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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Stop global whining's LiveJournal:

    [ << Previous 20 ]
    Thursday, October 21st, 2004
    4:47 pm
    things that made me laugh today...
    posted on the bulletin board in front of "The Pretty Pussycat" (the local adult shop)...

    "LICK BUSH IN '04"...(I about died)..


    ...and does anyone else see the irony in the Employment Department getting rid of most of its employees in favor of electronic kiosks?
    4:40 pm
    Did I mention I would be gone for awhile? I'm back...oh yeah....
    ...Because I love to poke fun at everyone that posts lyrics.
    it's just a joke, have a sense of humor.

    "A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying"

    I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
    That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
    It had been a while.
    In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
    since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
    I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
    through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
    Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
    milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
    Name was Russell.

    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
    Well I find it's quite a thrill
    When she grinds me against her will
    Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

    Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
    this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
    like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
    Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
    'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
    Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
    and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
    as I do my little kooky dance.
    And then she told me to shush.
    I guess she could sense my desperation.
    'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
    Well I find it's quite a thrill
    When she grinds me against her will
    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

    So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
    So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
    is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
    with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
    resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
    Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
    I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
    Got to nail her back at her trailer.
    Heh. That rhymes.
    I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
    when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.

    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
    Well I find it's quite a thrill
    When she grinds me against her will
    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

    Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
    gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
    The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
    There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
    when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
    Well, my heart just dropped.
    So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
    You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
    and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
    in an eighteen-wheeler.
    I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
    Did I say that out loud?

    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
    Well I find it's quite a thrill
    When she grinds me against her will
    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

    -Bloodhound gang
    Sunday, April 25th, 2004
    7:40 pm
    kindness..
    I just got this email from someone I bought something from on ebay...made me feel really good...


    Dear Lucy,
    I know this is a random letter, but I was thinking about life in general.
    I really appreciated all the times you wrote to me with kindness and
    honesty. Its amazing how much a few thank yous can brighten someones
    day...you're pleases and thank yous have meant something to me and I would
    like to thank you for being so polite. There should be more kindness in
    the world:)

    Chris

    you know, he's right...and it's all very simple.
    6:21 pm
    I am such a demographic sometimes...

    I went and saw 13 going on 30 last night and laughed until I cried...
    Thursday, April 15th, 2004
    9:11 pm
    Ha! sometimes I spend way too much time in communities and forget to post...
    Prairie Yuppies! Did you know there was such a thing? I didn't. At least I didn't have a name to attach to them until my friend Judy told me what they were.
    characteristics include a house worth three times as much as your neighbors, you homeschool your kids, you order your chicks from a catalog, and you wear way too much white for ranch life.
    you read about country life in a magazine and thought it might be cool...but manure is really yucky isn't it?


    Yes i'm just venting...but these people really don't realize that people think they're silly.
    7:38 pm
    ummm..
    Chardonnay and chicken w/stars. Aren't I classy?

    Current Mood: content
    Thursday, April 1st, 2004
    12:12 pm
    if Bush was a girl

    ..oh and on another note, agoraphobics don't do very well on april fools..i've been ready to have a heart attack all day.
    11:40 am
    famous bunnies..
    my rabbits made the cover of the weekly arts magazine..

    http://www.tsweekly.com/

    ..i'm such a proud momma. There's another shot it the hard copy of the magazine of a bunch more of them, but not in the online version.
    Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
    3:34 pm
    uh hi...

    i'm still alive, really..don't worry. Just busy.
    Saturday, March 6th, 2004
    8:48 pm
    latest additions..
    I got new additions to the bunnies..two show lops and three angoras.

    ...My goodness these rabbits were a mess. I can't really fault the lady I adopted them from because she was wearing a pain monitor..not sure what happened but she really was unable to care for these guys.

    So my man and I sat down the task of "shearing" these poor bunnies. One of the females had matted poop so bad that I almost cut off her tail cutting it all off, and I did actually nick her a few times cutting everything off..The boy really didn't look that bad until we realized that his front legs were tied together with his own fur..not really sure how he's been getting around, but he hasn't been using those front legs.

    ..now they just look funny. four hours and they look like they had a very bad visit to supercuts.
    Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
    7:17 am
    for you city folk
    Don't ask me my this bothers me so bad..kay. Just does. Stupid country stereotypes.

    You will never hear me seriously use the term YEE HAW..I don't wear cowboy boots, i wear UGG boots.

    and those things you city people see at pumkin patches and call "bales of hay" are NOT..they are bales of STRAW! Big difference...livestock know this, why can't others figure it out?
    Friday, February 27th, 2004
    4:45 pm
    compassion?
    something happened today that really made me wonder about people..

