[	Current Mood	|	excited	]
[	Current Music	|	j-kwon-tipsy	]

I like this song way too much.

What a crazy ass weekend. I know I say that about all of my weekends, but last night around midnight I decided a spontaneous trip to Kalamazoo with THE BOYS + Rach would be a good time.
And, damn, it was indeed a good time. Hellooo WMU.
There we were, rollin' 4 deep in a Cherokee, goin' 90 mph between Lansing and K-zoo, passin', listening to old school rap.
'I never thought I would be here. Here with you, in the back of Alex's car, getting high, going to Kalamazoo...This isn't real to me' -Josh
I don't think I've ever been that close to dying. But at the time it really didn't matter.
I am a dumbass.

buttarcf: we all say JAMMMMMMM

Got up to WMU. Had some issues with depth perception. Nearly died laughing. Ate a bit too much. Made some interesting phone calls.
I kept dancing around the bathroom. I think that was extra exciting for me because it was the MEN's bathroom, so I was being rebellious.
Eh, whatever. I made Josh laugh. I kept eating cookies.
Matt drove me home at 7 this morning. That actually wasn't so bad, despite the weather, the fact he'd been up all night playing euchre, and his "state of mind". Right before we left Eric got up in my face and kept screaming 'YOU'RE GONNA DIE!'
I am a dumbass.
But last night was good. Really good.

I wanna get up to CMU this weekend, but it's that or go scout out Groves boys with Molla at the Forensics tournament.
DECISIONS! GEEZ!

I'd better glaze over the rest of my weekend.
Friday after work, I decided Cassie needed a call. She and Kevin just broke up (after a year, and x months...I have no idea), and then the Cassmasta wasn't in school for two days. Who worries about her friends? This girl.
AND YES I DO CALL MY FRIENDS UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES, WENCH!
So, I went over therre, watching Will & Grace and hung out with her mom, and then we chilled at Dennys with Devin, Bri, and Rach. She chain-smoked and ate fried food and I kept my mouth shut.
We talked about the good old times. Kyle falling asleep in his driveway, Matt lighting my homecoming shoe on fire (I'm over it), Eric ruining 'The Godfather II', moshing to Mariah Carey Christmas songs in Lando's living room...
I think it made Cassie feel better. I worry about her.
I love Mrs. Sarkesian. She kept hugging me and complaining about how 'I've stayed away too long'. Aw, man. I'm so loved.
Then, we did other stuff.

The end.

Saturday I went to the docta, shopped with my Mahja, and then eventually ended up at the Einstein Bagels at 6 mile and Haggerty drooling over one of the most beatiful men I've ever seen.
Maybe 6'3", lt. brown hair, light eyes, on the skinnier side but still defined, glasses, big beautiful lips...and he was wearing Abercrombie jeans with one of the back pockets ripped. I have a soft spot for that.
He kept smiling at me.
Out came aggressive Becca, and after I paid him I leaned over the counter and told him he was 'totally cute'.
When hitting on someone, act like you have half a brain. It works.
'Mom, I'm in love with that guy'
'Well, go work your magic. You know how to get what you want.'
Sure enough, his name is Steve. Senior at CC. He asked for my number.
HUZZAAAAAH!
2 minutes later, while filling up my gas tank with Mommy's money, I was doing a full song & dance around the Mobil.
'What boys will do...'-Mommy

I hung out with Cass, Bri, & Rach for a while after that. Then, being whipped, I ended up at the Amazin' Blue-Dischords-other people concert down in Ann Arbor.
I think I was still completely in over-aggressive mode. I need to stop with the confidence.
Amazin' Blue sang 'Angel'...aka: my favorite song of all time. I had tears in my eyes. It was incredible.
Bri & Rach came with me. We left at 'half-time'. Got milkshakes, tried to figure out how to make a bong out of my marshmallow shooter.
'DUDE! I FOUND A SHOTTY!'

Yes, and Steve just called me. I now must go call him back, and woo him with my charm. I am beaming.


Everybody get yo' roll on.

[	Current Mood	|	embarrassed	]
[	Current Music	|	kelis-milkshake	]

I just officially decided that SylviaAmsterdam will become my new screen name. Add me. IM me. Love me.

Crazy crazy day. One hell of an emotional rollercoaster.

Hoffman walked into AP English all dressed up. I guess he had to go straight to some interview after school for a summer job. Something that probably pays $37894732 an hour. He's such a baller. I hate him.
He looked like melting ice cream, or something equally as yummy.
SWEET JESUS. THIS IS HOFFMAN!
I catch myself thinking these things and then I remind myself that I'm thinking about Eric Hoffman, and I seriously question my sanity. Everyone is wondering what's wrong with me.
When he walked in halfway through the hour, he decided to sit right behind me to look over at my book. Not anyone else. ME. I could smell him too. He smelled like wonderful.
I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM
I guess he and Molly were discussing my 'condescending nature'. I'm glad we treat each other like shit.
He reminded me the other day that he still owes me a dinner at J Alexanders. Bastard. He's going to force me to order the chocolate cake. He said so.

Dan Magee is such a fun kid.
'Dan, what's wrong with your book?'
'It was born that way!'
He's not going to prom because he doesn't agree with the massive orgy that goes down on the dance floor. I'm all about the orgy, thank you.
I'm all about analyzing poetry with my AP English boys + Molly. I also like trying to find Jesus and sex in every poem. Fun shit.

