( Rest in peace Sexy old man... <3 )

oh how i loved this cat. Since i was 5 he was my best friend. im gonna miss him like crazy. i already miss how i snuck him in my front window at night when it was cold, and how he used to follow me to school and make me late, and how he used to blend into my tiger comforter, and hide between my stuffed animals, and everything else. sometimes he was just too funny u'd forget hes a cat. he was so smart and loyal and just incredible.

in a way im relieved, because he was 19 , and i knew the time was gonna come sooner or later. the hardest part was probably right before they did it when we were just petting him and kinda saying our last good byes. he kept going around to all 3 of us just nudging and purring. it was so hard to watch him walk around there, being his old self, and to know that in a few minutes he'd be limp.

im glad i held him while they put him to sleep, even tho its like Omg' how could u do that?!. i just felt a little better knowing that he'd be comfortable and not so scared. after, the car ride home wasnt so bad either. his fur got really relay soft and he was still warm. he looked so beautiful and it looked like he was just sleeping so i was happy.

when we got home we burried him next to marty. that was hard, i hated that so much. cus once u do that u kno ur never gonna see them again and thats when it finally hits in. i went inside, cried and went to sleep i felt so hopeless. then i woke up, got like 98798 thousand phone calls, and i feel a lot better now. ill always miss him tho and im never going to forget him... he was seriously the best cat in the entire world.

hehe this was taken a while back....

i think im going to print some of these out and make them my xmas cards this year <3

current mood: jolly hehe

my kittys in the hospital :( im so scared for him.......dr smolenski said he probably has something wrong with his kidneys because one was enlarged.  he hasn't been himself lately, hes been drinking a lot , although hes dehydrated...and he hasnt been eating much .   i hate even hearing about his kidneys having problems because of marty. once her kidneys were damaged there was no hope. i  just dont want to go thru that again especially not with mece.  i love him way too much and hes too old to put thru any kind of surgery. hes 18 years old and ive had him for 12 years. he is my best friend and basically my life i love him to death.  i guess if theres nothing besides surgery that can help were going to have to put him down ....thats my worst nightmare ever. the day we do that im going to die i cant even begin to explain how horrible im gonna feel. i mean i kno death is a part of life and i respect that ....its jsut that its hard to decide what to do in this kind of situation. whether its worth it to push them and keep them alive, or just let nature take its course.  i know its going to happen sooner or later and i kno life will go on but its gonna completely suck.    i just hope it doesent happen this soon.  i guess the one thing i have to keep saying to myself is that i dont want him suffering. thats all that will keep me rational right now.

  mece means extremely ugly in some other language...im not sure which one but thats wat it means and oh how it is SO wrong lol   ( i swear i didnt name him!)  and im suprised lauren knew that because nobody has ever known what it meant :)

current mood: worried

hm... these past couple of days have been great! waitressing is really fun, and its extra money on the side of working at the salon and babysitting lol....but yeah its fun especially when alura and ronnie and david and brie are there.  lol alura and i are addicted to playing MASH when theres nobody there.....its so funny, we put the bartenders names and its just really akward when we see them haha.

AANND i testdrove the car of my dreams the other day....the mitsubishi eclipse and we were SOOOO close to buying it u have no idea! so freeeeeeekin close...but then i testdrove it with my dad and the engine started smoking!! LOL! so...unfortunately, i wont be getting an eclipse any time soon cus a) its not really a good beginner car although i could give a flying rats ass b/c i absolutely love it
 and b) theres gonna be lots of problems with it and its an expensive car to keep up.

SO.. ive decided that when im a multi millionare .. uhm person lol (cha riight)... that im going to purchase myself one of those fine automobiles. :) but until then ill stick with something else lol

Today! i testdrove a 2004 white pontiac grand am  GT (idk wat that stands for)....WHICH I LOVE! oh man that was a fun car...it was the car they used for the dealers so it didnt really have an owner before, and it only has 11 thousand miles on it....and im most likely getting it because this dealer has sold my parents their cars also and he is a relaly down to earth trust worthy guy.  plus he;s giving us a no brainer deal which is amazing for a 2004 car..... were putting a downpayment of about 4000 on it and ill be paying about 200 a month till its all paid off, plus insurance....GREAT lol but its not so bad  and its a hell of a lot cheaper than an eclipse would be ....holy moley am  i excited! like seriously its a big holy moley lol

