What Raging Fires Shall Flood the Soul?

What Raging Fires Shall Flood the Soul?

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February 4th, 2005

Time:

11:40 pm

* I'm quitting working Friday nights. When school ends at 3 on Friday, that's when I will be free, too. No more coming home, sleeping for an hour and a half, then going to work for another 5 hours.

* Ohhhh. My feet are killing me.

* You know what's weird? The thoughts that run through your head when you're doing random things. I was filling my sugar caddies about an hour ago, and had to refill the Splenda packets. As I handled the little yellow packets, my mind jumped to a story I read in Literal Barrage, and how the blogger's work pal deemed Splenda the "eeeeeeevil sugar" or to that effect. And I laughed out loud and had some odd looks from my co-workers.

* Yawn. I have a big mouth. Yaaaaawn.

* I conked a kid in the head with a full tray, broke a full bottle of Heinz 57 sauce, and had to wear an apron that said "Amy" b/c yours truly left her apron behind last week...and someone took it.

* The first table I waited on got horrible service. IN the course of this week, Ihave picked up a light sinus/ear cold from my kids, and couldn't hear a dang thing the woman was saying. They were PO'ed, and complained up at the register. However, they complained about the server Amy. Poor Amy. She got a black mark on her record.

* Hitting the hay. Night....

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February 3rd, 2005

Subject:	Another random post about school, Beastie Boys, BATs, and stuffs
Time:	06:14 pm
Current Mood:	sore footies

* Four days down. One to go till the weekend. After tomorrow, 75 days of school left.

* Why do I think of Brad/FTB when I hear the Beastie Boys' song "Girls"? Is it the New Jersey connection? Wait...are the BB from Jersey? Eh..I dunno. But today while on the way home from school, I bopped my head to the opening ping-ping-pings of the song, and thought of you, FTB. Scary? Possibly.

* Last night I went to my brother's to watch Smallville, on his BAT. His Big Ass TV^TM. It truly kicks ass.

* I'm working at Crackhouse tomorrow. It'll be my last Friday night. I can't handle this schedule. My feet are killing me. There are different kinds of teachers: ones that sit and dictate from a chair, one that stands at a podium, and one that strolls around the room, talking at length. I'm of the last sort. I think it would behoove college professors to adopt that kind of pro-activism to teaching. When you stand at a podium for 90 minutes, and the student has only one visual target, they are bound to get bored and fall asleep. *coughWesternCivcough* But...make their eyes work, follow you around the room/auditorium hall/etc...they're bound to stay awake..for a longer period of time, at least.

* I'm drinking beer after abstaining for about a month. Nice. Yummy.

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February 2nd, 2005

Subject:	Two steps forward, 4 steps back.
Time:	06:18 pm
Current Mood:	weary

Ugh.

I think one of my students--the gifted, highly energetic little girl-- will be moved to another classroom. There is no way I can battle this girl for classroom control every day till June. Suffice to say: she is the nightmare student who frustrates you, b/c she is SO bright and SO gifted, she can do anything. However, she chooses to lord her superiority over everyone else, makes fun of slow readers, and is generally a nuisance.

Today was OK...but I cried at the end of school, grabbed my math books and had an impromptu tutoring session with my mentor. She broke down how to teach the math for tomorrow and Friday, and I feel a bit better about it.

I am about to tackle a stack of papers to file/staple/grade/and sign up for workshops.

Then I'm going to my brother's to watch Smallville.

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Subject:	Tuesday report
Time:	06:55 am

Whoa.

It was exponentially better. Probably helped out that 4 students were out. I wonder if it was b/c they went home, and told their parents they had a new teacher and it was a white female.

Hmmmmmm.

My lesson plans for today cover every minute of class. There is no time NOT accounted for. It makes the day go faster.

I also write a "Morning Review" for seatwork as soon as they come in the door. They do it till the announcements begin, then they assume the "listening position": feet on floor, eyes forward, hands folded on desk.

I know it will take time after time after time after time after time after time and so on to reinforce all my stuff.

I heard "You're mean" about 6 times. I off-handedly reply, "Yes, I am."

