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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
John's LiveJournal:
| Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 | |
| 10:06 pm | I got sunburned at the Marathon. Thats alright I guess, as long as I'm not too red. I'm going to Laura's birthday party on Thursday. We're going to Medieval Manor. It's like the jousting 12th century place where you watch them mock fight each other. I can barely afford to live, so I'll have to miss out on the eating with your hands thing. I still miss Joe, and it sucks. I feel the only way I can get over him is to go home. Every time I see him it just hurts so fucking bad. I got my first letter ever from my brother. He actually wrote me. And it seemed so genuine and sweet. It meant a lot to hear from him. I sat down and wrote him a letter right there and then and it's already in the post. Boston is getting pretty hot. It's going to be 80F tomorrow. Thats crazy. A month ago I was still wearing my heavy pea coat. Speaking of that, I'm wondering how I'm going to get all this shit back. I have to send it and that costs a ton of money. Fuck. I can put it off until July when I come back I guess. I can hear my roommate taking out his trash full of empty coke cans, dozens of them probably. God it makes me nauseous to think about it. I'm still counting down. Only 8 hours of actual class time left. 14 days left. I won't count the day that I fly. Carolynn seems just as upset. Shes had a month of hell. I keep reminding her about how fun summer is going to be. We bonded A LOT last summer. This summer I'm assuming the only bonding going on will be between us and the bar counter. I need a cigarette, but I have to force myself to not have one. I'm serious about quitting. I can't smoke as much as I used to at all. Peter Jennings....think about Peter Jennings. I read that the new Pope used to be in the Nazi Youth. Thats kind of fucked. At least he didn't kill anyone. Current Mood:  gloomyCurrent Music: A U2 song i'm really not into |
| Sunday, April 17th, 2005 | |
| 6:20 pm | I was walking up the hill and I saw John Kerry walk outside his place with Teresa. I guess they must be doing something during the Marathon. I haven't seen this many people walking around Boston for a loooong time. It was beautiful out today. Just perfect for people watching and thats about it. Bre and I couldn't shop because we're broke. I cashed in all my change at Coinstar and got $100 out of it. That should last me awhile I hope. I'm trying to budget myself as much as possible. Current Mood:  calmCurrent Music: 104.1 FM |
| Saturday, April 16th, 2005 | |
| 8:58 pm | Whoa Ed, cool it with the air freshner. I know your room smells like animals, kitty litter and who knows what else, but the air freshner makes it reek more. Fuck its unbearable. Current Mood:  pissed off |
| 2:25 pm | Beth decided not to take the apartment for the summer. I'm really happy for her, don't get me wrong, it's great she found a job in D.C. I am disapointed though. I really needed the extra money. Anyways, I'm held prisoner in my apartment. I can't think of anything productive to do. Still just counting down days until I leave. Which really sucks. It's like my brother and I are both in our own jails. Mine just happens to be a bit better. Manray ended up being a cool night. The place is pretty dead though. It's amazing how many people just weren't there. We got there kind of early, so when midnight came around and there still weren't people showing up, I knew the club was dead. I guess I'm leaving just in time. My mom wants to take a trip somewhere exotic in November and I'm pushing Japan as a fun place to go. Tracy sent me a picture of her flashing some dirty old men in New Orleans. It's hilarious. Current Mood: crappyCurrent Music: Stone Temple Pilots - Sour Girl |
| Wednesday, April 13th, 2005 | |
| 4:39 pm | Here is a madlib I just did online. check it out, http://sonicblu.wereanimal.net/madl Dramatic Scene In A Restaurant (From Customer To Clerk) Clerk: Hi, welcome to Pig Bottom, how can I smoking you today? Customer: Yes, I would like to have a shit burger with extra weed, an order of joints, and a small bong water. Clerk: Would you like to try the fried faggots? It's today's special. Customer: No thanks. Say, do you mind if I pissing with my dyke? Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't accept dykes here. Customer: You look quite fungry. What do you say I injecting some extra nun's just for you? Clerk: I don't think so. See, I already have a fuckin fat boyfriend, and he would lick you in the ass crack if he caught me swallowing with you. Customer: Well, I'll be eating over there in case you snort your gargoyle. Clerk: I don't think so, sir. I'm very naughty to him. Customer: Surely you can tell the Pope John Paul II you'll be late getting home tonight. Clerk: Why don't you bless him, sir? He's licking your food. Current Mood:  exanimateCurrent Music: Prince - 1999 |