Mid-Chambers the room went pitch black. A nice lil power outage to spice up my school day. We decided to ignore the chaos going down out in the halls and spent 2 hours locked in our little choir room singing with candles scattered about the room. It was so nice, making music that way.

After finally being set free, Molly and I headed out to Cinderella's Closet-bridal store-the mall in search of the perfect prom dress.
I am the pickiest person alive. I want black, but simple sophistocated black without lace and flowers and 9 million beads all over the place. I want to wear my hair down in big huge curls, and I want 4 inch heels so I can really be power super-model 'Bow down and kiss my feet, you inferior insect'.
I have issues, yes.
I found a couple ok things. I will continue the search.

I'm also seriously considering asking Ruben. He's the ultimate accessory. I always have fun with him, he can fit into any crowd, he can dance, and he looks beautiful in a tux.
I also want to see the faces of certain ex-girlfriends when...
Nevermind.

Time to go sing.

'Damn right it's better than yours'

[	Current Mood	|	calm	]
[	Current Music	|	luscious jackson-naked eye	]

Aw man. I felt it was time for a change. VOILA!
Oh snap.
So, today, many a thing happened, as is normal for most fun-filled days of Becca...

'What's with you today? Yesterday you were normal and today you're like the guy from the karate kid!'
NAME THAT MOVIE! GO!

Murphy wants me taking both AP English exams. Literature and Language.
Becca, being the foolish young lass she is, is now thinking it might be a good idea.
She looked me straight in the eye and told me that I need to be taking both. I figure a)she's a genius b)she knows my writing well enough c)I trust her completely and d)I've only got one shot, why the hell not?
4 exams, a whole lotta studying that I probably won't do, and $328 that's somehow going to appear out of nowhere?
Hey. Ho. Let's go.

My poor mother is without a job, and she says she got a $14 haircut today, as opposed to the $45 ones she usually gets. That's the ultimate sign that we're slowly sinking into poverty.
You'll soon find me living out of a refridgerator box.

'You will soon find me a grave man'
NAME THAT PLAY! GO!

All of my exams are morning exams too. Last year both of them were afternoon. This flat our sucks.
I remember going to Tim Hortons with the 'AP Euro crew' and fighting with Anne Vindershain about Henry the 8th and the succession of English kings. We got really loud. Then again, we were always loud.
Who goes to Tim Hortons at 10 AM on a Wednesday and does that?
I really really miss that class, and Mr. Evans lectures. We all sat around talking about dumbass leaders in China who would go around getting entire cities high. Those Opium Wars...yikes...

I'm seriously thinking of changing my screen name to SylviaAmsterdam.
Questions? Comments? Concerns?
I also seriously think I need to start hanging out with Erin Finn some more.
My passport just came. I look like a crack addict.
I think Marc hates me.
And I can't go to the Ben Kweller concert with Jay Peru.
But, I got a 46/50 on my math quiz, and Jenni called me to go get smoothies. All is indeed well.

'Pass me the spoon. Pass the analytical knife.'
NAME THAT SONG! GO!

'I like your voice better that way. It sounds sexy. Keep it like that. OH! Say something dirty!'-Dan Cheney
Those Hollister fumes have gotten to him.

Jetzt, mache ich meine Hausaufgaben.

'Do you remember the way we used to melt? Do you remember how it felt when I touched you?'

[	Current Mood	|	artistic	]
[	Current Music	|	alien ant farm-glow	]

I'm sure you all missed me.
This is one crazy entry.

Who the hell puts 'chode' in their LJ name?
Who the hell puts on men's clothing, plays air guitar, and then sings 'Lick My Chode'?
Who the hell names their dog Death Machine?
WHO THE HELL ARE MY FRIENDS?

We got a new computer. This thing is way too fast. Everything happens right away. It's kind of freaking me out.
The old one might go in my room. But then I might become a hermit.
Maybe I'll put it in my walk-in-closet. If I spend hours on end in my closet, then I really will feel like my life has no point. I will then go out and get a life. There. Problem solved.

Holy shit. What a weekend.
When the world hands me a wide open weekend without every second planned and organized, I go kinda crazy and forget what to do with myself.

I was with Ruben on Friday night. Being with him is completely easy and free.
I've also decided that I could probably live out of his Durango. I adore that thing. He has everything in there. Fruit snacks, a flashlight, Tylenol Cold & Sinus, Heath bites, etc.
We walked into Java Hutt and half the place knew him. Sometimes I really wish I were Jewish. Then I think I would know everyone. Oiy.

I thought about this summer a lot.
I'm trying to decide when to hit my mom with the 'Hey, Mommy. I'm 18. I don't think I should have a curfew this summer' talk...
Maybe while walking down a street in Salzburg. She'll be stress-free and relaxed. I'll make sure she's eating chocolate.
I'm too good at working that woman over.
Note to self: keep up this straight-A business, keep your bathroom clean, and stop swearing

Lizzy bought her plane ticket. She'll arrive around 4 PM on the 25th. AHHHHH!
Words cannot express how elated I am.

PROM
Dammit. Less than two months. I had best get busy.
I'm going in a burlap sack. Cheap. Covers everything. Whatever.
Now, as for a date...
For those of you who don't know, my wonderful friend David and MY SISTER are now interested in each other. They spent all weekend together. Hm
I don't know what to think. I kind of get sick thinking about it, and then I get happy when I imagine them together. More on that later.
So, prom date option #1 is off the list. If I had any other options, then maybe this wouldn't suck so much.
Maybe I can just seduce a gorgeous German boy (Katie Piper style), throw him in my suitcase, and walk into the Roostertail with foreign goods.
SHIT

Holy geez. 10 IMs. You did miss me!