I also heard, "I want Mr. J back." (Mr. J was the sub.) To which I replied, "I know you do."

I'm a gentle, unyielding wall.

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January 31st, 2005

Subject:	Contraceptive PSA
Time:	10:12 pm
Current Mood:	determined

Have a first day in school as a first grade teacher, handling 19 kids by yourself.

It's the best birth control.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

/breathe/

I nearly cried twice today. I know they are testing me, seeing what they can get away with. These kids come from such a different background than any I have been in contact with. They have been switched from their sub, Mr. J (a male authority figure who was also African American*) to me, (a white female authority figure). I only mention the ethnicity b/c I have one white child in my class. I am seriously in the minority here. So...if these kids have any kind of family discipline, I am sure it is meted out by the father figure; hence, I come in, I'm a woman, plus I am NEW, so I am to be tested, repeatedly, to see when I crack.

And here, I wholeheartedly apologize to all subs I ever gleefully tried to break. I never instigated such activities, but followed along when someone else did, figuring I couldn't get in trouble since I didn't start it.

I was pep-talked by 2 senior faculty members this afternoon as I tore apart my room. I threw away old posters and wall hangings, cleared off the whiteboards, and truly, felt like I could breathe after a bunch of it was cleared away. The room seemed to expand.

One major thing: I changed the seating. The desks had been arranged in groups of 2 and 3 next to each other, but the kids kept sniping at each other, calling out to me that So-and-so was touching their paper/pencil/etc. I arranged them in a loose horseshoe with more desks in the center of the shoe, all facing me and the board. I just KNOW they're going to bitch and scream tomorrow.

I am resolved not to care.

The mantras I will be repeating to myself:
* My classroom, MY rules.
* I'm not asking what you want.
* I'm not giving you a choice.

I had a problem with 3 students slipping/sliding out of their chairs to fall on the floor, and lay there. I now know it was a cry for attention. I gave into all 3 times, sat on the floor with them, got them up, murmured to them comfortingly, etc. No more. That happens again, I look down, and ask: Do you do this at home? DOes your mommy allow you to do this? OK, then, stay down there. And go about my lesson.

THis is really going to be the hardest thing I've ever done.

Tomorrow: all lesson plans are abolished. I am going to be training these kids from the start on how to behave in Ms. Hayes's room. They will be quiet, they will be respectful, they will do as they're told.

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January 29th, 2005

Subject:	Random Stuffs
Time:	11:44 pm

* I like random posts. Posts about random stuff. It's like the bargain bin at the mall. You have to sift through loads of cheap crap nobody wants to find the one cool thing you'll take away with you.

* For the last week, my mind has been playing the entire movie The Lost Boys. So, I took that as a sign that I had to watch the movie for real. I duly put a B&N; Gift Card to work and bought the new 2-disc DVD set. And I watched it. And I was happy I did it.

* Did you think there was a specific point to the previous random-osity? No, there wasn't.

* I really, really like the 80's Keifer Sutherland. Stand By Me, The Lost Boys, Young Guns, Flatliners. I know Flatliners came out in 1991 or so, but he still had the spiky hair/snarky 'tude as he did in the first two, so it counts as part of the Sutherland 80's Oeuvre.

* You know what vehicular habit I detest? People junking up their rear windows with stuffed animals, Beanie Babies, crappy vacation hats and assorted drivel as that.

* I worked all day today for my job on Monday. I went to OfficeMax and got all new stuffs for my classroom, a new backpack for moi, and binders. I love office supply stores. I go into a glazey-haze, and all my mind can think is Ooooh...shredders. Aaaaahh...fine-line ballpoint pens. Ohhhhhh....clear-coated paper dividers that have their own little tabs!!!!

* It's Saturday night and I am staying home. I worked last night and made jack-shite. I was so angry. Four tables stiffed me, one that had a tab over $55. I should have made minimum $50, but walked out with a bit less than $30. If this continues, I will take back my Friday nights, and only work Sundays.

* Methinks it is almost time for bed. The puppies are asleep. My cat is giving me the blink-blink-squint-blink eyes of weariness.

