06.05.02

05.05 : retaliate : the colors collide
mood angry music vision of disorder
new life
new journal

ask for details
aim: donuthappy
email: lews@eden.rutgers.edu
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01.05 : you never write me poems anymore, she said
And though I have journeyed through valley after valley
And across the seas I have walked and in all the deserts swam
I came to think and in thinking, I began to dream and in dreaming I began to remember

This world my kingdom is; from bound to bound I have walked
All the great sights have been mine to see, and the entire majesty mine alone

I look into the depths of the ocean and smile
For they do not match the profound deepness of her crystalline eyes
The great waves roll on mournfully
For their eternal azure shades could never match the brilliance of her gaze

The mountains cloaked in their mournful shrouds of purple splendor
Their sight so sorrowful, magnificence paling in your memory
The proud peeks cut the sky with doleful silence
Bemoaning the woman with whom their timeless essence of which the muse sings
Cannot compare

Liquid fluidity of the blue-sky ribbon
I stare up, filled with warmth, watching the proud cascade of the heavens
In their lissome everdance, their grace still remains dwarfed by hers
Recalling how she walked through emerald fields, the vast yonder is surpassed

In this eternity I have borne
All the maidens of the earth were mine
But none like her
All the pain, wounds cast thousands of times over
The sting of separation worse than all
All the fleshtrap pleasures and narcotic bliss
Compare not to this love that I feel

In this utopian prison I shall wait
And wait and wait
For the day shall come when she and I walk
Together once more
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12.05 : awesome
mood amused music time machines - psilocybin

In Heaven.

You're mysterious, picky, and a bit aloof. Some people say you have a very cheery personality, but it's hard to say because you mask your emotions behind dark pretenses. You enjoy watching obscure movies and going to plays, but by the end of the day you're usually too wound-up by the ironies of your life to relax.

Which Pixies song are you?
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see you space cowboy..

24.04.02

12.04 no one to blame but myself
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see you space cowboy..

22.04.02

02.04 : my schedule
mood depressed music bauhaus - boys
Elementary Japanese (MWTH4)
Medieval Civilization (MW6)
Principals and Applications of Microeconomics (TF3)
Population Resources and Environment (TTH6)
Politics of Environmental Issues (TW5TH3)

I took Med. Civ. in place of a class required for my major which they only offer one section a semester. I emailed the professor but he said there are absolutely no spots left in the class. Fuck the world.
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see you space cowboy..

21.04.02

07.04 : with the blood of the fools and the thoughts of the wise
mood tired
T&A; War 2002 was pretty goddamn fun.

Fritag:
Nicknack shows up at my dorm an hour late, citing traffic from bush, but luckily Amy came out and kept me company. We got on the road around 7 and by 9 we were lost in the awful pennsylvanian town of Easton. Our directions were so fucking bad, they cited roads that didn't exist, according to the Eastonians. We drove around for 2 hours looking for any semblance of where we were supposed to be, eventually comming to a circle around a statue of a man drinking from a golden 40oz. Nack ended up screaming at people on the street for directions, but they didn't even know where they were so it was a failure. I think around this time Nack's mind had finally broken and he started screaming "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON." Eventually we got some good directions and got back on the road, but being lost in Easton cost us a lot of gas and we had to stop for some more. Because we were in the NAZI FUCKHELL of Pennsylvania, we had to pump our own goddamn gas. When Nick reached his hand out to unscrew the gas cap, a nesting bee stung him on the hand. Because Nack is allergic to beestings, we then had to drive to the goddamn hospital, where I waited in the rest room (at close to 11:30) with a very very confused mentally retarded woman while they brought Nack back to life. When we finally got to the site, I jumped out of the truck, blurted the entire story at the fire and promptly downed some rum that someone handed me. We got our tents set up and unpacked all our gear and I began to search for Dan who had some alcohol for me, but as it turned out Dan and Frankie had to go pick up critter and The Circle crew who's van had broken down. I started drinking from someone's liquor and by the time Dan and Frankie got back I was already lit. Dan handed me a bottle of Popov vodka, the cheapest vodka in the world, which I had requested by name. I started drinking from the president and within 15 minutes I was suitably wrecked. What ensued can only be named drunken hillarity, as nearly everyone around the fire had some of my fine vodka and passed around liquor of their own for the general consuption. With some alcohol in my system I was able to pass the peasant test as issued by the Pine Baron himself, gaining me the name Peasant Steve. After downing nearly half the bottle of Popov, I demand that Dan use a cat-o-nine-tails that he was wielding on my arm, claiming that I couldn't feel anything. He laced into me as hard as he could, but true to my statement I didn't feel anything at all. He tried again and again and eventually I was distracted as he was tearing apart my arm. Frustrated with my lack of nerve endings, he turned the whip around and nearly broke my fingers with the handle. I sat around the fire a few hours later, drinking pepsi and waiting to sober up enough to sleep.

