5:34pm 6/28/2002
 
mood: tired
music: that Jimmy Eat World song running through my head
No comments in the past few days. . .doesn't anyone love me anymore? ::sniffle::

I've got kind of a lot to say right now, but I'm too damn tired to say it. Or even think it through coherently enough to make anything make sense. Dang.		  
     

(4 flowers * Pollinate!)
 
Look! An update!   
7:52pm 6/26/2002
 
mood: exhausted
music: This lab is too damn quiet
I bring you this update from the UC Davis computer lab. Random, no? Mike is at the computer right behind me. The past few days have really been kind of surreal. Saturday, we went to Santa Cruz and visited Allison. Then on Sunday, we drove out to Yosemite, and stayed there and hiked around for the next couple of days. I can't believe I've been living here for eight years and I've never been there. It's just. . .too gorgeous. I'm going to have to have a word with my family for neglecting to take me there when I was younger.

Anyway. I'll post pictures at some point. . .assuming my photography skills are even half-decent.

Yesterday, we left Yosemite and drove to Reno. On the way there, I encountered a hailstorm, which sucked ass and dinged my car's windshield. But it could have been worse. We had reservations at the Atlantis hotel/casino, which was kind of surreal. I still feel too young to either (a) be out on my own, or (b) be in a casino. It was also odd because in California, you're not allowed to smoke in any public buildings, but I guess in Nevada, you can light up wherever the fuck you want. At any rate, we gambled for 1/2 hour before we got carded, and had to leave (Mike's not 21). I suck a lot of ass at gambling, but Mike's pretty good at it. . .he managed to win $6 before we had to leave. And the view from the 14th floor of the hotel is very nice. Reno is a pretty place.

This morning, we drove to lake Tahoe, which I've never seen. It's huge! And it's so blue! It's very pretty. We went up to Squaw Valley, and took a ride up the cable car to the sky camp, where we went ice skating. Mike thinks the staff guy who was out on the ice was very hot. I thought his co-worker was hotter. Anyway. . .it was really pretty. I am seriously kicking myself in the ass for not getting to the Sierras sooner.

Anyway. We're in Davis now, we'll be heading down to SF tomorrow, hopefully going to Faith in the evening. I think I'm going to sleep in a little tomorrow, because I am DAMN tired.		  
     

( * Pollinate!)
 
   
6:29pm 6/21/2002
 
mood: apathetic
music: Verve Pipe - The Freshmen
Mike is currently en route to the airport, I believe. He'll be here at 1:40 tomorrow. Sunday morning, we leave for Yosemite, where I've still never been. Trouble is, my brother informed me today at dinner that all national parks are offering free admission this weekend and this weekend only. Which means the place will be crawling with people on Sunday, at least. Ugh. People. I still can't wait to see it though. I need a good dose of natural beauty.

James needs to e-mail me back soon. . .or I fear I will start to lose it.

This is no way to spend a summer.		  
     

(1 flower * Pollinate!)
 
You gotta promise not to stop when I say when. . .   
12:37am 6/20/2002
 
mood: happy
music: Foo Fighters - Everlong
Today, I got a lovely e-mail from James, got coffee with Jess and lay in the park chatting with her, hung out with Sarah, and found 'Praise the Fallen' (a VNV Nation album I've been looking for for months) at Tower.

Yes, it has been a good day. :-)		  
     

( * Pollinate!)
 
Yes!   
6:58pm 6/19/2002
 
mood: enthralled
music: Dream Academy - Life in a Northern Town
I just got the sweetest e-mail from the sweetest guy. Okay, I know, too mushy, but you can't even imagine how glad I am to hear from him! I was worrying that he'd forgotten about me. . .or something. . .even though I know that's not going to happen.

And this really is going to happen. I don't believe it. Would you believe, I have a date. . .in Spetember, yes, but this really is going to happen. We really are going to get together in the fall. I've been throwing the idea around, telling people that we're going to pick things up in the fall, without ever once really believing it. But it's going to happen. Really, truly, honestly.

