[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
yUm's LiveJournal:
| Saturday, January 19th, 2002 | |
| 11:52 am | a river of emotions flows freely across my features. as i try in vain to conceal the sodden flesh, i continue to map out the blueprints of my future while waiting for night to come riding up on his valiant steed and whisk me away into a dark work of slumber. i am impervious to time as i soar above my fears. i look back and track my tread marks back in the loam while gazing upward to plot my next move on the map. |
| Tuesday, September 18th, 2001 | |
| 11:08 pm | . y a r n . we both scrawled out our story on emotion-ridden pages. each word shouted out our cares to echo through the ages. then my page turned and i moved on to begin another tale. ignoring what we had, i left it to derail. now i'm left with memories and questioning myself wondering what would happen if i pulled us off the shelf. |
| Monday, August 13th, 2001 | |
| 12:22 pm | haiku. with my pride prepared i am ready to swallow and destroy my vice |
| Monday, February 26th, 2001 | |
| 9:53 am | . s t r a n d . i stand on the shore as the waves of sleep call out to me - lapping enticingly at the shore and beckoning me closer. i dig my toes deep into the sodden beach beneath me as the satin seduction of twilight moves towards me in soft undulations. it envelops my body and gives my mind peace as the odor from the soft curls of smokey vespers lingers. i am whisked away to a land of apparitions where an impervious mist will shroud me from reality until the auroral beginning of tomorrow plucks me out of fantasy and compels me to subsist in authenticity. |
| Tuesday, September 5th, 2000 | |
| 1:14 am | you cannot see tears in my eyes. i will continue to live these lies. they are not there. i am not blue. i will not share my sadness with you. |
| Tuesday, August 15th, 2000 | |
| 3:17 am | i drive along the broken highway - no light to lead my way. there is no guidance to procure. the rope begins to fray. needles sting my tear ducts. my face is torn and bruised. i am bleeding my sexuality. i am the guilty. the accused. my life is one continuous chain of twisted, broken links. i am constantly reminded of its ever-present kinks. the moon is glaring down at me, casting an evil, bluish stain - collaborating with my hate to help prolong my pain. |
| Saturday, August 12th, 2000 | |
| 10:55 am | bleeding, swearing, fucking, dying, all that i can hear is crying. wailing of my broken soul - mourning the emptiness of this hole. helplessness washes over me - i cannot be what you want me to be. |
| Friday, August 4th, 2000 | |
| 4:45 am | thanks to inspiration... the ebony bird, an omen of doom, is only a cloak of deception. its ominous form is simply a ploy to detract others from discovering what lies within: i look toward the sky i shriek aloud i beg for this avis to divorce his shroud i sit helpless while he molts his emotions and fears casting them aside amid blood, rage, and tears. he cackles and crows making his feelings known while perched and intent, i sit all alone shed your cloak, friend the world is awry. unfurl your wings find solace and fly. |
| 4:30 am | blanket your fears comfort your pain dry up your tears help keep you sane all of these things i wish i could do that which happiness brings i hope to be for you the helplessness i feel knowing you’re far away our emotions congeal strengthening every day. that child inside him screaming for love tears me limb from limb as i look up above. i shriek toward the sky i tightly close my eyes i sit defenselessly by as i hear his cries this dark, evil bird is an omen of sorrow it sits cackling and blurred and waits for tomorrow |
| Monday, July 31st, 2000 | |
| 9:37 am | i want to feel your pain. i want to know your love. i want to touch the corpse of regret with this bloody glove. stab deftly deep into the night using all your hopes and fears. carve freely into your sanctity while everybody leers. ignore the love, ignore the pain, and cater to your fright. smile, welcome the ecstasy while waiting for the night. |
| Monday, July 24th, 2000 | |
| 11:26 am | confusion runs rampant in my mind, body, and soul. a maelstrom of emotions tears at my insides. it whips my tears into a frothy cream and spits them out a thousand at a time. i run as fast as i can towards an ever-accelerating dream world. the wind whips my tear stained face scarring it with scattered remains of happiness. |
| Thursday, July 20th, 2000 | |
| 6:27 pm | i watch the life-giving drops of water settle in the dust. the loam absorbs this source of vitality, sucking away with lust. a drab nonexistence overcomes the youth - it falls into a subsurface bed. soon to become like all else in life - inspiringly cold and dead |
| Tuesday, July 18th, 2000 | |
| 2:01 pm | mind's eye view paint me a picture of what we may be living in realistic fantasy |
