| Happy Bday To Me! | ||||
| 09:36am 25/11/2004 | ||||
cake, food and a new sewing machine yay! |
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| 5 Rambling Idiots| Ramble Away | ||||
| The Rambling Rabbit | ||||
| 11:56pm 21/11/2004 | ||||
I still can’t manage to keep friends. I still haven’t lost the weight I so hoped to lose last year. Only difference is I am one year older, but not wiser. If I was I would have changed my life someway somehow. I don’t fully understand the things I do, I sometimes chock it up to being lazy. Other times I think its because I have self esteem issues along with the fear of failing. Why can’t I just grow up and change. I guess I’m just to far set in my ways at this point to do anything about it. All I do know is that I wake up every morning wishing I was some place else but here in my mothers house, wishing I didn’t have to go to a job I can’t stand, wishing I was someone else. But I am stuck with me, and with my life. And for now I guess I’m just content with it. Shit or get off the pot... I’m stuck somewhere in-between. |
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disappointed| THANK YOU ANT AND TIFF I LOVE HER!!!!!!!! | |||
| 10:33pm 19/11/2004 | |||
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Ant and Tiff I LOVE MY DOLLY! They baught her for me for my Bday which is next week... http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?Vi shes so pretty reminds me of the girl from fatel frame |
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| YA FOR PHOTO EDITING! | |||
| 12:13am 17/11/2004 | |||
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So alex came to my house on monday and i took some pictures of him. One picture of his was very cute but very boring so i made it better!! YEA ME!  click on this link to see full image in all its glory! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v97/us |
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| am a cusp | ||||||
| 05:24pm 14/11/2004 | ||||||
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| 12:39am 13/11/2004 | |||
| So before Halloween I had my black hair bleached out by a salon, it came out cool but I dyed it red for my costume. Well I always enjoyed my red hair, the upkeep on the other hand I never really liked. Anyway my job didn’t like my red hair very much, they told me that customers found it offensive and I was asked to hide it under my hat. Which I did, now I want to take it out. So I bleach it myself, I bought raw’s bleaching kit, it worked fine but I now have red blotches, I think I have to wait a week or to try and bleach it again. | |||
| 1 Rambling Idiot| Ramble Away | |||
| 10:38pm 04/11/2004 | |||
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I am having a bit of a legal problem, i need to speak to a lawyer or something, i have no clue what to do in this situation. are there any lawyers who give free legal advice? |
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| 2 Rambling Idiots| Ramble Away | |||
| The Rambling Rabbit | ||||
| 11:26am 02/11/2004 | ||||
In the past I was used by a lot of men, a lot… At the same time I was using them. People use each other I got used to that. I didn’t like the idea of being alone, then me and this guy named will went out. Our relationship last a year and 7 months. I cheated on him once in the entire relationship with my ex boyfriend Abe. After we broke up I didn’t have a backup so I was alone for 4 years. In those 4 years I was single I had “fun” with guys. I did fall in love quiet a few times; I’m prone to it. Though it may have been love or it could have been obsession. I tend to obsess about certain things and certain people. For the life of me I couldn’t understand why guys stopped calling me. It could have been because I was too clingy or fell in love way too fast. I never understood why guys wanted girls who didn’t want them but didn’t want girls who did. Then I found tom… We are going on a year and 6 months, and I do not have a backup. So basically I now have all my eggs in one basket. But I am still very worried. The idea of being hurt is always in the back of my mind. And it scares me. The only reason why I am writing this is because of a dream I just woke up from. I dreamt I had a 3 room apt, and a very cute neighbor who I had sex with and then tom found out about it. Normally my dreams consist of tom cheating on me. But this dream was different I was the one cheating. That scared me too. It’s just a dream I know but still I can’t understand it. Though in my dream when tom left me I cried, I tried to get him back but he just left me all alone. I don’t know what it means, but I don’t want it to come true. |
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okay| Memories of You | |||
| 10:57pm 26/10/2004 | |||
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Walking along the leaf covered sidewalk I remember the day I shared it with you Longing to regain what I once lost My memories are of you That time on a bench you did smell so sweet Sitting on my bed watching TV Longing to remember how you once felt Your face is a blur now Your warmth is gone. All that is left is this memory of you. I am not the kind of person who can express how I feel I’m not the kind of person that knows how to hold on You’re here this moment Then gone the next This is my life I don't have regrets I do wish I had held on a bit longer I do wish I were a bit stronger But I am not. All I have left is the smell of you In a bottle you gave me Now lying in my bottom draw It wasn’t meant to be More then just a friendship A visit A memory With me you will always remain As you once did. |
