Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Mark's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Monday, January 31st, 2005
1:00 am	... I hate when epic stories end. Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth - They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 29th, 2005
11:57 am	hah $20 got me my own personalized joke -- at _my_ expense! To: me From: David @ A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage Is Irreversible Subject: Thanks for Donating to A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage Is Irreversible! Date: Fri, 28 Jan 2005 22:25:34 -0500 Dear Mr. [SURNAME DELETED], Thank you for your extravagant contribution to our comic and site. We apologize for the delay in replying, but please don't doubt that your donation helped and encouraged us. Because of you, we were finally able to buy holders for our cigarette holders. Please keep reading and take care. David [SURNAME DELETED] Artist, Webmaster A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage Is Irreversible http://www.alessonislearned.com If any web comic needed holders for their cigarette holders, it was this one. Current Mood: not working (!) Current Music: Atmosphere - Ode to the Modern Man [Lightning Blend] (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 27th, 2005
11:14 pm	heh Any time I use the phrase post hoc, ergo propter hoc, it's probably time for me to exit the debate. Either my brother fell for a conservative-pundit troll and attempted to defend it as a serious position, or I fell for a deliberate troll, brilliantly executed by my brother. Which do you think it was? Current Mood: working (!) Current Music: Atmosphere - Vampires (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
5:04 am	this is not an experiment with form and this is not clever Remember how, as a child, you could stare for hours at a yellow dandelion growing out of a crack in the sidewalk? Lately, the word escape has dominated my thoughts. Well, not so much "lately" as "for years now". My recent dreams have been too clear. Each morning, when I wake up, I'm not sure that I was really dreaming at all. The dream is always there, somewhere within each waking moment, hiding just beneath the surface. The dream moves, and when it stirs as I sit here in the dark, I can't shake the feeling that I'm somewhere else entirely, maybe asleep on a subway. Every day is tainted by this feeling of being elsewhere. The night feels like I'm returning to a childhood home. What if you were to suddenly open your eyes and find yourself back on a summer playground of your childhood? Back on the subway, a muscle in my leg is twitching while I'm asleep. I can feel it, even here at the keyboard. The sense of motion in the subway dream reinforces this constant waking feeling that's been hanging over me. There isn't a good word for it, but if there were, the word would be departure. Not escape. The constant dreaming has left me haunted by the memory of someone that I never knew; I ache from the loss of something that I never had to begin with. Thinking about the dreams now, I remember faces and voices and the sensation of another person's skin beneath my fingertips. I can almost smell her hair. What is this thing that I'm beginning to recall? Imagine realizing that your entire adult life has been nothing but a daydream, a fantasy that unfolded as you stared too deep into that yellow flower. I close my eyes and stare into the afterimages of vision, seeking form and shape within my private darkness. There are whispers at the edge of hearing, too many talking over each other to make out, so that there are no words, but simply a sensation of language. I concentrate on the afterimages, until their original shapes fade, and I can discern a tendril'd sphere in the center of my vision. I look deeper into the sphere, and more details begin to reveal themselves. A thin stem emerging from the bottom of the sphere makes it resemble the photo-negative image of... A dandelion? What would you do differently this time? Current Mood: lost Current Music: Deck Master D - Wrath of Dingo (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
4:22 pm	respect the beanie I've been photographed wearing it. That's not going to end well. Wiz Earendil: I got the 5 2005 state quarters Wiz Lonewolf: I got indigestion Wiz Beldin: I got a propeller beanie! Wiz Belegur: YAY PEPTOBISMAL! Wiz Belegur: did you pay more than $1.25, Earendil? Wiz Beldin flies headfirst into the world's smallest skyscraper, sparking a day of county-wide mourning. Wiz News Anchor: Ever since 1/19, county residents have felt more unified than ever before. Wiz Belegur: Mission Accomplished! Wiz Beldin: Months later, the county sheriff's office will use this incident as an excuse to invade a nearby doughnut shop, in a campaign that would come to be described as "Shock, Awe, and a Bear Claw." Wiz Beldin flexes his muscles. Wiz Beldin: You might not think it's funny now, but in a month or two you're going to wake up laughing hysterically and have no idea why. Current Mood: amused Current Music: P.O.S - Duct Tape (Comment on this)
9:08 am	sheesh It's funny what a difference a month can make. I might be more excited about the forthcoming Sims record than I am about A Healthy Distrust. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: P.O.S / Sims - Lifetime...Kid Dynamite (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
