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LiveJournal for Satsuki.
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| Friday, January 24th, 2003 |
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This house of Grief carries me in it's center, dragging me downwards onto a path I tried to escape. Here in my prison, I stare out the window, Bathe in my tears and see the ghosts that linger. Quiet, as always, separating me from all the happiness I've known, pulling me under wave after wave of guilt. They stopped coming, my inspirations, and what's left to display is a puppet in likeliness of me. The cold creeps through the cracks of the wall and pour into my dreams. Shall the mirrors reveal the shadows that slip in and out of the rooms? And the familiar masks line the walls again with their fake personalities, their touch familiar to my fingers and the feel of them against my cheek. This place I call home it gave me madness; Melancholy escapades and scars on my arms. Returning, to me, my savior of old of whom I pray nightly to give me release. |
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| Thursday, January 23rd, 2003 |
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Well...eh-heh. I don't even feel like keeping an LJ is beneficial anymore. I guess...but wutever. I got pulled into this and my accounts to expire tomorrow but at least I get to keep my current icons. Woohoo... So, yah. Shtuff. Nothing new has happened. My cuzzie's b-day was yesterday, I got in another verbal argument with Suk Kim. It's all great. Ugh~ Relationships, I forgot how freakin' dramatic they are. But, blah. Stuff. I need to get a life, and I sure as hell need a bottle of aspirin too. Am, once again, writing for my own entertainment purposes. Lets see, back into the whole Korean escapade. lol. Ok, well, I'm going, leaving this entry with my ever so ironic horrorscope. ( scorp issues ) |
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| Monday, January 20th, 2003 |
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| Hmm, another cold?? Aish~ And I thought I was already over the first one I got last month. Jeez...us. So, yah, I'm now reduced to sniffling and sneezing everywhere. Argh~ Doesn't bother me too much when I've already got something on my mind. Oh, well... I think I'm going to go, my stomach hurts, I still feel sleepy and...it's so nice outside too. *sigh* | ||||||
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| Monday, January 13th, 2003 |
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| Hoo... damn, I did not notice how bad I was at being the thing that I hate. >< Mou~ While my life is all frikkin' messed, at least I could stop from my self pity to wish everyone who's starting school and the likes all the luck. ^^ I hope you guys pass ur classes with not too much difficulty. ^^ das all. | ||||||||
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| Sunday, January 12th, 2003 |
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What did I do today? Well, this morning I got home from California. That was a really long night, but it was well worth it to see all my relatives. Nothing but the age is all changes. Mm, my Aunt Honey's gone.. and I hope that she rests in peace next to my father and her husband, Leonard. So, yah. In other news.. I went and hung out with people I just met tonight. AJ and his friends. They're all interesting. Really, they are. The Lao boy is a cutey and his g/f Kiki is so pretty that I'm envious. Unfortunately, for me, I kept thinking about my boyfriend.. who is probably annoyed that I went out and did something with strangers. Oh well. Whatever. It's not like he doesn't do that sorta shit either. Pshaw~ at least I'm not cheating on him, so I dunt see what the matter is. If I wanted to do something, I could have gotten that.. I think he was Korean.. guy's number who kept lookin' at me. Jeez, woulda had a field day with that. But, nope, I was hoping for the nihonjins behind me. hehe. soOo "oh mah shi suh". *shrugs* Let him be a bitch then. I'll just be a bitch back. Aish~ It's annoying that it's like this. |
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| Thursday, January 9th, 2003 |
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| It looks like I get my wish afterall. I'm goin' back to California, although my circumstances there are for funeral purposes. My "aunt" Honey died yesterday night and I must attend. A ten hour drive *sigh*. So, yah. | ||||
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| Tuesday, January 7th, 2003 |
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 What's YOUR sexual fetish? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Friday, January 3rd, 2003 |
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| Second day into the whole new year and I'm still havin' a pretty shitty time. Woohoo. Go me. I wish I could just crawl in a hole and die, but that would be very unlikely since my car won't even get me to my destination. BTW, yah, my boyfriend's leaving in three days. He hasn't been exactly acting right, but neither have I. It'll end up just like last summer. Leaving without saying good-bye to me. Hey, maybe he'll also do the whole thing with sleeping with another girl once he gets back. ::cold smile:: I love life. | ||||||||