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| The Rambling Rabbit | ||||
| 10:49pm 26/10/2004 | ||||
Cologne is the key to my memories; someone has a scent and years later ill walk somewhere in some town and smell that scent and it will remind me of a certain person. I never can remember people’s faces; they are always static in my mind, which is why I love to keep so many photos of people. Scents on the other hand always bring that person to life, as if they were there in that moment at that time. This is a saddening and a cheerful event for me. I will always remember their smell. I miss you… |
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| 6 Rambling Idiots| Ramble Away | ||||
blah| took new pictures! | ||||
| 11:06pm 23/10/2004 | ||||
  http://photobucket.com/albums/v97/usagi |
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content| 08:12am 22/10/2004 | ||||||||||||||||||||||
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| 9 Rambling Idiots| Ramble Away | ||||||||||||||||||||||
sleepy| weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee | |||
| 11:17pm 19/10/2004 | |||
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| 2 Rambling Idiots| Ramble Away | |||
| matchbox 20 this song so suits me | ||||
| 10:03pm 17/10/2004 | ||||
Making friends with shadows on my wall All night hearing voices telling me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for something Hold on Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown And I don't know why [Chorus] But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be...me I'm talking to myself in public Dodging glances on the train And I know, I know they've all been talking about me I can hear them whisper And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me Out of all the hours thinking Somehow I've lost my mind [Chorus] But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be I've been talking in my sleep Pretty soon they'll come to get me Yeah, they're taking me away [Chorus] But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be Yeah, how I used to be How I used to be Well, I'm just a little unwell How I used to be How I used to be I'm just a little unwell |
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| 7 Rambling Idiots| Ramble Away | ||||
| YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! | ||||
| 09:41pm 17/10/2004 | ||||
i was 260 and now im 234! im on cam btw thanks to joe i finally fixed the ftp problem i was having |
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| 1 Rambling Idiot| Ramble Away | ||||
crazy| Untitled - Houkou Usagi | ||||
| 10:51pm 15/10/2004 | ||||
No pain No tears No more tears Empty, cold Dark I will remain Lonely aching Forever in pain Emotions expressed Fears regress I must press on Waiting for my dawn Sitting by myself I slowly wonder How much more will I go under. Sinking deeper to the bottom Of this hole. So far... am I forever ever alone. What is my lesson? That I should learn Empty I feel Null I am becoming Tears are now starting to fall Hurt I am No more doubt I pain inside me Makes me want to Shout! Save me Rescue me I am falling Lonely morning The dawn is coming What I seek Cannot be found inside Perhaps it’s trapped within my mind I long to love And to feel love in return It’s a feeling I can’t touch it Cause my anger to burn. Why has love forsaken my soul? I paid my dues Pain took its toll I owe it nothing Yet from me it takes. So how can I find what it is I seek inside? You will never love me This I now know. We both Now left waiting Never will our love grow. |
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| ABBA - Fernando lyrics | |||
| 10:30pm 15/10/2004 | |||
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ABBA - Fernando lyrics Can you hear the drums Fernando? I remember long ago another starry night like this In the firelight Fernando You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar I could hear the distant drums And sounds of bugle calls were coming from afar They were closer now Fernando Every hour every minute seemed to last eternally I was so afraid Fernando We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die And I'm not ashamed to say The roar of guns and cannons almost made me cry There was something in the air that night The stars were bright, Fernando They were shining there for you and me For liberty, Fernando Though I never thought that we could lose There's no regret If I had to do the same again I would, my friend, Fernando Now we're old and grey Fernando And since many years I haven't seen a rifle in your hand Can you hear the drums Fernando? Do you still recall the frightful night we crossed the Rio Grande? I can see it in your eyes How proud you were to fight for freedom in this land There was something in the air that night The stars were bright, Fernando They were shining there for you and me For liberty, Fernando Though I never thought that we could lose There's no regret If I had to do the same again I would, my friend, Fernando There was something in the air that night The stars were bright, Fernando They were shining there for you and me For liberty, Fernando Though I never thought that we could lose There's no regret If I had to do the same again I would, my friend, Fernando Yes, if I had to do the same again I would, my friend, Fernando... |
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| The Rambling Rabbit (part 2) | ||||
| 10:22pm 15/10/2004 | ||||