| Tuesday, April 12th, 2005 | |
| 1:39 pm | So I'm printing out the LJ. I just need to go to Kinko's and get it bound or something. It'll probably cost a lot. I'm going to Phantom of The Opera tonight with Bre and I'm psyched. Ha, too bad Joe's missing out on the best show ever. Beth told me she's into subletting my apartment and thats great. I'm going to save some money for once. I'm going to Manspray on Thursday with Bre and a few friends. It will probably be my last time there. I used to go a lot back "in the day" which was like, 2002. Current Mood: mellowCurrent Music: Elton John - Rocket Man |
| Sunday, April 10th, 2005 | |
| 11:27 am | I walked into the computer lab just a few seconds ago and as I walked through the door a bunch of people at the printer just stopped what they were doing and stared at me for a few awkward seconds. I wonder what the point of all that was. |
| Saturday, April 9th, 2005 | |
| 8:35 pm | I spent a few hours today printing out some old LJ entries. I'm making it into an actual booklet type thing. I just figure if one day Livejournal didn't work, or somehow the whole thing was shut down, I would at least have everything I wrote. Which has shown up to be quite a bit. I have about 70 pages of shit covering just 2001 and 2002. I can't imagine how big it will turn out to be. The party in Beverly was fun. Beth, Bre and I got pretty fucked up. I wandered around meeting new people or just finding someone to drink with. I met a girl from San Francisco, she seems like some good people. Paul was there and just turned out to be an asshole again. I hate being perceived as a sexual threat. We agreed to sleep at Gordon but he went AWOL and Beth had to drive us all the way back to Boston. I really shouldn't surround myself with needy closet cases, sheesh. So I'm going to yet another party with Joe and Mike tonight. I'm scared Joe might flirt with someone while I'm there. I hope to god that doesn't happen. I couldn't handle seeing something like that right now. I bought my ticket and I'm gone as of May 5th. All I have to do at school is #1 5-6 page English paper #2 Resume for Speech and #3 English Final. Thats it, and I'm done. I don't know how I'm going to explain the failure of this semester to my grandmother. She wants to see my transcripts for the last three years. I'm totally fucked. Anyways, I gotta run to this shindig. I hope I don't end up scratching anyones eyes out. Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: Porch - Pearl Jam |
| Friday, April 8th, 2005 | |
| 1:18 pm | Wow, I got two classes dropped without "F"s. Thank god for that. Bre and I are going to Beverly tonight to go to a wicked fun and hip Gordon College kegger. Holla Gordon! We're soooo cool, we drink....like, our parents would be sooo mad if they found out! Jesus loves us! We'll have Beth to help us make fun of them of course. It's amazing how she's survived that school. I might rather have a broomstick shoved up my ass than stay in that school for 4 years. I now have only two classes to deal with thank god. I have to send a bunch of shit home. Mostly books and knick knacks really. I didn't have a ton of stuff here besides books and furniture. Joe is going to take some of it, and my TV, so thats already some easy news. Ed is keeping the futon. Thats what I'll probably miss the most. The best Futon ever, seriously. I saw Tina Turner on the View promoting her new hits album. She looks in-fucking-credible! Her longs are so hot, after all these years. It's ridiculous. She'll live to be 100. Maybe I should get into an abusive relationship and turn out as strong as her, shit. Current Mood:  sleepyCurrent Music: Waiting For Somebody - Paul Westerberg |
| Wednesday, April 6th, 2005 | |
