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| i dont know how many more days i can live like this | ||||
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LiveJournal for erika.
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| Friday, April 4th, 2003 |
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| i dont know how many more days i can live like this | ||||
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| Monday, February 10th, 2003 |
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| went into boston today to volunteer for the homeless shelter. did a ton of mopping and scrubbing and some bread distributing. it was rewarding. there was a transvestite who came through the line. a woman with a beard. its interesting the people you see. came home and great expectations was on tv *swoon*. if only life could be like movies. called abby and chatted for awhile. good to hear about texas. a couple nights ago i was thinking i shouldve never moved down there. i mean i wonder what my life would be like now. i know its not good to dwell on the past, but i think a lot could be different. i almost certainly wouldnt be where i am today. but would it be better? hard to tell. it all depends what i make of it. you know what i was just thinking? i was looking at the words come up on the screen as i typed them and i thought of that old show dougie howser. anyone remember that? and he would end each episode typing on the computer in like that old black and green screen and you would read the words as he said them aloud...we could do with more of that entertainment. | ||||
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| Friday, February 7th, 2003 |
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 take free enneagram test |
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| Tuesday, January 28th, 2003 |
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if it werent so cold outside, now would be a great time for a walk. if the lake werent frozen over, itd be a great time for a swim. or at least to watch the stars reflect. i spend entirely too much time online and have nothing to show for it. |
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| Thursday, January 23rd, 2003 |
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| hehe this slogan creator is grand. i was watching the tele today and i saw the most awful commercial for goldfish "the snack that smiles until...you bite their heads off!" made me want to cry for the death of so many crackers. | ||||||
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| Monday, January 20th, 2003 |
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"i should become a lesbian"-my mom i agree mom. boys suck. ick im so sick of boys. |
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| Saturday, January 18th, 2003 |
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| how does one go about finding themselves? finding who they really are? cause im still not sure. maybe its all overrated. but if im to love myself, then i should know who i am. im not merely my characteristics, i feel theres something more i cant put my finger on...or maybe i do know who i am, but i dont like it, so i reject the thought and end up confused. maybe i think too much. tell me, anyone out there, do you know who you are? | ||||
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| Friday, January 17th, 2003 |
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| i want to leave everything for awhile. i have few responsibilities these days but i feel so weighted down. its like i need to cut things out of my life to be free. i feel so heavy right now. ever get that feeling where its hard to lift your limbs and your eyelids feel like lead? i have a humming in my ears. i just want to go outside and run to a different place. i dont even know what im trying to get away from. | ||||
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| Tuesday, January 14th, 2003 |
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[ name ]:erika [ nicknames ]:tootie, erfreaka [ born in ]:texas [ resides in ]: massachusetts [ eyes ]: brown [ hair ]:lt brown [ shoe size ]: big ~* Last time you... *~ [ had a nightmare ]:i dont have nightmares, just disturbing dreams [ said "I love you" and meant it ]: fri night [ ate at McDonalds' ]: heh, like a half hour ago [ dyed your hair ]: bout a month ago [ brushed your hair ]: this morning [ Washed your hair ]: this morning [ checked your e-mail ]: tonight [ cried ]: bout a week ago [ called someone ]: today [ smiled ]: today [ laughed ]: today [ talked to an ex ]:uh like a couple months ago ~* Do you... *~ [ smoke? ]: no way [ do drugs? ]: not unless the situation presents itself [ have sex? ]:with myself...yes [ sleep with stuffed animals? ]:only my beaver [ have a dream that keeps coming back? ]: no [ play an instrument? ]: used to [ believe there is life on other planets? ]: yeah [ remember your first love? ]: if you can call it love [ read the newspaper? ]: the funnies and jumble [ have any straight friends? ]: yeah [ consider love a mistake? ]: sometimes [ like the taste of alcohol? ]: certain kinds [ believe in god? ]: no [ go to church? ]: no [ have any secrets? ]:of course [ have any pets? ]: sadly no... [ talk to strangers who instant message you?]: yeah [ wear hats? ]: no [ have any piercings? ]: ears [ have any tattoos? ]: yep [ hate yourself? ]: at times [ have an obsession? ]: ...i suppose you could call it that [ have a secret crush? ]: im not good at keeping secrets [ collect anything? ]: naw, i end up loosing it all [ have a best friend? ]: sure [ like your handwriting? ]: noooo [ have any bad habits? ]: i suppose i concentrate on the negative too much [ care about looks? ]: occasionally [ boy/girlfriend's looks? ]: if i had one, id think they were beautiful [ friends and other people? ]: naw [ believe in witches? ]: paganism, yeah [ believe in Satan? ]: not really [ believe in ghosts? ]: not yet ~* Current... *~ [ dress ]: pjs [ mood ]: full [ music ]: snoring [ taste ]: mds shake [ hair ]: pulled back [ annoyance ]: typing wrong [ smell ]: me [ thought ]: i smell like me [ book ]: widow for one year [ fingernail color ]: uhh...the color it is w/o polish [Refreshment ]: water [ worry ]: ugh..i think i ate too much [ crush ]: eh...none really [ Favorite Celebrity ]: orlando bloom...*cream* ~* Last person... *~ [ you touched ]: emily [ you talked to ]: janna [ you hugged ] :emily [ you Instant messaged ]: janna [ you yelled at ]: hm...i dont yell much [ you had a crush on ]: prolly the last guy i stalked ~* Who do you want to... *~ [ kill ]: jeez...no one [ slap ]: jamie [ tickle ]: elmo... [ talk to ]: amy [ kiss ]:heh...who dont i want to kiss [ be like ]: mike |