    < looks like this ....'cept white !!!!   but oh man does it go fast! AND the backseat is pretty big so i can fit lots o ppl in there hehe

tomorrow is jr sr challenge night and im doing 3 legged racing of course.... possibly popping some balloons with my ass u kno the drill lmao.... jk......thatll be fun. 

wow physics was actually kinda fun today! it was amazing. baughan was cracking up at evewrything and we just totally were off topic and the double period went by super fast.

current mood: cheerful

lol...today during french when we were suposed to be looking up stuff on our country that we chose for the project i was looking up diseases and stuff and i came across this....

hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
 ....is the fear of long words

HAHA say that 5 times fast.

current mood: christmassy!

my report card came.....and im happy wiht everything lol except i got a 75 in physics......which is rediculous because tests count as 80 percent, and we only had 2.   thats a bummer but w/e i would have been on the high honor roll if it werent for that.    12th grade is easy, compared to what ppl were telling me last year, but then again they said 11th grade was hard also...and it wasnt... I guess its different for everyone. last year flew by so fast. lol all those classes looking out the window.....and semi-cutting with lauren lol.......last year i literally slept thru every class except media arts and band, those were the only classes that kept me awake.  this year Anatomy and physiology is my favorite. i miss being in band a lot but id radther take anatomy lol.....its just a bit more important lol...pretty soon we will be dissecting cats... im gonan feel so guilty but whatevah.

anyway, i cant wait to go to college, i have to think of where im going to transfer once i complete mortuary science.  Nassau is the only college thats even close to new york that has it, and the best part is that i can take mortuary art, while im taking surgical tech and nursing, so within 2 years ill be finished with nursing and i can go on to a 4 yr school to get my masters or bachelors in surgical tech! woo!

since i was ranked in the top 27th percent of my grade.. i wont have to take liberal arts and all that crapola....i can just go straight into exactly what i want to do

lmao...check out these poloroid pics of my aunt waving and some guys amputated thigh in the operating room!

im also going to see about dance, not to major in, just to take lol    i really want to get back into ballet, or internationl dance if they have.    my bellydancing teacher Kenya is starting coreography and soon there will be a bellydancing recitle!  i wonder if everyone in the class is going to be in it....because no effense to anyone but most of those women suck and literally cant shake their asses if they had to save their lives lol.

im desperately waiting for my parents to call the insurance company to let them know that theres a new driver so i can actually take the car out! OEY lol i cant wait to get a mitsu-eclipse <3 im willing to wait for a good deal on an eclipse, rather than buy a car i dont like just to get it sooner.  

m'kay cya.

current mood: amused

my dads been drinking....nonstop since like 530 ish..... i just saw him in teh kitchen like swaying back and forth pouring more into his stupid cup... i said goodnight but he just nodded and gave me a look so i cant tell if hes mad at me or what..

im glad i gave up drinking when i had the chance........................just kidding lol

zoe called me this morning.... at 7 i wanted to kill her but then i realized iloved her and missed ehr a whole lot so i was onteh phone for about half an hour with her.....thats gonna be a pretty big bill lol......its about a 5 hour time difference in scotland so next time im gonna call her i have to remember to think what time it is there lol cus i wouldnt wanna wake her up at like 2 am or something... she seems happy.. thats good. her moms doing well...hopefully she stopped smoking since then...

i found a new husband. ashton is my "semi-hubby" lmao yeah right Jude Fuckign Law is my new one.....cus i just ditch them like that its easy u know...

the movie "alfie" was amazing. i must say.

lmao......frankie your great....(with british accent)" Ooops I did it again....... i played with your heart....got lost in the game.... oh baby.....baby.." cya in 2 days woo!

