Sunday, March 31st, 2002
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11:05 pm
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so yea my computer is fixed now. my dad spent 100 dollars on this piece of crap. i keep tellin him to just by a dell but nooo...he's so stubborn. he will be spening more 100 dolllars later on insteand of savin up to buy a better computer. but its okay im not the one paying or going all the way to new york to get it fixed. well...im waiting for Kazaa to upload in my comp. its takin hella long. im very impatient mann..i need a faster modem. im stuck on a 56k connection. im used to the cable connection at work which is hella fast. you can dl a song in like 30 sec man! wit my comp its like..300 hrs to download one song. btw..im in love with the song "A Woman's worth" by Maxwell. that is just the most beautiful song i've ever heard! its soo awesome, and meaningful. maxwell's voice is awesome, and the lyrics are simple but overwhelming to my ears.
you know, i may be into rock and all that but it would probably surprise some people to know that i like soul as well. Who would not like Soul music? some lauryn hill, india arie, musiq...and Jill Scott!! awesome awesome people.
okay yay, 3 min left. and im downloading a 3mb file. how pathetic is this computer man...dammit. i complain too much. i think im pms'n. im prolly gonna have my period again!...its crazy. ive been gettin it every two weeks now. i dont know whether to go to a gynecologist or a doctor of some sort. im too scaredd to go though. its like, im afraid of what i might have. jusst too worried. i think it's my diet. i eat too much chocolate or sweets. thats just bad. i could have diabetes too!! dammn. im promising to myself that i will start eatin right, but everytime i see good food i just get tempted and eat like a pig.
ahh i dont know what to do with my feelings and my heart. there are these great people that exist in my life. and i appreciate them, but i just dont do anything about it. i just sit there and let them do all the work. im too scared! i want to be like the aggresive one, the one that would initiate the conversation or the one that would just be physical if i feel like it but i cant because im afraid of what the other person might think. ah im prolly not even makin any sense right now. i dont know, im really confused. maybe this is why its so hard for me to get a boyfriend. because im too shy? noo..most likely it's because no one would really want me. man if only i didnt have so much low self esteem and not much of an asshole, i'd proly go and get me some.
you know maybe one day i'll just try it. i'll just go on ahead and not care. see what will happen, and see how people would react. i know im being vague, but it will all make sense to everyone soon.
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Thursday, March 14th, 2002
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2:47 pm
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so.yea...marya's here. and she's tellin me wah to do as always.
suck her concocktion. we saw dead people today. it was amazinggg. anyways..havent written here in awhiLe...i miss this. anyway yea so im really bored. marya's is gonna getnew underwear today from her mommie ..n also pajamas. shes gay. totally gay...so if anyone's interested her # is ....201-555 bring-it-on *growl*
skyyy
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Thursday, January 17th, 2002
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11:10 pm
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today is my sister's bday..she's 16. dam..she's so old!...today was a really bad day. we encountered bad kids on da way home. 7th grade bullies..about 8 or 9 of them. i got smacked so many times my face looks like a tomatoe. grrrr im soo pissed !! i feel like i coulda have done something...but noo...i juss kept walking away. grr man. "just ignore them" dats what my dad says...like we didnt try?!..we jes kept walking away..da more we walked da more we got smacked around. dammit..i dono what im gonna do if it ever happens agen. i think im gonna black out and just fight back like when i was a little kid. such a shame i have to go through such things as an 11th grader.
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Friday, May 4th, 2001
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1:04 am - ummmz
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too lazy to type nething...so i'll just blab wahtever i cud think of:
today was a crappy day. i had a feeling it was gonna be crappy...cuz thursdays are bad days for Virgos. but i didnt kno it was gonna be THIS crappy. im so insecure and i have the lowest self esteem as of now. it's like such a bad feeling man. i don't blame myself though. it's normal for me to have it having the fact that i have reasons...good reasons. i wish it would all just go away.....something happened this morning and that's when my depression for the day started. although, when i went to the hospital....drank some coffee...got a lil hyper, i had a sense of confidence in myself. it only lasted awhile though. but it was good. even though my heart was racing in tremendous beats.
chuno wuh i mean?!
today i ran my first meet in track. i ran 3rd out of 4 people. i think it will be my last. i hated running that 200 meter dash. im sooo slowww!!!! fuck. i just can't stand being so low, slow, loser like dumass. i'm gonna try running the distance next time. im through with sprints.
im sleepy, havent done any homework......i suck so much ...so lazy...so FAT errrr......
