March 20th, 2004
12:52 pm - Dreams I had dreams about Jay again last night. As usual.
We were at a carnival, or some such thing. We went into one of those picture booth things and took some pictures. It was 87 cents to get your photos, so I paid the machine and it gave me back a 17 dollar bill and some ones. Said that they were out of photo paper. So we went walking down this hallway to find something to do. We walked into this one room, but were stopped because we didnt pay. It was a dance or a bar or something. So we walked down the hallway some more and into this theather. Jay ran off down the steps without paying and dragging me behind her. There was an old man screaming at everyone because someone didn't pay. Me and Jay sat there giggling. Then I looked over and she was sucking on a piece of paper in her wallet. I knew it was some sort of drug and I took it away from her and asked her what it was. She looked at me the way she does when shes scared of getting yelled at and didn't answer. Then I woke up.
I wish I could stop dreaming about her. I want to be over her now, but I'm not. It's been 7 months and I still love her. I don't know why, she's moved on and I doubt she even thinks much about me anymore. *sigh* Current Mood: sad
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March 19th, 2004
10:52 pm So I asked Jay if she thought her mom would let me come stay. She said last time she asked her mom wanted to know if there wasn't anywhere else I could stay. It doesn't look good for me getting to visit. *sigh* I sure do hope I get to though. Really really hope I get to. *nuzzle*
In other news, Poe is just about the greatest music ever. Haunted is one of my favorite albums, I've been listening to it pretty much non stop for the last 3 weeks or so.
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March 18th, 2004
11:51 pm Well now. I keep telling myself that I need to listen to Janine. She's right most of the time. About everything. I should just start doing everything she says and not thinking about it too much. But I don't and now I feel like a jerk. I called Jay and she told me to go away she didn't want to be on the phone. So I was all irritated. Turns out she had one hell of a day. Now I feel bad because shes so upset and doubly bad because I was so irritated with her for telling me to go away. *sigh*
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March 16th, 2004
02:35 pm - Feeling Good I'm actually feeling pretty good today. Talked to Jay for a while last night. I had to pull a good mood out of my ass. She won't talk to me when I'm feeling bad. Says my voice makes her sad. Makes me feel a little crappy, but whatever. I felt better after talking to her. I'm going to have to keep prodding her to ask her mother about me coming out there. Oh well.
Burned Poe's Haunted last night, excellent CD. Hello is ok too, but Haunted is much better.
Anyway. Bye everyone. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Poe - Haunted (album)
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02:41 am - NeoBets I've got 10k NP that featheralley bows out and lets someone else win this war against Fausty's 40k that she trashes the boss like always. Odd's I couldn't pass up even though I might lose. I need the NP unless my stocks change.
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March 13th, 2004
03:06 am god i need someone here. i feel so alone anymore. the only person i have to turn to is janine and shes too busy just as often as shes not. i hope that i get to see her. i know she wont want to hear it but i'll be crushed if i can't. that hope is really the only thing keeping me going. i love her so much its unbelievable. its unthinkable that im not with her. shes my best friend. i hope things stay that way. who else will i watch movies with? no one else watches that stuff. i'll be forever condemned to adam sandler movies. god why do people watch that shit. anyway... with everything going on right now, i could definatly use a visit with jay. nothing would make me happier.
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March 12th, 2004
06:59 pm - ... Today has sucked. Really bad.
I woke up to mom and dad fighting abotu something, then mom left so I stayed in bed until she got home. Then they started fighting again. When dad finally went to work mom told me why they had been fighting. Apparently dad doesnt like his job at Lockheed. So he wants to get a civil service job in Altus, on the base. I've lived in Altus before. Worst place on earth. There's less to do there than in Grand Forks. So now that we've moved in august (twice), november, and january, he wants to move again in march. To altus of all places. Then he harps on me to get a job. how the fuck can i get a job when i dont even know where were going to be living in a month. fuck him i say. im honestly thinking about just moving back to cali and winging it. i dont even care if i dont make it, it would be nice to try. the only thing keeping me going is that i might get to go see jay. over spring break. that would be awesome. i just hope her mom will let me. i think im going to go cry now. bye.
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March 11th, 2004
01:04 pm - Passenger I've decided the Deftones song, Passenger is the greatest song ever. Chino and Maynard together is so good it's orgasmic. Beautiful song. Absolutly amazing.
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March 8th, 2004
03:35 pm I saw you. It was incredible. Muble these words, they were intelligible...
I love that song. Much goodnes there.
I'm trying to go visit Jheart. I will if her Mom says it's dandy. I hope so. *crosses fingers* I'm going to have to be good though. Just 1 kiss and 1 bite. Nothing more. *le sigh* Thats ok I'll be more than happy just to see the little one. Current Mood: calm
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March 2nd, 2004
06:19 pm - Now I'm free, now I'm free! Ah God Janine makes me happy. I should make up my mind huh?
Anyway today was pretty good. Woke up around 10 and went out with Mom. I deposited a $50 paycheck I found, went to the library and picked up the uncut version of Stranger in a Strange Land and Cats Who Walk Through Walls by Robert A. Heinlein. Should both be good reads. Then we went shopping. Yay! Damn, I'm almost a girl. Whatever though. We went looking for tailored/fitted button down shirts for me. I found some really awesome ones, but even the smallest size didn't fit close enough. They looked good though and I would have bought them except that the bottom of them were funky. And the sleeves were really baggy. But I found out that I look damn good in a red shirt. Jay told me once that men who were red shirts look like whores. I dunno what she was talking about. I looked sexy as hell. Anyway... I look really good in bright dark blue too. But mainly I look good in fitted shirts. I've gotten very thin and I should have shirts that show that off. Anyhow. We went to like 5 different stores and I must have tried on 15 shirts, but either they looked funny or they were too expensive. So I didn't buy any. *sigh* Then we went to get a hamburger and came home. I took a nap cause I was tired. Now I'm sitting here listening to VAST. *lick* I realized that Janine is always right and I should listen to her. *sigh* Oh well. I miss her. Wanna see her and all that jazz. I hate her boyfriend with a passion. We were talking about him last night and I jokingly told her to kick him. And she told me she would but shes afraid of him and he has a knife. My god I don't think I've ever been that mad in my entire life. I will beat him senseless if he hurts her. I had a dream about him last night. We were talking about how fun it was to give Jay oral sex. Heh. Then I killed him for saying something. I don't remember what. But it was the highlight of my night. I wish Jay would end things with him. I know she can take care of herself but she shouldn't have to be worried her boyfriend will hit her. And if she worries about that I don't see how she can trust him not to do soemthing she doesn't want to. I need to move back so I can kill AJ if nothing else. Current Mood: Happy and slightly murderous Current Music: VAST
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