bya

current mood: satiated

SWEET!!!!!  i got my license!!!!!! im so suprised cus if i was testing myself i would ahve seriously failed myself...i thought i did horribly!!!!  the guy was so scary i was almost dying....my moms like "LOOK YOU EITHER GET QUEEN LATIFA OR SQUIRELLY MAN!!!!!!! so of course i got SQUIRELLY MANNNNNNNNN and of course he was SOOOOOO SCARYYYYYYY   hes like..."leave the curb when safe" and im just like ........."holy crap has he just risen from a grave somewhere?!?!?"  so as alura woudl say "i peeled" away from the curb lmao.....he made me parallel park right away..seriously it was the first car i was oging up to like 30 mph and when i was like 2 ft away from it hes like "ok backpark" so i was just like omfg "THANKS FOR THE SHORT NOTICE BUDDY" and then i parked perfectly...a little fast, but he didnt say anything so yey...... next i turned somewhere....dont know the roads.... um yeah turned right, then hes like "two blocks turn left" and im like holy shit ok mr.... so i change lanes and everything and lol then i get to the turn and there were other cars coming from the right, so i had like a line of 984795874 cars behind me honking at me, and when i finally could go there was a SQUIRELLE in the middle of the road!!!! WHAT ARE THE ODDS>!?!?! lol so of course i stopped for the squirelle,  trying not to kill it obviously... and hes just looking at me.....and i knew he was looking so im like about to pass out cus he was so scary looking....so then after the squirelle, we got stuck behind a garbage truck, with cars double parked on the st. so im like GREAT.   we sat there for about 5 minutes......and finally hes like "ok 3 pt turn..."  and picture my moms jimmy, pulled over to the curb, with a car parked like 2 ft in front, and another car on the other side lined up where i was, and then the garbage truck in the dead center.....how the hell did he expect me to do a 3 pt turn there?!  so i wa sjust sitting thinking really really hard, like i thought a vein was trying to shoot out of my head because i knew i couldnt turn there and i thought he was purpously trying to fail me.....lol so he was looking at his paper and not looking where we actually were, so when he finally looked up he was like " woah actually u cant do that here! go down the next block" so PHEW    i SWEAR the guy must have liked me or something because he took NO POINTS OFFF! and i was like WTFFFF not that im disapointed or anything but wow.....i was definately surprised hah.

current mood: crazy

( onions have layers... )

and say i had a pink pen everytime... id fucking jab it into my vein cus its pink and it fucking amuses me.  to see it rush in....

lauren i could get high off of your chocolate its amazing.

current mood: indescribable

im kinda really in an undecided state right now about this whole election deal..... im also kind of disapointed in myself for not really forming an opionion about who was running and whats going on. im disapointed that i didnt really pay attention lately to the news, and that i didnt read up on bush's and kerry's ideas and stuff.  i know from what i hear, that i would probably have voted for kerry, if i could vote..... but then again i dont know because i didnt take the time to inform myself.  i know that i dont agree with bush's ideas on gay marriages...i think they should have every right to have some form of legal attachment that shows that they are in fact a "couple" whether you want to call it married or not, i know a lot of people say its not a true marriage, i dont disagree with that, because its only traditional values but people have to realize that the world changes, whether they want to accept it or not.  Its not all the way it used to be with everything being traditional.  Ive heard of some cases where gays or lesbians were not allowed to marry, so they jsut lived with eachother, but what happens if one of them gets sick and dies or something?  how is it fair to the other person who might have been living with and sharing their whole life with this person?  They should definately be entitled to some sort of legal ownership of the belongings of his/her partner whether it be a marriage or something else. They should definately have that right.   i get so pissed off at work or anywhere when i hear people discouraging gay's or gay marrige opinions.  I think its so unfair to these people that they have to live with and deal with being discriminated every single day.  Some religious people i feel are the biggest hypocrites ever!  Theyre so fucking religious and "god fearing" that they dont take into consideration how others might feel and they just believe what the bible tells them to believe and what the bible tells them is right.  if theyre so religous then why cant they accept hte fact that gays and lesbians were "created by god" i mean because "god" creates every fucking thing doesent he? Id like to see those kind of people put in someone elses shoes and then id like to know how they felt about it.   i think i would burn a bible if i could its so full of bullshit.  how anyone can believe something with no proof to back it up is so senseless in a MIllion ways.  But then again everyone is entitled to their own opinions, i just think they should mind their own business, keep religious beliefs to themselfs and out of politics. 

