write more when I think of more .. or when the mood strikes me. As usual. .. or, until tomorrow! Later, gator. |
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We talked about Switzerland in my American Government class today. Contradiction, huh? Not really. There was a point, contrasting one of our amendments .. as to the right to bear arms. We have to 'right' to .. and in Switzerland, apparently, they don't have the right to 'not' bear arms. Everyone is drafted, and everyone must have their weapons in their homes .. ready, in case of an emergency, or an attack. While in the past, I'd considered the possibility of weapons being taken away, I'd never considered the option of being forced to actually -have- them. It's just one of those backward things that never seem to cross my mind. Not that I think that something like that would ever happen here. No way. Simply .. the existence of the concept. That's what I'd never really crossed. I shouldn't be awake, really. .. but when should I ever be? Goodness. I did get to talk to Jaye! Yay, me! Funny girl. She made me laugh the whole time, and she and I discovered an uncanny similarity in our laughter .. something kind of like .. dolphins being raped? I can't remember how she put it. Anyway, I am, apparently, mellifluous .. Yeah, right. .. and she is very much the Californian, even though she doesn't say 'dude' every other word .. and I never bothered to ask, but I don't think she's a surfer.. like I'd imagined them all to be. *g* Well, I didn't really write much .. but when it starts taking, like, an hour to post a paragraph.. you know you're tired and distracted. I wanted to launch into something of depth, but it'll have to wait. Tis time to endeavor the world of dreams. |
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| Wednesday, October 24th, 2001 |
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So, here it is. I don't curse in real life. In order for me to do so, it requires severe persuasion and/or severe anger ( .. which never happens. I get mad, but not 'violent-curse-you-all-to-heck mad.) I just go 'grrr', and I lock myself away for about fifteen minutes. Now, when I'm IRCing it's a different story. I easily slip it in here and there, goof around like it's my nature. .. when in reality, should I utter such.. blasphemy, my face would turn a very bright shade of pink. .. and suffer, as well, a pange of guilt. So, I just don't do that sort of thing. What's the deal with this? I can listen to it on the radio, so long as it's not excessive .. and so long as I'm in a certain accepting mood. I can even talk to people without it bothering me too much. It often gives me something of a start .. but? But I can handle it. On the other hand, it bugs me. A certain mentality .. a certain frame of mind that often assaults my tunnel of vision, disallows this acceptance. The cussing seems crude, ruthless, without taste or creativity. It seems pointless, and figuratively .. as though I were listening to bad singing .. I might profess that such could 'make my ears bleed'. So, what's a girl to do? Am I being dishonest when I curse online? Am I -lying- .. being something other than myself? .. or am I simply typing a mental portrayal of my personality. I sure as heck cuss in my head once in a while, and I sure as heck -talk- more online.. than I do in real life. I'm a pretty quiet bugger, really. I wouldn't even endeavor to ponder this subject, if someone hadn't accused me of being manipulative. To me, it doesn't seem all that consequential. Like, why does this even matter? What does it have to do with anything? Why should I care? Why? Because I always care. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. Okay, so, it's a little hypocritical for me to get stressed at someone for using bad language .. when I turn around and use it myself. .. but really, it's not like I jump on people about it. I just leave. It doesn't -always- bother me. Just sometimes. What's so strange and manipulative about that? *eyes bulge.* I have to go to Intercultural Studies in just a moment. Jaye and I were supposed to phonetalk today, but Mrs. Kathy rung me up on the cellphone that I happen to be carrying around these days. My mom's. Not mine. Anyway, once again, only two people are closing at the cafe tonight, so I'm going in to try and help clean up .. so they can get out of there a bit faster. I know I -hate- being there late, having to do everything by myself. It stinks like burnt toast and lemon juice squished together in a blender. I'm only imagining what that might smell like. I have no clue, really. No! .. really. *shifty eyes.* So, I better get going. Write ya later, journal. |
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Okay, I wouldn't take this info to heart. *laughs.* .. but here it is.
