The Wayback Machine - http://web.archive.org/web/20030217123247/http://www.livejournal.com:80/users/elocina/
Nicole's LiveJournal
 
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in Nicole's LiveJournal:

    Wednesday, September 19th, 2001
    7:04 pm
    feeling better, if that means anything...
    I'm sorry if anyone's bothered by me getting on my soapbox about the whole tragedy on Tuesday... Honestly I just needed to vent, and find a way to express my feelings in an articulate manner. It's been hard. I feel like a relative has died or something, even though in reality no one I know was directly affected by the crash. Last week was a week of mourning for me, and you try to stop, but you don't know whether or not you've shown enough respect for those who died. That or you turn on the tv and every channel is devoted to news on the crash even though there have been no real new developments in the past few days.
    The one thing I appreciate though is that channels like Fox and the WB showed comedies on Sunday instead of the usual re-runs. I love the Simpsons and the whole Sunday animation block on Fox, but honestly the "WB Sunday Night" is just crap and you'd think they'd have changed it long ago. I haven't seen the Simpsons in a long time because it has been pre-empted by the news, that and when the WTC went down the satellites went down with it so that I don't receive most of the channels on my in-dorm tv set anymore. Luckily, the WB 11 reception has come back so that I can watch Fraiser which is my second favorite show to the Simpsons.
    I am finally back on my diet, which was a hard task. All I've wanted to do lately was eat and sleep and cry. At a campus-wide student run discussion of the political implications of the tragedy for some reason they served cookies and mashed potatoes. It wasn't the cookies I went for, it was the mashed potatoes. That may sound weird but that's one of my fave foods. I had a cookie, a few glasses of lemonade, a few hundred cups of coffee... It all adds up. But now I'm exercising, TRYING to be healthy. One thing I learned is not to exercise when you're hungry because your body can't cope as well. I ate salad twice today and without thje fattening dressing, just balsamic and no olive oil. Of course, I ate salad with other foods, but my lunch was just all vegetables.
    What really scares me is that the only class I had tommorow got canceled because my teacher has to go to a memorial service in the city. I have no clue what to do with myself. I have a meeting with a teacher and a job interview, but other than that my day is pretty empty except for a radio station meeting. Then Friday I have no classes at all again, but there are a few speakers I wanna see.
    I hate being alone. It scares me, makes me feel worthless, like no one cares sometimes. I don't know why it scares me so much. Not everyone is completely upset at the prospect of being alone. I'm a big girl, 20 and I should be able to deal with it. I'm trying to. Maybe one day I'll just learn not to be phased by such things.
    1:55 pm
    Life, Black Tuesday and Everything
    I haven't written anything in a long time. Mostly this is because I was in Boston all summer and was (gasp!) WITHOUT A WORKING COMPUTER most of the time. The internship that I had fell threw and I spent most of my time meandering around the city and taking a course at Boston College. The rest, as they say is history, a lot went on and doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. I went back home to New Jersey for a few weeks and then back to school. The week of the 3rd I was involved in the trivial yet nerve-racking task of course registration. The week of the plane crash was actually my first week of classes, but because the bombing all public transportation stopped and consequently none of the teachers in Manhattan could get to the college meaning that classes were canceled. I think that most students were too sick to their stomachs to focus on constitutional law or ancient greek drama anyway.
    Most of us were glued to any TV screen we could find, expressing our outrage through tears and gasps at new news developments.
    A lot of minority students have received dirty looks, especially the Muslims and anyone who resembles an Arab or is an Arab. To me, this makes the tragedy even worse, and I think it is an insult to the victims of these plane crashes that these events are used as an excuse to promote race hatred. I can't believe that people are stupid enough to think that screaming out racial epiphets will solve anything. One of my friends who goes to school with me and lives in a New York City apartment got spat upon by a man wearing a bandanna with the American flag on it just because she happens to be Lebanese. Another friend who is Kuwaiti had a women scream at him "I hope you're happy, you bastard."
    A lot of people want to donate blood or volunteer but can't. To those of you who've tried to help and can't I want to offer you the best advice that I can, being someone who goes to college 20 miles outside this tragedy. Be very careful as to what you do and say. Before you say anything ask yourself if it could hurt someone's feelings. Speak a little softer and be a little nicer. If you see people crying on the streets over this, or at a vigil or anywhere else, comfort them or at least try. We had a college-wide vigil here yesterday, and the girl next to me was crying so I patted her on the back. It was the only thing that I knew to do, but I think it helped. And if you see minorities being accosted, say something, DON'T JUST STAND THERE!!!!!
    In a way, it doesn't surprise me that people are committing racist acts. But what does surprise me is that no one seems to be doing anything. No one is there to stop the protests in front of mosques or to yell at the people shooting bullets at the mosques. The media has barely covered this issue. The only information I've gotten has come from other students, the alternative media, and the Center for American Islamic Relations website www.cair-net.org .
    I've been through a process of mourning all week, but I know that no matter how I feel or how much I cry, that what happened can and will not be reversed. Even if we bomb a bunch of innocent Afghanis, I won't feel better, I'll feel worse. I think it's wrong to condemn people for bombing innocent civilians right before you go out and bomb another population of innocent civilians in retaliation against what's happened. Don't get me wrong, I THINK THAT WE SHOULD KILL THE BASTARDS WHO DID THIS ALONG WITH ANYONE WHO AIDED AND ABETTED THEM, I just don't think we should bomb 30,000 people who had nothing to do with it. Last time Bin Laden attacked the US Embassy up in Yemen, we bombed a bunch of civilians and a "chemical weapons manufacturing plant" which turned out to be a harmless little aspirin factory.
    If you want to see more articles of a political nature about "Black Tuesday" go to utne.com where you'll find a link to a Compendium of Articles from the alternative press. I would write more personal thing like how I'm feeling blah blah blah, but I just don't have the energy.
    Wednesday, May 23rd, 2001
    12:11 pm
    so far an a.o.k day
    today is better than yesterday.
    dad called me to wake up at 7:00 am, but physically could not get up until 7:50, although I heard dad call me the first time. I knew I had to get up but it just did not occur to me to rise out of bed. I get like that sometimes. I remember one Sunday when I wanted to go to Church but still just couldn't get up. And once I just had a constant string of dreams, then my Mom came rushing into my room. Apparently, I'd slept for over 14 hours or so and it was already 4 in the afternoon. Of course, I had been so lost in dreams (I don't remember what they were) that I hadn't really come to. I later realized that it must have been the allergy medication I was taking at the time, although the doctor said it was "no worse than benadryl".
    Anyway (I'm rambling, I hate it when I do that... sorry) I got dressed in about 4 minutes, which, for me is not unusual and we went to breakfast at a local deli where I had some really good pancakes. My Dad had an appointment in Princeton so he dropped me off and I went to the Bucks County Coffee Company which is my fave coffee place in town, for its mellow vibe. But this morning, it was a little too quiet, too mellow. So I didn't sit down long, contemplated buying half a pound of coffee to take with me to Boston but didn't and ended up going outside where it was gray and misty from this morning's rain. Most of the stores didn't open until 10, so I poked into the Gap and looked at pricey rubber thong sandals just to kill time. (I really don't like the Gap, especially because I can go to Old Navy and buy similar stuff made by the same company probably in the same Honduran factories where little children get paid .05 cents an hour to sew buttons, but at a fraction of the price). I went to Micawber books and looked at a radical zine called Dissent, all wrapped up in shiny cellophane packaging but passed after getting disgusted at the cover price of 10 dollars. This is not the sort of thing they carry in libraries, in fact I don't even know if Barnes and Nobel would carry such a thing. Instead, I bought a copy of Brill's content, which was also outrageously overpriced at 5 dollars... I really should get a subscription since I'm starting to buy it every month anyway. I also bought a purse to take with me to Boston which was on sale at Le SportSac. I do not feel bad about that purchase because it is a barrel purse, plenty of room, cute pattern, lots of zip pockets (a must!), adjustable strap (another must) and it was made in the USA. They even recycle the stuff they stuff the purses with, which really amazes me because so many businesses don't seem to care nowadays. Then I met up with Dad and we drove to the shopping center where I worked last summer to see whether or not they were still holding their summer concerts. The 60% Bookstore is now holding a sale where if you buy 2 books you get a third free. The store is relocating to make way for the Princeton library, which will be in that spot temporarily while the current library on Witherspoon and Alexander gets rebuilt.
    Boy things change when you go to college for a year. The Grand Union shut down, but apparently their shutting down all over the place. Edward's supermarket chain got bought by Stop and Shop. The local diner closed. Makes me wonder what happened to the employees. Where did their jobs go? Do they work at the newly opened coffee houses in town that probably won't last long or the new Pannera bread bakery? What's gonna go up next only to go down or make other places go down? Will they put up a Genaurdi's where the GU was? Genaurdi's was planning to build by the airport in what seemed to be a very cockamamie plan. I'm surprised their moving all the way up from where I lived in PA. Not too surprised though, since Wawa is all the way up into Central Jersey and there are franchises as far down as Maryland.
    Hopefully something exciting will happen in the next couple days so that I have more to write about than stores and shopping...