Josh and I went to Starsky & Hutch on Saturday. I got a major salami sandwhich craving halfway through it. Why me? Why?
I almost peed myself when they were talking about Luxembourg.
We jammed to Jessica Simpson after that. I miss having him around.

DAMN YOU COLLEGE BOYS.
This Spring Break crap is teasing me.

Laura had her SVSU boys spend the night on Friday. I love them.
After roaming half of West Bloomfield with Ruben, I came in to watch Identity with all of them AND cuddle with Dan AND get a footrub. Oh man that was livin' the life. Dan is this big bundle of good-looking 6'4" muscle who always wants to be hugging me. I was a happy Boo.
Our entire coffee table was also completely covered with junk food. Orange slices and Slurpee and a beautiful man rubbing my feet. YUS.

Lacrosse starts tomorrow. Brian Globerman may just explode. He says he expects me at every game. I am planning on it.

I managed to get in a rather amazing fight with my father yesterday. It was really complex and beautiful actually. I wish I could record our fights.
He drives me crazy.
Then, I sang at church today and made him cry.
'I'm so proud of you...of the person that you are.'
WTF?
I just held him and tried not to cry myself.
Luckily, I think it's damn near impossible to cry when you're wearing a g-string.

Ah yes, and my voice is GONE.
I love it when I get sick and my weak-ass vocal chords pack up and hit the road. Ken calls it my 'porn star' voice.

Sorry about all of this randomness.

I spent the majority of today with my 3-year old step-niece and nephew. We did some hardcore playing. I got a plastic kiddie weed-whacker thrown at my head. Man, that was amazing. I think I have a concussion actually.
Toys these days are way too involved. I had a peg board and a stuffed mouse and that was IT for me.

D- I miss our late night phone calls, and when you came to my party and you and Henry made me laugh at 3 AM.
'Oh shit. Hide the Chex Mix'

zetsurin power: lol wesley willis is awesome
star96pixie: how do you know him?
zetsurin power: hes the greatest musical influence of the 20th century

I give up on all of you. Especially Frank.
Time to go read.

'DO IT'

[	Current Mood	|	sick	]
[	Current Music	|	10000 maniacs-because the night	]

'Mommy my throat is on FIIIIIIRRRREEE! I AM DEAD!' - Becca
'What was that thing about Most Dramatic? Huh? Come on. Get up.'-my mommy

Ok. Point taken. But I did wake up this morning in a pool of snot and my throat was (and is still) on fire. No school, dammit.
My mom went to get my medicine. After taking it I asked her what she'd given me.
Excedrin.
?????
My mother is a freaking Mensa and she gave me headache medication. Were my symtoms unclear? Was I not bitching loudly enough?
'Oh they're all the same.'
I got myself some Sudafed and 4 water bottles and locked myself in my cave.
If I don't go to Europe choir tonight, Cleveland may just kill me. I get to attempt notes above the staff with a throat like this. That alone may do me in. At least my suffering will be over.

Ok, happier things.
March 25-28, Lizzy is planning on flying up. She'll come to school AND district choir festival with me. Holy shit I'm excited. I miss her like crazy.
My only complication is that we're supposed to go see Miss Saigon on the 26th. If I can't figure out something else for her to do that night, I might have to sacrifice my ticket and let Laura bring a friend.
That would break my heart, but it's worth it for my best friend.

Enigma's score sheet came back. 5, and a remark about 'sensitive musicianship'.
All three groups I went with to S & E got a perfect score.
Sure, it was only districts, but I couldn't ask for more in my senior year.
Enigma's score means a little bit more to me since there were only 8 of us (S'nade had 12 and Onyx had 16) and Cleveland was so sure we were going to go on stage and screw the whole school over. In that group, my voice meant even more. HA!

Yesterday I told Mary that in the WLW Choir Program, there is no one I respect more than her. She told me she felt the exact same way about me. That means a lot, since I totally look up to Mary. She amazes me.
We held hands all through 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' at the ceremony for Billy.
Oh man. The guys' solo...what the hell happened?
The ceremony was sad, but I didn't cry. I had Cassie on my left weeping uncontrollably and Mary on my right clutching my arm and leaning on my shoulder. I felt like I had no heart. I actually kind of felt like some sort of pillar of strength. I guess the universe tipped upside down for a minute and was playing with my mind. Hrm.
Later on, telling my dad about the whole thing, I did break down. It finally got to me, and I did cry.
I guess the whole thing really does make you reflect on how precious every day is. I told Cassie that if she ever got cancer I'd kick her ass. She let out a massive wail and got tears all over me. I held her tightly. Maybe I will make a good mom.

I appreciate each and every one one of you. I love you guys. Don't ever forget that. EVER.
And no cancer. Nope. Not allowed.

I am now Jake's icon. Flattering, but a little scary at the same time. At least it's a picture of me from back in the day when I was semi-cute and not the man I am now.
www.e-thug.net There are no words to describe it.

The Paris Hilton shirt was a hit. Thanks Erin.

Ok, shower tizzle.