/yawn

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January 27th, 2005

January 25th, 2005

January 24th, 2005

Subject:	Long time, no post
Time:	11:25 pm

Hrm...been out of posting practice.

What's happened:

* Worked Friday and Sunday nights at Crackhouse. Made some bank.

* Spent Saturday night in the company of Gorgeous & Co. Had pizza at a friend's in Winter Park, traveled on over to Fiddler's Tavern on Fairbanks, played some darts, had some beers, flirted a bit. Was waltzed around the dart floor by Gorgeous. Had breakfast at IHOP around 2 a.m. with Gorgeous and Sarah. Home by 3 a.m.

* Tonight, spontaneous pedicures-n-shopping with

enoelie, followed by cookies and milk with Gorgeous. We headed to Pine Street Bar & Grille for dinner. I stopped off at B&N; for my very own copy of The Lost Boys, which I watched tonight till I found "Murphy Brown" reruns on Nick at Nite, which I watch now.

* Headed to bed soon.

* A less boring post will be forthcoming sooner or later...

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January 22nd, 2005

January 20th, 2005

Subject:	First day on the job
Time:	10:05 pm

I left today with 3 hugs, 4 letters stating, "I love you, Miss Hayes," and a big smile on my face.

It went well. It went so well, I am almost sure that I am dreaming of how well it went.

The substitute, Mr. Johnson, is an incredible gift. He has such a natural patience and rapport with the kids, I know it'll be hard to measure up, but I'm willing to give it a try. By midday, the kids were asking me if I was going to be their new teacher. When I told them I was going to be coming back tomorrow to "help," they clapped and cheered.

Let's see how long it lasts, huh? ;)

Funny instance: As we were reviewing science facts for the test tomorrow, we were discussing the difference between living and nonliving things. We asked for examples of nonliving things:

First answer: Rocks.
Second answer: Cars.
Third answer: Cat!

Mr. Johnson glanced at the little girl who called that out, and asked, "A cat?"

She explained: Well, I saw a cat in the street that was runned over and it was dead.

I laughed myself sick.

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January 19th, 2005

Subject:	My bladder came through like a champ.
Time:	03:16 pm

I have been fingerprinted and drugtested. And although I have a shy bladder (except when on long road trips where I'm not driving and when out on the town with

enoelie, I managed to fill the cup and turn in my specimen.

Tangent: And guys, you have it so. Much. Easier. Peeing in a cup is harder to perform than a lot of people think.

/end tangent

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I have listened to The Tape^TM about 5 times since Saturday. And each time spins my head around.

I am hopeful for the future.

Shockingly, I am seriously hopeful. In 2 days, it'll be my one-year anniversary. And the last 19 days have been better than the last 9 months.

Whoo.

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January 18th, 2005

January 17th, 2005

Subject:	rally cry of today's generation: fuck capitalization!
Time:	09:48 pm
Current Mood:	satisfied

ever had one of those days where you laugh at any idea of productivity? getting dressed is sneered at. cooking a meal is snickered about. even brushing one's hair is held until about 8 p.m.

yeah, that's me today. forget making a dent in my "to do" list. forget doing laundry. i haven't even dressed. i still wear my candy-striped pajama pants and old clemson baseball t-shirt-turned-nightshirt.

all i did was sleep, watch tv, surf the web, ate dinner that was provided by my brother (chicken/cheese quesadillas from tijuana flats) and watch "the village", also provided by my brother.

awesome day.

i even don't care about capital letters. fuck capitalization, sez i!

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Subject:	Golden Globes Schmaltz
Time:	01:17 am

What's up with me? I got home around midnight, just watched my taped Golden Globes ceremony, and I welled up at certain times:

* Mariska Hargitay's acceptance speech

* Jamie Foxx's referral to his grandmother

* The whole montage of Phantom for movie nominee

* Robin Williams's dedication to Christopher Reeve

So emotionally draining.

But HOORAY for Mariska Hargitay for winning! What a feather in the cap for "Law & Order:SVU"! Wheeeeee! :)

And Foxx's Globe is well-deserved.

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What Raging Fires Shall Flood the Soul?

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