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| Monday, January 13th, 2003 |
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so yeah, back from texas. what can i say, it was awesome and i loved it. many thanks to abby and her familys hospitality. some notable moments from my visit: met abbys crazy mexican bf, squeezed lots of booty, got a tattoo, and made out with tons of hot guys. ok everything but that last one. its been ok being back in mass...ive been trying to keep busy. worked a couple days. i only got 5 hours this whole week. boo...i need another job. im going ice skating tomorrow. i hope i dont freeze myself too much. hey, know what i feel like? a survey...thats right. im gonna go rip one of someones lj.... |
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| Friday, December 27th, 2002 |
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 Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate? brought to you by Quizilla ok new fantasy: tag team legolas and aragorn in lothlorien.....*grrrrr* |
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but anyways...my flight got cancelled, texas has to wait one more day. but now i got rescheduled to come back a day later so i can see tbs and the used in austin on the 8th. go me. i got the sims deluxe edition...ohlala. now i can invent all the romances i want for myself. i get horny when i make the girls kiss each other. oh me.... so i got me and abby these matching pj pants...and i talk to her today only to find out she got the same pants from her grandma, what are the odds...so now im down one gift....oh well...but theyre really cute pjs... i got some books today. cheap books about coming of age. my favorite kind of story. ill read em on the plane tomorrow.... not much else to report...farewell to massachusetts, ill see you next year... |
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| Monday, December 16th, 2002 |
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i ran into a tree today...well i suppose i did "run"...i sorta slid...stupid snow. now the bumpers all smooshed in and i look like the crappy driver i am. hopefully it wont cost that much to replace... in other news...we had to get rid of my beloved christmas tree, hal. he was shedding too much. but we have a wonderful replacement, hal's sister sal. sal shall look beautiful once shes made up. i went to work tonight. i wasnt even scheduled, i read my schedule wrong....but they kept me anyways...im such a fool. i stopped by my dads house...its a mess and it smells...played with my birdy, got some clothes, i listened to the answering machine...there was a lady who called for my dad...shes like, i didnt have anything to do tonight and i came across your number you gave me and was just wondering if you wanted to talk....ew. my dads making moves on the ladies... well thats it for now, austin...10 more days! |
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| hope can be an awful emotion in the wrong circumstances...it can consume you...fill you with falsities...i think i need less hope | ||||||||
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| Sunday, December 15th, 2002 |
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him: wow, you really are self conscious. me: you didnt know this by now? yeah... |
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we got our tree tonight. i named him hal. he was all wet when we got him, but now hes drying off on his stand. tomorrow hell be all better and well decorate him and make him pretty. in other news...went to the tbs show last night. didnt go into the pit this time...but i did get northstars cd. which is currently rocking my socks. i cant stop shivering...damn me and my thin blood... |
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| Monday, December 9th, 2002 |
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| never go shopping when youre upset...i spent like 200 bucks | ||
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| im so fucking pissed at myself... | ||
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HI; Well, you finally let me know you are still alive. You have not called nor sent any kind of correspondence sine July. I was wondering if you would ever contact me again. Well, thank you for calling me on my birthday and Thanksgiving. Oh, I'm sorry you didn't call. Never mind. I thought you said before you left that you were going to keep in touch. Well, I guess that was another one of your lies. I tried calling you in August, September, and October. I left messages with Steve and I told him I did not have your email. I have tried to get you to understand certain things that happen, but you have chosen not to accept the truth. It is sad for me to say that you are very much like your mother. You are manipulating and play people for as much as you can get. When you can't get any more, you then discard them. I truly hope that one day you will wake up and see things for what they really are, instead of seeing them for what you can get out of them. You are self centered and feel the whole world, or the world you create, has to revolve around you. Well, you are sadly mistaken. I will not take part in your games any longer. If you want to have a relationship with me, then start acting like you do. If you feel I am wrong, than that is your opinion. I am stating what I see. If you come down here for Christmas that will be fine. Roxanne is now staying with us and will be here till March. She is then going to Chicago to finish her schooling. I will be working during the time you are here, although it would be good to see you, if you want to. I have a lot of work to do around here that has been put on hold because of my arm. The house needs a new roof thanks to a hail storm we had about a month ago. That will take place sometime in January. My car got damaged as well, but it will be fixed at a later date. I am your father and you have your mother to thank for the time we have missed. Dad. ... ....this proves that he really doesnt know me...and that he still has serious issues with my mom that he hasnt resolved from 16 years ago. i dont think im gonna reply to him...not right away at least. im hurt... |
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| Sunday, December 8th, 2002 |
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| i love my abby...austin....18 days and counting...i have to stop biting my fingernails.... | ||||
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LiveJournal for erika.
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depressed.
bored.
relaxed.
discontent.
full.
cold.
horny.
okay.
shocked.