'Love is an angel disguised as lust'

[	Current Mood	|	silly	]
[	Current Music	|	madonna-secret	]

Becca's Words of Wisdom
(and I've made it this far being this crazy...so at least read this and get a good laugh out of it)

I believe that you should always listen to your heart, even if your head is screaming other things at you.
Ignore it.
Let impulse lead you.
Perhaps it will get you in trouble, but you'll be doing what you really want to. In your heart is where you'll find peace. Your head's all muddled with logic and reason and other practical things that don't pay any attention to your desires.
Yes, perhaps you'll feel safe, but if you listen to your head, you'll always wonder 'What if...'. That's worse than ANY form of ancient Chinese torture. That eats away at you from the inside.
Distance, religion, age, the color of your skin, crazy authoritarian (is that right?) parents, does it matter?
NO! GO! BE HAPPY! KISS THEM! BE WITH THEM!
It will be even more exciting because the world is trying to pull you apart, ya know?
Just as long as nothing in your life resembles ANYTHING Shakespearean, give it a go and hang on.

Asia's LJ in some weird way inspired that rant.


That is the way I live. Sure, my love life is altogether a train wreck, but it's been fun. I promise.

THE END

Cassie and I both bought American Eagle guys aviator sunglasses this weekend. Hers are not quite as aviator as mine, but they're still geeky as hell. We walked around all day with poker faces, some major fake swaggering, and our head cocked slightly to the side. It was great.
One can only swagger SO well in $12 Target clogs, ya know?
I told her we're calling it 'putting on THE LAW' because we look like hard ass cops. We actually look like we're stoned.
Whatever. We're Starsky & Hutch, bizzle.
In AP Gov Eric Hinkley (who maybe has said 3 words to me all through high school) goes 'You look totally hot in those. Yeaaa (thumbs up)' and then nodded.
Ken wore them with his fluorescent orange Sherpa hat (+rabbit fur, that my sister bitched about all hour) that I think has now attached itself to his head becaue he never takes it off.
Ah, my friends make life interesting. And scary.

Cowboy hat + aviators + my new 'Paris Hilton is my hero' tee + and an Abercrombie mini = COME ON SUMMER! BRING IT!

Erin Finn completed my shirt. It's so kickass. I love the girl. The picture is totally skanky, and it's red so I can totally pull out my little red ribbon.
Everyone order one. They're quality. I almost am excited to go to school just to shock the masses.

'You think the Oxford English Dictionary has bootylicious in it?'-Marla

Phil-Bree, would you by any chance know where I can buy a full suit of armor?
Bree-No, Phil, I do not
Jake-How 'bout Salvation Army? Pick one up for $7!

Holy AP English test from hell. One poem about a boner, the other about war, and the first one...I honestly had no idea what I was doing. The ignorance of humanity maybe? Forgetting? Yo pista?
E.E. Cummings was a cool guy, just not when you have his poetry being rammed down your throat with 5 minutes left to the bell.

star96pixie: i'm over hoffman
RoxyK211: why
RoxyK211: this was so fun
star96pixie: making fun of me about him?
RoxyK211: no thinking of what kind of freak prodigy children with three arms you would have

School-graduation thingy-work-S'nade
If I weren't busy I think I would just be lost. Metaphorically and literally.
Now, I do some DBQ reading.

'Don't get too close. I'll lose myself in you'

[	Current Mood	|	confused	]
[	Current Music	|	loreena mckennit-marco polo	]

This CD gets me going.
Loreena Mckennitt's 'Book of Secrets'. These songs make me feel ethereal.
You turn up the bass all the way, close your eyes, and see what your body does.
It's a form of meditation for me.

THE THREE PARTS OF ME
My music
My studies
My relationships

I decided to mentally rank them.
When am I my happiest?
I crossed off 'my relationships'.
I crossed off 'my studies'.
...

I realized that I was left with the most intimate relationship I have, and the one thing that I've committed myself to studying the most.
When you're born with music running through your veins, it also dominates your soul. I am a song.

Shouldn't one assume that they should make a living out of the one thing that they love the most?

[	Current Mood	|	awake	]
[	Current Music	|	annie lennox-walking on broken glass	]

Life is good. It really is.

Tonight I was planning on...
-hanging out with Cassie, perhaps going to a hockey game
-maybe stopping by and seeing Josh for awhile (WMU is on break, finally) calling up 'THE BOYS', checking to see if they're all moved into their new apartment, and if so, stopping by
-eventually ending up doing tequila shots with hottie St. Marys crew boys at Chase's house

What I actually did do tonight...
-made mac & cheese, worked on my quilt, and then watched 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'. I did this all with my mother.

Reason that this girl sacrificed her Saturday night for her mommy...
Yesterday, my mom and my step-mom both lost their jobs. Triad closed its doors.
They're both really hurting. My mom's trying to hide it, but after 18 years I like to think I can read her fairly well. This morning, driving Laura to catch the forensics bus, she got pulled over in front of the entire team and got a speeding ticket. She says she was completely humiliated and had a terrible day.
Knowing that my sted-dad wouldn't be home until midnight and that Laura would spend the night fruiting around Kelseys, I decided that it would be best not to leave her home alone. So, I forced her to cuddle with me on the couch and we sang along to all of the songs and I even did the damn dishes.
She's asleep now, with Cleo curled up next to her. I tucked her in.

I figure she always takes care of me. I should start giving back a bit now. Then I won't feel so bad if I stick her in a shitty nursing home someday or something.
Like in Happy Gilmore.

I think I made the right choice.