Also abortion...im kind of pro-life, but i strongly believe it shoudl really be up to the woman and what she wants to do with her own body.   I definately believe science and the knowledge of everything today has influenced everybody a great deal.  Religious and pro-life people who say abortion is morally wrong because its wrong to abort a living child have all the right to think and believe it.  However, even though science has proven that from the very instant the sperm fertilizes the egg it is a growing organism with a life ahead of it, what should it matter whether you destroy it or not?  i can understand if its in the latter stages of the pregnancy, but when its still a tiny speck, i mean u think its actually gonna matter? its as if you were to crush an ant.  its not like the baby is goign to feel anything its like a freken paramecium.  u squash it it bursts bye bye blob. Anyway the first three months of pregnancy is when the zygote is at its highest risk for a miscarriage.  more than likely that will happen cus everyone is so unhealthy these days. i mean with all these diseases and std's its ridiculous. if they have that much of a problem with killing children, why dont they do something about china? what they do over there is far worse in my opinion, than destroying a blob of chromosomes.

   "The Catholic Church believes that there are certain moral absolutes which admit to no exceptions,"  "Even in a petri dish, God is the one who creates human life, allows it to begin. We cannot destroy human life that God has created"    WTF then why are we in a fucking war, having thousands of innocent lives taken?  whats worse being destroyed while your an embryo or being destroyed while your alive?!?!?    dont people think these days?!!? i mean seriously does anyone still have a brain out there? or is everyone just brain washed with all the crap thats been going on?!

and theres more!  stem cell research.and artificial insemination..here we go.    Not being able to naturally have a child can be devastating for a woman, why not give her a chance to become pregnant??.....who cares how??....maybe it isnt as fun as naturally concieving but its still a sperm and an egg its not like the child will be born an alien!  and why not give the opportunity for an unborn infant who may have a disease, to be studied and possibly treated even before birth?  whats so wrong about that?   why is everyone becoming so anal!? everything is so strict and retarted i cant stand it anymore.  Pretty soon women are not oging to have any rights and things will be like they used to.  How can the government tell an individual what he/she can and cannot do with their own personal body? i can understand belongings and items but one's own body? its really starting to worry me.  pretty soon we will not be allowed to do anything.....get tattoos, piercings, perform surgeries, dance, strip w/e we want to do.   Prostitution is still legal....how i dont know why if women shouldnt "have the right" to be artificially inseminated.....while laws are being enforced associated with prostitution such as loitering, drug dealing, and indecent exposure, its still legal.. that has to be as messed up as u can get. 

i dont understand how the government thinks they are going to control the lives of individuals.  hopefully laws and restrictions will be more lenient and less tacky because pretty soon everyone is goign to be the same exact person so to speak and i think that is by far the worst thing that could happen.

so anyway yeah...i most likely would have voted for kerry, and not because i agree with him, but i think we could use a change....but see now im undecisive once again because i also think bush should finish what he started. go figure.

current mood: aggravated

i suck at drawing a horses' hind legs... so i just made them really dark (notice all the erasings behind it lmao) i have to learn how to make them so they dont come out so stumpy all the time!!! stumpy is stupid lol

.interesting......i was bored in the shower just a few mins ago...so i decided to read and try to pronounce all the ingredients labeled on the back of my shampoo bottle...and one of them was "kangaroo paw flower extract". i found that to be um..strange lol so i looked it up cus i thought it might have been something gross and it turns out that its good stuff... "Australian Kangaroo Paw Flower Grows wild in the southwestern corner of Western Australia.  Multi-colored and velvety to the touch, this flower, when blended into our unique formula, adds life and shine to hair."

also tip of the day: if you have a honey container in the shape of a bear dont microwave it because his head will melt. :( sadly mine did....again....lol

current mood: artsy

( hofstra 2004 )

good thing im not working today cus im about to fall flat on my face and SPLAT.....BUTTT last night was so fun...it wasnt cold!!!!! thats a miracle!!!!!  everything went so great! we had a blast with sparkles and hair spray paint stuff and feathers ....the timing was perfect  and jackie and i were sosososososososo happy ....hopefully everyone had a great time, im pretty sure htey diid hehe... i cant believe anna and jackie didnt tell me when i jumped on that kid that he wasnt from our school!!! i mean the big white plume thing should have given it away cus obviously we're orange but i was so out of it i didnt even notice it lol...i was so embarassed but it was so funny ....Anddd i ended up getting his numba haha....

current mood: tired -> hyper!