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Sunday, June 6th, 2004
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4:56 pm - *ill*
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Well after a really nice time in Manchester with Rik, I've come home and I feel quite ill. Side is playing up again, have taken some tablets (ones left over from the last time, but i'm burning up right now. Also feel sick on and off. Am just praying I dont have another hospital visit! :(
Have got the car, drove it back from Manchester, wasn't a bad run, its a great car, i'm going to love having it! :)
current mood:  sick
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| Saturday, June 5th, 2004
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2:36 pm - Manchester watch out!
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Well,
Productive morning, have cleaned the laminate, done all the washing up, cleaned out my old car, hoovered the house, tidied some crap from the bottom of my wardrobe, and am now waiting for Rik to turn up so we can go to Manc!
Out in Manc tonight, am going to try and be a good boy, but who cares if i'm not, i mean, i'm never really naughty, just a little!
Am also on a quest to find Rik a nice man tonight. He deserves someone nice and lovely, so i'm going to hopefully play Love Doctor tonight as well.
Have had a few people message me online too, so have a few new people to chat to, they all seem really nice! :)
Am kinda missing Nick being away, he's at a wedding in southport this weekend, so no talking to him online! :(
Oh also had Andrew pop on line and cheer me up a bit, so thanks Andrew :)
current mood:  happy
current music: Cher - Different Kind of Love Song
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| Friday, June 4th, 2004
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7:57 pm - Thats the way it is...
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Learnt a few more secrets about shaun today. Oh it just gets better. I'm such a fool for not going with my first instincts.
Had a trip over to Birmingham today for a 40 minute meeting with my director. Was good, I got a chance to air my views directly to him.
Had another meeting about some changes at work which are good news.
Now stuck in at home this evening with nothing to do. Was tempted to go to the gym, but cant be arsed.
current mood:  blah
current music: alcazar - crying at the discotheque
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| Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
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9:14 pm - Aww
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Well i've spent the evening chatting to Nick from Cambridge who is lovely and funny. He's cheered me up no end just by being there to listen to me :) Thanks Nick :)
xxx
current mood: happy
current music: roxette - it must have been love
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6:34 pm - *sigh*
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Another day, another dollar. Or pound as it is over here. Didnt mean shaun for lunch, didnt even hear from him.
You told me, that you loved and that'd never change. Welcomed me into your arms again, come in out of the rain....
current mood:  tired
current music: Come in out of the Rain - Come in out the Rain
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| Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
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7:00 pm - I got it wrong
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Well,
After my happy journal entry last night, I went to bed and had a text convo with Matthew, which basically resulted in "we're never gonna be more than friends"
Oh what a surprise. Seems to be the phrase of the year for me. So didnt sleep well, felt sick when i got up this morning.
Work was flat out all day again, I have productive days but some of them are just extreme.
Then went for lunch with Shaun. Was different. He basically also said "we're never gonna be more than friends" and really we've almost said all there is to say to each other.
He's holding on to the hope we can be best of friends out of all this, i'm kinda thinking that we'll just drift apart. He's not gonna change, he's not gonna grow up any time soon. I'm almost certain there is someone else in this whole picture despite him denying it. Maybe its my paranoia, maybe its my gut instinct which is usually right.
Am just fed up of quite a lot of things right now, i'm severly lacking in motivation for much.
My parents leave in 17 days. So all in all, i'm feeling a bit lonely. Nothing on the horizon, no plans, not much to look forward to.
Am feeling quite low, but trying not to let it get to me. Its hard when you have the same old crap over and over really.
You'd think for once for someone like me, there would be something nice happen.
My emotions are a bit all over the place right now.
current mood:  depressed
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12:17 am - A great evening
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Well. Today has been busy, MD is visiting the office today and tomorrow, i get my 5 minutes of fame with him tomorrow. (or today as it is now)
Have been out for dinner with Matthew this evening. I'd not met him until this evening, in fact not really spoken to him much either online or on the phone, but he's a really nice guy. He seems very down to earth, chatty, friendly and I had a really nice time. We went wandering through Stamford all over the place, just chatting and sitting and talking.