    I went out to lunch today and while there I see a guy (presumibly living out of his car) cooking for himself on a coleman stove set up on the hood of his car..odd but nevermind. He really isn't causing trouble and he's towards the back lot of the grocery store.

    So as i'm leaving I hear the employees of the restaurant calling the police on this guy...I hear the whole conversation...blah blah, looks scary, blah blah, could you come check him out..

    ..now honestly. This guy was not doing anything wrong, but looking bad..last time I checked, that wasn't a crime (or maybe it is these days)...

    ..So I did what I thought was the right thing..I let him know that he was about to have company. Then I moved along...

    That was my day..yours?

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
    5:49 pm
    weird day..
    so I just have to poo about my day..

    My very estranged family are starting to come out of the woodwork.
    I haven't spoken to my mom (to whom I have the closest contact) in about three years. Her and I are friends but not really close.

    My dad and I haven't personally spoken in close to seven years..no real reason other than he just isn't the type of guy that comes to the phone.

    My sister and I haven't had any contact in ten years..not really sure why not anymore...

    ...so this is where the drama starts...
    Playing partime ebay seller, I come across my dad..no biggie. I send him an email twice..I find out later on that he deleted the first one because he thought it was porn spam(he tells me this also)...
    I send him fudge for Christmas...never hear anything until now..
    while looking in an email account that I don't use anymore I see an email that was sent on the 6th..from dad. It is a forward from my mom that says Sam(my sister) says that you have heard from our other daughter...give me her contact info.

    ..now keep in mind that my parents haven't as much as spoken in more than a decade...

    the forward to me says that he won't give her the info without my permission, could I let him know what to do..here's her email address
    ...and oh yeah, thanks for the fudge (only two months late)...

    scary? trust me there's alot you don't know..I used to blame myself for these people...now i just accept them.
    Monday, February 23rd, 2004
    9:09 pm
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    Saturday, January 24th, 2004
    9:54 am
    hhhmmm..
    I'm almost embarrassed. After my hijinks last night I got an invite to go join [info]nearlynude .
    Monday, December 22nd, 2003
    10:29 pm
    All I gotta say is (crossposted to [info]badparents)
    people really need to learn to lighten up...I know that it's a couple of days before Christmas and that just sends you into a tizzy over buying that last minute gift for your brother's aunt's second cousin...

    so I take my kids to the arcade about once a week. We blow about ten bucks and blow off some steam in the proccess. So, we happen to get some super bouncy balls from the prize thing and we then decide to walk around the mall. I just know that my kids are dying to throw these things but i know that would be a disaster...so we get buy the door of the mall..it's a large hallway, no windows and only the outside doors..I tell the kids to go wild.

    we had the best time chaseing these balls around the hallway..it was kinda similar to hand ball quiddish style..and my kids were having the best time...we would stop for "traffic" everytime someone would come or go thought the doors so we wouldn't beem them.

    ..but you would not believe all the dirty looks i got while I was out there...I mean really.
    Thursday, October 30th, 2003
    9:11 pm
    I'm tired...I don't know why i do this to myself sometimes. I don't even know if i'm going to make it through trick or treating tomarrow.

    The things i'll do for extra christmas money are pretty harsh sometimes..
    Sunday, October 26th, 2003
    2:37 pm
    More stupid pet stuff...
    My puppy somehow learned/taught himself how to retrieve eggs. I searched all over for some kind of reference to this but nothing. He just went under one of the buildings and brought out (very delicatly mind you) an egg...then he proceeded to put the egg in my hand. After that he seemed to want to show me that there was more under there.

    now the strangest part about this is that he really doesn't play fetch yet..When I try to throw a stick for him he just runs off and chews it. The only thing i can think of is that he's seen me gathering eggs before and wanted to help...


    In other news..I was reading FAQ and realized that I was two weeks away from the early adopter cut off..I never knew i was that close.
    Saturday, October 25th, 2003
    8:47 pm
    insane
    I just bought 13 printers at Target...why, for Ebay of course.

    So Target has these printers on close out for $14 a piece..I bought one last week also cause I needed one in a hurry...so what do i find inside along with cheepo printer? black and color cartridges..these things (the cartridges) retail for $30 each and sell for $15 each on Ebay...

    I actually asked the sales lady if she thought I was crazy..she just stared at me slack-jawed..
    Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
    5:42 pm
    I have really odd animals...I know that this stuff probably matters to no one but me but oh well.

    My twelve week old puppy was humping my 170lb st. bernard (ambitious I know)..I know it's a dominance thing but it still stuck me as odd...I couldn't stop laughing
    next..I have first hand witnessed entropy in my barnyard. I have guinea keets that were raised by a chicken(she honestly believes they are her babies)...now the keets are scratching like a hen would..keets don't scratch..but now their babies will probably scratch too..
    I really is odd.
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