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Today on Blind Date....
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Jul. 13th, 2005 @ 03:57 pm
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I HAVE SEEN WAR AND I HATE WAR (repost)
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Nov. 6th, 2001 @ 02:38 pm
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Regarding September 11th ...... Even though I live nowhere near the eastcoast area I still can't help to shutter everytime an airplane flys overhead, wondering if a bomb is about to drop or a 747 will crash through my bedroom window. Few highjackers were armed with small knifes and box cutters which were more then enough to kill thousands of inacent people, hopefully this doesn't lead to everyone breaking a sweat or running for cover everytime someone pulls out a fork, spoon, butterknife, sewing needle, cracker, pamper, plastic NSYNC doll, ect. After all it would suck to see schools banning pens and pencils for being to sharp while expecting a fifth grade terrorist to take over the world on Spellingbee day. It's almost as if America has changed forever and selfishly I wonder if ever, when will television, flight schedules and peoples emotions be normal again. Then again...was it ever normal in the first place? GOODNITE
Life is like a shooting star
It don't matter who you are
If you only run for cover, it's just a waist of time
We are lost 'til we are found
then all these wars are over</b>
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SUMMER TIME HOTTY SCREAMING I DON'T CARE
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May. 28th, 2001 @ 11:29 am
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My phone rings at 4am this morning and it's my new friend Ashley needing a place to crash. I just met her not even a week ago but seeing how she's hella hot and drunk off her ass, well I'm all up for that! Wait it gets better, cause barley 2 minutes later I open the door and shes standing on my porch with a friend who is almost hotter then her. Anyway they both got semi-nude, took over my bed, drooled on my pillows, ect. Ashley joked and said "jump in the middle so we can have a Lil Pow Wow!" I replied saying "nah, I prefer Snoop Dogg but thanks." Ugh and what do I look like, the Oscar Meyar HotDog Man giving out free Weeny samples? A few hours later they woke up, Ashley hugged me, said let's go out sometime and gave me her bowl of CoaCoa Puffs. Maybe that was my payment and forever I'll be known as The CoaCoa Puff Whore! Geesh I feel so cheep and used, now where's my cigerettes?Current Mood: naughty Current Music: GARBAGE: Only happy when it rains |
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It's not easy being me MOST of the time
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May. 8th, 2001 @ 06:49 pm
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I played my bass guitar earlier and it sounded really good, until I plugged it in. Ugh Damn electricity Damn it to HELLo my friends ...Oh wait, I have no friends. Does anyone care? Do I care? Does anyone know how much toothpaste cost's at Walmart? Does Tinky Winky still carry a purse? Why is it that I can't keep a relationship? I'm such a loser that even a blowup doll wouldn't date me. My last girlfriend told me to stop being such a girl. Geeesh, I'm sorry for being so sensitive and caring but thats how I am. (By the way, I still have your lipstick and nailpolish). Should I grab a hammer and nails and become the handyman that MOST girls like? Nah get a screwdriver and SCREW that idea! Maybe I'll grab a guitar, grow my hair long and glue on some tattoo's to be the Rock Star that MOST other girls like! Nah, then I'd have to play to empty arena's or sing like MillyVanilly. Or Should I grow an afro and purposely leave my comb sticking out while walking with a limp claiming North Pole/North Side (somthing like that?) Nah, sorry Sista's but I aint no Brotha. Maybe I'm just doomed to be alone forever, with the occasional flirting and one night stand's (although I prefer sit's or laydown's). It's not that I'm miserable or lonley, I'm just running out of Playboy's to look at! Just Kidding I don't read that.....nah, I read Hustler!! : ) GOODNITECurrent Mood: ugly Current Music: BUSH: Everything Zen |
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BACK ALL THE BULLYS TO THE BACK OF THE BUS CAUSE IT'S TIME FOR THEM TO BE SCARED OF US
