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Thursday, January 3rd, 2002
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4:35 pm - A New Job!!!
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Well, I got a new job!! I'm so excited. The 25th of January will be my last day here, my last day doing boring HR Manager work. I start Jan. 28th as a psychotherapist doing individual and group work with mentally ill adolescents. I am so incredibly excited!!! I gave notice today and start training tomorrow. Woohoo!!!
Christmas and New Year's was great. A lot of travelling, but everything worked out wonderfully, so now I feel ready to move on. I'm exhausted and can't wait for my bed, but all is well in Lori-land.
Woohoo!
current mood:  ecstatic
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| Thursday, December 20th, 2001
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2:38 pm
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I'm doing much better today. Therapy was great last night, and Keith and I had a long talk last night. I'm feeling more settled overall, and am starting to really look forward to Christmas. For me, it really starts tomorrow at noon. My company is having a fun party tomorrow afternoon, and then it's off to my parents in Maine. Then on Sunday, we come back to Mass. and Keith's parents and brother will arrive. Then I have 3 glorious days to myself with Keith at work, to work on my art and hang out with my cat and see movies Keith won't see. Then it's down to Virginia for new years! I'm getting really excited.
The evil woman is still here at work and she just really pissed me off, but I have more power than she does at this point, so I'm feeling ok. :) hah!
current mood: energetic
current music: BNL
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| Wednesday, December 19th, 2001
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9:20 am - Doing ok
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Well, things are ok. The job front is going ok. More on that in a few days, I suspect.
I'm feeling more unsettled today than the last time I wrote. Keith kept me up last night talking about "big picture" crap, which was really stressful. Basically, talking about money. Ugh. I hate talking about money. I hate how money constrains us and I worry about having enough to pay the bills and have a little fun. He wants to make a budget, and I definately think we should do that. But, there's so much emotionally tied into that, that it's hard for me.. I'm dealing with a lot of stress right now on many fronts - I don't need any more. I wish he would just get that. So, I slept horribly and am now feeling tired and grumpy. My stomach is upset and my entire system feels out of whack. I'm still excited about Christmas and everything, but things feel a little tinged now.
Plus, we're going to visit friends for New Year's, and I thought it would be just us, but now it looks like more people will be joining, so it will be a less-intimate affair. This is dissapointing to me. See, our best friends moved far away earlier this year, and we really miss them. So, when they invited us for New Year's we were psyched to go for a long visit. Now it looks like others have jumped on the bandwagon, so we won't get to spend as much time only with our friends. Oh well. Plus, now we might not even get a bed at their house because the other couple has a child and she is pregnant, so they get 1st choice (which I agree with). Ugh. Such is life.
So, the holidays are upon us, and things are mostly good. Some things are dissapointing, but most things are good.
-me
current mood:  bored
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| Monday, December 17th, 2001
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12:26 pm - I'm back
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Well, I was emotionally gone for some time, but now I'm back.
Strangely, I'm filled with a ton of holiday-induced warm fuzzies. I've been organizing my house like crazy, and enjoying it! Tomorrow I'm taking the day off to clean! I got really excited about the placemats and tablecloth for my table for Christmas dinner! I'm a mad woman! Seriously, though, I'm really loving my house. I'm feeling really cozy in it right now. I think this, done with grad school, done with the wedding planning, married woman stuff is really agreeing with me. I'm feeling at a creative pinnacle at home, and enjoying working on my art.
Plus... things might be looking up on the employment front. More on that in a few days, I hope.
So, this week will be all Christmas preparations; cleaning, cooking, wrapping presents. Then it's up to Maine to visit my parents, then back home to Massachusetts to host the hubby's parents. Then it's 3 glorious days to myself while hubby is at work and NO guests are around. Then it's off to Virginia for New Years. Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it.
I'm just feeling really good. Optimistic about the future, etc. Smilie (sic) faces all around!
