12:58am 09/11/2005
 
mood: awake
music: Rilo Kiley - Xmas Cake
I wish I could sleep. I also wish I hadn't just spent $200 on online shopping. although, let's be honest, I really really needed a winter coat. And now I have one. Or I will in a week. And hopefully it will look nice on.

Went home this weekend. I haven't ever seen my mom right after chemo, she seemed to be taking it pretty well though. And she enjoys pulling guilt trips on me when she knows there's nothing I can do about it. Like asking me to come home one weekend, and when I say I'm super busy, or have plans, and if I can come the next weekend, she says to me, but Rachel, this is the only thing I have to look forward to. And when I start to feel bad... she winks at me!

I wish my housemates wouldn't come into my room and mess it up when I'm at school, because really, there's no way that it could get this messy on its own. No possible way at all.

My internet finally works in my room, just in time for me to start studying for exams or something. I should give myself a few days off, but I don't deserve it. And I really, really need to do well on these exams.

I have a confession to make... I've been listening to Christmas music since the middle of October.		  
     
6 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
01:32pm 14/10/2005
 
music: The Decemberists - The Mariner's Revenge Song
Still no internet, thank god for stolen wireless access though.

Recently in concerts, there was Ted Leo at the Underground (so, so fabulous, as was North of America before them), Built to Spill in Rochester (also amazing, though I am v. unimpressed with Rochester), and The Decemberists last night.

So, Rochester, not a nice place. We were catcalled a few times while we were trying to find a cheap place to eat (which doesn't exist in downtown Rochester, by the way), and the people there were not nice. And the crowd pretty much violated every single one of my concert rules. I made up those rules that night, but they seem reasonable. Such as, don't pour your drink down my back. Don't jump around and step on me when there's no other moshing going on. Actually, scratch that. Do it if you want to, if you're having a good time and you love the band, I don't care. But if you're booing the band every other song, I'm not a fan. And if you're dropping all of your beer bottles on the ground so you don't have to hold them, I'm going to kick them under your feet so you jump on them and fall. Don't call out specifically for songs after the band specifically says 'No, I don't think we're going to play Car tonight. At all.' Little common sense things like these will make me a happy concert goer.

The Decemberists last night was simply fantastic. They had so much energy and audience participation, it was unbelievable. And, what I think [info]wingedfigment will be happy to hear, there was an accordion player! and she was completely rocking out. Especially during the Mariner's Revenge song. That was the song with the most audience participation, with the crowd being told to scream like we were being swallowed by a whale and what not. Fantastic.

School has been hectic, but I don't like talking about negative things. I'm pretty sure my new hangout spot will be in the lobby of CFMU as I just became a volunteer there, and it seems so cozy down there. Also fun will be helping out with the plays on campus this year.

Mom's doing ok, she said the rest of her hair fell out but that chemo this week is going a lot better than it did last time. She seemed tired though, so I let her go after about 10 minutes. hopefully I'll be going home next weekend so I can spend some more time with her.		  
     
7 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
02:43pm 30/09/2005
 
music: sigur ros - glósóli
I had promised myself that, for whatever reason, I wasn't going to update until we actually got the internet here. However that looks like it's going to be never... we have cable issues unfortunately. Cogeco doesn't seem to want to install our modem, they've come out here 3 times already and had to leave for whatever reason... and, even though we ordered the internet in the first week of september, we don't have priority over the procrastinators that are waiting till now to order the internet and we have an installation date on October 11th. I'm thinking I'm going to call and flip out on them... if you think I can't get angry, well trust me, I can.

Other than that Hamilton has been fun, Missy and Emma S. are now in england, I'm expecting an e-mail from them maybe never. Emma D. is touring all over Canada & the states in her band and opening for Metric, it's a bit too insane for this little BSS fangirl.

Speaking of Metric, definitely saw them last Friday at Mac, they were pretty fantastic. Also amazing was Sigur Ros the previous Monday. Ted Leo is coming to Hamilton tonight, and then next Tuesday is Built to Spill in Rochester, and then on the 13th is the Decemberists. Luckily none of them are too close to midterms, or otherwise I would just have to fail as I can't possibly miss my concerts!