| 11:02 am | I just gave a 30 minute speech with my group. My section was only about 8 minutes long, but it worked and we all got A's. Possibly my first A of the semester. I don't think I've done this badly in school for a long time. I've got too much on my mind to be able to make it through a normal school day. It seems like everyone is mourning about someone or something. Whether it's the Pope's death. Perhaps the right-wing nuts over Terri Schiavo. Or me mourning the death of a relationship. I'm getting better, but it's sometimes hard to be around him. I can't look at him like a friend yet. I'm basically forcing myself to hang out with him so that I can somehow build a friendship before I leave. I still feel like I'm leaving him behind, although its the opposite that happened. I love Joe a lot. I love him as a person and human being over everything. I know that this pain I feel will go away, whether on its own or directed to someone else. I have a feeling that we can be good friends later on. But accepting that I'm single is going to be hard. I've been in a continuous relationship for two years now. I forgot what it's like to NOT have someone love you. Which is a shame because I feel weaker now than I did two years ago. So I'm counting days. I'm almost counting hours. Thats how bad I want to go home. I'm surprised I ended up staying to finish the school year. But I guess I didn't want to send Joe a message that I'm weak. Because I'm not weak. I have my emotional side, thats still there, strong. Yet I have been through so much shit in my life, that a breakup won't kill me. People say it's all about the experience. That it's all about growing stronger as an individual. Breakups that we consider huge today will look so small in the future. What makes it simpler is that I'm going to San Francisco. I think had I planned on staying another year, or had signed some lease, or somehow bound myself to stay in Boston another year, I would be much, much more upset. I guess in a way I'm free. Free to move back to my home state. Free to be close to my family again. Free to stop getting fucked by the airlines. However, I'm not going to leave here happy. I spent 3 years trying to build a life here, yet it seems like I won't be missing any of it. Or that it's all been in vain. I know it hasn't. I've met some great people here. But sometimes I wonder if I'll be talking to any of these people 10 years from now. I pray that I will be in contact with Joe for a long time. I'm scared we'll lose touch, or he'll just stop being interested in what I'm doing. I talked to my mom about Ryan. He's being released tomorrow after a full 30 days in county jail. I'm hoping that he plans on staying sober. I know that it's going to be difficult considering his friends are such fucking losers and nobodies. Mom said Ryan has been reading "The DaVinci Code". Apparently Ryan wants to go to the Louvre or Vatican or something now. I never would of suspected my alcoholic surfer brother to be into anything regarding Leonardo DaVinci. I'm meeting with Joe today for lunch. I hope I don't get overwhelmed again. I haven't seen him since last week where I just ended up crying on his sofa. Poor Joe. He should of expected this though. I think the hardest part of seeing him is the distance. The awkward hug. The "take cares" instead of the "love you's". It's so hard not to kiss him or hug him that way because it's just so routine. It's as if we're strangers now. I still wish I could of prepared myself for all this, but even if I had I would of still been upset. Joe seems to want to see me a lot before I go. I told him how hard its going to be to see him this month while still being not over the breakup. He didn't say anything like "well, maybe we shoudln't talk" or anything like that. He knows just as well as I do that my time here is limited. Maybe it's some weird ex-boyfriend last hurrah that we're doing, I don't know. I'm rambling, but I feel better I guess. God, some bitch is on her cell phone in the computer lab. Shut up bitch. God, Suffolk girls are fucking stupid. Current Mood: listlessCurrent Music: dumb suffolk bitched on cell phones |
| Saturday, April 2nd, 2005 | |
| 7:30 pm | I bind you Nancy, bind you for doing harm against yourself and harm against others. I bind you Nancy Jesus christ. i think I just heard my roommate threated to kill his dog, to it of course. Thats so weird. To threaten a dog like that. As if its going to comprehend the human laguage at all. God he's creepy. He would probably be an abusive boyfriend or something. I think he works at Starbucks and gets all pissed at people treating him like shit, and then he comes home and takes his anger out on his boyfriend/dog/whoever. I just know that if he lifted a finger on me I'd press charges so fast his head would spin. I haven't written in LJ for awhile since the breakup. I've been thinking too much about it to comfortably write about it I guess. I feel like theres not much to say. I can say however, that moving to San