Sunday, July 25th, 2004
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3:09 pm
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HELP ME! I totally fucked my journal by trying to add a background image override to my already existant font and scrollbar overrides and in the process have lost the scrollbar and font overrides and the image is only half assed - SOME ONE HELP ME!
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(Intrusions?)
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Friday, July 23rd, 2004
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10:58 pm - I have spent almost every day with him
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I'm not even sick of him yet. He honestly, genuinely cares. He's a republican but he's so cute I'll let it slip. I know this is so vague but I really don't even know how to describe how good it feels to see him and be able to cuddle into him and feel safe from anything and everything.
mood:  happy
music: Mike and Justin playing baseball games on Xbox.
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(Intrusions?)
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Monday, July 19th, 2004
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10:10 pm - I just had a wonderful conversation
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I really enjoy this kid. I feel weird saying that. He's so sweet it kills me. I confessed some things that I wouldn't admit to anyone. MMMMM yummy boy.
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(Intrusions?)
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12:16 am
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There aren't many places one can go to escape the fact that they are who they are since their shadow follows them there and reminds them, there is no freedom from the asshole you are there is no correcting the bad manners you bare. Certainly people would like to change but how likely is that possibility, do you really think you can change enough the keep this infatuation with me. If I call all the boys I sleep with or have slept with "boyfriends" I'll still feel like shit, because whether it's 7 months or 2 days if it was all for sex it was for nothing. I feel like a broad. A piece of meat with a hole in it. What good is that hole to me.
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(2 Silent but Deadly Lies | Intrusions?)
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Sunday, July 18th, 2004
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11:57 pm
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An (x) in front of the things I've NEVER done. ( ) in front of the things I've DONE at least once. Add a "never" of your own, and pass it on.
I've never...
( ) been drunk.
( ) smoked pot.
( ) kissed a member of the opposite sex.
( ) kissed a member of the same sex.
(x) crashed someone else's car.
(x) been to Japan.
( ) ridden in a taxi.
( ) had anal sex.
( ) been in love.
( ) had sex.
( ) had sex in public.
( ) been dumped.
( ) shoplifted.
(x) been fired.
( ) been in a fist fight.
( ) had a threesome.
( ) snuck out of my parent's house.
(x) been tied up (sexually).
(x) been caught masturbating.
( ) pissed on myself.
(x) had sex with a member of the same sex.
( ) been arrested.
( ) made out with a stranger.
( ) stole something from my job.
(x) celebrated New Year’s in Times Square.
(x) gone on a blind date.
( ) lied to a friend.
(x) had a crush on a teacher.
(x) celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
( ) been to Europe.
( ) skipped school.
( ) slept with a co-worker.
( ) cut myself on purpose.
(x) had sex at the office.
(x) been married.
(x) gotten divorced.
(x) had children.
( ) lashed out irrationally.
(x) gone to the movies just to make out in the back row.
( ) fooled around with a stripper to entertain people at a party (depending on your operational definition of “party” and your operational definition of "fooled around").
(x) wondered what my sister looked like naked.
( ) stayed on the phone all night.
( ) pulled an all-nighter 2 nights in a row.
( ) called someone a racial term.
( ) given a lapdance.
(x) smoked crack.
( ) given a blow job.
( ) hit my mom.
( ) been to a concert.
( ) tripped (acid, shrooms, whatever).
(x) run from the cops.
(x) tried to commit suicide.
( ) held or shot a gun.
(x) eaten porcupine meat.
(x) hit a police officer
I have nothing important to say. I again am someone's "girl". But tonight, more specifically right now I feel like a whore and we didn't even fool around. In fact he fell asleep around 10:30. I keep wondering what I did in this life that I don't remember or what I did in a past life that was so horrific for me to deserve feeling like shit.
mood: destroyed
music: I'mnoHelenthisisnotTroy,I'mjustagirlandhe'sjustaboy
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(Intrusions?)
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Monday, July 12th, 2004
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1:44 pm - Hello
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| How to make a twizted317 |
Ingredients:
3 parts anger
5 parts silliness
1 part leadership |
Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little wisdom if desired! |
Personality cocktailFrom Go-Quiz.comWell I have become disconnected. There is no communication to the outside world nor any communication attempts from the outside into me. I will try to be as comfortable in this state as possible. I went to a club in Chicago on Saturday. I have no desire to repeat that again. It was Prince themed...which I was unaware of and did not so much enjoy and my feet hurt. Chicago is not worth it, it's a dirty, smelly, rude, and disappointing city that is big enough to be annoying yet small enough that people assume its cool. It's time to flail arms and scream for help but this little duckling knows that death in the ebb and flows is much more soothing than the vast possibilities of disappointment in struggling to surface.
mood: empty
music: bitchesishoes
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(3 Silent but Deadly Lies | Intrusions?)
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Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
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1:17 pm - A Quick Update
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Still havent gotten my phone. I apologize to all those that have wanted to contact me. I also have been pretty busy with school and work, I spent two hours getting more work done on my back but today I feel like shit. I even hacked up a gooey blob thing. It was icky. I need to find a car...any suggestions? Well I have stuff I should do so have a good day everybody.
mood: different
music: tap tip pat pit snap bam hit typing in the lab pat suf guh
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(4 Silent but Deadly Lies | Intrusions?)