Mum started chemo last wednesday, I haven't been able to see her yet although I was very close to making the 3 hour trek by bus/train/bus on Saturday, she talked me out of it somehow. She's sounding a lot better though, from Wednesday till about Monday she was sounding pretty groggy and out of it, but she seems a lot stronger now, and she hasn't lost any hair yet which she's happy about.

I'm going to start volunteering at the on-campus radio station with Jenn, how exciting is that? We're just doing fundraising right now but that means that if we want to apply for our own show next semester or something, they're more likely to give it to us. I'm actually really scared of that happening, but can you imagine? oh. my. goodness.		  
     
4 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
05:24pm 01/09/2005
 
mood: blah
music: Sufjan Stevens - Casmir Pulaski Day
Yesterday was my last day of work, which was nice although I didn't have time to do all the shopping that I wanted to in Toronto. Now I'm just trying to get all packed up as I'm probably moving in Sunday or, at the latest, Monday. Trying being the key word, I really need someone to just tell me what to do and take my books away from me and turn my music off as I get way too distracted. So... who wants to hang out tonight? and by hang out I mean... pack my stuff up for me, I'll pay you in hugs, I promise.

So we finally know what's going on with my mom, basically the gist of it is this, the tumors that they removed a few weeks ago were large enough to be considered 'troubling', so even though the cancer hasn't spread to the lymph nodes yet, they still have to do chemotherapy as well as radiation. She starts in a few weeks, so we'll see how all that goes... I don't know if my mom wants me to come home a lot or not, I don't know if I should or if that will just make her feel more sick.

eta slightly lame question, I managed to lose not one but two cds (the new sufjan, and a fiery furnaces one), I have them uploaded onto my computer so should I just burn them or can I go out and buy new ones? I would just feel like such a cheater, but... well, that's lots of money.		  
     
7 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
12:26pm 24/08/2005
 
mood: angry
I just spilled all of my salad dressing on my desk, and on the carpet, and on my pants and feet, and now I'm going to smell like sundried tomatoes and oregano for the rest of the day... but all I'm upset about is that I don't have any salad dressing for my salad. dammit!

also my nail broke, and it hurts a lot, and as girly as it sounds to complain about breaking a nail... yeah, it kills.		  
     
1 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
04:31pm 23/08/2005
 
mood: worried
I have a severe spending problem I think. I'm afraid to look at my bank balance because it will just make me feel like a horrible person. Let's see... $12 for a white t-shirt from costa blanca, that's decent. $27 for a lovely new purse (which I maybe should have gotten in silver instead of bronze, whatever)... that's fine, except that I left it in Waterloo. $90 on a pinstripe blazer/jacket thing... ok, I'm retarded. As was spending $70 at Urban outfitters on like 2 t-shirts. But they were made in America, so I feel ok about spending a little bit more for t-shirts that 6 year olds didn't make. but really, that was all in one night... the next day I bought jeans and cds and then yesterday I bought a book. Was any of that necessary? absolutely not.

My mom is recovering fine from her surgery on Thursday, well she's back to her angry self which is kind of a relief, seriously. Which of course means I've stopped doing nice things for her, maybe tonight I'll do some cleaning or try to find my keys or something.

There's a woman that I work with that sounds like salad fingers. She scares the bejeezus out of me.		  
     
4 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
04:03pm 15/08/2005
 
mood: indifferent
Didn't get the union market job... didn't actually write in depth about how much I wanted it, but trust me... I really wanted it. Maybe I mucked up the interview, or maybe they just didn't like me, or whatever, but either way, I didn't get it.

cheer me up and/or tell me I'm still a semi rockin' person, thanks.

actually, slightly mollified by the fact that apparently september and october appear to be the months of the concerts, ie there is sigur ros coming up very soon, then metric, then ted leo (and both are in hamilton!), then the decemberists... and we might even go to built to spill in rochester, talk about the extreme road trip! Also, if I talk to my aunt I might get free tickets for shows at the kool haus, ie interpol, john mayer tickets for diana, etc etc. actually, I don't know if I can definitely get these tickets, but I like to tell myself I will.		  
     
