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Chloey's Journal
Pearls and swine bereft of me
Long and weary my road has been
I was lost in the cities
Alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for leaving I feel
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
Friends and liars don't wait for me
I'll get on all by myself
I put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you I feel
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightning
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night
"I Am the Highway" by Audioslave
Current mood:
listless.
Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
We all begin with good intent
When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear
I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I though were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one misstep one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
I messed up
Better I should know
Don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
Fallen by Sarah McLachlan
In this moment, I know my pain is universal. I want to reconnect with the human race. I want to find the tools to survive/beat/laugh off the pain. I want to understand the truth. I want to be able to see and feel it. I appreciate dearly those who tried to help me. For those who turned their heads and would have let me drown, well, I pray they never have to feel the desolation of people you love casting you off like garbage.
Current mood:
contemplative.Current music: Sarah Mclachlan.
I usually do not intentionally do harm. There are some occasions when things that I think or feel will hurt someone else. I generally try to keep them from blatantly hurting someone if I can do so without lying. However, sometimes I make mistakes. It seems like most of my mistakes lately have to do with technology. That doesn't surprise me so much because that is the opposite of who I am. You try using a tiny keyboard when you have giant tiger paws, and you will know how I feel most of the time with this stuff. I can't change things that have happened, and I can't make things that I have thought or felt not be true, but I never like causing pain. This is the one, and perhaps only, time that I will send out a general good will apology to those who I have hurt through my social or technological clumsiness.
Current mood:
uncomfortable.
I've had enough.
Good bye and good luck to some of you.
I'll see some of you around.
Some of you I still carry in my heart.
Current mood:
stressed.Current music: Sarah McLachlan.
I don't know what sucks more. Being a teenager or young adult and still believing in pipe dreams being led on like a donkey chasing a carrot. Or, being an adult and knowing dreams don't really exist. The angst of waiting for something that will never come is no longer there, but there is a permanent sadness about the loss of innocent joy. I think being an adult is recognizing that the sadness will always be with you and the best you can hope for is to shove it to the background by pursuing things you enjoy...real things, not dreams.
Current mood:
calm.
If you were born again, would you be a step closer to nirvana or a step farther away?
Current mood:
melancholy.
Blue is the color of intelligence and
faithfulness, but also of infinity and dreams.
Periwinkles represent friendship, memory
and gratefulness. You must be a very clever
person, a little clumsy or shy, and inspite of
your intellect, you are very dreamy.
What flower - color association are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Current mood:
amused.
Describe your...
wallet: marbled, brown leather with plenty of compartments for all of my financial and memory device needs
jewelry worn daily: none
shoes: either white with blue trim Nikes or close toed, brown leather, slip on sandals, size 8
talking to: no one
eating: nothing, contemplating cereal or waffles
drinking: nothing, contemplating hot tea (Earl Grey) or coke or orange juice
Last person who...
you went to the movies with: Robert
you went to the mall with: Tona, Becky
yelled at you: haven't been yelled at in a long time, tense moment probably Robert or a customer
Have you ever...
said "I love you" and meant it: yes
gotten in a fight: yes
been to New York: yes
been to Florida: yes
been to California: yes
been to Hawaii: no
been to China: no
been to Canada: yes
got a really bad feeling about something then it happened: yes
wished you were the opposite sex: yes
had an imaginary friend: yes
red or blue: blue
santa or rudolph: rudolph
math or english: english
spell your first name backwards: netsrik
story behind your live journal user name: Chloey is my mother's, formerly my, cat. I used to be a more suitable name, but I changed it because I never wanted to talk to my ex boyfriend again. I have just never changed it back. I picked Chloey because she is female and feline, but not obviously, so she sticks to my trend.
something you are looking forward to in the upcoming months: getting out of debt and maybe getting a new apartment
something you are deathly afraid of: sharks, falling
anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time: several, almost everyone I love lives out of state.