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Apr. 29th, 2001 @ 06:30 pm
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I seen my old high school bully (Lonnie) at Kmart today. The funny thing is that he don't look so scary anymore. He had the look of a skinny crack head and his wife looked like a $2 whore. Infact I bet their wedding theme was CRACK WHORE. I wanted to laugh and at the same confront them but the only sarcasm line I know is "Who's your daddy now beeotch" and I don't think it would've made much sence. So I just did the mature thing and knocked over his kids slurpee when he wasn't watching. Anyway, I think I'm getting old. Sure I still get the polite/confusing "You don't look a day over twelve" comments but my aching body feels at least thirteen. UGH and the thoughts that run through my mind. Like at Kmart the intercom screamed "BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL ON ISLE 5" so I ran to be the first in line. It didn't matter if isle 5 was Socks, Toys, Teeshirts or Tampax, it was just the thrill of an item at half price. "Paper or Plastic" Then I held up the checkout line for fifteen minutes while digging for coupons, an old lady behind me asked me to hurry up and I said "Why, are you late for bingo?" (Grrr does this make me a bad person?) "Thank You very much SIR have a nice day" (Nah, it just makes me old). Outside I noticed Lonnie and his wife waiting for the city bus, the kid was crying and they were yelling "SHUT THE HELL UP" hmm maybe my perfect sarcasm/revenge line could've been "Will somebody get the kid a SLURPEE!" but I did the mature thing and walked away, GOODNITECurrent Mood: revenged Current Music: THIRD EYE BLIND: Wounded |
| » FREDDY THE BAGBOY PLAYS THE NAME GAME |
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Welp I finally got my own Pad. It's not so nice as my friend Maxi's but it's good. I'm fully paid and own the key but for some reason I'm still chillen at mom and pop's! Maybe cause it's a small, empty, lonely apartment shaped like a box, haa too bad my name isn't Jack cause I could be Jack in the Box. Life is great despite the fact that I'm a lonely, single, 22 year old bagboy. Last week I applied for night crew 11pm-7am and my boss said "Freddy, we don't need bagboy's for that shift" UGH after he relized my name is Eddy and I wanna Stock shelves he had me take a strength test and I was almost able to lift 20 lbs! He said "Aww too bad the qualifying mark is 21 lbs but for trying here's a new nametag with your Real name on it" Grrr I swear all my bosses are retarded like.....
REED: Said he wants me to scrub the bathrooms so clean that customers will be lining up to take a poop. I told him "Yup they look great, Infact I'm having lunch on the toilet today"
PAT: I showed him a drug needle laying in the parking lot and he said "Oh, I've been looking for that!"
TROY: Hung a poster of a missing girl who was kidnapped last week but later he thought she was hot and tried to take the poster home with him. Troy also has many nicknames such as Fat Basterd, Ewww, and Ick
JIM: Heard my tummy growl this morning and said "If your hungry you can lick my balls" then I said " Nah, I prefer Cheerios but thanks anyway"
Alright, I'm going to search the Help Wanted add's so GOODNITE
Apr. 14th, 2001 @ 12:33 pm
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| » THAT GIRL SHE'S JUST THE FLAVOR OF THE WEEK |
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Today at work a FOOTBALL PLAYER came in bought a twinky for 75 cents. He gave the cashier a dollar and she gave him a QUARTERBACK. It's amazing the stuff that floats threw your mind when you have no life, like earlier I made up a new verse to ColdPlay's Yellow: "I brushed my teeth, I made them clean for you, I brushed my teeth cause they were all YELLOW" I got an e-mail last week asking why I don't update this ShiZniTanymore and where have I been. So I figured I'd take the time and share everything I've done in the month of March....worked, ate, drank, laughed, cried, slept, walked, ran, sat, played, got dumped, bought a gummy bear, dropped the gummy bear, stepped on the gummy bear, ate the gummy bear, flirted, got rejected, got rejected again, had the flu twice, lost my job, found my job, went poopoo, potty, been a bit naughty, showed off my body and waved to a hotty! Also my friend Tony asked me to go see the Disturbed/Godsmack concert with him but I said no, I like their music but geeesh the closest thing I've ever come to a mosh pit is the Mall at christmas time. Alright I'm searching for a new Journal friend so anyone got referals? By the way, if your ever at Baskin Robbin 32 Flavors and see a cute girl/guy don't use the pick up line "Hey what flavor are you?" UGH I learned the hard way. GOODNITE