9 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
07:20pm 04/08/2005
 
mood: tired
Got home from Florida ok. I managed to read a few books while I was there, like The Sun Also Rises by Hemingway, Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins, The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro, The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera, and The Importance of Being Earnest, by Oscar Wilde. I think I liked the Remains of the Day the best of the books, and Still Life with Woodpecker the least. He seemed like he was trying way too hard for you to think the characters were wonderfully smart and interesting people, and I just didn't agree. And, of course, The Importance of Being Earnest was fabulous.

So I got right back into the work routine again, there was a lot of things waiting for me to be done, it's fabulous actually... I love working overtime. Next Tuesday I get to help out with a cocktail party for the firm... I'm actually excited.

Applied for a job at the Union Market, and I got called back for an interview... wow, I really want that job.

My mom isn't doing so well right now... or might not be... and I'm worried. That is all.		  
     
2 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
01:25pm 28/07/2005
 
mood: bored
music: florida, books
I am in the Florida, it is relaxing (I'm sleeping about 10 hours a night), although I've only finished 3 books since I got here. And I do have internet access, although I am fighting 6 other people for it and it is dial-up. Was going to send postcards, but it is now Thursday, so... maybe not.

There is a baby staying with us, and he has grown attatched to me. It was cute, and now... well, it's still cute.

My brain has gone to mush since I got here, probably too much sun. Although you would never tell, I'm as pasty as ever.		  
     
ooncha ooncha
 
   
12:35pm 05/07/2005
  Recently (as in a week and a half ago), I saw my much awaited concert on the Toronto Island. First thing I did when we got there... was buy a Broken Social Scene t-shirt. I am well on my way to becoming an official fangirl. We set up our blankets, and waited. When The Most Serene Republic went up, Leigh and I went up to the front so I could dance around and wave at Emma in the hopes that she would see me (sadly she did not). Then we went back, and I saw Aggie and had a good chat. We then grabbed our blankets and went closer to the front so that when Metric went up, we could stand on our blankets and still see the stage. When that was done, I dragged Erin to the front again so that I could be right in the thick of the crowd for Broken Social Scene, and it was pretty spectacular. They played some new songs (Ibi Dreams of Pavement, Ibi Dreams of a Better day; Fire-Eyed Boy; Shorelines [known as 7/4 before] and one I forgot the name of), and it made me even more anxious for their new cd coming out in October. Last was Modest Mouse, which we stayed for most of but left a few songs before the end so we could catch the ferry and not have to wait in the absolutely insane line that Silvee and I did last year. Afterwards, I was honestly overwhelmed and couldn't listen to anything but BSS (until I lent it to my friend Karlie).

The day before that was Michelle's birthday, which was lots of fun, it was great seeing everyone again. Sadly, the Emma has disappeared on us again, except for her few comments on b vs s. Emma, where are you??

This past weekend, I felt very patriotic as I went to Ottawa for Canada day. I got to see Jenn and Michele, finally. It was a very fun weekend, the Market and downtown Ottawa has some very good shopping, Jenn's mom is one of the sweetest people ever (which meant coming home was not so much fun and I argued with my mom at least 5 times yesterday) and we ate very, very well. I went to Cora's for the first time, and when I was raving about it to Diana and Christina, I learned that there's a Cora's about a 2 minute walk from my house. So we'll be visiting there again sometime soon!

I can't decide if I should spend lots of money right now on clothes and new cds, or if I should be sensible. Well, I know I should be sensible, but I have a bad feeling that I'm just going to start spending soon. Who thinks I should take out a loan for my hedonistic impulses? anyone??

oops, just checked my bank account, rent has officially come out. Spending shall definitely be curtailed.		  
     
13 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
01:07pm 24/06/2005
 
mood: hot
music: hamilton, job, concerts
It is so, so incredibly hot outside that I don't even want to eat my lunch. Maybe the two don't seem to go together... but they do. I was outside for an hour, I have a feeling that I actually burned. But they had jewellery for sale in Nathan Phillip's Square, how could I not look?