3:56 pm	yeah, I know but I'm asking anyway. Today at lunch, the guy who brought our food said the following: Can I get you anything else? A bottle of tequila? A couple of horses? It could be a whole new day, fellas. Why was this such a heartening thing to hear? Current Mood: foul Current Music: Atmosphere - Cats Van Bags (10 Comments |Comment on this)
2:52 am	an update no messages included. Music: Atmosphere is now done playing a shitload of shows at the Seventh Street Entry, in support of the Headshots: Se7en re-release. I haven't gotten to listen to the re-release yet, because Elise absconded from the show with the CD still in her purse. Her coat is in the back of my car, as well. I saw the show last Friday night, attending with John, Elise, and Sam. The opening acts were DeeJayBird, The Swiss Army, P.O.S. of Doomtree, and Musab. DeeJayBird didn't get a spot on the stage, instead spinning between acts from a table set up just outside the engineer's booth. The Swiss Army was a rock band, consisting of a bass player, a drummer, and two guitarists. Vocalist duties traded between various members, with the bass player getting the bulk of the solo vocals, and the guitar players splitting time equally between backup vocals and lead vocals of their own. They had a good sound and, given that I hadn't heard them before, I enjoyed their performance. P.O.S. was up next, and although he seemed to be having a bit of an off night (voice problems, and an uncle that had recently died in a car accident), he made his usual attempt at stealing the show. mistoffo says that P.O.S. succeeded in this regard; I'm not so sure I agree, but I can see why John would feel that way. Musab (aka Beyond, aka General Woundwort of The Dynospectrum) was the last opening act of the evening. I don't have much nice to say about his performance. He hasn't grown much as a rapper in the last two or three years, and it really annoyed me that he used recorded vocals to back him up during the chorus, especially given that he brought his own DJ and had extra live mics on-stage throughout his performance. I also wish he hadn't thrown his shirt into the audience. Atmosphere was a unique experience for me. This was my fifth time seeing them live, and it constituted a major change in the lineup. Slug had no hype-man, and replaced Mr. Dibbs with a four-piece band -- drums, guitar, bass, keyboard. The guitar player did some backing vocals, but it was all singing/screaming. The entire set was a re-interpretation of existing material, going back eleven years. Highlights for me were Shrapnel (greatly benefiting from the absence of a weird break two thirds of the way through the song) a new second verse for Scapegoat, and the first of his two new (to me, anyway) songs for the evening. I don't really have a lot to say about the changes in the music, though; it was all really good, and I just don't much want to talk about it other than that. I'm not sure how well the act would have worked on a larger stage, and I honestly feel like it's an ideal small-club act. If Slug decides not to take the band on a larger tour, I strongly suspect that we're going to see a live DVD/album constructed from recordings these eight shows. It almost wouldn't make sense not to do it, given so many different chances to get everything right. Mostly this show has left me looking forward to new music from Atmosphere (even a live album with the new verses I heard on Friday night). It's a shame, though; Rhymesayers doesn't like to crowd together too many releases from a single artist, so excluding some oddball shit like a Slug/Sage Francis collaborative project, a new release is probably twelve months off at a minimum. Such a collaboration is probably a good bet, though; both rappers are on record as being interested in the idea, and Sage's last two vinyl releases (counting the upcoming Sea Lions thing) have involved a collaboration with Slug. Who knows? If John was right about spotting Sage on an unannounced visit to Minneapolis last November, the sessions could already be in the can. Yeah, right. Work: A number of major changes have been announced over the last couple weeks of work. I changed managers last August, and I've been extremely happy with my new manager. Due to changing business needs, this new manager of mine is being promoted and moved out of the Eden Prairie office for a number of months. My old manager, still employed by Digital River, is not stepping in to fill the hole; rather, another manager in my department is expanding his responsibilities from three direct reports to around fifteen direct reports. One of my co-workers (my day-shift counterpart, the only other senior admin) put in his notice, so two or three of those direct reports are going to be new hires. Over the next three months, I'm going to be stuck in training-the-new-guy hell, filling more vacations, holidays, and off-hours maintenances than usual, and trying to increase my on-shift workload at the same time. I worked more than 60 hours last week (including a 2:00AM - 10:00AM maintenance on Sunday morning), and I've been asked to work another four to six hours this Saturday night. My (temporarily) departing manager sat me down to tell me about the changes, and told me that the main thing he wants me to do differently is solve fewer problems myself, instead giving "mentorship" to other team members and encouraging them to solve these problems for themselves. I don't have a lot to say about that, except that my help will only matter if the people I'm being asked