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| Thursday, June 14th, 2001
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9:58 am - hmmm
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Well, I haven't updated in quite a while. I have been very busy. Very. And now I'm tired. My health isn't great, my mental health is worse. This wedding planning is overwhelming, and I'm starting to step up my responsibilities at work. It's a lot. Needless to say, I'm tired.
That's it.
current mood:  tired
current music: dar williams - green world
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| Friday, May 25th, 2001
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9:12 am - she knows that she's going to be ok
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Well, I'm doing ok today. Evil woman is out of the office today, so I feel more free. I'm in the mood to shop and have already started with some websurfing. Not good at work. I went to the mall twice yesterday, same store, and bought nothing. Today I'm going back at lunch, and I'm ready to buy. I just wasn't sure what to spend my money on yesterday, but now I feel like I know what I want. Woohoo! Of course, it always feels anti-climactic when I buy work clothes on the weekend because I can't wear them to work the next day. Oh well.
What to do this weekend? Three days.. Hmmm. I have lunch with a friend tomorrow, but then I'm perfectly clear. Weird. I want to go to the bead store in Cambridge and make some really cool necklaces, but it's such a drive and parking is a mess. Maybe I can convince Keith to take the train in with me. Hmmm... How can I orchestrate this?
I know! I can arrange for him to hang out with his friend in Arlington, and then I can jaunt off to cambridge and then can come back and we can all have dinner or something. that could work, i know it.
of course, i'm tempted to buy some beads on ebay, but then i don't get the instant gratification of getting them right away.
ok, i'm done scheming now. back to surfing...er...work.
current mood:  calm
current music: dar williams, once I find her.
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| Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
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8:53 am - ughghghg. i do not need this
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I am livid! I came to work this morning feeling all happy. I graduated yesterday. I have my master's degree. I am thrilled to pieces to have finished grad school and emerged still alive.
And then I get here and find a memo and an email from evil woman. Sent, on order of the pres (which is fine) but about an issue which is CLEARLY my territory. I'm so mad. I'm ready to look for another job because I don't want to put up with this competition crap. I'm serious this time. It's such crap.
Shit, I'm going to have to talk to the CFO today. I need a touchstone of support. This is not ok.
current mood:  pissed off
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| Friday, May 18th, 2001
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9:29 am - just imagine nails, that's all
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Ok, I can't stress out. Why does she try to give me guilt for needing to take time off. Everyone needs time off. I'm taking it to graduate, for christ sakes!!! She's not even my supervisor for christ sakes! (Sorry about the vulgarity, but I'm really annoyed.)
I'm leaving at noon today. I have a ton of work and then I'll go. I'm sorry I won't be here for the Friday afternoon party. Sorry. I have stuff to do of my own....
I hate working with people.
current mood: aggravated
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| Thursday, May 17th, 2001
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8:58 am - okkkkk
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Just updating to update, really. Busy at work. Things are going well. I led the first workshop and it was wonderful. People were really into it and I think it's going to be a success. I have three more in the series and I'm feeling really positive about them. I'm keeping my process notes, too, so I can submit a detailed report to management later and maybe even write an article for the psych journals. We'll see. The possibilities are endless.
Keith is in a good mood, which is always helpful. He's been really silly and happy lately. It's strange. I haven't been sleeping well, but I'm trying some thought techniques to get to that. I've just been thinking all night through my sleep, so it's not restful. So, the past 2 nights I've tried visualizing leaving my office, shutting the door, driving the commute, leaving that in the car, etc... It's been working pretty well, I think. I've been sleeping a little better.
Busy weekend. We are throwing a going away party for friends tomorrow night and then my family is coming saturday morning and they're not leaving until monday night. i'm graduating with my master's on monday! woohoo!!!
ok, that's it for now. back to work. i have to straighten out a patent rights mess. i wish i knew what all these compounds did...
current mood: excited
current music: Joni Mitchell - A case of you
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| Tuesday, May 15th, 2001
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9:30 am - tuesday
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big day today. leading my innovation workshop. of course evil work woman will be there. i hope i stress her out to the point at which she decides to quit her job.
