void everything[];

I am using a modified Celtic Cross spread. I have always used a modified version, but the latest mod is brand new in this reading. I think I am going to stick with it.

I have always used this spread (the order and meaning of the positions is significant) because the traditional ones I read didn't jive or produce clear readings. This order just "feels" right. This is (sometimes much) less so for the staff, but I expect to refine this as I read and interpret more. Most notable differences are the order of the draw for (3)-(6), and (8) and (9) only make sense to me when reversed. But today, in reading an entry by

heiregulus in the

tarot_klub community, I saw he has his "anchor" as his tools to use in overcoming obstacles.

From this I had a flash for my anchor. It is now divided into three parts (left to right):

1. The Querant (You): 8 Swords: Bound, Blind, Bewildered. A feeling that your situation has grown beyond your ability to control, and has taken you captive.
Betrayed (by curcumstances or fate)? This is indeed how I have been seeing myself of late. I know most of it is my doing, prices that must be paid for actions i have taken. But often the price seems too damn high....
2. the Cross: Knight of Swords: Rushing into action. He is giving too little thought to the consequences of what lay ahead of him. Tunnel vision. He is thinking no further than his next enemy/obstacle. His mount does not share his emotions, but is being driven by fear of his rider, uncertain of its rider's leadership and wisdom -- seeing madness and ruin as probable results of this action. Seek your friends' advice, especially those that support or help you. They may carry you to your doom (or at least severe pain and suffering) all the while thinking What is this idiot doing?
3. The Past (energies of decreasing import): 10 wands: Carrying the weight of the world. Weather or not the burden is necessary is not important, it is necessary to him. Willing but begrudging.
4a. That which holds you down: 7 Wands (inverted): Being territorial, overprotective of your domain. The best defence may be a good offence, but this is not necessarily the best in the long run, as it may prove to be too distructive when the current conflict is over. Burning bridges before you cross them.
4b. That which you can build on: Knight of Cups (inverted): A calm introspective and observing stillness. The active contemplation and the passive understanding of the wisdom of your actions before you act. Chosing your steps. Holding your emotions, detaching your perceptions from your feelings. Maintaining objectivity. All of which is not present in your daily life, but needs to be.
I have been letting my emotions get the best of me. Especially where it concerns my wife. I have lost that calm and collected center I used to have so long ago.... I am like a fractured vase under great strain... the cracks are getting wider. I need to regain this center, but it is soo difficult and I don't even know how.
4c. That which must be avoided: King of Pentacles (inverted): Lording over possessions (and territory -- see 4a). Being autocratic. (To a lesser extent) Exceeding focus on the material vice spiritual.
I know that a lot of this results from leaving the navy without a clear plan. I always seem to lack money; I am forever running short, and just barely manage to cover bills. I must not allow this to take over my thoughts however....
5. That for which you strive: The Moon (inverted): Illusions and dreams which cannot be substantiated or supported by reality. One step short or less of lying to yourself.
I have been indeed been seeking to lie to myself concerning certain things. My faith included, and may be what this card is trying to tell me. Its time to wake up and face some hard facts. The Sun after all is brighter and more potent than the moon in dealing with reality. I need to deal with what is and not what I wish were true, or my fears of what might be true....
6. The future (energies of increasing import): The Chariot: Vicotry and the trappings (display of, pride in accomplishment) thereof. Being successful may be gaining in importance in your mind. Successes are sure to come, tho they may seem small and incosequential at the time, they will grow in both size and import.
7. The Questor (That which brings you to here): Page of Cups (inverted): A lack of the joys of life. Growing up and becoming embittered.
8. Internal Situation: King of Wands: It is time to release energies. The planets as living entities are behind you, supporting you, giving you a power base from which to draw on and direct. Determine what it is that you want to do, and direct the energies (who are consenting to your guidance) to accomplishing that goal. It is important to note that the King does not command these energies, nor are these energies owned by him -- ie, it is not his innate power that is being tapped.; Listen to that small guide at your feet (inside you).
9. Exterior Situation: Page of Wands (inverted): The time is never right to act. This is a limitation you must accept; you must not remain inactive because "the time/circumstance just isn't right".
To me, the Page of Wands is the earthly representative of The Fool, with the focus of actively reaching out, being sociable, and experiencing new things; always ready to try new things. This also connotes to me the essence of Aries.
10. Outcome: Death: Change. Not exactly an unexpected change, but may be at an unexpected time. Change is coming whether you have the courage to take part in the process or not. You can either work with this change for your betterment, or stick your head in the sand and live with the results. But do not bitch about it, for Death is silent. All you can do is try your best, and accept the new cards that Fate will place in your hand.

Summery

Most of the details have fled -- i spent a lot of time getting the format to look right. lol. Maybe its another indication of sticking my head in the sand.

Twice I have been told to listen to counsel -- once to seek it from friends, and another to strain to hear my own heart. I guess I have been neglecting both.

??? 5 Pentacles: Poverty, financial humiliation, begging.
This card fell on the floor when i walked past the table to silence the dog.... Am I being warned about what is to come? Does this have anything to do with card 4c? I am at a loss; this is usually not a happy card....

Although there is something of a mixed blessing of sorts. The absence of physical niceties does tend to sharpen the awareness on the more important spiritual things.

In reference to the chariot, I think I have started on the right path by enrolling in school this spring. But the next step I feel is unrelated, and I don't know what or when.... I also feel that I will know when the time is right if I do indeed listen to my heart.

There are a lot of wands in this reading; the emphasis is on action. Interesting to note that the only two swords are in the center -- the Querent and the Cross. Did I ever mention that my suit is Swords? I am primarily a creature of thought.

Twice (now) I have been warned that material things are not as important as spiritual things....

Here endeth the reading.