to are open to (and capable of) A) being helped, and B) being challenged. There's a narrow road here, with too much pride on one side, and too much laziness on the other. I know -- I've spent a lot of my own career sitting on one shoulder or another of that particular road. As for setting aside problems so that others can have the experience of solving them, the problem is, of course, that to a certain extent this involves me telling people what to do when they don't work for me. Either trying to give work directly to my co-workers, or trying to "manage upwards". Both of these absolutely suck, because they potentially put me in the situation of getting glared at for doing what I was asked to do. All of this is getting further and further from the "computers for the sake of computers" philosophy around which I've tried to shape my career path. There's a worst-case scenario here that involves me getting sucked upwards into management, but it's not very likely to happen, so I don't even want to stress about it. Related news: DRIV is down about $10/share from where I should have exercised and sold my options at in December. To sell today would be like throwing away six months' pay, give or take. The share price will probably rebound, but I don't expect that to happen before my lease is up this April. which means I either need to buy a house with no down-payment, renew my lease for another year, or suck it up and move into a much cheaper rental situation. Decisions, decisions -- but time is running out. I need to notify my landlord of my intentions in about six weeks. Social life: Due to the work situations above, I missed both the Hot Drinks Party and gaming this weekend. I also expect to miss all or most of nani_san's birthday this weekend. I'm not happy about that, but I don't really think I have any hope of getting out of it. Only three or four pictures from the Atmosphere show turned out at all -- and only one of the artists (a shot of Slug standing in the crowd and rapping on a wireless mic). Basically, I found out that there's a distance limitation on my camera's built-in redeye reducer, and outside that distance, it corrupts the shot in a way that I can't use a software-based reducer to clean it up. I may post the photos tomorrow, but for now I have to try to get some sleep. UPDATE: Turns out that instead of having to work Saturday night, I have to work 11:00PM tonight instead. Like Ice Cube's dad in that one song, I'm down for whatever. Today and Saturday, yo. Current Mood: not at all tired Current Music: Illogic - Favorite Things (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 1st, 2005
6:29 am	I'm choosing my words carefully today or: reflections of a post-cynic Judging from LiveJournal entries tonight, it seems like a lot of my friends have had a pretty bad year. As for me, I don't think any year that saw one of my best friends buried can be described as a good year, but I'm still walking away from 2004 with a glowing "it could have been worse." ... On the "could be worse" tip, I have a lot to say about the accident, but I don't trust hypertext as a clear means to communicate my feelings. A couple of random thoughts that I hope will not be misinterpreted: - As sad as I am to have lost one friend, I'm mostly grateful that we didn't lose four. - In my eyes, of the four people in that car, the one we lost is the one who would have had the hardest time walking away from that night, had we lost somebody else in his place. And one thought that I'm sure will be misinterpreted: - I wish I could shake the feeling that at least half the people in my life are waiting for some kind of extra-normal permission to be happy again. ... This last year saw the first consecutive twelve months of my life where I have lived alone. This is definitely a mixed blessing. When I moved into this apartment three and a half years ago, I wasn't really expecting to still be single, and I definitely wasn't expecting to still be here without a roommate. That being said, apartment-wise, this last year has been the most absolutely bullshit-free living experience of my life. I think that the past bullshit is more a statement about me than it is a statement about any of my past roommates. That's why, as I sit here writing this, I find myself truly ambivalent about whether or not I want to start living with friends again this spring. ... 2004 was a very good year for me money-wise. Most of my friends spent it broke as fuck, and although I was in a position to pay for a lot of meals, I wasn't in a position to help any of my friends to improve their own situations. ... 2004 is also the first year in a very long time that I've celebrated the end of the year alone. I bailed on Sam, and then I separately bailed on Tyler. The truth is that I would have been perfectly happy sharing a bottle of wine with the two of them, but today I just didn't feel like spending any time with people outside of my inner circle. I should point out that I'm perfectly happy to have spent the evening alone. I don't feel like I missed out on anything, and I don't feel like I had any obligation to do something that I didn't want to do today. ... I regret nothing. I have much more to celebrate than I have to mourn. Is there any other yardstick that I should use to decide whether or not the last year of my life was a good one? Fuck it. Maybe I've been waiting for permission, too. I would like to revise my original statement about the year. When we ask "was this year a good one?" we're not asking ourselves if the year was good or bad, we're asking ourselves if we're happy with the way our lives have changed over the last year. The changing digits are just an excuse to reflect. When I think about my life over recent months, I am reminded of the end of Black Coffee Blues, when Henry Rollins said: "The night is here and I'm playing Sonny Rollins and John Coltrane. It's getting better by degrees." You said it, brother. Current Mood: reflective Current Music: Madlib - Slim's Return (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
