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[Jan. 18th, 2004|01:03 am]
[And I Feel: | weird]

oooooh shit.

i'm having some serious revelations tonight, my dears.
'tis been an interesting weekend thus far..
so expect an update sometime soon, possibly monday, if you care.

anyway, i'm about to either cry or laugh (hysterically), so i must go...

yes

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pickchurs *edit* [Jan. 1st, 2004|01:14 am]
[And I Feel: | frustrated]

SHIT!

does anyone know why my pictures won't show up?
how do i post a pic on here?

i guess you can click here for now:
righteous babe tattoo
me
jimmy and salvador


nevermind.. you can't even click the damn links.
sometimes, i hate the internet.

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[Dec. 20th, 2003|03:42 pm]
[And I Feel: | blank]

for those of you who haven't seen this on the numerous other posts of various friends and communities, please take the time to vote in this poll sponsored by the poorly named American "Family" Association. supposedly the results of this poll will be shown to congress, so let's make sure they see how we really feel about gay marriages!

http://www.afa.net/petitions/marriagepoll.asp

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the end is near [Dec. 14th, 2003|05:02 pm]
[And I Feel: | aggravated]

so us troops have captured saddam hussein. that supposedly wasn't the reason behind the war, but since we couldn't find any weapons of mass destruction, i guess we needed something else to find.

i know it is good news to many many millions of people who have suffered or died under hussein's power, but it sucks that it's also just the kind of political image bush needs right now. and he's shameless enough to use it in anyway possible to make sure he pulls in votes. it's never ever been about the people to him.. only about the money and the politics.

fuck you, "president" bush. if this country wasn't so blinded by "patriotism", maybe they'd see that the real terrorist is you.

(p.s. merry christmas, cia. here's a toast to COINTELPRO.)

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fuckin' liars [Dec. 12th, 2003|02:28 pm]
[And I Feel: | pissed off]

i'm really really sick of big name people trying to misconstrue evidence to support their various causes. and i'm not just talking about bush and his nutjobs over in washington (though they pretty much take the cake when it comes to lying). but even those great liberals like michael moore. why do people feel it is necessary to edit and re-edit material until it's impossible to tell what is fact, what is opinion, and what is just an outright lie. (Spinsanity)

i'm a liberal. no amount of lying or bullshit is going to change that at this point in my life, and hopefully never. because i'm pro-people, not pro-corporation or pro-bigmoney or pro-government or anything else. i just feel like liberal causes are more apt to take real people into consideration.

but damn it.. isn't there some way i can get some hard facts without having to worry about whether or not i'm being lied to? i have to question every fucking thing just because the "experts" have decided that they need not remain objective when presenting information to the american public. well HELLO you fucking morons. let me make up my own mind. let me choose what the facts mean and what needs to be done about them. don't present them as facts when they're really just opinions.

GAAAAAH i get so fucking frustrated in this country. i just want to be a well-informed, active, compassionate (not in bush's sense) person. but everything i base my actions on turn out to be misconceptions! AHHH!!

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[Dec. 12th, 2003|11:59 am]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MEAGHAN!
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Whippity Doo [Dec. 10th, 2003|11:09 pm]
grassroots activist
You are a Grassroots Activist. Anti-capitalist,
anti-patrist, anti-authoritarian, whatever,
you're just fuckin' anti. You probably tell
people you hate postmodernism, but that
assertion elides the complex interdependencies
among academic poststructuralism and street-
level activism. You don't bathe regularly, and
know at least one person who has scabbies.


What kind of postmodernist are you!?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[Dec. 8th, 2003|11:24 pm]
[And I Feel: | high]

I'm bored, and this looks fun!


100 movies. Bold the ones that you've seen.