I'm psyched for this weekend, tomorrow night is Michelle's birthday, which means I get to see most of my housemates again, and hanging out downtown Toronto... And then the next day, I'm just staying downtown because of the Broken Social Scene/Modest Mouse concert! I've been listening to them this whole week, and I'm getting very excited. The one time I saw Broken Social Scene, they were amazing, and I figure since they're headlining, they'll have an even longer set.

I'm so not motivated to be working right now. I'm bad. But there's only 3 hours till the weekend! I feel like I can be somewhat excused.		  
     
4 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
01:00pm 22/06/2005
 
mood: waaah
I'm taking 5 minutes as a little break, as I wasn't able to go on lunch today... I can't really complain though, I made a mistake, deleted something I shouldn't have, and have to fix it now. It is very, very upsetting.

I just realised that I can't find my fiery furnaces cd - I mean, I have the case and everything, but the cd is missing. And I obsessively go through all of my cd cases, so I have no idea where it might be. Chalk this up to the second thing I've lost this week! I've started reading Perdido Street Station as my train book, so we'll see how that pans out. I just feel like I should be reading something different though, like that's a book I can read during the year, in the summer I should be reading... I don't know. Anyone have any good recommendations?

And who wants to see Howl's Moving Castle with me?? It got an 80 on metacritic, I swear. And Hayao Miyazaki... so amazing.		  
     
2 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
08:22am 21/06/2005
 
mood: distressed
music: stars (in my head)
I left my book on the train yesterday morning. It was Anna Karenina. I haven't read it yet, I was about halfway through and now it is GONE. I am very, very sad. But... I guess this just means I can buy a prettier edition?

Also, I have a spending problem. According to my scientifical finance spreadsheet, I have $40 to spend until the 30th. But... then I remembered that we already paid last month's rent, and that I'm not going to spend $400 on concerts this summer, which was what I was aiming for, for some reason. So I have money to burn again! shopping anyone?		  
     
6 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
10:56pm 19/06/2005
 
music: Dungen - Ta Det Lungt
So this week was very uneventful in terms of work... the boss (aka my aunt) wasn't there this week so people didn't really do too much, which means there was even less for me to do than usual. However, I did get to see Missy and her friend Danielle for about an hour on my lunch one day! That was exciting, we did a bit of shopping. I bought a hip new pair of sunglasses and two cds... Regina Spektor and the new Sleater Kinney. I'm really loving the new Sleater-Kinney, it is so incredibly rocking. I mean, it is LOUD. I love it so! And Regina Spektor... well, it's pretty good, I haven't given it that much of a chance yet as I've been obsessively listening to Sleater-Kinney, and my Broken Social Scene/Modest Mouse cd's in preparation for the concert this Sunday. And that will be incredible too, and I'll get to see Emma! Actually, it's going to be a busy, busy weekend... Saturday night is Michelle's birthday, and we're staying over night there and then the next day is the concert on Toronto Island. I feel like every weekend is booked up, which is exciting, but I like having weekends where there isn't a lot to do so I can just catch up with people I haven't seen, or make spur of the minute plans to go traveling and see university people... Niagara Falls? Waterloo? And hopefully they won't lock their doors when me (and Diana?) come pounding. I am going to see Jenn though, Canada Day weekend, and Michele will be there too... hooray!

Also, I saw Batman Begins on Friday with Diana, Paul and Chris... (I know!!). It was fun, the movie was quite good, and I did not fall asleep like Paul thought. Seriously. I don't sleep in movies, that was all Diana. So now I wish to see all the other Batman movies, as I am a heathen and haven't seen them yet. And last night was out for coffee, also fun, I love just sitting around and shooting the shit. I did not see Sleater-Kinney last night, but that's ok as I had fun anyways, and I wasn't really up to seeing them alone... I don't like doing things alone, at all. But David Sedaris is coming to Toronto on the 29th for a book signing! I might see that alone if I have to, I've heard he's incredibly funny at his book readings.