Moderate Avoidant: High Dependent: Very High Obsessive-Compulsive: High URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html |
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So, I'm sitting in my English lab. Woo. I've finished my assignments, and these computers are better than the ones in the library .. so I'll just sit, until I have to go. I played in the Dagger for a looooong time yesterday, and it was actually fun. Maybe I'm not as retired as I thought. Lord, I was terrified of that. Terrified that I'd lost my enjoyment completely. It sounds silly to those who've never acquired an obsession with it, but anyone who has.. surely knows.. the gravity of pleasure obtained of characters and words and interaction. Especially since I've been doing it for so long now. It seemed a necessity for release that I'd simply .. lost. Anyway, I stumbled on a couple of new .. fresh.. partners in the game, so maybe it'll hold me down until I can root my feet once again. I discovered, last night, that my little livejournal picture guy's name is Fucky .. www.evelin.de (I think that's right. I'll check when I get home.) .. and explored with Needy the many fascinating wonders of his realm. No .. not like that. You'll just have to go check it out, and make sure you go to the gallery.. and see the tree turn into the taxi.. and go to the rock section, 'cause the music is groovin'. ...and anyway, since the thing's name is Fucky, I think I've found a keeper .. if only because it's totally contradictory to my nature, and the cutest whateveritis that I've ever seen. I'm going to the beach Saturday night. Camp on the sand or something. Why? Oh, I don't know. I feel like it. I work Saturday morning .. it might get cold one day .. and I'm going to take advantage of this semi-nice weather and go sleep somewhere I've never slept. .. and yes, I am going to actually.. -drive-. An hour, to Jekyll, probably .. even though there are nicer places. It's closest, and I'm not going in the water anyway. .. and yes, I'm going alone. What the heck? I'm in my own country. I might end up leaving the US for over a month .. and I might end up alone .. so I better get used to it. The alone part seems more and more likely, speaking of which. Chris got in a wreck Monday afternoon, smashed up the side of his truck. He's always been a sort of wreckless driver, and it looks like his mom is going to make him pay the damage on it. ... which means that it's going to put him under, while I'm still ahead.. and dangit, when it's time to go.. I am going. Regardless. Ruthless? Perhaps. Jibber? Definitely. |
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| Tuesday, October 23rd, 2001 |
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Lurching, swerving, careening! Projectile shocks of silver, loose, flailing limbs, and countless bells -- they clanked, were cracked and dark, tied with angry ribbons. Shafts of window-lit effulgence, wild circumfrence, and the severity of chair-fall bellows. Broken flute scream; mangled strings unplucked and coiled, the spring wires. Lachrymose, pear-skin wrinkles of face, mapped in pink splotches. Her jolly cap was wild and tossed with the bob of her head, up and down, back and forth. Feet could not stop, and they tapped from birthed eternities... eye-lees convexity, one higher played, more neck than face. Wit-worm of frozen cheer still laughing -- stretched, flapping jaw, no happier jester than Mad Lily! Oh, she could not help but shriek and giggle while blood spilled from her lips' fine corners. "Bit my tongue, squirrel! Bit it like dust but didn't die, did I? Fie!" Ice like a doll, glass full of wine. Time piece wheeled. Madcap cartwheels and falls, feigns a broken neck and gags. Spectators snicker like pleased leeches, black with black eyes, groping and sucking the air. Swollen bellies, grubby groans, table crumbs .. the mangy dog made sounds that whimpered, snuffing between table-legs. Death parade a fair excursion! She fled with an echo of shattered ceramic, fragments ... |
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| Monday, October 22nd, 2001 |
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My mom doesn't realize it, but ever since I was about twelve.. I've been performing a rat-like experiment on her. When she asks me to do something.. -nicely- .. I do it. When she says.. "JENNIFER, DO THE DISHES!!" .. I pretend like I didn't hear it, and I don't do it. (Until she reminds me.) I figure.. over the years.. she might eventually catch on, but this seems to be a terminally hopeless case.. as she persists in demanding. Aaaalways demanding. poo. I loooooooove this song that Sonya sent me! Mononoke Hime something or other. No one else is awake, and I'm listening to it.. and it made me want to rant.. so I had to do my ranting right here. I want to write a dream analysis parody book. I have a dream book, and it stinks. There's absolutely nothing in here about squirrels. How can they have an analysis for cabbage and not squirrels? Heck, they don't even have dinosaurs. Chris dreamed that his mom turned into a T-Rex and ate his ford ranger.. and I remember *Cassie* dreaming about *her* parents turning into Dinosaurs! .. but there were also turkeys in her closet. These things have depth. I'm certain, and I will devise a novel of sorts.. for people who are lost, and in need of dream-guidance. It will take much research and many emptied pez dispensers.. but it will eventually come together, as the many frayed strands of my brain flail about, seeking to connect with their twitching oppositions. don't know. don't ask. |