:)
that's it. except for evil email from Keith frustrated that we missed paying a couple of bills.... he's not happy.
current mood: anxious
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| Monday, May 14th, 2001
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4:46 pm - better now
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I love flex time. Of course, this is my last day of it. I've been leaving early on Mondays to go to class and today was my last day. Although, I didn't have class. So, I came home. Woohoo! I made it home in 45 minutes, stopped at the pet store to buy more supplies for the fishtank and now I'm home, ready to eat junk food, read a book, and sit with the cat for an hour or 2 until Keith comes home.
life is good.
current mood: content
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8:55 am - back to work
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Well, I'm back to work and swearing to be productive. If I'm smart, this will be the only time I update today. I just have to keep my chin up and let things slide by me, not stress me out. That's all. I must be productivity woman.
Ok, that's it for today. Chin up..
current mood:  worried
current music: none. no music. focused concentration
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| Friday, May 11th, 2001
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3:56 pm - leave me alone!!!
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I was having such a great day. I got dressed, I was running errands, getting stuff done for ME. And then my cell phone rings. I had already talked with keith on the phone and the friends we were seeing tonight, so I had no idea who it could be.
Who was it? WORK!!! Ugh. Evil woman will not leave me alone. She needed something notarized for the Pres. Sorry - I can't notarize from 45 miles away! No, you can't use my seal - it requires a signature and that's illegal!!! I hate her. Of course, she has to use the tone of voice that I am not entitled to be out of the office. I know she was just pissy that I didn't call HER to say I'd be out. I just left a voicemail for the Pres. and one for the receptionist saying that I was taking a sick day. I didn't call her because she gets annoyed if I don't tell her what's wrong with me. She's not my supervisor for christ sake! We are at the same damn level. she handles one department and I handle another.
I was really enjoying my day. I felt like I was being responsible all around. I needed a mental health day, so I took one, and she went and fucked it up. Now I feel like I have to make up some lie or something about what was wrong with me so she will feel bad. Ugh. I want her out of the company, that's it. She's toxic.
In other news - I have done something about my dysfunctional fishtank. We have had this fishtank since we moved here. Actually, it was intact before the move. When we moved here, we didn't even empty all the water! Now we have this really aggressive fish who kills all the other ones. And, the filter wasn't working. AND the fish doesn't eat. We do not feed it. And, the water is disgusting (because the filter doesn't work.) so, today I went to the pet store and bought a filter, one that's a little too large for the tank, which I think will compensate for the huge amount of algae that is produced. I bought 2 pleco's (algae eaters) and another cichlid, this one is bigger than the aggressive one we already have. I took most of the water out and replaced it. I threw out the gross plants. I cleaned the structures in the tank. I have set up the new filter and put all the fish in there. While my hand was in there, the aggressive fish attacked me!! It was a little painful but mostly just surprising.
Now, I have an hour to eat and do all the other cleaning I had intended to do today. I think I'll probably just end up sorting the bills or doing the dishes and that will be it.
I deserve it, though. I've been really busy and worked hard on the fishtank. It was really gross.
Oh - I also bought myself "The Red Tent" today. A pleasure book. I doubt this will work for me, but we'll see.
current mood: annoyed
current music: still dar williams
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9:01 am - slacker
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Well, Keith couldn't sleep last night and woke me at 3:30 am and we had a terrible fight. I hate it when he does that. He can't take care of himself and I will not accept it. He has to learn to respect that sleep is sacred and you don't wake me up just because you can't sleep. He's going to sleep at the sleep clinic on Sunday night, so hopefully this can all be straightened out. we've been waiting months for this appointment, so i'm just hanging on until it happens.
I decided to stay home today, because I just couldn't imagine going to work. I'm exhausted, and really disillusioned this week. I feel like I need to rest, bond with the cat, clean the house, shop, just reconnect with myself. So, I'm taking a mental health day. I mean, yesterday I think I surfed for at least 5 hours. Clearly - I'm bored to tears.