Am off to bed in a really good mood! :)
current mood: happy
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| Monday, May 31st, 2004
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9:57 pm - Men are all the same!
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Right, well i'm calm enough now to write about the events of the weekend. Shaun ended up taking Will home and having a, how did he describe it "drunken fumble" after Will ended up sleeping in his bed. This was Will who told everyone he slept on the sofa. Lol.
Then Shaun tried to make out like it was nothing important. Had huge row with Shaun and Will who also entirely missed the point. Have pretty much told both of them I want nothing more to do with them.
So two weeks on, despite them both saying they weren't interested in each other, they have not only kissed, but have pretty much slept together too.
Don't class those sort of people as friends, do you? Sure you could argue its nothing to do with me after Shaun told me he didnt want to be anything more than friends after 6 months of spending time with me, but funny how Will appeared on the scene and they got it on.
Anyway, have had a busy weekend at work, lots going on, upgrades, miigrations and the like. Didnt finish work till 1am this morning, then was back in at 8:30. Stayed till about 12, got bored, so came home.
Major achievement on my SMS/Email automation system that work have requested I build. Am soo pleased with myself for the work i've done on it to date!
Have spent the rest of the day with Dad working on the house. New kitchen light is up, bathroom flooring is pretty much finished. Base for my decking is almost built. So its all coming together. I've decided i'm going to buy a hammock for me to lie in over the summer, i've seen a nice one in John Lewis, so its going to be mine! :D
Things are just a bit up and down at the mo, so keeping myself busy really. Trying to avoid people and issues really. Parents fly out to Washington in 18 days!
current mood: happy
current music: Pop! - Heaven & Earth (radio edit)
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| Sunday, May 23rd, 2004
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7:04 pm - Feeling low
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Well what can i say. At this point in time, I feel a combination of tired, slightly hungover, sick and just generally low. Rejected, alone, and my head has far too much going through it.
Yet another fun day in the world of Andy!
current mood: lonely
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| Monday, May 17th, 2004
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6:48 pm - What a day
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Hmm, really busy day today. Have been dragged into all sorts of meetings and my trip to Sheffield didn't go as planned as I didn't know my hire car had been delivered.
So sat in the office from 7am. Great. As I say, have been busy all day so not too bad. Interesting meeting in sheffield tomorrow.
Decking and fencing has arrived today, so I guess I know what i'll be doing this coming weekend!
Feeling a bit up and down at the moment. Just gotta keep myself busy enough that I don't let it get to me.
current mood: tired
current music: Dolly Parton - 9 to 5
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| Sunday, May 16th, 2004
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12:32 am - Another one bites the dust!
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Oh well aren't we in luck. Two updates in one day. One which was quite positive, clearly it was a curse!
For most of the day I decided I wasn't going to go out tonight, but then changed my mind and thought i'd surprise Shaun. Turned up and got it in the neck as he thought i'd only turned up because someone else asked me to go out.
Then spent the rest of the night sat with Shaun (who was quite drunk) discussing "us". I say "us" in quotes as we weren't an item as such, and now definately won't be! He decided to sit me down and tell me that we would never work, and that he wasn't my type etc etc.
So the long and short of it is that i'm now free, single and available again.
Oh and sick to death of gay men.
It seems to be an entitlement to treat people like dirt, use, abuse, screw around with, hurt, cheat, ditch and lie.
I'm just sick to death of it all...
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| Saturday, May 15th, 2004
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8:34 pm - Hmm.
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Beginning to wonder if I should just scrap my journal? Part of me says yes, part no. I'd like to think that one day I can sit back and read the story that is my life. I'll think on it, but for now, here I am.