Francisco will be awesome. I'm going to be looking somewhere nice like SoMa or Nob Hill or something. Not the Castro, too gay for me even. I just have to make it through the hellish month that is April. Then its back to Santa Barbara for the summer. And on to San Francisco in September. I won't be going to school for fall semester, so I'm just going to work fulltime. I might have to go back to Starbucks, but I'm hoping to god that it doesn't come down to that. The pope died today. I can't say I'm sad at all. He just wrote that gays were an "ideology of evil". So I hope he rots. I went to New York with Bre and met up with Eva and Lisa. We had so much fun just hanging around and exploring the city. We had some great times besides some awkward moments in SoHo. One of the highlights of the trip was singing Kareoke in a private booth with some older drunk guys. It was so much fun. My throat was sore the next day from all the drunken singing we did. Another highlight was walking by Kirsten Dunst in central park, which was crazy because I really love her films. She is damn short and doesn't look that hot without makeup. I'm so broke right now. At least Bre is too, we can be cheap together. Looks like a lot of Wendys the next few weeks Babe. I finally saw "Beaches", and alas, did not cry at the end. But I felt sad inside. I'm deciding if I should buy "Wind Beneath My Wings" for $1 on ITunes. Went to Beverly today to see Beth. Did the suburban mall crawl. I have to say that there are wayyy too many kids in the world. Shit. Too many babies havin' babies! Beth was as fun and darling like she always is. Too bad theres nothing to do tonight. I want to go out but I'm broke, and have nobody to go out with basically. I feel more alone here all of a sudden. Kind of like my first year here. Especially with the visit to Gordon college today. It reminded me how shitty things were that winter. How depressed I had been. Not that I had fucked up flashbacks at Gordon, but it felt so sad with Tracy being there. When I get enough cash, I'm going to buy a old school Game Boy on ebay. Current Mood:  hopefulCurrent Music: Spoonman - Soundgarden |
| Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005 | |
| 3:35 pm | I am alone...(crumples paper)....I am utterly alone. By the time you read this, I will be gone. Having jumped...(crosses line)...Having plummeted off the Winter River Bridge. - Winona Ryder Current Mood:  rejectedCurrent Music: Henry Purcell |
| Monday, March 21st, 2005 | |
| 6:28 pm | "I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at it's best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived." -Margaret Mitchell |
| Friday, March 18th, 2005 | |
| 12:52 pm |  Salute Your Shorts! You enjoy camping out with yer buddies and playing tricks on your camp counselors. Watch out for Zeek the Plumber What's Your 90's Nickelodeon Show? brought to you by Quizilla Current Music: Stop Whispering - Radiohead |
| Thursday, March 3rd, 2005 | |
| 9:00 pm | I really think I'm done with Mike. I hate it when friendships don't work out, but this has been dragging on for so long. You know when you're just done with spending time with a person you have issues with. I like him a lot, he's a good person, and fun as hell to be around. We worked together, he introduced me to Joe, we practically lived together when he was sleeping on my futon. But he's a bad friend. He doesn't call me back, drops out of plans last minute....all the time. It's not like it's something that happens here and there. It happens ALL THE TIME. Theres got to be a point when you realize that enough is enough, and that you have to stand up for yourself and your morals. I don't let people walk over me. It's been a mega theme in my life for years now. And every time someone does walk over you, it weakens you. I'm done with that. I don't have room for people in my life to treat me badly. I don't have room for people to waste my time with selfish bullshit. I never see him outside of Joes place anymore. But I think I'm done seeing him outside of Joes, indefinetly. I don't know if I should confront him about it, or just stop talking to him altogether. I know its important to be upfront with someone about things you don't like about them. But some things will never change with some people. They will always do what they do, whether you like it or not. Current Music: human behavior - bjork |