1 Godfather, The (1972)
2 Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
3 Godfather: Part II, The (1974)
4 Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
5 Schindler's List (1993)
6 Citizen Kane (1941)
7 Casablanca (1942)
8 Seven Samurai (1954)
9 Star Wars (1977)
10 Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
11 Memento (2000)
12 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
13 Rear Window (1954)
14 Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
15 Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
16 Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
17 Usual Suspects, The (1995)
18 Amélie (2001)
19 Pulp Fiction (1994)
20 North by Northwest (1959)
21 Psycho (1960)
22 Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
23 12 Angry Men (1957)
24 Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
25 It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
26 The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)
27 Goodfellas (1990)
28 American Beauty (1999)
29 Vertigo (1958)
30 Pianist, The (2002)
31 Sunset Blvd. (1950)
32 Apocalypse Now (1979)
33 Some Like It Hot (1959)
34 Matrix, The (1999)
35 To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
36 Taxi Driver (1976)
37 Third Man, The (1949)
38 Paths of Glory (1957)
39 Fight Club (1999)
40 Boot, Das (1981)
41 L.A. Confidential (1997)
42 Double Indemnity (1944)
43 Chinatown (1974)
44 Requiem for a Dream (2000)
45 Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
46 Singin' in the Rain (1952)
47 Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
48 Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001)
49 Saving Private Ryan (1998)
50 All About Eve (1950)
51 M (1931)
52 Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
53 Raging Bull (1980)
54 Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
55 Se7en (1995)
56 Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (2000)
57 Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
58 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
59 Vita e bella, La (1997)
60 American History X (1998)
61 Sting, The (1973)
62 Touch of Evil (1958)
63 Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)
64 Alien (1979)
65 Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
66 Rashemon (1950)
67 Leon (1994)
68 Annie Hall (1977)
69 Great Escape, The (1963)
70 Clockwork Orange, A (1971)
71 Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
72 Reservoir Dogs (1992)
73 Sixth Sense, The (1999)
74 Jaws (1975)
75 Amadeus (1984)
76 On the Waterfront (1954)
77 Ran (1985)
78 Braveheart (1995)
79 High Noon (1952)
80 Fargo (1996)
81 Blade Runner (1982)
82 Apartment, The (1960)
83 Aliens (1986)
84 Toy Story 2 (1999)
85 Strangers on a Train (1951)
86 Modern Times (1936)
87 Shining, The (1980)
88 Donnie Darko (2001)
89 Duck Soup (1933)
90 Princess Bride, The (1987)
91 Lola rennt (1998
92 City Lights (1931)
93 General, The (1927)
94 Metropolis (1927)
95 Searchers, The (1956)
96 Full Metal Jacket
97 Notorious (1946)
98 Manhattan (1979)
99 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
100 Graduate, The (1967)

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[Dec. 8th, 2003|04:38 pm]
[And I Feel: | stressed]

i'll pay someone to eat up all my stress.
pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease??

i'm at the library here at school, trying to avoid as many distractions as possible. i have a massive to-do list and have promised myself i will not leave this horrible place until i finish it (or until the library closes).

here's a taste of what i've been doing all afternoon and shall continue doing last into the night (thank you, procrastination!):

***3-4 page paper on the relationship between post modern artists and post modern poets
***Two 1-2 page papers on benefits of yoga
***Two 1-2 page papers on benefits of walking
***Two 3-4 page literary analysis papers
***6-8 page literary analysis (no topic yet)
***9 programming assignments (each includes coding an entire program)
***4 computer programming short answer assignments
***3 program debugging assignments


so should i do the work and then die? or just die now?

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[Dec. 4th, 2003|12:06 pm]
[And I Feel: | cold]

i'm insanely depressed again.

WHYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what the fuck.....
i really don't want to be like this.
maybe i'm just too lazy to be happy.
*shrug*

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YAY! I won! [Nov. 21st, 2003|12:52 pm]
books
you are a BOOK whore! You enjoy the literary greats
and the true art of the written word. You are
analytical but have a fine talent for enjoying
the imagination. way to go BOOK whore!


What kind of culture whore are you?!
brought to you by Quizilla
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WANTED [Nov. 20th, 2003|11:29 pm]
[And I Feel: |awake]

okay i haven't run this idea by jimmy yet, but i don't think he'll mind..

any of you wanna submit a drawing or two that could be used as a background for our wedding invitations? i think it'd be awesome to have some kind of original art on the front, especially from a friend!

the wedding is gonna be a relatively simple outdoor hippie-ish wedding this coming may. so anything that kinda fits into that theme would be awesome!

jim.. does that sound cool? :)

in other news, umm.. i guess there really isn't any other news right now.

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[Nov. 19th, 2003|07:14 am]
[And I Feel: | tired]

you suck, and that's sad
you are the "you suck, and that's sad"
happy bunny. your truthful, but can be a bit
brutal.