So whats changed since the start of March? The work to get the house to the state I want it presses on. Parents are helping as much as they can, bearing in mind they fly out to Washington now in less than 6 weeks. Part of me wonders how i'll react once I realise they've gone. I'm not too fussed at the moment, i'm sure i'll be fine, but there is always that part of me that isn't sure.
Work is going well, the new job is keeping me very busy, there is so much going on at the moment, part of me wonders if its like this all the time or whether its just because the company is going through so many changes.
My year is flying by, but then when I look back, so much around me and in me has changed.
One important item of note, I got a text from Mark the other day. It simply said "I can drive" I didnt recognise the number, as i don't have his anymore, so I sent one back "who is this?" and got "doesnt matter, sorry" at which point I knew it could only be him. Surprising that he kept my number, as i've not kept his and I said I never wanted to hear from him again. I've deleted the texts and not stored the numbers.
One thing thats i've realised about myself is that I can be quite decisive and adamant when I want to be. A failing or a strong point? You decide!
Have been spending a lot of time with Shaun recently (www.gaydar.co.uk/thatshaunboy) in fact, pretty much at least a couple of nights a week since my birthday (Jan) We're not an item, we have our ups and downs, and who knows where its going?
Sometimes i question if i'm ready to be attached to someone, i'm having a lot of fun in life right now, there are a few things missing, but on the whole, i'm happy. Part of me cant decide if the happiness is down to being around Shaun...
Hopefully getting a new car soon, I can't wait because its another item on my list of "will get's" over this year and next. Another sign to myself that i'm making it in life. Sad eh?
Am making a resolution that i'm going to update this at least once a week from now on. Who knows, someone out there might actually be reading it and finding it interesting!
Chin up, there is always a shining star in the night sky!
current mood: happy
current music: Backstreet Boys - We've got it goin' on
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| Sunday, March 14th, 2004
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7:13 pm - On & On & On
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I'm getting a bit crap at keeping this up to date really. I think i'm going to install it on my works PC so I can update it from work. As if work isn't busy enough as it is right now!
My calendar next week is almost full already and the week hasn't even started. Its the same for the week after as well. Hopefully this is how its gonna be with this new job, its certainly going to keep me busy! I've got 3 trips to Sheffield in the next two weeks, then i'm on two weeks worth of courses. Its all go!
I'm still awaiting pay review, the job description is being reviewed by HR at the moment. Then i've got to apply and be interviewed along with anyone else who applies.
Then its the discussion over pay, which again should be interesting. I'm expecting at least a 5K payrise. Whether i'll get it remains to be seen!
House is coming on well, have just found out that flooring for bathroom has arrived in the warehouse, which means I can pick it up sometime this week, parents are in Washington DC until thurs, so will be nice for them to come back and see!
Am back on antibiotics after a trip to the docs, he's given me 7 days worth and some other medication to take as well. Will see if that fixes me up!
Have found out that work are paying out our annual bonus this year in this months pay, so that'll be a nice surprise. I've ordered a new laptop after my current one has died on me, thought my desktop was dying too, but looks like it was a power related problem.
I've also removed the old mars server and migrated everything over to the new mars machine, which is now acting as firewall, mp3 server, backup server, imap mail server, stats server and various other bits and pieces. Its running Fedora 9 which is the new release from RedHat, it means i'll be able to keep this server up to date and secure. Has also cut my electricity usage! Now just need to purchase and install a UPS to support dsl, switch and firewall and all will be sorted.
I've got reverse DNS from my ISP now, so my hostnames are now publically accessible in a nice fashion. Have also set up local intranet server as well as webcache. So am gleaning all sorts of useful info from stats pages for that, and learning a lot about network services.
Roll on next week.....
current mood: happy
current music: Atomic Kitten - Right Now
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| Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
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7:16 am - You are only a heartbeat away...
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Well, no doubt all you avid readers are wondering where i've been for the past couple of weeks. Sitting comfortably?