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Monday, July 5th, 2004
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7:23 pm - Since I gave up hope I feel much Better
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Again at Node. It's the beginning of another month and we get closer and closer to me being able to move out on my own. I like living with Mike but I don't like being so conscious of whats going on. I am indifferent to living with Laurel. It seems lately that she has been home about as much as I was home after the "2 Day Fiasco".It's hard to find and keep good quality friends. Brooke keeps talking about moving away from Milwaukee and that upsets me. It opens up the strange desire that I have as a wanderer to go elsewhere and plant new roots. At the same time there are many things that I feel tied to. I talked to my mom about it the other day. I told her that if Bush wins the election or something doesn't change in the education system soon that I'd either pursue education elsewhere or I'd find a new major. She seemed un-phased. I think the more my mom gets to know me the more she understands that while these thoughts are somewhat inexperienced and impulsive they are also thought about for a decent amount of time before drastic things occur. Like my back tattoo, she was much more calm about it then I thought. I guess I'm just babbling. P.S. I met a boy. P.P.S. He hasn't called me.
mood: DaRK
music: Snake River Conspiracy - Breed
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(2 Silent but Deadly Lies | Intrusions?)
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Saturday, June 26th, 2004
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1:12 am - At Node
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I'm having coffee and writing an entry while I wait for Brooke to get off work at UPS. I watched Suburbia with a nice gnetleman that I see here all the time, I feel bad though because I was super high when I first started talking to him so I think he thinks I'm crazy and I can't remember his name. Saw Courtney tonight...I don't think she knew I was high but it was fun being around the straight edgeness hahaha. There are alot of really hot scene kids that probably lack personality here. That was mean. I'm sorry. Well they look stupid. But they are hot enough to make out with. I'm glad the first session of summer classes is over. My new class is just monday and wednesday from 10 - 12. That is WAY better. I miss some of my old friends. Hmmmm, Laurel and Mike are having people over, hence me at Node. I'm still scared of seeing Thom. He kept smiling the other day. It made me mad...I feel like he's the one that deserves to be miserable. Not me. But I am just gonna work on not being miserable by myself. Black or Red? Do I dye my hair Black or Red? Leave comments.
"I'd like to do more than survive, I'd like to rub it in your face."
mood:  numb
music: Dresden Dolls - Good Day
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(9 Silent but Deadly Lies | Intrusions?)
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Thursday, June 24th, 2004
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10:30 am - I have a house phone now kids!
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I'm rarely ever home but when I am you can reach me at 264-0448. This is the beginning of a beautiful relationship. PS I hate the world. (I expect to get calls asking if I'm alright! It happens every other time I complain. Don't worry kids of course I'm not alright I'm still alive.)
Which Family Guy character are you?
mood:  indifferent
music: YOURMOMSCREAMINGFORMERCY...SISTERSOFMERCY hahaha
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(Intrusions?)
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Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004
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11:36 am - It is now put in type.
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I do not want to be touched. Unless you ask my permission you can not sleep in my bed. If I joke with you about sexual things and we laugh, it's because it's a joke and will NEVER happen. Do not touch me or I will chop off anything that I can. Do not discuss my unmentionables with others, especially people I don't know that well. DO NOT TALK ABOUT ME, TOUCH ME, ASSUME ANYTHING ABOUT ME, OR PISS ME OFF.
You have all been warned.
mood:  aggravated
music: theshitbetterstopifyouwanttokeepmeasyourfriend
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(2 Silent but Deadly Lies | Intrusions?)
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Tuesday, June 22nd, 2004
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12:14 pm - Hmm
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Monday, June 21st, 2004
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7:51 pm - Thom's
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Thom wants me to be his friend still. I don't know what to think about that. He's had sex with Tamara in the past two weeks, only once though so he says. What does he think he's doing? Oh that's right he's not thinking about anything but his penis. I'm not going to be able to take this kid seriously for a very long time. I told him that.
Anyways I called SBC they need me to fax them shit. I hate them. I need my money back from people. This is ridiculous. Courtney owes me 125 and Laurel owes me 165. Gimme my money bitches! I need to go to Excel and make some cash. It won't be too hard I just need to get my phone from those assholes at Mayfair.
mood: crappy
music: Idon'thaveanymorefeeling...atleastItrynottoo
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(Intrusions?)
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12:26 pm - My Obit
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We regret to announce the unpleasant expiration of Arielle, who on the 19th of February of this year was meticulously vaporized by several zombies. This unfortunate incident occurred in a sewer pipe behind an outhouse. The deceased was reported to have shouted "Zounds! I am undone!" just before expiring. Arielle is survived by fifty or so gerbils. Funeral services will be held the 7th of next month.
I wish.