So that's it for me. I'm going to surf for a while and then get into some cleaning, I think. My neighbors are outside raking their lawn - annoying.... I'm 25, own a house, a car, have a job, am receiving my master's in less than 2 weeks, am engaged to be married, and yet I can't get it together to have a clean house to save my life. I don't want to impose things on ketih, but he's really not able to maintain any standards of decency. If something falls on the floor - it stays there. Anyway... guess I'll go now.
current mood: numb
current music: Dar Williams - Spring Street
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| Thursday, May 10th, 2001
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4:12 pm - not good
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Oh, I am so bored. this is what happens when i spend almost the entire day surfing the web. i become disillusioned with life and nothing is worth it anymore. i crave more web time. i become like a criminal, hiding myself. i shut the door to my office and just surf and surf. i ride the waves harder and harder, pushing the limits of decency in the workplace. i'm just aching to get caught.
if i don't come back here until next week, you'll know that i'm either doing really well, or have been caught.
current mood:  nauseated
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9:01 am - morning
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I hate morning. Every day I wake up with the same thought - how many more minutes of sleep can I get away with? It's a complicated negotiation - if I sleep 10 more minutes and really hurry, I can be at work at a reasonable time, but today I have to iron my shirt. Is there another shirt? Is there anything else to wear? What about food? Do I have money to buy lunch because I don't want to waste sleeping time on making it. Ugh. This morning, I got 15 extra minutes of sleep. Of course, Keith doesn't appreciate my morning battle with the snooze alarm. He isn't able to fall back asleep as quickly as I can.
Now I'm at work, preparing for the daily battle. We'll see how it goes. I have a banana and coffeecake here, I'm starving, but I think the coffeecake is still kind of frozen and I should wait another 5 minutes.... ugh...
current mood:  hungry
current music: none. all is quiet here.
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| Wednesday, May 9th, 2001
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10:09 pm - ugh
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chicken fajitas for dinner. yummy.
kitchen's a mess as usual. we absolutely need to get a new dishwasher, as I'm sick of getting home at 8 pm and having to cook dinner and wash dishes (although keith does one of the two). it's just not fair for either of us to have to come home from work and keep working. too tired.
anyway. just watched the west wing. i adore that show. my office is kind of like that - they way people interact with each other. stressful, but people use sarcasm and humor to keep the energy going.
had therapy tonight. let's see. tonight's theme was negative body image inherited from mom. no surprises there.
sleep soon. woohoo.
current mood: exhausted
current music: crickets in the backyard
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3:12 pm - productivity
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I'm being productive!! Can you believe it? I can't. Evil coworker is actually talking to me now. I'm still guarded, though. It's like we're boxers walking around each other before the first punch. I just have to try to walk out of the ring, though.
I found a great picnic spot for myself to go to be alone at lunch. I am thrilled beyond belief. It's wooded, in the shade. I'm going out to buy a pleasure book this weekend and will relax there midday each day (or so) to keep my sanity. Of course, the summer weather might change my mind, but it's a nice idea. I might even bring my sketchpad! Today I brought my camera, but didn't take any pictures. Maybe tomorrow.
current mood: content
current music: indigo girls - get out the map
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11:32 am - yep. sigh...
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All things me are ok. Weekend plans gently coming along. Just sitting here, being patient. biding my time.
therapy tonight, thank god.
had my last class of graduate school on Monday night. I can't believe it's over. three years of effort, done. I graduate on May 21, with an MA in Dance/Movement therapy. Now comes the inevitable question - what's a psychotherapist doing in biotechnology?
The answer - I have no fucking idea. It pays well, though! I'm just going to keep doing this until my stock options vest and then I'll try actually making a living as a therapist...
Things are well, though. I feel like I can handle them. Keith is fairly well, seems to be doing ok at his new job.
that's it. I'm sure another storm will erupt soon.
oh - I just ate 2/3 of a bag of kit kat bites. yummy.
current mood:  productive
current music: none - but my fax machine is beeping - does that count?
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9:25 am - one more thing
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CFO said that "She is no match for you"
woohoo! Feels so good....
current music: none, just my breathing.
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