7:15 pm	yeah, this is bullshit the problem with anyone being allowed to vote is that everybody is allowed to vote 44 percent of Americans need to be bitchslapped. One of these days, one of these polls isn't going to be a poll, but a referendum, and on that day I'm going to have to think seriously about whether or not it's time to stop being a Good German. Current Mood: angry Current Music: Sage Francis - Slow Down Gandhi (Losaka Mix) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
1:02 am	this bothers me and it really, really shouldn't I ran across the Audioactive Sequence today, as it was one of the problems mentioned in the tongue-in-cheek Google Labs Aptitude Test. I programmed a quick pike script to generate the sequence, mostly as a way to practice pike, and then googled the subject out of curiousity. I ran into this page, which among other things asks whether the substring '333' will ever appear within one of the sequence's iterations. The page doesn't actually answer the question, instead showing a small program which hunts for the string in successive iterations. The nature of this sequence makes that an impractical means of searching for the string, and the page's author never gives a proof one way or the other. I don't know, maybe the "hunt for 333s" program was more relevant to the course material than an answer to the question of whether or not any will be found. I have a relatively trivial proof that none exist, and it really bothers me that this page doesn't mention it. As usual, I need better context. Or, I need to reboot myself. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Atmosphere - Los Angeles (Comment on this)
Monday, December 27th, 2004
5:17 pm	wow, that was a bad pun ... and it's entirely possible that nobody got it. Wiz[lpc] Repo: I find it odd that some people who use vi don't get ed. It's not all that different from ex... Wiz[lpc] Beldin: most people who use vi don't get ex, either. Wiz[lpc] Oak: i don't get vi. Wiz[lpc] Oak: i've tried it and it make me puke. Wiz[lpc] Oak: those that like vi are wired differently than myself. Wiz[lpc] Beldin: ex made me grind my teeth. Wiz[lpc] Beldin goes 'har har.' Current Mood: leaving work Current Music: nothing (!) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 25th, 2004
2:28 am	I'm not afraid to ruin Christmas at least, not if there's a chance it could go the other way, Random notes: 1. I liked being in a relationship, and I'm not on some "never again" shit, but (the occasional crush aside) I think I'm about as well-suited to my circumstantial celibacy as jamesbean is ill-suited to his. One of the many interesting concepts mentioned in Bruce Sterling's writing (notably his short story collection A Good Old-Fashioned Future) is antilibidinals -- that is, medication to suppress sex drive. In one story, Sterling describes the life of a young man using an antilibidinal, and (dystopic interstitial living aside), I was struck by how similar the scene felt to my own life in some ways. 2. I saw Ocean's Twelve today, and spent the rest of the day wondering what film it reminded me of. It turned out to be The Great Muppet Caper. 3. I now own an iPod. Please don't mug me. Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Haunted" by Poe (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
12:40 pm	high art on the NannyMUD wizline And, as is usual with high art, I am a reluctant observer. Wiz Oak: I think I'll make this download international! Wiz Yaleah gasps in astonishment and faints. Wiz Oak selects the Japanese mirror! Wiz Yaleah: That's something that doesn't happen every day Wiz Oak: yeah, that's right! I'm spiting the NY mirror! Wiz Drechbrel: Oh, Oak selects Japanese mirrors more often than you think. Wiz Oak: Japanese electrons are smaller and better engineered! Wiz Oak winks suggestively at Drechbrel. Wiz Oak: only when the German mirrors are overloaded! Wiz Oak: damn! getting 222KB/sec! Wiz Oak: see! I told you the electrons were smaller, hence they go faster! Wiz Yaleah: Optimizing your porn traffic? Wiz Darkblood grins evilly at Yaleah. Wiz Oak: that's phase II. Wiz Yaleah: Phase I, collect underpants; phase II, download porn Wiz Oak: whoah whoah whoah, you did not read the specs for Phase I very closely. Wiz Oak: _remove_ underpants. Wiz Oak: you do not collect! Wiz Yaleah goes 'ah' and understands now. Wiz Oak: crayzeeeee! Wiz Yaleah: I see you're thinking outside the box. Wiz Oak: that's how I gets it done! Wiz Repo ers. Wiz Brom: Oak, have you been eating sugars again? Wiz Repo: Isn't he married? Wiz Oak: no. Wiz Oak: you can ask me -- I'M RIGHT HERE. Wiz Oak: "Oak, aren't you married?" Wiz Oak: Oak says: screw you! I'm not answering your filthy questions! Wiz Brom: Oak, aren't you married? Wiz Oak: see above. Wiz Oak: yes, I am married. Wiz Brom smiles happily. Wiz Oak: which reminds me, I should pick up flowers today. Wiz Brom: Married bliss! Wiz Repo: Then he should only be eating Honey, shouldn't he. Wiz Oak: because when my wife finds out about Phase I and Phase II, I'll need all the help I can get. Wiz Brom: I'mm idle for dinner. Wiz Oak: If experience has taught me anything, it's that flowers help when the phases are found out. Wiz Yaleah: What's Phase III? Wiz Oak: youdontwannaknow. Wiz Oak: it involves parkas and keyboard membranes. Wiz Yaleah: Aha. Do the flowers for the wife come before or after that? Wiz Oak beams Maybe I think this is funny because I've been eating sugars again. Current Mood: amused Current Music: "Old Days Architecture" by Sixtoo (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 19th, 2004