I am incredibly tired, I feel like I should resist sleep as I just know, when I go upstairs, I won't be able to sleep, and that's just the worst feeling ever. And then I start panicking about grad school, I've been researching it obsessively. With my marks right now, I can get into Waterloo at least, and if my grades are better 3rd year (which I'm hoping), and I do well on my GREs, I should be ok. I had a bit of a meltdown in the car on Saturday, but I suspect I just needed an excuse to yell more than anything, so I yelled at my dad for a bit. Then I felt better.

Well it really is off to sleep for me, maybe I won't be so whiny in the morning.		  
     
ooncha ooncha
 
   
11:12pm 14/06/2005
 
music: mum - we have a map of the piano
I ran into Blair on the street today, in Toronto. Literally, I was walking to work, I was at Bay and Queen and I saw her. It was very exciting! She said she's going to come up to Brampton one day and hang out. I should tell her to meet me for lunch one day. (Not ask, tell). Also, Moose will be in Toronto on Thursday, I figure she'll be in line so I will be forced to bring her food and such. She's such trouble sometimes.

Also on the street today, some lady tried conning me and my friend out of money for some cheap prepaid spa visit. She gave us the address and told us the name of the 'company', however we didn't have our wallets (nor was I going to give some woman $50, she had this wireless debit/credit card machine but that seemed... odd). But that doesn't seem sketchy yet? So we went to the address while we were on lunch, and it does not exist. And then we went back to the office and googled it, it being 'Bay St. Clippers'... unless it just doesn't have a website (although it was made to sound all posh), or they just don't like to be listed in the phone book, it doesn't exist. Which is kind of upsetting, in a way.

And I've finally finished my timetable, just in time to pick courses on Thursday. I'm not sure I like how second semester looks, but here it is:

( schedules! )		  
     
7 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
01:08pm 06/06/2005
 
mood: bored
music: stars - reunion (in my head)
It's been a little while... summer is finally in full swing, meaning I'm working during the day and my soul is too tired to have fun when I come home. But I press on, and go out with friends, and hopefully they don't mind when I fall asleep in my coffee. OK, I exaggerate a little.

I'm back in downtown Toronto, I love it here but it is dangerous for spending. I already have to bring back a skirt I bought on Friday... partly because I can't afford it, and partly because it looks absolutely horrible on. I tried it on before I bought it, but I somehow convinced myself that it looked great. I'm a master at lying to myself. So, the skirt goes back, and then I will have enough money to pay Diana back. And then wait until next Wednesday so I can finally buy the new Sleater-Kinney cd, and maybe another cd. They come to Toronto June 18th, I'm not convinced anyone is going to want to go however, but I may just go alone. I mean, people do that.

Saturday night was Emma's band here in Brampton, that was lots of fun. The first band was good in a goofy-lyrics kind of way, and they were fun. The second band was just atrocious. And The Most Serene Republic (emma's band!) was fantastic, of course. It was good to see Emma again too. Also, we saw John Bohtelo (I just know I spelled that wrong... I used to be fantastic with the portuguese last names too), Ian Arruda and Kevin Anderson at the show. Johnny came over to chat, he was funny as usual and he's going to be at the Broken Social Scene/Modest Mouse show.

I just had to return a lovely green skirt that I bought on Friday, because I cannot afford it. While I was there (urban outfitters) I almost bought a pair of sunglasses and another skirt, thinking that now that I was returning that skirt I have money again! but, that's not how things work sadly.

Mac is not offering the Science Fiction course I wanted to take, or the Children's Literature course, or any 3rd year english courses to non-english students (I can't get into the real ones). They usually offer about 10. I just wrote them a very angry e-mail, we'll see what's up with that.

oh, and I finally finished House of Leaves, it only took me like a month... slightly disappointed in myself. It was very good though, in a different kind of way... almost pretentiously so, but I don't think it got to that level. Yup, very good book. And then I finished Wuthering Heights, after trying to read it twice last summer. I don't know why I couldn't get through it before. I think I liked Jane Eyre better, just because the characters weren't quite as irritating. Not that I didn't like Wuthering Heights, because I did, but everything everyone did... I wish I was there so I could slap them all. (according to my mom I have anger problems. really, pot calling the kettle black there, because if I do it's almost certainly genetic).		  
     