o yea...i was dancing in mah underwear in da living room just about an hour or so ago. and i look out my window. i see some lady..or woman staring at me from her window!. i was soo scared, and embarassed!! haha...i stared a few times and hid in the corner, stared back....she wouldn't move from her position! she just kept staring at me. she didn't even like, try to hide or anything. talk about a nosy asss neighbor! geez....you can't even dance naked in your own living room these days!!! what has the world gone to..??
now im afraid of walking out my house and possibly meeting that person. i would be like so embarassed. ahhahha....she knows mah lil secret. and now you guys do too...if anyone is actually reading!! hehahe ..thank god no one is...
well im really sleepy, and im like sweatingg like hell cuz of da heat. im gonna go n get sum ZzZzzzssss now bye
sky
current mood:  sleepy
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Sunday, April 22nd, 2001
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11:27 pm - ah man
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tommorow we're going back to skoo agen. it's been a good spring break, and im afraid im gonna have to say goodbye....for now. them days when i would wake up 12 noon..eat brunch and sit infront of da TV the whole day. awesome days....also, chillin wit mah frends in tha park...over their house...etc. that's life man, im lookin forward to more of that in the summer. im gonna have to wait a lonngg 2 more months. o yea...kan u believe the weather today?? u could just "smell" summer..even though it's the first month of spring. i miss dem days...when it was warm and people would just chill outside till god knoes when. the weather is changin n so are my moods. i hope it's for the good.
i was just listening to the Matchbox 20 version of "time after time" it's awesome, i always took that old song for granted..but when you hear this version, they lyrics blows up and you actually pay attention to it. it's inspiring, and i caught mahself just silent and in awe by the song. it's gonna be one of those songs that's gonna be stickin around mah head. also, that mitsubishi commercial song that goes " i wishh that im the one i knew now when i was younger..." something like that. it's like in mah head and i keep singin it over n over..hahaha ...newaYz....gotta go sleep soon..gotta wake up early 2moroe...*siGh* school suckssss sooo muchhh
im signin out....buh wait!
***********************
lying here in mah bedroom i hear mah clock tick thinkin of you
caught up in circles..confusion is nothing new
flashback, warm nights almost leavin behind
suitcase of memories ...time after sometimes you picture me
and im walking too far ahead, you're callin to me and i
cant hear what you said, and you say...."go slow, im far behind"
the second hand rewinds
if you're lost...you can look and you will find me
time after time...
and if you fall i will catch you, i'll be waiting
time after time
and after mah picture fades, darkness had turned me gray
watching through the windows, you're wondering
if im okay
secrets ive stolen from deep inside..
and you drove meets out of time?
if you're lost...you can look and you will find me
time after time...
and if you fall i will catch you, i'll be waiting
time after time...time after time......
and when you said to go slow, i fell behind
the second hand unwindss
if you're lost...you can look and you will find me
time after time...
and if you fall i will catch you, i'll be waiting
time after time, time after time
its okayy
matchbox 20- time after time
**********************************
hasta........sky
current mood:  pleased
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Saturday, April 21st, 2001
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2:37 am - ehh
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i'm going to sleep now even though i don't feel sleepy. i've just been spending the past two hours looking at these sites reading people's journals and entries. i'm so interested in these peoples lives that sometimes i forget about mine. it makes me feel good somehow. like when i read about someone's bad day, i feel relieved that im not the only one having a bad day. somewhere out there in the internet world.....there are people that go through the same shit i probably go through, if not close to what i go through. but they don't know that....ahh enough bout that. im gonna go to bed and dream bout things ...n maybe even someone*** haha yaWnz*
bye
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12:17 am - o yea
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and im sick too..!! mann....all u hear is like sneezin, coughin and weezin..i kant frikkin breathe. this shit sucks!!! but it's all ggggggeee.....!! *coughh* blechh . mah dad sed to take a cold shower since it's working for him. so i did. so far...there's no improvement..we'll see if his little thing works. they say kill your cold with cold...let's find out if dats tru...........