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



so this is a shitty substitute for a post, but oh well. it's 7:00 in the morning. i don't wanna be awaaaaaake!!!

i registered for classes yesterday. next semester looks like this:

MWF 9:00 - 9:50 Biology
MWF 10:00 - 10:50 Psychology
MWF 11:00 - 11:50 Ethics
MW 1:00 - 1:50 Critical Thinking
TTh 9:30 - 10:50 British Literature I
TTh 11:00 - 12:20 Microeconomics
TTh 6:00 - 8:50 Film Studies

I really don't wanna take Biology, but I need another science to graduate. And I'm only taking Econ because I needed a social science, and all of the histories conflicted with the rest of my schedule. Ethics will be awesome, since Dr. Fulcher is one of the greatest teachers I've had. And of course I'll love Brit Lit. Film Studies should be cool because the teacher is this really awesome liberal woman who just retired from the stand-up comedy scene out in CA. Woo!
I do like my schedule though. I'll be able to get a good 4 hours of work in on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. And at least 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays. Doesn't seem like much, but every little bit helps! :)

Okay..... my cat is being adorable so I have to go play with her. And then .. off to class.

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inssooooommmmnia [Nov. 18th, 2003|02:11 am]
[And I Feel: | high]

i just needed to let y'all know that jimmy and i have the two cutest cats ever. of course, i naturally think that my cat is slightly cuter than his cat, but i love them both so much!

this update sucks, but i'll post another one tomorrow. because it matters, damn it!

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today [Nov. 9th, 2003|05:38 pm]
[And I Feel: | lonely]
[Rockin' To: |my kitty purring]

reasons today was decent:
my grandmother called me around 11:00 and invited me to go shopping with her at Barnes and Noble. at first, i wanted to decline because i was really enjoying the comfort and warmth of my bed. but, i decided to tag along because i haven't gone on a shopping spree with my grandma in awhile, and they're usually pretty fun.

we stopped at the mall so she could look for something or other, and she gave me a few dollars so i could go pick up some patchouli oil. while i was paying the cashier (who told me it was nice to meet people who cared about animal rights) she said, "hey look! there's jerry seinfeld." haha! so i turn around, and jerry seinfeld is walking around in the mall! i didn't talk to him, but it was still fun. he's performing tonight at UIS, so he was just chillin' at the mall, i guess.

after the mall, we drove over to Barnes and Noble to check out the books. i rarely shop there anymore because the prices are outrageous, but grandma offered to buy me some new reads, so i looked around. i ended up with The Outlaw Bible of Poetry (which is amazing), a few classics, AND Michael Moore's Dude, Where's My Country? (which my grandma bought on the condition that i loan it to her once i've finished.. how cool!)

on the way home, my grandma and i stopped to visit my dad. he's so fucking cool, and i really should visit him more often. it was nice to see him.

reasons today sucked:
jimmy's still gone. and i won't hear from him until next weekend, because his punk ass is sailing the fucking ocean on a cruise ship, soaking up rays and smoking grass. i miss that loveable bastard. :D awwwh i miss him.. haha i'm getting all mushy over here. i'm gonna stop now.

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hmm [Oct. 30th, 2003|12:01 pm]
[And I Feel: | discontent]
[Rockin' To: |ani difranco - bliss like this]

i was working on campus yesterday, and it involved me running around to various academic buildings trying to install some anti-virus software and patches on various computers. while i was walking (and damn, was it cold!) i kept thinking about how much i shut off my thoughts. i really do try everything i can to block whatever i'm thinking about. i think it's a defence mechanism i developed when i was really depressed and alone. i didn't have anything to fall back on, so i just distract myself with meaninglessness.

i'm not sure if i'm getting back to that point or if i never left it. i haven't been writing at all lately, except for random pieces of pure shit that happen to fall outta my hand from time to time. and everytime i catch myself starting to think too much about something, i do something else. my drug habit has definitely worsened, to the point where i'm at least buzzing whenver i'm awake. i smoke multiple times a day, and i really don't want to quit. it makes me comfortable.

but it's just an illusion. i guess i like being comfortable with my false self and don't want to risk being comfortable with my true self. i know i have a shitload of stuff bottled up inside, and i know some is positive, some is negative. but i won't even try to sort it out.

anyway, while i was walking around, i tried thinking about stuff, just to see if i still could. and i couldn't. my mind just wanders from one pointless thing to the next. i find myself repeating songs and words and counting and performing other useless functions in my head. i really don't know what's going on.. i guess maybe i'm listening too closely to the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing. or maybe i'm just lazy.

whatever.

i'm off to see my psychiatrist today, and then i'll be spending some time in springfield with ashley. i'm going to a global diversity group meeting and then partying with the kids afterwards. hopefully it'll spark a bit of interest in my brain and get me back on track. until then, i'll just apathetically work on my assignments for school and hope things improve.