Rikki let me copy dresdon dolls onto my computer. my tattoo is scabby, it still kinda hurts. I have to go to yoga...and I told Thom I'd see him today. I'm scared. The Koppas are my heros - I want to marry them and Brooke.
mood: amused
music: Dresdon dolls in my head - coin operated boy
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(Intrusions?)
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Thursday, June 17th, 2004
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9:07 am - I am taking a week off from everyone/everything
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Last night I hung out with Brooke and Travis. Koppa stopped by but then went to his ex girlfriends...he lied to Brooke and I and said he would come back, she isn't healthy for him. He deserves better. Hanging out with Brooke was fun. I don't think I've ever not been pleased with Brooke. I did a mini photo shoot of Brooke with color film, I hope it all turns out. We didn't get to do the second portion of the I passed out after watching Kill Bill but was awoken at about 4 am by the very loud voice of a male and two giggling girls. In my sleep filled state I thought it was Thom, Laurel, and Tamara. I was so startled that I woke up completely and was alittle upset. Thankfully it was just Travis, Joei, and Tina. MMMMMM JOEI. Brooke made it quiet again and Travis came in to cuddle. I farted on him. I am going to watch her get tattooed today. The funny part about that was I was at Mayfair trying to get my phone fixed when I saw this guy with his arms all tattooed and he was all pissed off and I handed him one of the Tsunami things and he started to walk away but stopped and asked if I knew Brooke. This is the guy that is doing her tattoo today. He went to Tsunami right away and talked to her. Hehehehe.
Getting over people is difficult. Especially because I have a firm belief in the idea that I got fucked over (again) so that he could date Tamara, who is a poor example of a woman let alone a replacement for me. This invokes hatred.
"So why were you holding her hand, is that the way we stand, were you lying all the time, was it just a game to you...but it meant something, you know I'm such a fool for you"
mood:  relaxed
music: Cranberries - Everybody else is doing it, so why can't we?
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(Intrusions?)
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Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
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10:27 am - This is for one young lady in particular
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I want to have your babies, I want to name them funny things and tell them dead baby jokes, I want to get drunk with you for the rest of my life, I want to not feel feelings while intoxicated with you, You are so beautiful it makes me want to crawl on glass and drink draino, You make me feel like being sad and angry and evil are good things (because they are), I am unconcerned about others when I think of our friendship, When you're in a bad mood I want to inflict pain upon myself to rid you of yours, I live thinking that things will get better but you make death so beautiful I question if I want them to.
You are amazing in every way, shape, and form. You are my vampire bride, my evil high priestess, my goddess of darkness and black light of hope.
Thank you!
mood: calm
music: sheismysaviorbrookekeepsmebreathingevenwheni'msubmerged
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(1 Silent but Deadly Lie | Intrusions?)
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Monday, June 14th, 2004
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12:26 pm - My happiness lasted two days
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But last night I got rid of most of my anger about it and now I'm ok. Back to the drawing board on building a new me. I'm hurt but nothing can stop me. I hope my yelling at him last night didn't make him hate me or think I'm an awful person (even though I am). I need a vote from the people on here. I need to make a decision on whether to keep the snake I am babysitting, and the decision needs to be made and paid by the end of this week. I have gotten to the point where she is very comfortable around me, feeding her is no problem and Brooke likes being able to come visit her. However she is currently occupying my entire desk and moving her to a more convenient location in my very small room would mean getting an extension cord to plug in the heating pad. I would also have the responsibility of caring for her even when she becomes her possible 8-10 feet long. Let me know through comments.
mood: bitchy
music: nothing since last night
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(4 Silent but Deadly Lies | Intrusions?)
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Thursday, June 10th, 2004
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12:19 pm - Right now I have a lot of bottled up emotions
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The wonderful part of that are that they are good emotions. I went to sleep last night with a smile on my face and someone I really care about. I don't know how to react really but it's such a good feeling to know what it's like to be happy again.
Other good things are:
The past few days Medusa and I have spent at least an hour together each time.
I've patched things up with my mother and am celebrating her birthday with her today.
I have completely embraced my roommates, this year isn't going to be as bad as I suspected.
mood:  ecstatic
music: keys as I type
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(6 Silent but Deadly Lies | Intrusions?)
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Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
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10:48 am - Attention Please
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I have a need to take pictures. If possible I'd like to spend half/a whole day with the following people. I will attempt to contact most of you but would enjoy a response via comment on whether or not you are even interested and perhaps when you have time. Thank you.
Nicole (Scene check check scene for clarification)
Johnson
Brooke
Marc
Thom
Laurel
Alex (youngin you better call me)
Valencia
Koppa
I know I'm missing some so this will be edited as I think of them.
mood:  creative
music: Diary - Alicia Keys
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(6 Silent but Deadly Lies | Intrusions?)
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Sunday, June 6th, 2004
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7:28 pm
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if there is someone on your friends list you would love to have an epic, sweaty, damn near legendary, 12 hour fuckathon with, post this same exact sentence in your journal
I have homework to do. I wanna hang out though. I don't want to have to walk home. My snake smells bad.
mood: indifferent
music: your mom calling my name
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(2 Silent but Deadly Lies | Intrusions?)
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