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12:11 am - alive
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righ now i feel alive and independent. i dont need no boyfriend by my side cuz i tink i am way better off on my own. in my case though, i don't know if i'm even single or not. oh well...he'll call if he wants to...i'm just gonna sit back and chill. it's been good lately and im glad. shii..i've never been happy and free man! its like a release..no problems and worries baby. its all gee......
current mood:  content
current music: good charlotte- proclamation motivation
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Wednesday, April 18th, 2001
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4:46 pm - ohz
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i got a thought..not a thought..but this thing that im juss thinkin of right now.
right now im lonely and i feel like no one loves me...i want someone to love me. but i notice when i get it..i push it away and want to be left alone...something is wrong wit me..i need help like seriously yo. damnn and im beginnin to sound like sumone ..eekk
ok bye..ill b bak when sumthin elese come to mah mind
current mood:  lonely
current music: temptations- sugar pie honey bunch
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4:27 pm - cool
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this thing still works...it's been awhile since ive written hea.....gEez.....um i forgot what i was gonna say..so i'll chek back laytah..
btw happy easter peoples...to ANYONE dats readin dis..eheh...hooo
current mood:  bouncy
current music: dripping faucet from the kitchen
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Friday, January 19th, 2001
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4:09 pm - fever
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i've got this fever that's been goin around my school. everyone has it!!....yesterday..i went to school and stayed in the nurse's the whole day. there were like 10 people there. i slept in those little bed things. i was like sooo cold. i have that type A flu my step dad told me. the type where u feel really cold one minute and then get hot flashes the next. it's crazy..cuz i'm like wearing a blanket on top of me and then i sweat like crazy afterwards. today..i didnt go to school...the nurse tol me not to. she's right..cuz i woulda been there again today anyway. today..glenn and emjae came over...cong came right afterwards. i didnt want cong to come..he was callin like crazy today. i was in bed and i didnt wanna answer it. i didnt wanna talk to him because he's going to be askin if he could come over. what's my reason why i dont want him to come over? yesterday....my step dad picked me up from school...cong calls me in my cell and insists he come over my house after i get home. i was like no! i have a fever..he's like...well i wanna see you. i felt as if ..he didnt care if i had a ffever...as long as he sees me. i was soo mad inside..it's like he never gives me time alone. grrr....so he comes over today..and he wanted to like do stuff..i didnt wanna ..so i pushed him away..now i feel sort of bad. oh well...i'm gonna go take a cold shower now..
sky
current mood:  sick
current music: wutang clan- gravel pit
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Thursday, January 18th, 2001
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1:14 am
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im kinda drunk....buh i still manage to type..jes to show u mah skilllz...ah shyet!!! mo fuckaaaa !! chilled 2dae........mah sis bday so props to her cuz she 15!!..o wait..its 1 in da mornin..haha..no more...so yea like um...went to pat's house...went to hudson mall..got mah sis da BSB black n blue cd and den we ate at popeye's. arigh
good..buhbyez see yah latah wouldnt wanna freak ya
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Monday, January 15th, 2001
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1:21 am - lonely
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i finally decided to let some stuff out in this journal but words could never express how i really feel. i have combined emotions which result into a great big shitload of melancholy. this is my 10th attempt in downloading D'angelo's untitled....im down to 38% and counting....i have nothing to say....*sigH* are journals for lonely people who have noone to talk to? i think it is.....if you're friends are too busy to talk to you..you sign on and type away in your keyboard. i feel pathetic. =(. my bf is not calling me. i've been complaining about that alot and i won't stop until he does call me. ehehe....i'm so retarded!!....i should be thankful that i finally have one...but nooo..i'm sitting here thinking about him and what he's doing. i'm worried..i dont like to be worried. i'm watching MTV2...it's not that bad.....
"...i can't breathe ..until you're resting here with me...."
current mood: lonely
current music: Dido- All you want
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Sunday, January 14th, 2001
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6:24 pm
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went 2 church today...haven't been there in soo long...i came back and it felt like i never been to church. i looked around and saw the common people worshiping and i'm like..."what the??" My friend Regina was there and we passed notes during the sermon. we talked about who we're going out with..etc. she asked me who i was going with and i told her. speaking of him..he still didn't call me....i still didnt' call him. i'm kind of worried..where is he? what is he doing? why can't i just call him without feeling weird?? argh..
right now im watchin Mtv and they're showing some show about all these stars and sex. now they're showing the pam and tommy video. woohoo...
skY
current mood:  blah
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Saturday, January 13th, 2001
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6:41 pm - doodieedoo
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i'm writing something public now......i've been writing almost all my entries private....it's been like that lately because i don't think i'd want to expose my deep thoughts and emotions like that..at least not yet. but anyway..yesterday right after school, Cuong, Emjae..Glenn and I went to the mall. we were going to see Save The Last Dance. But we didnt....=( i wanted to see it sooo bad!!!..my friends saw it and said it was awesome. i'm jealous now. the only reason i wanted to see it was because of the dance moves and the song "crazy" by Kci and Jojo. That's the song ive been listening to quite lately. i'm still not sick of it yet. how could i?! it's awesome......it just makes you think of that person you're wildly infatuated with..which i'm not gonna go into because i'm not forgettin that this is public. hahaha..