Last night was enough for me.
Immediately after work Laura and I drove out to Dunleavys for my step-mom's birthday. Mr. Piper and I sat around writing limericks while waiting for my parents. Old fashioned fun, right therre.
I ate a ton fish and chips, gave Jimmy one spectacular backrub, heard more wonderous Piper stories (little Nate, Ben crashing cars, ice cream on the floor), and realized that Laura and I actually are great friends, despite the fact that we're sisters.
At one point, Karyn turned to look at me and said 'You are so gorgeous', and then hugged me like there would be no tomorrow.
That did make me uncomfortable, but I tried to graciously accept it instead of freaking out about the monster zit chillin on my forehead. Actually, it really made me happy, but in an uncomfortable way.
I LOVE MY FAMILY. All of them. Even the ones that aren't genetically bound to me. Mr. Piper and I both make Batman eyes at random times. And Mrs. Piper and I have the same dreams. Shucks.

Off to Coffee Trader (to make Chris proud), to meet up with the amazing Jeff. I'll stick strictly with the facts. He reads this ridiculous thing.
It was good.
We played Battleship (complete with sound effects), read all the transsexual ads in Real Detroit, and talked about damn near everything until the place closed.
I won Battleship. I always win. HA.
He got me flowers (AWWWW GEEZ!), which are now in my Nalgene. I honestly have no idea where we keep our vases.
If I do say so myself, Nalegnes are quite versatile and make an excellent vase.
Dandelion season is coming up. Make good use of them, my friends.

I woke up at noon. Happy day.
Nate and I met up for Panera. I drove with the window all the way down and the wind in my hair. So nice.
I don't think I have ever not had fun with Nate. Even if I am crying and snotting all over him, it's a good time. He combats all the emotional trauma with ice cream, usually.
I had my 'shit soup', as my good friends all call it. Nate + Panera vegetable black bean soup = good afternoon, jigga.
Then I got my nails filled. So much nicer when they're this short.
THEN I hung out at Dave's the rest of the day.

Dave-'Blah blah blah...prom...blah'
Becca-'Dude, who am I gonna go to prom with?'
Dave-'What are you TALKING about?'
Becca-'um...DAVID! WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?'
Dave-'Yes. Wait. I never said no...but you did break my aviators...'

I dropped it after that, and we watched another snowboarding video. Knowing him, I won't know if he'll be my date until the day before. He'd better be. I can't go with anyone else. I just can't. He has perfect pitch.

star96pixie: i made him play battleshit
star96pixie: or battleship
star96pixie: wow
star96pixie: that was pretty funny
TaeKwanChow: lol
TaeKwanChow: you play the most interesting games, becca
star96pixie: the mental ones are my forte
star96pixie: of course, i still need to tackle those Chinese gambling games
TaeKwanChow: lol...summertime

SHOUT OUT TO MY GIRL MOLLY FOR DOING SO DAMN WELL TODAY AT HER TOURNAMENT! And just a few short days ago she was thinking of quitting...PSH! YOU ROCK IT SISTA! I LOVE YOU!
I'll get you a new trophy. I'll make a paper-mache one. And then I'll paint it all green, and end up with more in my hair than on the actual trophy.

Making things...mmm... I have finally decided on my Erin Finn shirt that is to be created and that is to rock WLW more than any catchy Abercrombie shirt ever could.
'Paris Hilton is my hero', complete with cheesy picture of her in way too much eyeliner.
Excited girl right here. Erin is the shit. Paris Hilton is the shit. I have a zit the size of Tokyo, but I am close to the shit.

QuEsYDuCkY: party at your house???
QuEsYDuCkY: or not
star96pixie: no
star96pixie: haha why would you say that?
QuEsYDuCkY: ALWAYS party at the patt's

Cleo is now eating the plant. She's doing it just to piss me off.

CONCRETE VS. ABSTRACT

With that, I am outta here.

[	Current Mood	|	crazy	]
[	Current Music	|	train-meet virginia	]

Today, after school, I took a long nap. Cleo fell asleep curled up next to me.

While dozing off, I started to think about all the things I perceive differently when I really care about someone.
Perceive may be a bad verb to use, but it's been a long day. Leave me alone.
My favorite thing...how I could swear that someone's skin feels different. Softer, smoother, warmer, smell, color, whatever. The craving for touch makes it that much more exciting. I love that.

Today, while biting into an almond and running my tongue across the flesh inside, I was like 'This feels exactly like Ben's skin'.
That, my friends, is just weird. I freak myself out sometimes. I really wish these thoughts didn't appear, but everything seems to connect together. Like almonds and Ben's skin. Yup.
EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING.
I just dropped fettuccini alfredo all over the keyboard. Story of my life.

Field trip today went well. I felt adored, and a little worried for the poor kids. All of the guys got nervous around me and all the girls got really happy when I talked to them. Then again, maybe I'm imagining things.
'Can someone name a German-speaking governor?'
'Alfred Hitchcock!'
Um. I'm glad I'm graduating.
We got back in the middle of second hour. Deciding that there was no way in hell that I was gonna take my math test, I volunteered to go down and label D-hall.
It was for that whole week thing where the language rooms label items around classrooms to promote French, German, and Spanish. I don't get it, but it was an excuse to explore classrooms I'd never been in.
First stop was some huge computer lab and the adjacent classroom with students making funny paper boxy thingys. I'm sure there's some sophistocated name for what they were doing, but I'll stick with the blubbering idiot response, thanks.
It was fascinating. I never knew that our school owned a printer that large, or had actual text books on architecture. It happened to be an entirely male classroom, so they all stared at me the entire time I was working. A girl can't help but love that.
AJ is one sweet kid. He gave me thin mints, and promised to take me golfing.
Next stop was the Auto room. It was like being on another planet. Once again, I was completely surrounded with testosterone. I almost killed myself balancing on a bench to label the clock.
I also noticed that I have partied with half of the third hour Auto class. I party with auto mechanics. Maybe I can get them to change my oil for free. But they've watched me fall down Lando's stairs a lot. That might not have been so attractive.
I did 3 more computer classrooms, and then hung out in the German room and made sweet love to my trail mix.
Damn almonds.