    Current Mood: mellow
    Current Music: Sing, Sing, Sing - Benny Goodman and his Orchestra
    12:01 am
    still her moping, tired even though I didn't do much today, had a bagel with my dad before I saw the doctor and basically that was the highlight
    do not know why I'm still sitting here
    need stimulus, society, stimulus, society, fresh air, sunshine, stimulus, fresh air, conversation, social interaction, new thoughts, happier thoughts, positive thoughts, something other than this weakness this helpless fatigue

    Current Mood: cranky
    Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
    11:06 pm
    unhappy, bored, unhappy, bored...
    Trying to decide what's worse
    1. The week before the semester is over when you are anxious and twittering about the whole campus on some magical caffeine high, hunched down in the computer lab writing papers til 1 am when you go back to your dorm and sleep to the dumb reruns of Suddenly Susan and Change of Heart floating from the 5.5' tv across the room
    2. Leaving college, when the night before only brought you around 3 and a half hours of sleep, only to see the smiling faces of your parents, go to class, the load more stuff in a car, go back to school disgruntled because your father can never drive properly during times like these and because no one says goodbye to you so you have to say goodbye to them, then sitting in Tapanzee traffic for 3 hours on the way back home
    3. Approximately 5 or so days after arriving home, when thrill of being home has worn out and parents less excited as well and less willing to take you on gatherings and also less tolerant of you disillusionment over the whole leaving school thing, leaving you with alumni newsletters of people who seem to be doing better than you (like the ugliest girl in the class who now has new modeling contract) and the nagging of your mother which ruins your excitement about a new opportunity that has arisen

    Decisions, decisions.

    Then again, I think I'm only looking at the negative part of the situation. It's just that with every high comes a low, and now that the high of school ending and being back home I'm in some sort of rut type low. Argh!
About LiveJournal.com