After moaning about my hair, its now been cut and looks gorgeous, even if it does take me twice as long in a morning to get it done! Well worth the effort though.
New guy Shaun started at work, I was training him for a week until I got asked into a meeting with two of our senior managers. Was quite nervous when one of them rang me saying they both wanted to see me in the conference room in 30 mins. As my boss was off and I was kinda holding the fort, I thought i'd done something majorly wrong.
As it happens, i've been doing things majorly right. I've been seconded into the role of Business Analyst. "What does that mean?" I hear you cry?
Well, no longer will I be working on customer based faults. No longer will I have to speak to upset customers with faults affecing their business. I am now responsible for administering about 10 different systems we use, along with 1 major one, a system called Heat. This is an industry standard package used for fault logging. I have taken over the running of about 6 projects, one of which is a massive one.
There is enough work already running to keep me busy until the end of year, my basic role is to make reccommendations on how to improve the way we do things. I'm going to be doing trend analysis on fault reports, providing reports for customers and service managers.
So its a big step up, but its going to be worth it in the long run. In CV speak i'm now "responsible for short to mid term strategy and planning affecting 4 departments numbering about 80 people" Sounds good eh!?
Things with Shaun are good, we are still spending lots of time together which is nice. I was round at his before he went out clubbing last night, I wasn't in the mood to join him as i've got the dentists at 9am! I've also woken up to find i've got a bit of a snotty cold. Great!
Am supposed to be going over to Liverpool this weekend for Clare's housewarming, will have to see how I feel later on in the week.
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| Sunday, February 15th, 2004
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7:01 am - Up Early
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Well, its another one of those Sunday's. I'm up this early because Shaun had to be at work for 7am, so i've just let him out. We had a nice evening in eating chinese and watching "The Sweetest Thing" after having a bit of a discussion over where things were going. In the end we decided that we'd leave things as they are and just see how things go. Which is fine with me I guess!
I spent yesterday doing house-type things, after being at ikea on friday it was time to build drawers, bedside tables and put my new silver blinds up. All in all, the bedroom and bathroom are really starting to take shape. I've finally put the mirror and glass shelf up in the bathroom, i'm just waiting for the flooring to arrive! We've also got the bath sides and halogen lights to put up yet. Its all gonna look so good! :D
Have also bought a couple of plants, I figure I need to start looking after something! Have also been thinking about what I want to do with the gardens.
My hair is like a hedge once again, I look like one of the jackson 5! Haircut next saturday though.
Adam moves to London in 6 weeks, Jake 2.0 & new series of 24 are really good, and i'm on earlies next week! :D
current mood: happy
current music: Michael Jackson - Billie Jean
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| Saturday, February 7th, 2004
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11:35 am - Magic £20
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Off to an ok start to the weekend, have been doing some tidying up, have just opened an envelope I thought was empty to check before I threw it out, and there was a £20 note inside! So thats made me a little bit happier! :)
Am having another one of my house tidying sessions today, its looking a bit of a mess. What you define is messy is all relative I guess. Its not dirty, there are just things that are in places they shouldn't be. So they will all get scooped up and put where they should be.
Am off for lunch with Keith in a bit, we're gonna go for a pizza hut and a wander round homebase. I'm going to buy a new letterbox flap, I thought I could live with it rattling every time there is the slightest bit of wind, but its just got too much. I can bear with things for so long, but if it costs me £10 to get a new one, so be it. I nearly ripped the existing one off the other night, and resorted to using sticky tape to hold it down just to stop it making a noise.
Am also going to buy a long extension lead so I can hoover out the car, its due for a clean, thats a dirty mess!
Possible new job on the horizon for me, I should hopefully find out some more details in the next week or so. I've got next wed through friday off, am going to ikea with mum on thursday, then friday I shall be painting and sorting out a huge list of odd jobs that I need to get done around the house.