Our senior sweats are pretty cool, I guess. I just ripped mine up. The pants are actually long enough
Our choices for class song, on the other hand, are incredibly uncool. Erin Lavine and I had a good time making fun of them while waiting in line for sweats. I'm rooting for 'I'll Be'. 'I Will Remember You' would fit, but in my head it must remain the Pops '03 song.
WHY THE HELL WASN'T WHITESNAKE ON THE LIST???
Student council bothers me.
And mad mad props to the Great Erin Finn for her awesome 'Mrs. Timberlake' shirt that she made herself. I'm gonna get all up in that when she brings in order forms.
Lately Trey Anastasio has really piqued my interest. I adore him. Mrs. Anastasio?
Maybe I want one that says 'I Love Paris Hilton'. Oh ah. I'm all about shock value.

I really really miss my best friend. We haven't had a long conversation since Christmas Eve.

star96pixie: when am i gonna see you next?
Mochik86: well, i was hoping that maybe i could come for a long weekend over my spring break

Yess. I miss her. I miss you.

Today, I had to pick my favorite holiday, and after some careful consideration, I chose the Fourth of July. I'm usually with Lizzy, it's in the middle of summer, there's no stress involved, and I love fireworks. Those are some great reasons.

Marc really does love me. We've drifted lately, so I've been worried. He promises to give me really good directions around East Lansing next year, and to watch Red Sox games with me. Awww.

There is a letter with the return address 'Miss Southeast MI USA' glaring from the upper left corner. It's been sitting on the desk for at least 4 days, completely unopened. I think we're all wondering why the hell its here, and if there's anthrax involved.

Tomorrow is going to be hell. Work 3-6 and then Europe choir 6:30-9:30. Then, an AP US unit test and an AP Gov quiz on Friday that I get to study for.

Brian Globerman just imed 'I LOVE YOU BECCA!' in huge caps, and then immediately went idle again.

MichmanNP: you're cute when you're around me
star96pixie: i'm comfortable around you
star96pixie: i guess i'm cute when i'm comfortable
MichmanNP: you get not cute when you try

Now, I actually study for math.

'Life is a game and true love is a trophy'

[	Current Mood	|	lethargic	]
[	Current Music	|	ben kweller-in other words	]

I can't not do anything ever again.
(How about that for a double negative?)
Break messed with my system. This whole sleeping-showering-eating thing is suddenly new to me.

Walking into school I watched Charlotte Martin take a spill. It was classic. We were both walking past the same car, on opposite sides. I heard 'WHOOOP!' and saw her legs fly out from under her. Then came the infamous Charlotte laugh that I think people from Argentina can hear. I rushed over to help her get up, but was laughing so hard that I nearly wiped out myself.

Sex position of the day-any position ever while in an airplane
Quote of the day- 'I think, therefore I am. Take that cocksmoke.'-Becca
'You're not allowed to say that and then pick your nose, you idiot'-Halli
Song of the day-'Milkshake- by Kelis (for Molly. You freak.)

Tomorrow I get to miss 1st through 3rd hour to go hang out at Banks Middle School to promote German and talk with young'ns. I'm so excited.
I will be missing my math test, but I'm starting a new trend. This is the 3rd one I'm going to be taking the day after. Formie's not happy about it, but I am his favorite student of all time (well..tied), so he's letting it slide and not harassing me too much.
'Mr. Formaneck, you're my best friend you know'
'PERIODIC FUNCTIONS, REBECCA! FOCUS!'

Work was crazy.
In my old, unwashed Gap jeans I found the Casper Valentine that Crazy Jeff gave me.
'Becca, don't hold back. Love, Jeff'
???
I love the people I work with.

ALL of Serenade was slap happy. I tried to focus on rehearsing and not sounding like shit, but it gets kind of contagious when 11 girls around you are laughing like crazy monkeys.
'Mrs. Klammer you would be so proud of me! We had to sing at church and Becca got sick and fainted so I sang soprano all by myself!'-Laura (giggle, smile, giggle)
'HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAH!'-Cassie
I've never heard her laugh like that. And I've been tight with the girl since 6th grade. My downfall makes her laugh, geez. (<--HAHA GET IT???)
Shut up.

Speaking of Cassie...
She seems to be intent on introducing me to one of Kevin's suitemates from WMU. Some tall, preppy guy (yea baby) named Shane. I guess he's having a party on Saturday night out in Lake Orion, and I'm being 'forced' to go with Cassie and Kevin. Gah.
I trust Cassie like no other, so I figure she can identify my type. I guess she's already told him about me (via speakerphone), and Reid has vouched for my "hotness".
I miss Reid.
For the clueless-
Kevin is Cassie's boyfriend of a year or so, and Reid is his roommate and a good friend of mine. Get it? Good.
Shane is excited to meet me. I hate expectations. Clear skin...GO!

Annnd, I have a date with the fabulous Jeff from U of M on Friday night. Hey babay.
I had to drag it out of him too. Geez.
(This is not Crazy Jeff. If I were to date Crazy Jeff his second hand Marlboro Red smoke would do me in for sure. Ack)

College boys. I am addicted.

