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[Jul. 8th, 2004|06:55 pm] |
I saw this infomercial promoting a certain machine that was some kind of super-juicer. You could feed it anything and it would grind it up and juicify it. Fruits, vegetables, meat, bone, gristle, fat, aluminum foil, saran wrap, tupperware... anything. It was amazing. They actually showed the thing in action, sucking up carrots, celery stalks, lettuce, the like, and spewing out this viscous greenish mess that looked utterly revolting to me. But what do I know? The spokesman was this aging bodybuilder or some other washed up celebrity now quite old, something like 80. He was demonstrating how using this product preserved his health remarkably, something like a pickle, and he showed off his awesome muscularity by roping himself to a boat holding seventy five gawking, sturdy onlookers and then he leapt into the water, this 80 year old, and swam so powerfully that he pulled the boat, the onlookers and all in tow. He even had seventy pound rocks tied to his ankles, and made a special point of sailing against the powerful current. I wish to hell I could remember the name of this product because I'd like to look it up on the computer but I was foolish and did not write it down at the time I saw it. The creepiest shit comes on late at night. I really like it. That's when I saw the now infamous Interactive Male commercial. For those who don't remember, Interactive Male is a gay phone chat hotline. Moreover, when I saw the ad for Interactive Male, which features really pumped up guys working out, with sweat dripping down their muscled backs, it was immediately followed by Laura Bush supporting some kind of effort to preserve historical sites. This I wrote about some time ago but I don't feel like dredging it up. Anyhow, I also enjoy this other infomercial that comes on from time to time, for some sort of penis-enhancing product, except they carefully euphemize over the word "penis", always referring to that special part of the male anatomy or something similar. Which is kind of odd because that is more tactless than "penis", in my opinion, unless they were deliberately trying to appear coy by avoiding the brutal precision of the technical term, but if so it wasn't very much of a turn on. The weird shit they put on TV seems even weirder when you write it down. |
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