5:40 pm	a chess revelation No, really. Queen-side castling is never a good move, except for when it is. Current Mood: dirty Current Music: "Sour Times" by Portishead (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
10:07 pm	at this point, the only rule that makes any sense is "the stranger, the better" But I'm not sure how much better things can possibly get. Three things: 1. Contrition has gotten me out of some hot water, but forgiveness is what makes me free. 2. My first week back on days has been frantic. Next week will be much better. 3. In a world of electronic speech recognition and natural language parsing, glossolalia will become a hacker skill. I can't wait to see what happens next. Current Mood: full of wonder Current Music: "The Strange Famous Mullet Remover" by Sage Francis (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 11th, 2004
9:53 pm	ATTENTION INTERNET I do not need to buy a watch. Thank you. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: "Tenfold" by Dynospectrum (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
10:05 am	every once in a while, the truth is absolute But usually, the truth is just the thing that you can't explain away. The clock is ticking. This is how I know I'm still alive. Current Mood: rushed / contented Current Music: "Sound Is Vibration" by Atmosphere - Musicmatch Jukebox (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
1:24 pm	from the tail of my status report today The nanny-file is ~beldin/obj/armband, if any of you wizzies want another autoloader. Thaadd, mudmail me if you want it on your mortal. > exa beldin Beldin is on vacation (adrift in a sea of rum and paper umbrellas) He is wearing a black arm-band that reads: RIP KDO. Beldin is carrying: A rod of ruling. > quit Connection closed by foreign host. I do rule, too. The rod says so. Current Mood: off the night shift! Current Music: "Slow Down Gandhi (Reanimator Remix)" by Sage Francis (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 29th, 2004
1:04 pm	old and busted: a TV preacher saying "Jesus, let this poor woman walk again!" ... just before he slaps the paid actress in the forehead, cueing her to get out of the wheelchair. Slashdot linked to an article about how stem cells taken from umbilical cord blood were used in a theraputic treatment that allowed a woman who had been paralyzed for nineteen years to walk again.. Predictably, the Slashdot comment thread quickly erupted into a debate about research using embryonic stem cells. Now, I'm not particularly interested in that discussion. The only reason that there's a debate about the use of embryonic stem cells is because it allows politicians to engage in all the ideological hand-wringing of the abortion issue without actually having to touch the tar-baby itself. I'm just glad that we're slowly starting to move from the "magic" side of Clarke's Third Law to the "sufficiently advanced technology" side. I can't wait to see what we can do once we've gotten past the "cool hack" stage, and mastered the underlying science. ... Two days of work left, and then my vacation starts. ... (edit:) A little less than a year ago, I went through every entry in higoldfish's journal, and posted a single comment in each entry, characterizing it as either "wheat" or "chaff". Quite a while ago, my brother suggested that I sometimes do things out of a desire to cause conflict. This act of mine (coupled with the fact that I explicitly pointed the journal out to beldurnik), is quite possibly the single best piece of evidence that anyone could provide to support Eric's argument. I also think that the journal died, in part, because of my actions; it's something of a point of pride for me that I took part in a genuine Internet Murder. I was thinking of this today because I was browsing the other journals that link either "The Dynospectrum" or "Dynospectrum" as an interest, and mentally deciding which journals would get stamped as "wheat", and which would get stamped as "chaff". My mind drifted, and I thought it would be an interesting project to go through all 150 of my interests, and take a random sampling of journals that share those interests, "grading" each journal on the basis of 10 entries (first three, last three, four randomly-selected), and then ordering the interests on the basis of those quality grades -- and dropping all but the top 10% of the resulting set from my own interests list. Ultimately, I'd need to wrap the whole thing in an interface similar to the various "rate this <whatever>" sites on the Internet; this rating interface would be an excellent time-waster. I hate the way my mind works when I'm rotated onto night shifts. (end edit.) Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: "Armor" by Dynospectrum (3 Comments |Comment on this)