| 5:46 pm | So last night was trashy. Jenn and I went to the Alley, which is probably the cruisiest/dingiest gay bar in Boston. But we had a few drinks and enjoyed ourselves. I love hanging with Jenn, we really get along. Joe left this morning for a trip back to Indiana. I sent him away with a crusty morning kiss. I had lunch with Laura, so we caught up with each other over some barbeque ribs. Having dinner with Reina at the Pourhouse in about an hour. Busy day. Current Mood:  blahCurrent Music: Feed The Tree - Belly |
| Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005 | |
| 11:02 am | So I have to start getting ready for spring break and summer plans. Tracy and I are making plans to go to San Francisco next weekend to just hang out and stuff. I really, really want to see Tommy when I go up there. We need to hit the gay bars with a force. I'm hanging out with Jenn (chiefohchief on LJ). I haven't seen the bitch in months. My obsession with thefacebook.com has taken me to new levels. I don't want to list my LJ on the profile though because I've talked so much shit about everyone over the years. I still don't want to make the LJ private though, I'm too cool for that. There is a hot guy that I'm working with in my Comm class. I do enjoy having social interactions with hot straight guys, mainly because its so rare that I talk to them. Ha. Current Mood:  productive |
| Monday, February 28th, 2005 | |
| 6:38 pm | This last weekend was really intense. I was training for the Helpline for 21 hours if you add them all up. I didn't get to sleep in at all :( Joey is going to Indiana for his step-grandfathers funeral. It seems to be the kind of "thank god" funeral, so he's not that sad. This is actually the first time he's left somewhere before me. So I have lots of time to do random shit this weekend. Maybe I'll do some homework. Ha. I signed up for thefacebook.com. I feel deep shame, but I like it so far. I'm waiting for Bre to send me some pictures so I can put one up. my email on it is ste09582@suffolk.edu Current Mood: highCurrent Music: All I Ask Of You - Phantom of the Opera |
| Friday, February 25th, 2005 | |
| 2:38 pm | 1992 "I don't know how I feel about MTV's The Real World," he said. "I mean, is it really real? How real is it, really? Is it a depiction of reality, or is it a reflection of what we perceive to be reality? They advertise this as "reality programming", but isn't anything programmed inherently fabricated? How real is real, you know?" She said nothing. She continued smoking a menthol cigarette. Twenty seconds passed. "Well, what do you think?" he finally asked. "About what" she asked, exhaling through her teeth. "About the Real World", he repeated. "Do you think it's real?" "Compared to what?" "Well....to...I guess compared to things that are completely real". Twenty more seconds passed. "Is the show taped or edited in the Fourth Dimension?" she asked. "No" "Are the characters robots?" "No" "Can the episodic plotlines only be perceived by people who have ingested mind-expanding hallucinogens, such as lysergic acid diethylamide, mescaline, phencyclidine, ketamine, or psychedelic mushrooms?" "No" "Well then", she concluded, "it sounds real to me". -Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosternman Current Mood:  geekyCurrent Music: Brain Stew - Green Day |
| Thursday, February 24th, 2005 | |
| 11:57 am | Damn my roommate is creepy. He drinks so much Coke. He also lines them up on his desk like he collects the cans or something, but he doesn't. I don't think I've ever seen him drink anything BUT coke. The worst sound in the house is him opening up a coke can. That hissy snap I can hear go off in his room about once every half hour or so. It's fucking sick. I can't imagine what it does to his teeth and overall health. His health is pretty bad in general because he chain smokes pot and cigarrettes at the same time. I hear him hacking away a lot because he has a nasty smokers cough. I never had a nasty smokers cough like him because even I didn't smoke as much as he does. He has no life that I can tell of. When I first moved in, I invited him to go out once in awhile, but he always said no. After a few attempts of inviting him, I gave up. Even when I have friends over, he stays in his room. Only coming out to walk the dog, or go to and from work. I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't left Beacon Hill in months. It's miserable living with him. I feel depressed just being around him. I can't wait until this lease is up. I swear, I'm getting tired of making stupid mistakes when it comes to who I live with. I need to have a roommate with a life. I think maybe a girl next year. Hopefully a lesbian. Current Mood: geekyCurrent Music: Head Down - Soundgarden |