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| Monday, December 23rd, 2002 |
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 What Fantasy Race Are You? brought to you by Quizilla  Who is your dragon spirit guide? brought to you by Quizilla ::sulks:: My guide's the black dragon?? Jeez...how nice. *laugh* |
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| Friday, December 20th, 2002 |
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What was my crafty reasoning to come back to Utah? Oh...yeah. To see my boyfriend, that I haven't seen since I got here, and to live an easier life. Right. Well, fuck that! ::flipping off the whole entire universe:: I remember why I produced such great writing during my suffering here. This place is depressive. Screw the whole, I'm here for my significant other. He's the reason why I'm in such a fuckin' bitchy mood in the first place, and my parents are enough to drive me into my room and go bonkers. Damn. I could really go for a cigarette, but I am so not going out in that hella cold to puff away on a cancer stick. Still, it sounds so, SO appealing. Blah. BTW, I hate men. No, my bad. I hate Suk Kim. I need to get out and meet some other random guy and just forget that I'm attached to anyone. Che~ Who said I'm attached now? I have a non-existing boyfriend who lives somewhere north of me... bah~ And I don't think he tries enough to keep me on his good side. Well, he didn't take his friend's advice. He's fuckin' it up. I hope he's happy with himself. Too bad I'm not in Cali. I know a few people who'd cheer me up. sniff~ I miss 'em. I'm an idiot for leaving. |
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| eh...I decided to finally open that Yami no Matsui book. I think it's Matsui. I forgot the kanji already... ::makes face:: Oh well. All I have to say is... yum. So many purty boys and so much fun you can do with them! *laugh* Although I go for the Hisoka & Tsuzuki pairing... I REALLY like the Tsuzuki & Muraki pair even more. C'mon. Muraki is an all out evil guy who has a ... somewhat good reason to be evil? (laughs) Oh, but he is juss too scrumptous. Yes, I like blood and gore and anyone who commits it is just...oh mah shi suh. ^^ Goin' to sleep now. Though, I ain't all that happy. | ||
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| Tuesday, December 17th, 2002 |
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 Which Dir en Grey member would be your ideal boyfriend? brought to you by Quizilla |
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It's cold. ::shivers:: Welcome back to frikkin' Utah, I guess. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to deal with being stupid and not having warm enough clothes. And,lets see. It was raining yesterday, cold too and I didn't get to see Suk Kim. Um, but that's 'cause he had to work and...I dunno. Stuff. I think we were freakin' closer when he was in Oregon and I was in California. Really. I dunno. Now that I'm home, it's like... What? I so knew he wasn't going to see me when he said he'd try, and I also know that he has a job to keep and to also take care of his father. We all have our lives to lead, ne? And mine is basically all screwed up. So, I don't really want to deal with a lot of people other than Adelle. IF Suk Kim gets around to remembering who I am, I'll hope we can see eachother once before he leaves in two weeks. Hm. But I'm not counting on it. Err...and the other side from my pessimistic attitude is that I hope he is doing fine and there's no dire reason why he isn't calling me back. ::thinks and ponders:: Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it'll end up being bitched about in some other entry. |
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| Saturday, December 14th, 2002 |
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| Life juss fuckin' sucks. You know that? Friday the 13th. You know, it's one of my favorite days, but shit happens. It still is, and I don't believe that superstitions exist JUSS on that day. NEhoo.. My very highly prized valuables were stolen. All my cds, dvds and then my playstation. As well as my Korean blanket and a few clothes of mine. Ugh~ So disgusted with people. I really am. But yah. I'm bitter over my Japanese and Korean collection. It just bothers me that the stupid TWIT doesn't even understand the fuckin' language but has to steal it anyways?!? God. But I'm slowly gettin' over it... slowly. They, at least, didn't take my recently bought No Doubt cd. Didn't make off with my Hide plushie collection AND all my good clothes. They didn't touch my X-Japan last live... but still.. ::sulks:: My H.O.T!!!!! My fuckin' X-Japan. Luna Sea!!! ::growls:: And all my trance stuff. Three days before I have to leave for Utah, this stupid ass shit happens. Ugh~ But, yah, I went and got more cds to listen to. I have to. BUT, for all of you who are my RL friends... ::hint, hint:: H.O.T and 1tym cds. K? *laugh* I'm gonna be gone soon. On Sunday. I'll probably pack my computer On Sunday since it's coming with me home. Have to. It has all my stories. heh.. So, yah. I'm going to surrender to listening to music very loudly and hopefully annoy the shit out of everyone, because i can. ^^ | ||||||