Pardon me, I need to go dance and bounce around like an idiot now. Then, I must write a reply. And then, to let the anticipation kill me.		  
     

(1 flower * Pollinate!)
 
Pardon the entry of banality. . .   
1:21pm 6/19/2002
 
mood: ho-hum
I would like to welcome my wonderfully witty friend Jess to Livejournal.

I'd also like to reassure Sarah that I am indeed working on a new layout for my site. And that she will likely think it is pretty. :-)

Oh, and Sarah, about those brushes? :-D		  
     

( * Pollinate!)
 
   
12:51am 6/18/2002
 
mood: uncertain
At night, I get scared. I worry that time is passing more quickly than I realize; that I'm ticking my life away without doing all the things I should be doing. I worry that I'm making terrible mistakes; that I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I signed up for the MCAT the other day. . .and now I think all the time, is this really what I want? During the day, there is no question, yes it's what I want; but somehow at night I'm not so sure anymore.

Who am I to believe that I can really be a doctor?		  
     

(12 flowers * Pollinate!)
 
   
6:58pm 6/14/2002
 
mood: exhausted
music: VNV Nation - Forsaken
Well, I'm at home now. . .and so far, I wish I was still in Davis. I know part of my trouble is that I just don't like change. . .I'm a much happier person if I have just one place to call home. Part of the trouble is also that I have changed a lot since last I lived here, and reminders of who I was are everywhere here.

I discovered, though, that I am finally able to clean out my room. It's been filling up slowly over the years with trinkets and tidbits that reminded me of one thing or another. A note from someone, a shell from a day at the beach. A lot of the things have to do with past crushes/boyfriends. . .and I've found that I don't care about much of any of that anymore. The trinkets and baubles are completely meaningless. I can throw them out, and not regret it. Actually, I rather like getting rid of a lot of such things. It feels cathartic. Like I'm finally, honestly moving on.

I like the person I am now. . .I don't need to cling to the past anymore.		  
     

( * Pollinate!)
 
   
10:35pm 6/13/2002
 
mood: lonely
She got up this morning at quarter to eight, just before her alarm. She studied for her Physics final, took her final (it was bad), came home. Packed up her clothing, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned up her room. Said goodbye to Sean ::sniffle::. Made an appearance at a PCS party. Came home. Is drinking a lot of caffeine in hopes that she will be able to stay awake until midnight in order to go out drinking to celebrate Susan's 21st. She's also rather hoping someone else wants to be the designated.

Checked her e-mail fanatically in hopes that James replied. Silly boy. . .the situation had been defined. Some contact via e-mail over the summer, and things will be picked up in the fall. Yet here he goes talking again, asking what she's doing for the summer, and is she done with finals? Now she wants to know what the deal is, and wonders where his reply is. ::sigh::

I'm in a very strange mood tonight. I don't really want to leave Davis at all. But since everyone else is leaving too. . .what would be left here for me?		  
     

( * Pollinate!)
 
   
9:36pm 6/12/2002
  I've changed my background again, obviously. This is the view from the top of the seacliffs at San Gregorio State Beach.

:-)		  
     

(2 flowers * Pollinate!)
 
The sun was born, so it shall die   
6:44pm 6/10/2002
 
mood: excited
music: VNV Nation - Further
There was a partial solar eclipse today. . .so naturally I spent forever sitting outside staring at all the bright spots of light on the ground that had pieces taken out of them.


This is what the sun looked like at the beginning, as seen through a pinhole viewer.


And this has to be my favorite phenomenon of all in a solar eclipse. . .look closely. Usually, the spots of light that make it through the leaves of trees are perfectly round. But during an eclipse, they become crescents. Check it out. . .how cool is that?
  
     

(4 flowers * Pollinate!)
 
New! Improved!   
2:33pm 6/10/2002
 
mood: busy
So the Flypad guys and I got a little bit bored yesterday, and we thought up something that never should have been thought up. . .here goes:

( It'll make your whites whiter )		  
     

(7 flowers * Pollinate!)
 