Jay Peru is my date for Ben Folds. No college boy, but definitely a long time concert buddy of mine. I know he'll appreciate it. We can sing along together.

JAKE, START A LIVEJOURNAL! DO IT FOR ME!
You can't cover a Linkin Park song with a piano. That should be outlawed.

Tomorrow is my work-free day, and we have Europe choir on Thursday because of Ash Wednesday. I figure I'll play around with skin cancer some more, go work out, take a nap, and not study for my math test to be taken on Thursday.
Right now I have a 4.3. That means I can waste tomorrow guilt free.

Ok, Chapter 30, bring it on.

"Do not go gentle into that good night."

[	Current Mood	|	creative	]
[	Current Music	|	missy elliot-i'm really hot	]

GoodBBBye week of nothing.

This break I have...

-consumed more Mountain Dew (mostly in Slurpee form) than any human being ever ever should
-not done any of my AP English poetry
-filled up my gas tank at least 5 times (=$100. Ohhh bling bling)
-seriously damaged my ears (Foo Fighters and 311. Whoo)
-realized how much I love falling asleep next to someone
-not done the AP US extra credit
-worn the same 2 pairs of jeans over and over
-conquered my road rage
-met some amazing people (shout out to those CMU boys)
-finished 2 books (Pride & Prejudice & Don't Sleep With Your Drummer. Polar opposites. AH me)
-lived off of one meal a day (bag of Cheetos = meal, fyi)
-boycotted intimacy
-showered maybe 4 times total
-kicked some major quilt ass (I am actually an old lady now)
-spoken to God a few times
-gone through 4 packs of Orbit
-not gotten over him


Productive or not? You decide.

And this quilt deal, for all of you out of the Becca loop. A while back I decided to hack up a bunch of my t-shirts from middle school. Softball jerseys, choir tour tees, blah blah
I have started sewing them all together into a big blanket thing that is going to kick serious ass when it's done. It's got some serious character.
Molly says I'm an old lady. I like to think I'm creative.

I woke up 15 min. before Laura and I were supposed to be out at the Piper church. It was insane. I've never driven like such a badass.
The service was...interesting. My blood sugar enjoys creeping up on me at random times. It just never has in the middle of a prayer before. Sweet Jesus. Note to self: start eating breakfast, and get more iron, you dumbass
People who seemed to give a shit: Nate & Mr. P
People who decided to bitch at me: Daddy & Laura

'Why does this stuff always happen to me???'-sad pathetic little Becca, while drooling over a graham cracker
'OHHHH BECCAAAA! IT'S NOT YOU IT'S EVERYOONE! AND WE LOVE YOU!(big huge hug)'-Mr. P
What an incredible man.

Sexy Italian football player, hellooo.
Daddy and Nate approve. He's down-to-earth, likes philosophy, and smiled at me. Too bad everyone focuses on that whole age difference thing. Bah.

Daddy and I had a good discussion after church. I was inhaling spaghetti. That, folks, is the only reason I did not burst into tears of happiness/relief in the middle of a very crowded Village Place. Spaghetti.
Maybe I won't give up food.
No matter what, my father is still the best smelling man I know.

U of M Chambers...
Tommy Rashid is now a bass.
What a fun kid. He's seems to have as many adventures as I do. And the kid's a hell of a musician.
During our break we went to get bagels together. Then we wandered around some Ann Arbor alleys together.
I felt so free and easy. I wish I could fall for someone like Tommy, but he is a)not in college b)too damn attentive to my needs and c)he showed me a picture of his girlfriend.
C'est la vie.

Driving out of Ann Arbor while the sun is setting and Counting Crow's 'Colorblind' is playing is magical.

SEX AND THE CITY FINALE! AHHHHH

'Inside me you feel like freedom'

[	Current Mood	|	amused	]
[	Current Music	|	prince-when doves cry	]

That was quite the response to my last entry. 5 comments, and then countless IMs about how everyone prefers the 'real Becca'.
You really do love me!

(Let it be known that I never ever want any other entry I write to be compared to anything Dylan. I don't care what Dylan. I am not sad. I am mid-epiphany. I hate you Chris.)

Buttttt, I feel that you're getting it all wrong.

Everything I do is 'the real Becca'. I am an original.
There are just different sides to me. And it's high-time I crawled out of Hobo Becca. She's not so attractive.
And I am for real going to stop picking my nose. And I'm going to start shaving my legs every other day, not just on Saturdays.

We are approaching the 1-year anniversary of my singleness. I had 'THE TALK' with Dave somewhere in mid-March. That hurt like hell. Then I went a bit crazy and decided I needed to turn into a Sex God. And I sure as hell did. I just was a Sex God who didn't have sex. Riiight...

I figure this is some form of weird cycle that comes around every spring. Holy predictable me.

THE PLAN
-Be around Ruben a lot more. He's magnetic. Perfect.
-Go up to CMU. Visit Rachel (aka: She who ONLY hangs out with guys...and Becca...)
-Go up to State. Visit Zach, Jon, Erik, anyone not named Steve.
Ugh.
-Never ever ever take your pants off. No matter how intoxicated. Never. NEVER.
-Actually start calling people.
-Actually start calling people back.
-Stop ignoring phone calls.
-Stop being a bitch.
-?
-Avoid the Piper house AT ALL COSTS. Stop taking the long way to work.
-Remember your old party friends. Call them. Do not touch any form of a cigarette EVER.
-NO PARTIES WHERE ANYONE IS SNIFFING ANYTHING
-Drag Molly down with you.