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| Friday, December 6th, 2002 |
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Jeez...::yawn:: So frikkin' tired! Damn. Anyways, my cousin is snoozin' and tonight I'm suppose to still go, but... ::shrug:: I would rather sleep if you asked me. Ok, so I'd like to go, but it's always hard to get all people together and functioning. Shiet. Oh well.. And Suk Kim called me last night, but, eh, we couldn't talk long. Blah. WTF, I wanted to talk long, but the power was out in his dorm place and...he was calling me outside from the phone booth. He was freezing his ass off and I don't think I would torture him with talking to me. Blah. I'm cold now too. Damn. Ugh~ Anyways... Oh yeah, bout the Rave. Kayla's car got stolen ::frown:: And she doesn't know if we're still going, but then again, I suggested my sorry ass car... Wutever. She'll call. I have another hour and hopefully, um, Al will be able to meet us and I'll drive with him 'cause... yah. I want to be sure I can get HOME. ^^ Blah. Fuck. Anyways, goin' now. I'm gonna catch me some Zz's. |
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| Thursday, December 5th, 2002 |
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I decided to finally accept an invitation to go "party" with Kayla. Yes, Kayla. My ever so entertaining friend. One minute she has a boyfriend, the next she has a girlfriend AND a boyfriend, then the next a girlfriend. Jeez...she's more promiscuous than Suk Kim. But, I'm going to a rave with her tomorrow night. I hope she doesn't ditch me, but I'll have my friend Al there. So, yah. And he's really cool, so, wutever. I'll be comfortable enough with him there and wut not. Other than that, I'm talkin' to  shinigaminoda |
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| Wednesday, December 4th, 2002 |
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| wow... I'm just all sorts of messed. Maybe all the stress is getting to me, and I just want to leave already. Just get everything done and over with, crawl into my waterbed and wake up in the new year. I hate it. | ||||
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| Tuesday, December 3rd, 2002 |
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dammit! I lost the laundry card... Fuck...! Oh, well. Life goes on. But jesus christ, what a nice way to end my day. AigoO~ And I so need things to wear too! Blah, I guess I'll juss show how freaky I can wear my clothes. Eww, though. I dunt have that many socks anymore. Oh well...wutever the fuck. I'm not in a good mood anyways. Just, everything's been weird. I'm feeling all light headed and shit. Juss gonna sit back and listen to techno. Heh~ Jeez... No wonder I feel all light headed. ^^; Anyways...I'm going now. Prolly go to sleep early cause I am hella fuckin' tired. |
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| Monday, December 2nd, 2002 |
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Craziness... That's what it is. I shouldn't have, but then...I should. I blame Vipanee, and for myself. But I'm sorry, I didn't appreciate her calling me stupid and so things happened. I called her on a bet. A month *sigh*. Ugh~ Oh well. Mebbe it's for the best. I wonder if Suk Kim will agree? *laugh* This is where my so called will power comes into the pic. Something that I truly want, but can't have. ::frown:: As for the bet... $100 dollars at stake... I want to win. Oh well. Anyways. On my last weekend in lovely California, I'm going clubbing. YES! Finally, dancing with my friends. Millie, Vipanee, Adhron and Dominique are going...hopefully. Yes. I have to find a club that caters to all of us. Jeez. I wanted to go to a 21 and over club, but..I wonder how I'm gettin' in...and well...Millie too. Why can't I have asian friends who are 21?! Noo...I'm stuck with just Vipanee.. Che~ But I'm a girl, right? Guess I should use my assests to get me in. ::sigh:: Anyways. I should go. And...wow. Watched Korean music videos again. I love the T "As Time Goes By" in Eng. I understand what it means, and aww~ ish so sad. ::sniff:: So sweet, and... I'm missing Suk Kim. Damn. |
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| Sunday, December 1st, 2002 |
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I'm so so bored. I would go do something, but...right. I am too lazy for that kinda thing. I'm half paying attention to the Japanese news. Heh~ I know, huh? But I think I'm going back to bed because, well.. I'm still tired and I just want to do nothing but sleep anyways. Wutz his bucket was suppose to call me some time today. Umm...I'm guessing he isn't. But it's all right. He's got some schoolwork to catch up on, and, yah. Going. |
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LiveJournal for Satsuki.
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discontent.
sick.
frustrated.
content.
gloomy.
aggravated.
apathetic.
sleepy.
cynical.
confused.
calm.