Apr. 9th, 2001 @ 02:32 pm
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| » MOVE ASIDE PLAYBOY THERE'S A NEW SMUT IN TOWN |
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I was looking at a National Geographic magazine earlier and I swear it had more nudity then a Playboy. Sure it's not as hot as Pamala Anderson flashing her boobies in the jungle but who wouldn't rather see nude homeless african women eating bugs and running from vicous Cheetas. I woke up this morning to the "oink oink" sounds of a pig. It appears to be my neighbors idea for a pet. Not sure how long it's goina last though cause they say it's a slob, I heard it was caught picking his nose and making HAM-BOOGERS! Well Ashley and I just had are one month aniversery and we're both still waiting for Top Foods to call, meanwhile she's a vegitarian working at Burger King and I'm a 22 year old bag boy pushing carts at Market Place! She wants to be a model or actress but fears to be too short. I say "No honey, there's tons of midget talent out there" look at how BIG Gary Coleman made it (no pun intended). I love that she's only 3'5 and wins every time at freeze tag and hide n' go seek. I just hope that if we someday have kids they're not born taller then her and they look like her from the neck up. Oh and thanks to everyone who e-mailed me asking where I've been...yeah all NONE of you! GOODNITE
Feb. 18th, 2001 @ 06:50 pm
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| » I ONCE HAD A DREAM THAT I WAS KING FOR A DAY |
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The Coffee Shop up the street just hired two hot girls and geesh I've never drank so much coffee during one week in my life. In fact today I drank six cups and I don't even like the stuff. One of the girl's asked me "Haven't I seen you in here before?" I said "Yeah, Yesterday" She also told me that too much coffee will stunt my growth. Um damn, I'm goina be a 6'2 midget my whole life? Alright so she was dumb but I did meet a smart girl (ASHLEY) at Top Food's yesterday. We both had interviews, her's ended before it began and my application got filed in the trash can! She made fun of the hole in my sweater, called me dumb, ugly, wierd and threw away the candy I bought her, so yeah she fit's in with the rest of my friends! I wanna kick it with her again though and I'm sure she want's to kick me too so I'm goina invite her to the mall or a movie soon. Welp since the Martain Luther King Jr holiday is coming upon us, here are simularities that him and I share....We both had a dream (except mine contained Britney Spears and whip cream.) His last name is King and I eat at Burger King. He was hated by white people and I am hated by ALL people. We both have a Birthday coming up monday so everyone go buy us gifts! GOODNITE
Jan. 10th, 2001 @ 08:30 pm
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| » BOB BARKER WANTS HIS WOMEN TO COME ON DOWN |
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I got e-mail from people asking me to not mention ball's anymore because it's gross. Guess I better not write about sitting around eating peaNUTS while waiting for the BALL to drop on DICK Clark's HEAD new year's eve! Today I drove downtown looking for a new job but somehow got lost. I went the wrong way on a freeway trying to find Safeway while listening to BSB's I want it that way! For lunch I found a TacoBell/Texaco Station., ate a taco with two burrito's and then got gas...um for my truck! At home I watched the Price is Right and noticed Bob Barker is still the mac daddy of game show hosts. With his Pimp suit, slicked back hair and loli-pop style microphone. I couldn't tell who was older though him or his Beauties, infact I think one them was his mom. Most women screamed and threw themselve's at Bob...sure they took 20 minutes to get on stage and used canes or walkers but the man is definatly the Brad Pitt of Geriatric hotties! Now go spay and neuter your pet or somthing, GOODNITE
SPAGEDDY0: What's with all the numbers?
EminEm31500: its eminems album release date DUMBASS
SPAGEDDY0: His album is called Dumbass?