what type of automobile do you drive: '91 Toyota Camry, silver
what type of automobile do you wish to drive: don't care but would prefer something new, functional, economical and somewhat attractive
would you rather be with friends or on a date: depends on my mood and if I loved the man I was with
what are you going to do after you finish this survey: get ready for the day
what was the last food you ate: steak
high school or college: college
are you bored: sometimes, on the borderline now
how many buddies are on: don't know, don't use IM
what was the last movie you saw: Bridget Jones' Diary
what was the last noise you heard: sniffing from the other room
when was the last time you went out of state: last january or february, I think, to Georgia to see my grandfather after his congestive heart failure, my grandmother and father
what book are you reading now: Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
what's on your mouse pad: water droplets
what's your favorite board game: I don't know, I really love games and don't get to play them nearly enough, maybe trivial pursuit or cranium
what's the worst feeling in the world: toss up between heartbreak and guilt
how many rings before you answer: depends where I am and what I am doing, answering machine picks up in four
future daughter's name: Lorrellea Evelyn, maybe Lorelei or Lorrelei
future son's name: Michael Demian, not as sure about that one
do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no
hair color: dirty blonde
eye color: greenish, greyish blue
height currently: 5'6 1/2"
college plans: would like to go back at least leisurely, have considered med school or library science in the last year or so
are you happy with your life: no, but I am coming to grips with it
do you believe in love: I believe it exists but I don't think it will save you
do you believe in soul mates: sort of, not in a marriage way but there are people who seem to bond almost instantly, I haven't found one for me
do you believe in love at first sight: yes but I don't have faith that it will last
do you believe in forgiveness: less and less over time, but I think I would be happier if I did
In the last 24 hours, have you...
cried: no
bought something: yes, two lunches at Chili's
gotten sick: no
sang: yes, to myself
eaten: yes
been kissed: no
felt stupid: amazingly, no
wanted to tell someone you loved them but didn't: yes
met someone new: no
moved on: no
talked to an ex: yes
talked to someone you have a crush on: no
had a serious talk: yes
hugged someone: yes
fought with your parents: no
dreamed about someone you can't be with: yes
Social life...
boyfriend/girlfriend: no
where is the best hangout: with friends wherever they are
do you have a job: yes, training supervisor at Borders Books and Music
do you like being around people: it depends on my mood and who they are
ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: yes
rather be dumper or dumped: dumper
rather have a relationship or a hookup: don't know anymore, I guess relationship
want someone you don't have right now: yes and no
ever liked your best girl friend: um, don't think so
do you want to get married: don't know anymore, used to
do you want kids: yes, a little girl
do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: no
what is your favorite part of your physical appearance: eyes
what is your favorite part of your emotional being: insight
Current mood:
contemplative.
Created by spyndakitrose and taken 15294 times on bzoink! | |
| Abortion? | until it is born the featus if part of the woman's body, she should be able to do what she pleases with her body |
| Death Penalty? | yes if they significantly decrease the delay between sentencing and execution |
| Prostitution? | sure, regulate for communicable diseases |
| Alcohol? | yes |
| Marijuana? | leagalize it |
| Other drugs? | leagalize, there are other laws that cover distructive behavior, people should be able to do to their bodies as they please |
| Gay marriage? | nobody's business but theirs, all people should be treated equally under the laws, separation of church and state |
| Illegal immigrants? | let them come, require everyone who works here to pay taxes, everyone who is here is responsible for the well being of the nation |
| Smoking? | only in the privacy of your own home, my breathing clean air doesn't impair your breathing, find a new hobby |
| Drunk driving? | there are other laws that cover this, reckless driving, increase penalties on all crimes that cause other people harm |
| Cloning? | go for it but realize those are unique individuals, nature versus nurture will guarantee differences every time |
| Racism? | get over it, judge people by what they do, we all came from the same place |
| Premarital sex? | natural, marriage is the thing humans have imposed |
| Religion? | do what you want but do not inhibit other people's rights, including expecting subsudies from a government we all pay for |
| The war in Iraq? | political maneuvering, should have tried other means more adamantly, however we are there should rebuild and bring troops home safely |
| Bush? | self serving, inconsiderate, short sighted, a sign of dark ages to come |
| Downloading music? | I do think creations are private property but I don't think it's regulateable. roommate suggests perhaps artists charge prerelease and don't product new stuff until have fund |
| The legal drinking age? | drop it, judge people by their behavior, it's the parents' responsibility to teach their children right from wrong, not the government |
| Porn? | whatever as long as parties filmed consent |
| Suicide? | individual's choice, their body |
Current mood:
irritated.
When I turn 33 in January, I want to have a Bridget Jones birthday party. I will provide blue soup, omelettes and something that is almost orange parfait. The guest list will include only those who love me just as I am. And, if Colin Firth and Hugh Grant stop by, well, I won't complain. :)
Here are a couple of my warm fuzzies...
I love Bridget Jones and Sex and the City because they make me feel normal and good about being a woman.
I love Jude Law, Johnny Depp and Colin Firth because they make sight that much more pleasurable.
I love Chris Cornell, Bono and Maynard because their voices feel like eating icing straight out of the tub while being wrapped naked in velvet, silk and fur.
I love Jon Stewart because he helps me laugh through the pain of politics, and he's pretty nice to look at too. :)
Current mood:
chipper.Current music: All By Myself by Celine Dion.