| Wednesday, July 12th, 2000 | |
| 10:12 pm | asinine extravagance feeble delight rugged devotion eluded might abbreviated respiration virginal pyre ensanguined morality enchanting mire |
| Tuesday, July 11th, 2000 | |
| 10:10 pm | i lie awake in a conscious slumber listening to rain and dreaming of solace - the victim of spiritual masochism. my thoughts are writhing. my body resists the calls to awaken it. crystal blue receivers prying deep into my soul are the enigmatic source of interest. i fear i shall forever be caught in this eternal counterfeit repose. my body gathers silver cobwebs while my mind remains fresh and green. whatever may break this vicious cycle, i implore thee to act soon. |
| Friday, July 7th, 2000 | |
| 2:13 am | Masquerade You don the masks of time - Assume the roles of heroes. Wrap your flesh in shrouds, Which represent your pain. Apply war paint and head into battle. You are the warrior. Disguise your humiliation. Your anguish. Your fears. There are no tears in war, little one. Dance in the downpour of regret. Seek out a partner to compliment you. One to be the comedy to your tragedy. Fall in line. Remove the mask. Face your depravity. |
| Monday, March 23rd, 1998 | |
| 10:25 pm | Iniquity The hole begins as a small prick pierced deep into the soul Bent on destruction, eating away, succeeding at its goal. The monster consumes the entire spirit, covering like ink spilled on a page. The victim’s heart becomes hard as stone, blackening with rage. Eyes become glazed, a virtual looking glass, onlookers reflections viewed; Yet the images the see in these reflective orbs are hideous and crude. The emptiness has gained control of the being’s heart and mind. Everything it now experiences is horrid and unkind. No more taming this wild beast with tender loving care. Its insides are now empty – space within its mind is bare. Monotonous is its audible tone, its physical appearance, absurd. All signs of ever intelligent thought are cleverly obscured. Only an apparition remains of the once-living, breathing mortal. Its soul has been transported through the wide, omniscient portal. |
| Monday, March 16th, 1998 | |
| 1:18 pm | The small spider busily works to spin her web at night. Nothing is present to bother her amid the pale moonlight. She carefully works each delicate strand of her silken thread Into intricate patterns – jewels to behold – as well as to help keep her family fed. This steadfast maid works into the night weaving upon her loom Which is soon to entrap many a-treat, unawares of impending doom. By dawn she has finished her work as the sun rises with purplish hue. Her fragile trap, disguised by beauty, is glistening with dew. |
| Thursday, February 26th, 1998 | |
| 10:12 pm | Solution A cheery disposition and happy, smiling face are only, in fact, skin deep. Underneath the artificial layers resides a thundering, angry mass of resent and rage. The drugs help to subdue the effects, but they can only help so much. When negative outweigh positive effects in a person’s life, she begins to think… Infinitesimal amounts of love and support bring grief and sadness. There are no solutions, only masks that hide the causes from the public eye. Only those on the inside can actually know and understand the truth. The rage and resent explode, despite the effects of the drugs. There is only one thing that can end the insanity now. All discussions failed. So many cries for help ignored. No one can understand. Cause them to understand. MAKE them see what they are doing. A little voice... “do something drastic. then they’ll understand. they shall see the pain, anguish, and anxiety. they will understand. stop them from hurting the little one. prevent it at all costs.” I drive out to the country. Here I find peace and serenity -- a sanctuary of nothingness, no civilization, none of them can interfere. Take a walk to the waterfall. The only place where thinking is ever possible. Not that thinking is needed. It’s been contemplated for some time. Nothing to think through. Just do. I climb to the top of the ledge overlooking the falls. Everything is green and smells fresh in the spring breeze. The mist floats up and condenses on my hot face. I am in my world. I turn to look around. The forest is calm. An ever-present entity is becoming increasingly prominent. I look down to the rocks below the falls. The moss beneath my feet is green and slippery. The settings are “ideal”. I take a deep breath as I step to the edge. Perfect. Nature. Peace. Calm. A wavery sigh escapes my moist lips as I think my last thought. A thought of long-lived pain about to be terminated. I watch the rocks rush up at me in surreal slow motion. I’m flying... And I’m laughing. |
| Friday, February 13th, 1998 | |
| 1:42 pm | My life is a nightmare. It is shattered hopes and broken dreams. It is black, unimportant and fading. All nightmares come to an end. |