EminEm31500: no your a dumbass
SPAGEDDY0: Do you got a s/n called PuffDaddy21397?
SPAGEDDY0: Or how about NewKidsOnTheBlock12588?
EminEm31500: GO AWAY
SPAGEDDY0: Will you do me a favor?
EminEm31500: nope
SPAGEDDY0: Remind me when Blink182's album came out
EminEm31500: BYE</b>
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Jan. 4th, 2001 @ 08:18 pm
| » THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT A WHIRL |
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Well Tickle me EMO...I SUCK!</b> |
Jan. 3rd, 2001 @ 11:11 pm
| » FREE TICKETS TO THE POLICE MENS BALL'S, OOPS BALL |
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What's up to all my homo's out there! Oh wait, maybe it's supposed to be homey's. I'm not caught up on today's street slang. Today a cop was flashing his blue lights at me and my first thought was 'I didn't know that Kmart delivers'. He was yelling somthing through his car speaker but I couldn't hear over my broken muffler. I would've pulled over but didn't wanna be late for work, so I just waved through my rear window and watched him wave back. He chased me for 20 minutes in my White Bronco just to give me a ticket to a concert or somthing! At least he didn't know about the time I robbed a Sperm Bank (never trust a friend that finds a bank without camera's) eww. After work I got a bad leg cramp that hurt like heck, it must be that time of month or somthing. For lunch I went to McDonald's Playland and chilled in the ball's. Everything was going fine untill an employee yelled "HEY DON'T PLAY WITH THOSE BALL'S" I asked "do you have to yell it like that?" Ugh plus the hot Chick was working and she was cooking McNuggets. Mmm Chick an McNuggets! Also today I heard that Steve from Blues Clues died of a drug overdose, aw and mom once said I should be more like him. Haa she also said I act like PeeWee Herman, but that was before his porno day's. Geesh the poor guy just wanted to see some MeccaLeckaHeineyHeiney Ho's. GOODNITE
Dec. 28th, 2000 @ 12:57 am
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| » SANTA GET'S A BIT TOO EXCITED AT CHRISTMAS TIME |
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It's winter time and you all know what that meens...If your goina build a Snowman then make sure you put the carrot in the correct spot! Martha Stewart gave a 30 minute lesson on how to build a Snowman today. Hmm, if you don't know how to build a Snowman then you are just beyond Special Ed! I should've stuck around for her second hour, she may have tought me how to throw a Snowball. Anyway I took my cousin to see Santa today and the line was almost a two hour wait. I could tell every parent was getting annoyed by the loud yelling and screaming but UGH, I can't help it when Santa scares me! I sat on his lap and he must of had a candycane in his pocket because......um nevermind, eww! He asked me if I've been a naughty boy and what I want my stocking stuffed with. I told him that I want Sporty Spice, Posh Spice, Baby Spice and scented Old Spice. His ELF got annoyed and told me to make my list SHORT! What a grinch, GOODNITE
SPAGEDDY0: Hello Grandma
VERBIE: who is this?
SPAGEDDY0: I'm your grandson
VERBIE: who?