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integrate, integrate! ain't it great? principles and sections diameter and height cross-view directions convey angled plight. reflections of complexion.. My A(s) is really tight? Denote this solid body's area of perpendicular plane x-axis drives me dotty But volume has explain! asketh not, for ye shall receive answereth of dim-witted origineth. |
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Hi, journal! Yes, yes -- the day is much better. I've turned in two of my four papers.. early.. so now I won't have to worry about them anymore. I got into a bit of trouble this morning because I forgot to put the lawnmower back under the shelter, and it started raining. I haven't gotten a haircut yet. I might not. Too many in opposition. I went into the dagger several times yesterday, and I felt nothing. I didn't get that heady excitement at some original, inspiring phrase. Heck. I didn't even feel compelled to read the larger posts. .. the smaller ones made me nauseated with their lack of grammar (thanks for teachin' me to spell that one, Joe I might go look for an Ani DiFranco cd today.. or however you spell her name. Jaye and Ben are making me reeeeaally curious, curious enough to dip into my travel funds. .. speaking of which, Chris has agreed! I have my official world partner. We are now working together with our backpacking plans, and we've both reached a substantial sum on our own, over these past several months. I feel silly enough to spin a globe, close my eyes, and stick my finger on it.. to decide where to go.. but we'll probably try for the cheapest location, in order to extend our time. A lot of strange things happened Friday night. We had a greyhound stop near the cafe and let out two Mexicans .. who didn't know where they were, and could barely speak a word of English. They came in and wanted to know if there was a taxi service to get to the next town. Policemen are always coming by to talk and eat .. and Wade was there. When he approached, the two men ran. They were terrified. I don't know what happened to them, or if they got away or what. It was just.. strange. I've never even seen a bus stop in my town.. unless it was a school bus, and we certainly have no taxi service here. Around 9 or so, a man came into the cafe with a box. Mrs. Kathy and Patricia hauled butt into the kitchen, and I was just kind of standing around.. behind the counter.. thinking he was a customer. It was a salesman come to try and sell perfume, and he had an Australian accent. He kept asking me what kind of perfume I wear, and let me smell from several of the bottles. I didn't know how to escape.. so.. stupidly.. I said.. "um.. I'll be right back!" .. and ran into the kitchen, and hid in the cooler until he gave up and left. The stuff he had really did smell nice, but it was very expensive. My car is getting bad. It's in its repair-a-million-little-things stage, and taking full advantage of every opportunity to strand me somewhere on the side of the road.. where there are only cows to talk to. My mom has been making me carry her cellphone with her, which makes my dad mad.. because he got it for -her- to use.. but her car is practically new. Anyway, I have a feeling that I'm about to lose a good bit of money to repairs. Yay Jibber. Anyway, I'm going to head on for some soup at Hong Yip. Jacob is making faces at me across the terminal. LoL. |
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| Wednesday, October 17th, 2001 |
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I think I'm entitled to feel sorry for myself once in a while. So, if you don't like it, don't read it. *flings peaches.* There've been a lot of folks, lately, who just aren't up to par with their usual happiness. Maybe it's the time of year...or maybe it's the present atmosphere of the entire world. Maybe it's the renewal of anxiety-causing resonsibility at the start of a new school year. Maybe it's relationships. Maybe it's doubt in faith. (That can really drive a body mad.) At the same time, each one of these people, in their own little bubble of insecurity and self-loathing, think that they are alone. They won't take no for an answer. Why? I have no idea. .. but they're -not- alone, much as they want to be, and as much as they think that they are, and as much as they seclude themselves. So, hide if you will! Chances are, someone else will be there ... and brush against you in the pseudo-solitude. Work is starting to be 'work'. Mandy quit, Chris quit, Summer put in her two week's notice.. Hughes is gone. It's me, Hope, and the old ladies now. This weekend coming will be murder. Homecoming. A parade. The fair is -still- on. Absolute murder. I wouldn't be surprised if I went to look at the schedule today, to find that I have to pull a double shift Friday and Saturday. I wouldn't be a -tad- surprised. I have a paper on religions due next week. I have a test in English, also, over all these poems that we've read -- over structures of essays, sonnets, and iambic pentameter. Things that I already know, really, and then.. some other things, that I can't even think of off the top of my head. Not a good sign, huh? My hair is getting very long. Too long. Thick as it is, it's weighing out the wavy curls, making it straight .. coarse.. and dull. I know it needs some serious trimming, but I'm thinking that I might hack it all the way up to my ears. I barely wear it down anymore. It's driving me insane. I need another pair of glasses. Badly. Sometimes I get to class and have to sit toward the back, and I can't read -anything-. I can't read distant roadsigns. I could make due over the summer, but the real problem is with reading.. now that I have need to be able to. This is the second pair that I've lost, and I'm terrified of saying anything. It costs a lot less on my dad's insurance to get another, though, and I'm not willing to pay that much more, just because I'm a wimp. My head hurts. My legs hurt. My stomach hurts. My butt hurts. I have a cold. I can't smell anything. My eyes are watering. I'm probably sick. .. but more importantly, I have class in 10 minutes. So, I'm out of here. Got to start walking. |