Samstag:
Woke up somewhat hungover, a little numb and with a bottle of cheap vodka in my face. After a fantastic breakfast cooked by the goodly members of The Order of The Golden Lion I was nearly ready for the day's fighting. I suited up in my armor and grabbed my shield and newly re-made sword and headed to the battle field. The Queen who also happened to be reeving checked out my armor and helm, passed me and I was ready to do glorious battle. We had a free for all to decide who would be the captains and pick teams for the first random line battles. I was picked on a team seperate from all my scarlet cross brothers, and the team I was selected for wasn't very good. We crossed the field and I had my eyes set on the samurai KenRyu, a fighter skilled in Kenjitsu (sp o_o) fromt he circle. We closed and locked blades, me having a great time testing my mettal against his excellent style. The shield wall to the right of me had broken and enemy pikemen were now running amok on our flank. Next thing I know I'm on the ground, my helm twisted around and dented from the hardest hit to the brain that I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing. I honestly thought that I had a concussion, as my vision swam with many colors and terrible pain. I got back up and reformed with my unit for the next battle. The fuck with the pike (his name is Guppy) hit me 3 more times that day, each time equally hard and painful. After maybe 45 minutes of fighting sword and shield I was tired of it and picked up a new bearded axe that Geoff had just completed. I hefted the weapon and it felt so natural. I throw the gigantic axe over my shoulder and head back to the field. I have to say that swinging that axe was a grand feeling, foes falling at my feet and actually being able to deliver hard blows as opposed to my occasional lucky sword strikes. At some point the field had been cleared save for 3 OGLings (club from TCNJ) and myself, sans legs. I hefted up the ole battle axe and they came towards me. I axed a girl with a polearm in the stomach and delivered a poweful blow to the gut of Peasant Dave. There was no justice however, as I was unable to kill their last remaining archer before she got behind me and put and arrow in my side. Another memorable moment came when a member of OGL, fighting sans pants, ran past me and I hooked his neck with the axe, sending him choking to the floor. I slammed the spiked part of the weapon into his chest and he praised me for my excellent kill. After fighting my head was ringing like there was no tomorrow and I sat around the fire in my armor until I mustered up the strenght and willpower to go change, which eventually lead me to passing out in my tent. I woke up in time to eat some dinner and start drinking a little Yuengling lager. I feared the russian president and passed it off to poor Nack who had no alcohol to call his own. After killing the remaining fourth of the bottle he was lit like a motherfucker. Jim showed up with a big big bottle of irish cream, which we all immediatly began to pass around. I was eating and drinking lager so I was no where near drunk or even buzzed. The girl pole-armsman from OGL began to sing this beautiful norse song called Loki's song and I was in sheer awe of how wonderful it and her voice was. I downloaded an mp3 of the song after arriving home and it was no where near that girl's singing. Frankie killed off an entire bottle of JD and was falling down drunk by 1 am. I handed him my bottle of Prez and he fell over onto his back, and he wandered off into the night, something that made the King very angry. There was a lot of bullshit going on, but I was in too good a mood because all of scarlet cross, save for bryce, was sitting around the fire drinking and talking as it would have been in ages long since scorched. I finished off several lagers but ate steadily through the night (hey fighting makes you hungry) which prevented me from getting very drunk. At one point the mad russian Kaz graced me with a bottle of Woodchuck Amber Cider, and thus I found my new beverage of choice. I savored that bottle, it was the most delicious substance I have ever tasted, toasting the russian, odin and the scarlet cross in gereral with the fantastic brew. Around 2 we were sitting around and Alex passed me the bottle of Irish creame, which I had had enough of so I passed it to Scott. He looked at me through one eye and screwed up his face like a mad goblin and shouted "DRINK OR DIE!" at me. This scared the fuck out of me so I turned to Alex who then did the same. Needless to say, Drink Or Die became the new peasant chant for the rest of the evening. Around 4 am everyone was getting really drunk off rum, the only thing that remained of the vast horde of alcohol, so I puttered off to bed reasonably sober and happy. I laid in bed and questioned the world, my reality, perhaps due in some part to the massive trauma I recieved to my skull during the afternoon or the beer I had been drinking all night long. I had an important realization that night, that I just carry on through this world like a ghost or something, and that I am incredibly glad, beyond any ecstatic deffinition of happy, that I med Kaitlyn. I realized that night the true scope and magnitude of her true greatness.