I’m not allowed to eat the food that is in the house because it belongs to my mom, or her boyfriend. He used to buy me stuff that I wanted, but with school, and gas and other stuff he doesn’t have the money to. That I understand but… I guess I really don’t know when I have a good thing or not. He doesn’t plan on marring me anytime soon, so it’s like I have nothing to look forward to. Yes marriage is important to me; it means I can finally have a family. Or feel a sense of family. Something I don’t feel from my own blood. It’s why I am so empty all the time. I have this large void of family love that I need so badly and just can’t get. As far as friends go, I only really have his; I have co-workers I get along with. We sit and bullshit and laugh. But I wish I could see them outside of work. I need friends of my own. But that was always hard for me to do. I’m not a people person in the sense it’s easy for me to make enemies then friends. I like his friends but I want my own friends. Not online friends, real friends I can go hang out with, without Tommy. Or sometimes even with him. I had a bunch of friends 2 years ago but that went down the shitter, shit happens what can I say. I had Ashe but he moved. I had James (A) but he is always busy or off being a hermit. I had Joe but he moved. I had Joe but we lost touch when he got engaged. I had Abe but he moved. I had nick, and company but I don’t go to karaoke anymore. So I guess all I have is Tommy… Why does that scare me so much, if I lost Tommy I would be all alone. I don’t want to be alone. |
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crushed
| the Rambling Rabbit (part 1) | ||||
| 10:11pm 15/10/2004 | ||||
Emotionally I am lost, I am having mixed feelings and thoughts about shit in my life I don’t care to really discuss incase someone I know is reading this. Sometimes some secrets should be secrets kept. I feel lonely all the time now, even with Tommy around. I am noticing a lot of things about him I do not like, but every relationship has flaws, and we are only human so I know there are things about me he doesn’t like either. The problem with that is, when I try to tell him about these flaws and ask him to change them he wont or won’t even bother to try too. He doesn’t realize that a lot of the things he does bothers me a lot, I try to be the supporting girlfriend but sometimes its really hard. I love him but sometimes he pisses me off. I guess every relationship is like that. But I just want him to be more romantic. I want him to sweep me off my feet or something… He has changed a lot since we first started dating and its like he just stopped trying, like he doesn’t need to try anymore now that he has me. A lot of guys do that I don’t understand why. You spend so much effort getting the girl and once you have them you don’t know what to do. He told me he put our relationship on autopilot, but relationships don’t go on autopilot you have to upkeep them or weeds will pop up. I don’t like the weeds and I wish he would pull some out. We haven’t had a shared moment in over 7 months. About the same time mom started enforcing “the Rules!” I guess that is to blame too but not for everything. He leaves everything up to me and then doesn’t want me to control him. I’m to control the relationship but not the man I am in it with. It makes things rather difficult. I have to choose where we go, see, and do. I have to choose what we eat and where we shop. Sometimes I just want him to surprise me. Our relationship is getting routine, I hate routines. I want some surprises. I love him I just don’t know what to do with him. I’m not good at this love thing, and I have been in far too many relationships to know when things are starting to go bad. The only time we look at each other is when we are at a diner and we sit across from each other. Other then that we sit side by side or he is off in one corner and I am in another. Even when I hang with him and his friends he’s by the bar and I am on the couch. He barely touches me when they are around. As if subliminally he is trying to tell me something. This gets me mad so I act up, I practically beg for attention. And then when I don’t want it, because I have giving up on trying to get it, he gives it to me. But by then I don’t want it anymore so I push him away out of resentment. I don’t want our relationship to be like that, I don’t want to be like my mom and dad. They never spoke and when they did it was always an argument. And with tom and me lately it’s been one argument after another. I don’t know what to do in situation such as these so I just stop talking for a while and collect my thoughts. |
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| 1 Rambling Idiot| Ramble Away | ||||
| 09:49pm 15/10/2004 | ||||
 Your soul is bound to the Black Rose: The Wicked. "I am the wicked specemin of sin with no profound logic to believe in. Hold me tight, but don't hold me close, I go where I desire." The Black Rose is associated with manipulation, control, and virtuosity. It is governed by the goddess Psyche and its sign is The Tapestry, or Crafted Love. As a Black Rose, you may have a slight wicked streak running through you. But whether you are naughty or nice is up for debate. You know how to get what you want and can work people for what they're worth. You have great people skills, but can sometimes be a bit of a control freak. What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To? brought to you by Quizilla |
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usagicam |
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Friends Info Calendar DreamingUsagi |
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