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| Monday, October 15th, 2001 |
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Okay! Sorry, I know, I know. Third post in the past.. 2 hours? *laughs.* My last one made me want to look for funny quotes, and I think that I will ...instead of making a new post every day... simply add to this one, perpetually. So, really, this is just for me. I'm quirky about fun little sayings. The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.--Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy It's easy to quit smoking....I've done it over 10,000 times." -- Mark Twain "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you." "I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead." -- Sue Kolinsky "Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped." -- Sam Levenson "Old fishermen never die - they just smell that way." -- Graffiti "He may have hairs on chest - but sister, so has Lassie." -- Graffiti at Ladies lavatory, Bristol ( Read more... ) |
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| 19th century philosopher Wilhelm Nietzsche said, "Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile that flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come." | ||||||
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Every time I go to the library I have to move the mouse to the opposite side of the keyboard, and there isn't quite enough room, then, for the keyboard to be directly in front of the monitor. So, I end up looking like.. what I am! An off-center lefty. I would try to move the whole monitor thing, but I'd probably end up knocking it off completely. I often take 2/3 baths a day. I don't know why, so don't ask. I do at least every morning when I wake up, and before I go to sleep at night. My eyesight is bad. I'm actually supposed to be wearing glasses, but I lost the last two pair that I owned. Those things are too darn expensive to keep buying over and over, and I'm about as scatterbrained as a person can get. I don't remember the age, but I remember the grade that I was in -- it was 5th, and it was my birthday. My family was out of town ... in Jacksonville, in fact. We were going to go to the zoo as celebration. Yee-haw. I always loved the flamingos. Anyway, we never did get to go to the actual zoo. My grandma phoned us up at the hotel and informed us that a tornado had passed through town, pulled the roof off of our house, twisted it around a bit.. and then dropped it back on top. We were heading home fifteen minutes later, and when we finally got there, it was worse than we'd expected. Sure, the tornado had dropped the roof back on top of the house.. but apparently the supports didn't like it, and all the boards caved in. Anyway! Had it not been my birthday, we'd all be dead right now. We had to live with my grandma for eight months, as a new house was being built. Her house was tiny, and you couldn't run inside because all the glass trinkets on the shelves would rattle and threaten to fall. Back then, she was making wedding cakes for a living. I licked a lot of icing that year. I've always been extremely gullible. My best friend and neighbor, Cassie, has especially endeavored to stifle that trait in me. Ever since the third grade, when she'd told me that the colored glass in the road was Cinderella's lost slippers, she's been doing it to me. Unfortunately, it has never died. I believe everything, unless it's *too* far-out. ...and even then, the wildness must be extensive. Especially if you're particularly convincing in your claim. *g* (At this very moment the librarian is trying to drag a coca-cola vendor across the room. He's looking straight at me and grimacing like he's constipated. Does he expect me to get up and help him? I hope not, 'cause I ain't going anywhere. What the heck is a drink machine doing in the library *anyway*?!) I'm a mime! Technically, I haven't performed in a couple of months. ...but I am one! I've been one for nearly three years. White face-paint, black garments, silence, gloves -- the whole gig! I can do the ladder climbing, the special walk, trapped...and more, less conventional acts. I've actually never done any of those that you see on television, in public. I've always mimed for the church. My real life nick name is Jibber. Somewhere toward the beginning of high school, one of my good friends, Allyson, came skittering up to me in the hall and said .. "jibber!" Immediately after she blinked, simultaneous my own blink. "Did you just call me.. Jibber?" "It sounded like it!" It adapted, and all of my peers have labeled me with it. Even my old band t-shirts have 'Jibber' instead of 'Jennifer' on the front pocket. My family, and people who do not know...less-close-folks, persist in calling me the blasphemy that is my real name. My first cousin, Chris, has a small dog named Jibber, as well. This causes verbal territory problems, but it's not a 'huge' deal. Simple misunderstandings. Anyway, I'm going to wrap this up for now. I'm starving, and it's Hong Yip time! |
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| Sunday, October 14th, 2001 |