SPAGEDDY0: Eddy
*VERBIE SIGNED OFF AT 3:14AM*</b>
I guess that answers what I'm getting from Grandma and Grandpa this holiday season
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Dec. 10th, 2000 @ 08:26 pm
| » LOOK BOTH WAY'S BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET |
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A black cat walked in front of me today and 5 seconds later it was hit by a car, um I alway's thought it's supposed to be the other way around. I thought about giving it mouth to mouth participation but then I figured people might think I was trying to get laid. At least I know now that everything is unpredictable and could change at anytime, so earlier I took a minute to remember the precious moments of my life.....When I was born my mom shouted to the doctor "That ain't mine, Put it back!" When they weighed me it broke the scale and the nurse said "Whoa, we gotta fat one here!" Infact my very first word was Moo. Then there was the time when my dad told me I had his Gene's, I said "I know dad, people alway's say we look alike" but he said "No you idiot, your wearing my Levi Jeans" um oops! In middle school I tried out for flag football and since I was FAT, coach thought it would be funny to play me as WIDE reciever, UGH. I just relized why my nickname was Big Mac, geesh it had nothing to do with being a Pimp at all. At least I'm skinny now but speaking of Pimp, I just bought a new Leather jacket. Well actually it's only 50% leather, cause rest of the cow must have went for making McDonald hamburgers or something. The coat only cost $29.99 on sale but it still took me two years to pay off. Hmm, if I start saving now then maybe in three years I can buy a Teeshirt! Welp, it's pet dinner time now and I can't find my cat anywhere. It must be hiding and quite frankly, I don't blame it! GOODNITE
Dec. 6th, 2000 @ 03:30 am
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| » REMEMBER THAT DROOLING IS A SIGN OF RETARDATION |
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I'm so dumb cause on my way to work I almost hit a drunk driver, he was pulling outta the tavern when I ran the red light. My mind musta been focused on something else, like last night when my date asked me to rent a horror movie so I picked up Beach Bimbo's From Beyond. Oops wrong kinda horror! After work I did some FreeStyle Snowboarding, I landed a few sweet 180's and rode some steep slopes. UGH then my mom shut off my Playstation and returned CoolBoarders3 to the video store. My dad told me that I should cut my hair, I said nah it's probably better if someone else does it for me. I wanna grow it long though and give it to Toy's for Tot's! My parent's say that they named me Ed because I'm Special. In school my friends used to talk real slow, like two words a minute sounding like a human Speak n Spell word machine. Ick there was so much drooling at the end of each school day, The classroom got so flooded with spit that the teacher had to row us in her boat out to the Short Bus. I later realized that I'm not Special at all but rather RETARDED! That explain's food flying at my head during lunch everyday, It was all real funny untill someone got hurt.......Then it was even funnier! HaHa GOODNITE
Nov. 30th, 2000 @ 04:20 pm
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| » PARENTAL ADVISERY: CONTAIN'S SANTA'S X X X-MAS |
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Last night I had a dream that the World was a bun and everyone were a wiener. My name was Oscar Mayer 'The Ruler of the world' and that made me the biggest wiener of all! I woke up then went to Walmart and seen handicapped people fighting over a front parking space. The woman took off her leg and started beating the guy (no lie), would that be considered Hitting or Kicking him? Later I tried to get drunk but discovered CocaCola don't do the job. I did get a buzz though! Also today my parent's told me that if I don't find a career soon then they're booting me outta the house. They said that e-mailing CartoonNetwork and asking them to give ScoobyDoo and ScrappyDoo a brother named DooDoo isn't a productive career. I thought maybe I'd make Porno films, my first movie's will be called 'Santa on Elf Street: Picking up some Ho Ho Ho's.' Then a Stuffed Animal Porn entitled 'BARNEY: The friendly neighborhood Child molester!' Well today is Thanksgiving and I don't know what to be thankful for, except for I wasn't born a turkey! Cooking the dinner is alway's confusing, Last year my mom asked me to dress the turkey, so I put clothes on it, Oops. Then she asked me to carve it and I thought she meant like a Jack O Lantern, Oops again. Maybe I can cook what Cold Bears eat.....BrrrGrrr's! Happy Holiday and GOODNITE
Nov. 23rd, 2000 @ 02:38 am
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| » UNLESS YOU ARE AROUND |
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You say the word's I Love You and it makes the sweetest sound
But word's don't meen anything unless You are around
With you I feel that life is great and we never seem to worry
We can put our past's behind us, take time slow and never hurry
Add us both together and you'll find we will equal one
That's the way I hope it'll be untill both our live's are done
Whenever there's an earthquake, it breaks apart the ground
My heart seems to do the same unless You are around
You are my sunshine in the rain and my shelter in a storm
On a cold December night we can keep each other warm
Your face is like an Angel and to me that's very odd
I don't belive in heaven but You make me feel like there's a god
You came into my life when I was a watch that needed wound
Hours and minutes are meaningless unless You are around
I sleep at night and dream of You as we're floating past the moon
On a shooting star You drift away, I wish you'd come back soon
You whisper that you love me and it sends beating to my heart
The only thing that will meen more is that we'll never part
So whenever you need a comfort place then I'm easy to be found
My life will hold an empty space, unless you are around
I wrote this poem for any girl who think's I'm cute (not you grandma) GOODNITE
Nov. 18th, 2000 @ 11:55 pm
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| » "HEY KID'S....DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?" |
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Earlier I choked on a Breath Mint. What a sucky way to die with a Tic Tac as my last meal. Hey at least I would've had fresh breath at my funeral! Since I've been kinda busy today I thought I'd update my journal different and keep track of time.