For all you MTV watchers. . .   
10:25am 6/10/2002
 
mood: amused
Have any of you seen the ad that is starting to run on MTV for a show called "Sorority Life?" With those made-up bimbos who talk about how much they like to party? Doesn't it look great?!

For all of you who don't know, the show was filmed here at UC Davis. ('cause it's just such a happening place, yo!) I'm really, incredibly, insanely curious to see how they portray this place. So far, it seems like it's going to be impossibly ridiculous. I can't wait!		  
     

( * Pollinate!)
 
   
10:03am 6/10/2002
 
mood: pissed off
So. I went back to the health center today. I told the doctor that yes, my ear still hurt, and no, it wasn't getting any better, and that it was high time we tried something else. So he wrote me a prescription for some new ear drops. I'm thinking, all right, no problem. So I bounce on over to the pharmacy, and the pharmacist tells me, "we don't carry that."

Really, I said. That's odd, because the doctor knew yesterday that I needed these drops. That had been more than enough time to order them. Well, he hadn't ordered them. The pharmacist said that I could have them ordered now, but they wouldn't be in until tomorrow afternoon, which of course is inadvisable because it would let the infection continue. He also warned me that they were expensive. Really expensive. . .something the doctor hadn't breathed a word about, of course. He told me that I should try Rite Aid and Walgreens.

Well, Rite-Aid was the only place that had it (and they only had it by a fluke. . .the pharmacist there didn't even think they had them). They cost one hundred and two dollars. For a goddamn ear infection! But it's not like I have a choice, so I paid. (Did I mention that the stuff only would have cost the $10 copay if the fucking doctor would've ordered it at the health center pharmacy?!)

The only plus to this? The drops are Cipro. That's right folks, I won't be getting anthrax in my ear.		  
     

(2 flowers * Pollinate!)
 
   
6:04pm 6/9/2002
 
mood: hungry
music: none, thanks to my painful infected ear :-(
I would like to give a very decisive thumbs-down to the Cowell Student Health center. I went in again today, still in a great deal of pain, and what do they tell me? Keep doing the drops. The doctor took out the old wick in my ear. . .only to put in a new one (which hurt, again, but it wasn't as excruciating as last time). He said it "looks better," I told him it damn well didn't feel better. Honestly, with finals coming up, I don't care if my ear is dripping pus, as long as it doesn't hurt. I can't concentrate on studying when I'm in pain, and I definitely can't sleep. . .which doesn't help my studying attempts either. Basically, they didn't really seem to care all that much whether or not I'm comfortable, which just isn't kind of them.

Other than that, today I have won 2 games of scrabble, eaten an enchilada, and taken a 3 and a half hour nap, to make up for the fact that I didn't sleep well at ALL last night. I'm so damn accomplished!

Last night was more entertaining. . .Sean and I tried our hands at mixing drinks. . .we had sex on the beach, along with Cat, Jerry, and Jacob. :-D (yes I know Sean, I've stolen your joke! Bwahahaha) The funny part of this is, I now own some peach schnapps, meaning that all the alcohol in the house STILL belongs to me! I'm not a boozer, I swear! Between myself and Jerry, we have a fairly respectable little bar. I'm pleased. :-)

And now, off to get some food!		  
     

(4 flowers * Pollinate!)
 
   
11:11am 6/8/2002
 
mood: in pain
My satanic ear infection is back, with a vengeance.

It snuck up slowly, with a twinge of pain and slightly dulled hearing yesterday morning, so I put in some antibiotic drops and figured that would take care of things. But I was wrong.

I couldn't sleep last night for the pain. . .and when I went in to the health center this morning, they informed me that my ear was so swollen that the drops wouldn't be able to get in. The solution? Jam a stiff cotton wick in there! Seriously, why didn't I think of that?

Now, that had to be the absolute worst ear pain I could possibly imagine. My God. It seriously brought tears to my eyes.

So now I'm completely, profoundly (albiet temporarily) deaf in my right ear. The last little bit of space that wasn't swollen shut is now plugged up with a piece of cotton. So if you're saying something to me, make sure you're on my left side, ok?

I have to go back in tomorrow for them to take it out. Goddamnit.		  
     