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Maybe I'm not as done with Worm Party as I thought. He called and apologized. I didn't even have to say anything. This does not discount my present wariness toward him, though. In fact, it kind of jades me from considering it a prospect relationship. .. but! But, but, but! There is more to it. I had a good conversation last night with someone. (You know who you are.) .. and I was given some good advice. Or just .. knowledge. Maybe I've been told the same thing before, and even if so.. it only meant something to me then. Perhaps the timing was just right. You see, I felt like I needed to be needed .. and admitted as much, that my unhappiness was due to this 'flaw'. I was promptly informed that what I *really* needed, was to realize that I'm good enough without someone else needing me. I'm already standing on my own two feet. I have to learn to rely on them. .. and I hope that Jaye has had a wonderful birthday. |
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I was at work today, and around 4 o’clock I took my break – went out into the dining area and slumped into the booth. It was just me and the girl who works the front. Her name is Mandy, and she’s a senior in high school, two years younger than me. She is beautiful, got ‘most popular’ for superlatives, and she smokes and drinks. She’s not very smart, but she’s full of life. Full of fun and surrounded by flocks of friends, all eager to go out and live. I was sitting there, and she sat across from me, smiled, and tilted her head. Her hair is always crazy but just right. For some reason she always talks about dying it blonde...but it’s this perfect shade of light brown with vibrant streaks of pale color. Her southern accent is much thicker than mine, the exaggeration making for easy laughter. I always feel inadequate at first, when she’s around, but the minute she starts talking .. I relax. “You’re always so happy.” I blinked. It’s odd when people say things like that to me. I do smile a lot, and make silly sounds and sing .. but I never feel happy. It made me happy for a moment that she chose to make such a verbal observation, in any case, and I laughed. “I’m not always happy.” “It sure seems like it. Have you ever smoked?” “No.” It didn’t feel like she was offering; she’s always curious. Genuinely inquisitive, and she’s completely honest…even when she’s at fault. “Ever drink?” “Yeah. …but I vomited for three days and missed a day of school. I only had a glass. So, I tried! It didn’t work out.” “What?! What did you drink?” “It was a suicide. Half a glass of suicide, and half a small bottle of this crazy mess called Purple People Eater. I figure it equaled about a glass.” “I drink all the time. You don’t like beer?” “I tasted it. It’s nasty.” This was a strange conversation, but I ventured a question anyway. “You actually –like- the way it tastes?” “I –love- it!” She stretched her arms up, grinning. “Lord, I could drink all day.” “Hum.” “I didn’t like the first one I had. I was like ‘bleh!” .. but Trent and his friends said that you have to acquire a taste for it. So, I had about 25 beers that night!” She laughed, at that. I wonder if she was exaggerating, the way she blurted out the number…but it didn’t really matter. “After the third one, I started asking for more.” “Well, I know my parents wouldn’t like it.” I replied, dumbly, for lack of anything better to say. “Mine know that I drink, but I don’t think they know I get trashed.” …always smiling. Perpetual, open. It seemed twisted, and I just looked at her. I don’t remember the rest of the conversation, but I keep thinking about it. About how she goes to parties all the time, and when I was in high school … I never even knew about parties. I went to one my senior year, or maybe just after. I barely remember. Clouds of smoke and people who laughed too much and leered. I left early that day. Why do I long? |
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| Friday, October 12th, 2001 |
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I can't deal with angry people. Irritational anger frightens me. I'm not always happy, but for the most part, I am calm. Not always so calm in my mind, but my actions are generally careful. I don't strike out physically .. or verbally.. with the intention of causing harm. (particularly not in r/l. I've been known to get weird on irc.) Not on a normal day. Jacob came and ate lunch with my family today. Afterward, we went to return a movie in town for my brother. On the way back home some dogs, rather large ones, got in front of his car .. jumping around, running in front of him.. making it impossible to go at a normal speed. They were 'playing'. I'd never heard him curse before, and judging by the abundance of Jars of Clay CD's .. and judging by several other things, which.. wouldn't necessarily mean so much to some people.. but .. grr. Things that I see, and make assumptions based on! I'd assumed that he *didn't*, because he hadn't before. .. but he did. Violently. .. and he kept slamming on the gas like he was going to hit one of the dogs on purpose. His face was bloodred, and it was scary. Fortunately, we were already on the dirt road that leads up to my house. We were supposed to spend the evening together, but the Fair is here .. and he wants to go. I never go to the fair. I think it made him mad when I told him that I wouldn't. How hard do you have to try and convince someone of that? I.. don't.. go. It's not safe, and I always end up vomitting. I will go to actual parks, like Wild Adventures .. and Six Flags. They're not as 'spinny' .. more rollercoasters. He wasn't supposed to get like this. Irrational and mad. I can't handle it. No more Worm World Party for Jennifer. |
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LiveJournal for sqrt.
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cheerful.
bouncy.
crappy.
blah.
crazy.
exhausted.
determined.
awake.
dorky.
naughty.
cold.
good.
discontent.
disappointed.