anyway...we went around the mall. i had a lil fun )(grins)( went home afterwards and went on to my normal life..
today..Saturday..didn't do much but lie on my ass the whole day..wooohoooo. it wuz so awesome to be waking up at 1 in the afternoon thinkin...hMmm..do i have cotillion practice today?! NO!!! hahaha .... me n mah sis ordered domino's afterwards. i feel kinda bad because she paid for all of it. =(. spent all of her money just like that..and she was more than willing to. GRRR man..im gettin tired of always freeloading. imma get a job and treat all mah frendz to like red lobster or something......
okai..i just fixed my blue blob thingy...can someone tell me what "enthralled: means???
sky
current mood: enthralled
current music: Pink - You Make Me Sick
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Wednesday, November 22nd, 2000
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8:07 pm - another day.....
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i feel dizzy..i guzzled up a lil alchohol...damn..tommorow's thanksgiving..another year..another feast and im supposed to lose weight for the cotillion. there's gonna be mad people over my house. possibly my brothers and sisters from new york. there's gonna be tons of screaming and fighting. oh the joy of holidays!
i chilled with mah peeepz today. hehehe. i cut school..and went to mah frend's house. im so badasss! hehee...bad bad..tsk tsk. that's it ..i wont cut anymore..this i promise youuu. too much cuttin ..you end up gettin caught..ya knoe?!
well imma write sumthin private now.....onLee for meh eyez..haha!
sKy
current mood:  drunk
current music: LL Cool J - You And Me (ft Kelly Price)
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Friday, November 17th, 2000
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12:13 am
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the voices in my head are tellin me.."work bonnie work!!" ok...im gonnna...
heheh..dats me..look at da blue blob ..so kyot =P
current mood:  working
current music: Bush - Glycerine
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12:11 am
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my head hurrts maN..i think its from all the radiation i get from this computer..and cellfone..argh..
current mood:  horny
current music: Bush - Glycerine
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Thursday, November 16th, 2000
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11:55 pm
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i could stay awake just to hear u breathinn.....
watch u smile while you are sleeping
while you're far away from dreaming
i could spend my life in this sweeeeeetttt surrender
i could stay lost in this moment ....forever..
every moment spend with you is a moment i treasureeee
i dun wanna close my eyez
i dun wanna fall asleep
cuz i miss ya babe n i dont wanna miss a thangg
cuz even when i dream of you
sweetest dream would neva do
i still miss ya babe n i dont wanna miss a thangg
lying close to you... feelin' you heart beating
and im wondering what ur dreaming
wondering if it's me you're seeing
and then i kiss your eyes
and thank god we're togetherrr..
i juss wanna stay with you till this moment
foreverrr...and ever and everrr
*siGh* ........still procrastinating.......
current music: AeroSmith - I Don't Want to Miss a Thing
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11:41 pm
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dearrrr journaL......
*yawnz* i had 3 hrs of sleep n im still sleepy. i hafta do dis project n im kinda procrastinating. im so lazy..geez. dats a berry berry bad trait. o well..neway..todai was an "ehh" day. i set the alarm at 6:30 in the morning...i woke up..went back to sleep. my dad wakes me up around 8. i wake up and then went back to sleep. i was half asleep and half awake watching the morning news. i just watched the time go by. it was 8:30 and i was still in bed. school starts at 8:35. gee..am i gonna make it early today??? o well..who gives a crapp. i got out of bed 15 min later..took a shower ..etc..did mah thing. got to school around 9:45. i missed first period!! hahaha..chemistry. we had a history test today that i didn't study for. goshness..what is going on with me!? is this just a phase or what? im so ashamed..i feel like i don't deserve anything. if i don't keep up with school, my dad is gonna kick me out of the house and imma hafta find a job. aye..whatever man ..life goes on.
hope tommorow will be a good day. sunny and a lil warm..sum milk left over for cereal..awake and rejuvenated..not stressed..etc. etc. "et cetera"
ill talk to u laterz.. i gotta go do mah project now..buhbyez
lol who am i talkin to??
sKy
current mood: discontent
current music: All For One - I Swear
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