Heute:
We ate hotdogs for breakfast and sat around the fire chatting quietly and prepariong for the ride home. Todd concieved of a great plan to gather all of the scarlet cross and shake jim's car, which he was sleeping in. It went off without a hitch, we shook the car and he awoke with a start, grabbing the steering wheel as if he had fallen asleep at the wheel. I haven't laughed that hard in a long while. Jim made a gigantic and unsafe fire of our remaining wood, and me and Nack packed up the truck and hit the road. We sped home listening to radiohead, talking and laughing. I was generally happy with what had happened this weekend, the things that I had done and the friends that I had made. All in all it was a great time and I can't wait for my next event.
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see you space cowboy..

19.04.02

01.04 : i love this song
mood amused music pixies - subbacultcha
This is a song about something there
there is something about this song
we did the clubs what ass
i was hoping to have her in the sack
i was looking handsome
she was looking like an erotic vulture
i was all dressed in black
she was all dressed up in black
every thing was fine down here
what you call it here
call it what you will here
way down down down in this subbacultcha

her warm white belly in the life i'd lived had seen nothing
finer she shakes and she moves me or something
she's like jellyroll like sculpture
i was wearing eyeliner
she was wearing eyeliner
it was so good down here
saving for my scrapbook here
way down down down in this subbacultcha

now we live on the sea and relax and ride the tack
drug running on this panamanian schooner
she walks the deck in a black dress
and me i dress up in black
and we listen to the sea
and look at the sky in a poetic kind of way
what you call it
when you look at the sky in a poetic kind of way
you know when you grope for luna.
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see you space cowboy..

18.04.02

11.04 mood hot music nurse with wound & foetus - brained by falling masonry
( Pic from saturday's fighting )
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see you space cowboy..

17.04.02

05.04 : on cradle of filth
mood hot music moonspell - mephisto
wrathful: and cradle is so not even death metal
wrathful: its just sad
wrathful: and screechy
donuthappy: haha fuck you and die emo boy
wrathful: i have to GO WASH MY SOULD NOW I KNOW YOU LIKE CRADLE
donuthappy: i'm going to RAPE YOU WITH A BROOM IN THE SKULL BITCH
wrathful: im gonna go
donuthappy: fine!
wrathful: HAVE ANOTHER COLD COLD SLUSHIE
wrathful: SUCKS FOR YOU BITCH BOY
donuthappy: I HATE YOU JEFF
wrathful: <3
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01.04 : between the spaces
mood de?lir?i?um music fields of the nephilim - last exit for the lost
This heat is making me feel so sick. I tried to go to the lounge where they have air conditioning but it was no cooler, and it seemed that the air conditioner itself was straining on the verge of death. It was rather pleasant for a while in here, when I had the door open to provoke a cross breeze, however the RA decided that this was obviously another one of my devious attempts to subvert the system and warned me against having my door open. I made the offhand comment to mat that I was going to get heat stroke out of spite, however that does not seem so unrealistic right now.

I actually feel like a flu, my body so wracked with heat it seems feverish. My insides twist and turn as if they are rotting or decaying, as if everything I put into my body, be it liquid or food solid is corrupted and joins in the hateful circus of pain. I feel terribly cerebral, as if evacuating the torturous confines of my body will be some release from the foul heat. I now venture off to my bed in the hopes that I can pass out in heat exaustion as I did earlier this afternoon.
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see you space cowboy..

16.04.02

06.04 : my black diary
mood hot music bauhaus - boys
I'm protesting this disgusting heat by skipping meteorology and not wearing pants. All I've done all day is watch anime, sleep, play ps2, and listen to some old records. New Brunswick is like some sort of blasted industrial wasteland, hot winds sear across long dead fields of dirt and the sky is a sickly pale yellow. There is no shade, the evening sky is cast over with clouds, promising a disgustingly hot night to follow. I really need to get out of this surreal hellbox that they call housing, but fear that everywhere will be just as hot.
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see you space cowboy..

13.04.02

10.04 : going to feel it in the morning
mood tired music swans
Today was the big scarlet cross spring feast on Cook. Nack and I got to the field early, around 11:30 and started setting up. There was some big soccer thing going on but we still managed to get a decent sized chunk of land. This would be my first real battle outside of practice, so I was both nervous and scared shitless after seeing some of the people from The Circle (huge skinheads decked out with metal tattoos and full armor). I was telling Geoff that this was only my third time holding a sword and he quietly informed me that I should not say such things so loud, lest the gigantic and quite experienced fighters pick me out as a newbie. I suited up, got inspected and stepped onto the field nervous as hell eyeing some of the other warriors who were quite a bit more experienced than me. A lot of the fighting is a blur to me for several reasons, getting hit in the head and the confusion of battle being two of them. I started to really get into fighting after about 2 hours, having gotten a few kills under my belt and was starting to have fun. At one point I charged a guy (can't remember his name) wielding 4 weapons at a time, 2 maces in one hand and 2 throwing hammers in the other. He threw both his hammers and missed, but continued holding the maces in one hand. I'm like wtf, this guy is going to be dogmeat I have a sword and a shield and he's obviously unprepared. I take a careless overhand swing at his head which he catches between his maces (which he is still wielding in one hand). He quickly proceeds to knock my sword away from me and gut me like a fish. A lot of such isolated events happening, too many to list.