6 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
06:44pm 10/04/2005
 
mood: stressed
music: Ray Charles - Eleanor Rigby
I had a terrifying dream last night. While you would normally call that a nightmare, it wasn't as such. It was just that there was a lot of tension and suspense in it. It was also very realistic, to the point that I woke up at 6 in the morning unable to convince myself that it was just a dream. And for some reason, the focal part of my dream was Twin Peaks, which I've never actually seen before. I think I'm going to have to watch them all next week, as I won't have anything else to do (exams for me are done this saturday). This is the second time I've dreamed about something pop culture related and then felt the need to go out and watch/read it. The first time was a few weeks ago when I had a dream about Mark Danielewski's House of Leaves. I went out and bought it the next day, but I haven't read it yet.

Instead of studying Neuropsych, I've been adding to my list of books and music I have to buy, and movies I have to eventually watch. This summer will be dedicated to these things.		  
     
4 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
01:56am 10/03/2005
 
mood: tired
I dyed my hair black this weekend, it was fun and impulsive, I like it. The dye still runs a little when I take showers, which is odd... but that's ok. My sister dyed her hair black too, at home... that's not why I did mine, but now we can still look like sisters. She might be coming up next weekend because she loves me.

I've been on a David Bowie kick for the last few days, which I'm liking. I only have the Best of Bowie cd, I keep meaning to buy Ziggy Stardust but I always figure I should buy something new. But I love love love him.

I'm working on my stats assignment, which is looking more and more like calculus that I haven't even learned... double integrals and all. Wish me luck.		  
     
2 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
02:07pm 05/03/2005
 
mood: moody
music: The Wrens - She Sends Kisses
I'm in one of those funks where I just want to be alone, and all I ever do (in my head) is tear everything down that I see. You could say anything to me, show me anything, and I would only have negative things to say about it. I know it's a really, really shitty thing to do, so I'm kind of trying to keep it to myself. I just wish I could let it all out on someone that I don't know, like some random stranger that I decide I don't like, which lately I've been deciding about everyone. I don't have this problem with my friends or anything, it's people I don't know so well or at all that I decide that I despise.

On a good note, I bought tons and tons of cd's over reading week, I'm particularly liking my Stars and The Wrens cds (the Wrens is semi old but I couldn't find it till now... actually). Reading week was alright, I didn't do as much as I wanted but I did get to see everyone at least once, so that's ok. But for some reason, reading week severly drained me, and when I came back all I did was study for French on Tuesday, and after that nothing. I did do really fun things like hang out in our neighbour's igloo, which he built, and we built a rival fort which was destroyed by drunk boys last night, and we went for a limo ride offered by boys down the street... but. I haven't done any work, I skipped two days of classes just so I could catch up on sleep and it hasn't helped. And now I'm realising how much work I really have to do, so I'm off to the library to see if I can somehow salvage my education.		  
     
1 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
   
10:40pm 22/02/2005
 
mood: nauseated
Well, it's reading week, and I haven't cracked a school book yet. But I did finish a Wind-Up Bird Chronicle which was amazing, by Haruki Murakami. And now I'm reading the Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, courtesy of Emma... Also, someone tell me I'm not going crazy, I thought I read somewhere that Philip Pullman is coming out with a new book related to His Dark Materials? I can't find anything about it anymore.

I'm enjoying not having to study but I'm not enjoying the dullness of Brampton. Or my mom being so controlling. I miss Hamilton and having so many people in the house... it may be loud but at least there's always something to do. Apparently I can't stand not having anything to do and have taken to google image searching Jon Stewart. Also I love him more than anything. This post is stupid and I'm going to delete it as soon as I can think about something better to talk about.		  
     
6 two threecha| ooncha ooncha
 
 
ayellowbanana
 
 
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