11:36am- Watched reruns of Howdy Doody on TV (Thought I was looking in a mirror)
11:36am- Took a bath with Mr. Bubbles and Squeekers (My rubber ducky)
11:36am- At Job interview KB Toy's asked "Do you have any experience with Toy's?"
11:36am- Ate at BurgerKing and told them to "Hold the Pickle, Hold the letuce...."
11:36am- Made out with Katie Holmes on computer untill my internet got disconnected
11:36am- KB Hired me (UGH they said I was the only one who applied)
11:36am- Watched PBS as Christopher Reeves gave Big Bird a ride on his wheelchair
11:36am- Finally relized that my watch is broken so it's time to buy a new one
This will be my last entry this month because I'm having a baby. Um or maybe I'm just fat! Also I'm buying a Web Cam in December so people can look at me and say ick. Anyway now it's time to say GOODNITE
Nov. 9th, 2000 @ 11:36 am
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| » TODAY IS THE GREATEST DAY TO BE SMASHING PUMPKINS |
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Trick or Treat! I'm a Jack o' Lantern with a great big grin, A carved pumpkin with a candle lit in, Poof goes the wind and out goes the light, Away fly the witches on Halloween night! I'm going to a halloween Party tonight, but only for the free food. There's goina be hotdog's called HalloWeenies. I haven't ate for 2 day's and it feels that I lost quite a few pounds. My neck is so skinny now that I can use my bracelet for a necklace! I'm still not sure what my costume will be. Thought about being a PowerPuff girl, but a little kid said I'm not tuff enough. Then I thought maybe a Pro Wrestler, but I don't feel like Trick or Treating in my underwear. Also I thought about being a bum, but people might ask why I didn't dress up! For house decorations I put Pumpkin lights and Ghosts hangin from our porch. My grandma came over and said "Oooo, the spiderwebs look so real" I said "Um Grandma, they are real" UGH. My date is going to be mad when she see's I didn't paint my pumpkin. I'll just tell her I did and used orange paint! After all she is kinda dumb, she already has blonde hair but bought a blonde wig to wear for the costume party. GRR I'm in for a wierd night with that goul...oops I meen girl. Happy Halloween. GOODNITE
Oct. 31st, 2000 @ 01:02 pm
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| » THE NEW LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD |
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I had the urge to herbal today so that was fun. Would've been more fun if Pert Plus didn't get so jealous! Last nite I tried to be The Rock and lay the smackdown on my teddy bear. Well being the fatty that I am, I elbowed him on my bed and the boards broke in half! GRR and to make things worse, the bear pinned me 123. I hate being fat, one day at work, my boss called a meeting and said "Whoa we have a really Large group today" UGH, I was the only person there! Actually I'm not that fat anymore, in fact I'm too thin. For instance recently I sponserd a hungry child that I seen on TV but he seen my picture and sent ME food! Not to mention the time at the store when the Free Sample lady followed me around with her cart. Earlier I went to the gym and worked on my legs and tummy. When I got finished, I was suprised to see a six pack. Yeah, I didn't know they allowed beer in the gym! I am getting better at bench pressing though, today I lifted fifty straight. Maybe tomorrow I'll actually put weights on the bar! Um or maybe I'll just eat a PowerBar. GOODNITE
Oct. 26th, 2000 @ 01:35 am
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