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[Oct. 29th, 2003|07:23 pm]
[And I Feel: | hungry]

i've recently started my mid-semester class, which is called "critical thinking in the arts"... it's really fucking awesome so far. it is taught by two teachers, the philosophy teacher and one of the art teachers, both brilliant men. and starting this week, my literature teacher has been sitting in on the class just for fun. all three of the teachers are really open-minded, pretty fuckin' liberal, and just generally cool folks. they all fall into my top teachers ever category.

anyway, the class is basically this: we study art and literature from a certain time period (this semester is post-modern). then we have discussions, write papers, etc on the pieces of work we're studying. today we read a poem by beatnik poet ferlinghetti. until this time, i've been unfamiliar with his work, but i've since fallen in love. while discussing the poem, we talked briefly about paradox, oxymorons, irony, etc, and one teacher asked for a quick example of an oxymoron. so mr. miley, the art teacher, says, "President Bush." HAHAHHAHA! i about died laughing. seriously folks.. now THAT's comedy.

other than that class, things are average, i suppose. this weekend is something to look forward to, though! i'm driving down to carbondale to partake in the festivities, and a few of my friends from campus are heading down with me. sounds like jimmy has some shrooooms for me, which will be a nice break from reality. and of course, being with jimmy is always a nice break :)

suppose i should start typing up my papers now. i'm writing three tonight, each of them being at least three pages. i'm not too worried though. i can produce papers so easily once i get into writing mode.

have a nice evening, folks

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[Oct. 22nd, 2003|05:13 pm]
[And I Feel: |accomplished]
[Rockin' To: |Ani DiFranco - You Each Time]

and now my turn (thanks, ani, for the answers):

Are you male or female? "I am a woman by birth" (Talk to me Now)

What is your age? "She's 19 going on 30..." (Tamburitza Lingua)

Describe yourself: "And now look at me i am just like everybody else" (Superhero)

How do some people feel about you? "I am not a pretty girl" (Not A Pretty Girl)

How do you feel about yourself? "When they're out for blood
i always give" (Pixie)

Describe your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend: "You are a party, and I am a school night. And I'm lookin' for my doorkey but you are my porch light." (School Night)

Describe your views on significant others and crushes: "We both have gardens of songs and maybe its okay that i am speechless because i picked you this bouquet" (This Bouquet)

Describe what you want to be: "And hope somewhere some woman hears my music and it helps her through her day" (I'm No Heroine)

Describe how you live: "And the answer to each moment must be yes" (You Each Time)

Describe how you love: "I've got a lot of love and a lot of nerve so baby watch me while i take this curve" (Educated Guess)

Share a few words of wisdom: "There's no excuse so just suck up and be nice" (Pixie)

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Sadness [Oct. 22nd, 2003|12:39 pm]
[And I Feel: | sad]

Elliott Smith is dead.
Bah

Mid-semester classes start today. Yay for critical thinking in the arts. Finished my logic paper finally. Two more due in the next two weeks, as well as a paper or two for non-western world literature. We'll see how much I actually get done.

Jimmy is still here :D Been here since Saturday, and I'm not letting him leave anytime soon.. though his kitty is quite the adorable little terror. And now there's a new addition to the family... I got a kitty, too! She's a cutie named Miss Virginia, after Woolf, of course.

Okay.. time to end.
Bye.

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blah [Oct. 16th, 2003|12:06 pm]
[And I Feel: | sad]

i'm really really depressed today
i woke up feeling like shit
overslept for my first class
then i decided to go wash my car
vaccuumed it, too.. that was nice
but now i'm stuck at home again
all alone.
i don't have anyone here i can hang out with very much.
like... i'm just not a social person, but i need socialization. i need a close friend or two i can relax with.
jimmy is so far away.
and meaghan is always working or out in jville.
steve and angela are awesome. i love em. but they like big groups of people.
ashley is in springfield and always busy with her fun life.

blah. i dunno.
i'm just really lonely, i guess.
i hang out with my grandmas a lot, which is cool.
but i need peers, too.

i'm going to pick up amy today.
she's moving back in with her parents.
i wish i didn't care so much. it's so stressful.

i just realized how random my punctuation is..
sometimes i use it
sometimes i don't

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
my mind is wandering.
someone make it stop.
i bet i'd be a great poet if i wasn't so afraid of my head.

someone come visit me?
i have extra beds and plenty of food

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