At the feast I bought a weight belt (for kidney protection) with the scarlet cross and celtic knotwork worked into it as well as something for Kait chan. All in all it was a kickass day and something I've been wanting to do for too damn long.
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see you space cowboy..

12.04.02

01.04 : o_o
mood amused music throbbing gristle - zyclon b zombie


WTF.
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11.04 : haha
resistthecommand: why is life sso complicated
mattdaskil: hrm...thats pretty funny if you think about it
resistthecommand: what?
mattdaskil: your life is complicated cause you have to choose between a medieval battle and your girlfriend
mattdaskil: i wonder how many people have been in that situation in the past 500 years
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01.04 : druben hinterm dorge steht ein leiermann
mood angry music covenant - tension
My roommate came back up to the room with his slut girlfriend and some other girl an hour ago, stoned as hell. I'm putting the finishing touches on my 201 paper worth 25% of my grade (this is at 12:30 am for those who can't do the math). About 15 minutes later, after whining to jeff on aim, I freak out and tell everyone to get the fuck out of the room. The shit hits the fan. The slut girlfriend, like the low class scumbag she is, starts screaming at the top of her lungs at me that I have problems and that I and my friends are always fucked up in the room. I tell her to get out. My roommate says nothing, this is a bad sign, he always does this when he's going to have a voilent outburst. He leaves the room. They're screaming in the hall. I'm blasting covenant straight into my brain. I'm afraid to go to bed, given my roommate's violent and unpredictable history.

I think tonight I sleep with one eye open.
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see you space cowboy..

10.04.02

06.04 : mein hero
mood amused music throbbing gristle - zyclon b zombie
* finalfantasydog hugs luse
finalfantasydog> you are such a friendly and helpfull guy
finalfantasydog> like a nice teddy bear really

haha
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12.04 : brain death
mood aggravated music time machines - 5-meo-dmt
I spent all night listening to some fantastic ambient and noise and talking to Jeff (Jeff-chan ^_^), and went to bed naked. All would have been well, I would have floated away on strange currents due to the noise running through my head, leading me to blissful sleep. No, the world is too cruel, for my roommate's loud loud girlfriend dragged me from my hard earned rest with her grating voice. I think that today, I shall surely say something to him about her being here.

In other news, I was starting to listen to more EBM stuff, but then I got the Time Machines cd. I told Jeff about it and uploaded it to Mat's ftp, a process which has propigated the viral noise candy infestation.

Boo my paid account expires next month. I need to track down some money to renew it.
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01.04 : haha
mood amused music nurse with wound - colder still
quote from PoE msg board:

"and on a side note, i live at ground zero for da gay thugz in philly. its real amazing the first time you see a group of like 20 cats, all iced out, rockin the timbs, and THUGGIN' and gay as all hell. a scene truly like no other."
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12.04 : aural terror
mood angry music zoviet france - alchemagenta
Welly welly welly...

Today I completed my housing contract along with my roommates for next year, scoped out the apt and everything seems to be rad. Get back and find my roommate and his slut here, which makes me pretty angry seeing as how I hate them both. Between me, frankie and dan we're going to have enough pets next year to run a small zoo. I'm going to buy a hamster and name him "Varg", in honor of the mightyt Count Grisnatch.

I watched some brand new anime today, .hack and tokyo underground. T.U. was pretty boring overall, very stylish and sporting an interesting concept but in the long run, it was fairly uninteresting. .hack on the other hand is perhaps one of the most spectacular animes I have ever laid eyes on. The art is wonderful, the story is both fresh and amazing and it has lain-esque plot twists. Both of these series were released in april 2002 in japan, so only one episode has yet to be subbed thus far, however more are in the pipe. I can't wait to see more .hack.

My brithday is comming up, and if you love me you will buy me this:
Darkthrone Rocks!

hate hate hate roommate die DIE
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see you space cowboy..

08.04.02

09.04 : hell to go
mood aggravated music tangerine dream - rising runner missed by endless sender
I had a wonderful time with Kaitlyn on saturday, hopefully this weekend will be just as good.

My stupid roommate has taken it upon himself to start living in the room once more, a happening which has caused me much grief. He can't remember to lock the door for the life of him, I might con one of my so-called friends into stealing something of his hahe that would be pure evil.

I know who I'm going to live with next semester, however I can't get in touch with dan x_x. Feh.

kait chan: 4 days :D
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see you space cowboy..