Other than that, generally content at the moment really.
current mood: happy
current music: Kym Marsh - Cry - Almighty Mix
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| Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
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9:24 pm - Ugh
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Well, went to dots, had a really good night, looked stunning, felt good but was soo tired when ian dropped me of afterwards. Slept until midday on sunday and then went over to see mum for dinner.
Started the week ok but am rapidly going downhill again. I seem to just feel ill and tired all the time at the moment. I'm not sleeping very well either which doesnt help. I come home and pretty much collapse.
Few things going on at work right now, might mean a promotion and a payrise for me, we'll see soon enough. I just wish I could have a week where i felt well and full of energy.
Have booked 3 days off next week, so am going to go to the doctors one one of them I think. Next haircut is 21st Feb, my hairdresser is on holiday for a week so i've got to wait, my hair is going to look like a hedge. I might pop in next week to get a tidy up so it survives!
current mood: sick
current music: Gloria Estefan - Turn the Beat Around (Remix)
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| Saturday, January 31st, 2004
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6:58 am - Mamma Mia!
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You may ask what i'm doing up at 6:52am on a Saturday morning. Well actually i've just let Shaun out, he's gone off to work. We stayed in last night and watched Will & Grace, Sex and the City and chatted for hours. He's working all day today, I figured i'd get up and try and do something productive with my day. Not quite sure what yet though.
Have pondered going to the gym this morning, i've not been in 2 weeks now, so much for my new years resolution! Mainly because its been a struggle to survive work let alone doing anything on top of that.
I'm gonna go shopping for some flooring for my bathroom today as well. Gonna go get it costed up, I also need to look for some cladding for the side of the bath.
Am off to Dot Cottons (http://www.dotcotton.co.uk/) tonight with Ian and Ren, should be a good laugh. I intend to be very drunk and very hungover tomorrow as i've not had a good night out in aaaages. Am gonna tell porkies to some friends and tell them i'm not going so I can surprise them! :P
Am gonna wear my new top from Cyberdog (http://www.cyberdog.net/) and its gonna be great. Am gonna do my hair up too, i'm gonna be irresistable!
current mood: happy
current music: Various Artists - What Do I Have To Do
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| Sunday, January 25th, 2004
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8:45 pm - Hmm
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Feeling a bit ill again. Have been working on bathroom, its coming on really well, will look stunning when its finished! :)
Dentists tomorrow, gonna ask them to book me in to have my wisdom teeth removed.
Love life non-existant.
current mood: blah
current music: Lisa Stansfield - In All The Right Places
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| Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
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8:05 am - If you wanna know, I don't wanna let go, say it isn't so.
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Tuesday morning a week after my birthday. I'm sat here watching time tick away as I wait to go to work. Fell asleep really early last night, so woke up really early, partly prompted by the fact that my suction cup shower radio fell off the wall, hit the on button and I was awoken to westlife literally screaming "Mandy" After that shock, had to sit on laptop for an hour or so chatting to random night hawks.
Fell asleep again after putting the music channels on.
Got quite a large chunk of my tracking and alerting system done yesterday despite getting loads of crap dumped on me (no surprise there) Am not really happy with the way certain things are going at work, so i've said to Steve i'm going to make a list up and sit with him because i'm not happy. He seems amenable to that discussion, so will see what that produces.
Other than that, had a nice message from a guy called Matt who is from Peterborough but is at uni in Warwick. He seems nice enough, chatted to him online for about an hour then he had to dash off out on a date. So will no doubt catch up with him this evening.
Had my usual chats with Marcus, Adam, and other friends from round and about.
Have decided that i'm staying in this week unless someone invites me round, don't fancy going out. Saturday will hopefully be spent working on the bathroom again, and Sunday i've got Adam and Steve coming over and my new tv, dvd & video are being delivered :D
So quiet-ish week ahead, new series Nip & Tuck on Sky 1 tonight at 10, so will watch that, if its any good, set the video to record them :)
current mood:  hopeful
current music: Gareth Gates - Say it Isn't So (Radio Edit)
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