(4 flowers * Pollinate!)
 
   
3:54am 6/6/2002
 
mood: weird
I just had the craziest night!

. . .and now it is time for bed.		  
     

(1 flower * Pollinate!)
 
"There's better ways to meet firemen, you know"   
5:54pm 6/4/2002
 
mood: embarrassed
music: VNV Nation - Further
The most embarrassing thing just happened to me. . .so naturally, I'm going to share.

I decided to go to Safeway this afternoon to obtain some fruit and munchies. I was far too lazy to deal with the car, so I biked, figuring that I wasn't buying so much that I wouldn't be able to carry it. The soda cubes were on sale and they didn't have any 6-packs (6-packs are easier to bike with), so I figured I could deal with the cube.

So I got all my stuff loaded up, and got on my bike, and managed to balance fine. . .until I realized that the hand I had on the handlebars was on the side with the brake that doesn't work. I figured I could inch my hand over to grab the brake that worked. . .I was wrong. I hadn't moved my arm more than 3 or 4 inches to the right before I completely and utterly lost balance. Amazing, how small of a mass shift is needed to do that! So I crashed down onto the pavement, smacking my diaphragm directly into the curb. I sat there gasping for a good couple minutes while I got my wind back.

I didn't mention the best part. There were 2 fire trucks parked right outside the door to Safeway. . .I suppose the firemen had been shopping. Well, they'd just gotten back in the trucks when I went down. So they rolled up and 4 or 5 of them hopped out. They asked me a thousand times if I was okay. . .helped me up, and gathered all my soda cans that had rolled out of the broken cube (save for the one that got run over). One of them put the chain back on my bike, another ran in to get me new bags for my groceries because the old ones had split. One of them said to me, "There's better ways to meet firemen, you know." I said "well, I'm not planning on setting anything on fire anytime soon." He said to me "no, I mean you can come by and say hi!" Heh. I didn't know quite what to say to that. . .

So now my legs and elbows are scraped up, but at least I've got a good story for it. And the fact that my Cocoa Puffs came with a purple light-up lightsaber pen kind of makes up for things too. w00t!		  
     

(5 flowers * Pollinate!)
 
Who's that putz in the river?   
12:17pm 6/3/2002
 
mood: amused
music: VNV Nation - Kingdoms (live in SF)
The place posted the photos from our rafting trip! It's a commercial site, so they've gone and superimposed their logo over everything. . .so don't mind that. I've thwarted them and snagged the pics anyway, 'cause I'm sure as hell not spending money on them! Haha! Anyway. . .here are a few, in sequential order. I'm the center one on the right side of the raft. . .you can see my braid sticking out from my helmet. I'm also wearing sunglasses.


At the beginning of the rapid. Everything is cool. Note all the happy smiles! Yay for rafting!

( Ah, but what next? )
  
     

(7 flowers * Pollinate!)
 
   
8:37pm 5/31/2002
 
mood: frustrated
music: Puddle of Mudd - Drift and Die
I'm all kinds of frustrated right now. I finally called James, and we talked for a little while. . .it was good to hear his voice again. He sounded happy to hear from me, which was nice. He's busy, I'm busy, we're both way over this quarter, and it sucks, because we're both so far from being done.
I knew better, but I still asked him if he'd like to go to the spa with me. Just for a little while, as kind of a study break.

He was silent. For so long. . .he was silent. Count out ten seconds right now. Imagine that's a conversation gap on the phone. It's a long time. . .

I said, "I won't take too much of your time, I promise. I know you're busy."

Count out twenty seconds of silence. It's a long time. Too long. And I waited there for his reply. . .twenty seconds of silence.

He told me no, he really couldn't, he shouldn't, he needed to write his 10-page art history paper. And he sounded regretful, which he rightly should, and I think I came off as fairly civil about the whole thing. But I wanted to put my fist through the wall as I hung up the phone. So long a silence serves only for internal debate. If he wants to see me, why won't he? And if he doesn't, can't he just say so?

It'd be less pain for the both of us.		  
     

( * Pollinate!)
 
 
evade
 
 
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