Tonight was rough. Dinner at the Pipers, complete with singing and raspberry sherbet and a moment with Ben everywhere I turned.
GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Once I got past that...
I had a good time.
We sang our grace in 5-part harmony. We ate soup and talked about musicals. While carrying my plate to the kitchen I noticed a copy of 'Fiddler on the Roof' on the floor, so I broke into 'If I Were a Rich Man'. Immediately, I heard 4/5 other voices join in, singing the same thing.
It made me smile. A big genuine smile too.

Then, we sang. It made me all warm and squishy. I am such a sap.

During dessert, I observed. Moses (the cat)and I watched everyone.

Mrs. Piper and my step-mom talked about running. Hm.
Mr. Piper and my father talked about Mastersingers. Big surprise.
Laura and Nate read through her forensic's piece while cuddling on the couch. Oh oh.
Jimmy was immersed in...something. I gave him a long back rub.
I give and give and give.

I ate half of the sherbet, while hanging out in the corner by myself. I almost started doing the dishes. I swear I have issues.

I then decided that I would teach Nate how to waltz. We have two very different forms of waltzing. His form rammed me into the closet in the foyer and left me in a pile of laughter.

We compromised and started dancing around while singing Monty Python's 'Knights of the Round Table'. Guy with the one leg up, that's all me baby.

At home, I quilted and watched 'American Wedding' for the rest of the night. I also ignored my phone completely.
Plan starts now.
Ready, set, GO.

I must me out at le Piper church by...some time...
Oh great I don't even know.
And then U of M Chambers starts back up tomorrow.
Docta B! How I miss him.

Fundamentals are the building blocks of fun, biatch.

[	Current Mood	|	productive	]
[	Current Music	|	alanis morisette-21 things I want in a lover	]

I've done it before, and I'll do it again.
Thinking is underrated.

It recently has come to my attention that my subconscious is trying to fuck me over.
Self-destructive little me. Tsk tsk.

I took the time to look in a mirror right after I got home tonight. And then it hit me...
(THE OBVIOUS, of course, because it doesn't seem to hang out a lot anymore)
My hair is not natural. My nails are not natural. My skin is not natural. I am hardly Becca.

Becca has a mess of dark brown hair that gets red highlights in it in the summer.
Becca has bitten stubs for nails, and she (usually) loves them because they're so convenient for piano playing.
Becca has pale skin that she prides and drenches in Jergens after every shower.

I don't even look like myself anymore. I look like what I imagine will attract the opposite sex. I am selling myself out. And I haven't even realized it. I am depressed and alone. Desperation, and I didn't even notice.
I am never desperate. NEVER.

The scariest thing is that it seems to be working. This past month the boys have come a-runnin. I feel eyes on me all the time. I have options. My phone rings.
I am beautiful. I am gorgeous. Even when I am unshowered and nasty.
Sure, I've been loving the attention. But the timing feels too perfect. I finally said 'I'm taking my heart back' and then I ran out and dyed and acryliced and tried my hardest to escape who I really am.
I guess he made me feel that who I really am isn't good enough.
Just that thought makes me want to retch. I like to think I'm stronger than that. That's an internal struggle, but I will continue to blame it on him. It's soothing thinking of it that way.
I am not at fault. It wasn't me who let myself go. I told him how I felt, not expecting anything to come of it.

For now, I suppose I will revel in all of my fake glory. I will soak it up. I will flirt like no other. I'll probably start to party a lot more. I will kiss people I really don't want to. I'll start accepting dates again. I will strive to be the trophy girl for some good-looking jock. I will wear tight jeans and cling to his arm, giggling all the way.
And, as I have before, I will notice that it leaves me feeling empty and even more alone than when I began.
But, it must be done. This is how I heal.

When I come around, I will once again begin looking for something real. I thought I'd found it, but I think the pheromones were suffocating my common sense, or lacktherof. The signs now seem blaringly obvious.

But, damn, there were some amazing moments.
I'll miss those.
I am sorry for wasting your time.

star96pixie: i'm crying
EricGoBlue: jesus
EricGoBlue: i have my yale interview in the morning
EricGoBlue: and i dont know what to wear
(This made me pause. Damn. He has no heart and I have too much of one. How perfect.)
star96pixie: hoffman
star96pixie: i think you're good for me
star96pixie: you put me in my place
EricGoBlue: i know
EricGoBlue: and i am good for you
EricGoBlue: i have to get some sleep before i attempt to remove a 6foot stick from a old guys ass tomorrow morning at 10am, before interviewing with his pretentious ass
EricGoBlue: feel better about ben, and either dont let him mess with your head, or just fuck his brains out, but make up your mind, its driving you crazy and its bullshit to you......
EricGoBlue: night

Mom- You've been crying
Becca- How could you tell?
Mom- You're eyes are even more blue when you cry

Thus begins my downfall...

'Backbeat the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out'

[	Current Mood	|	cranky	]
[	Current Music	|	ryan adams-wonderwall	]

The weather reflects my mood.

I do love rain, but only two kinds.
1-the loud scary kind. Thunder, lightning, blah. The kind that freaks out your cats/the kids you're babysitting/your mom because she's deathly afraid of tornadoes.
(When Laura and I were little and Mommy forced us into the basement, we always got out the Nerf guns. Those were good times. I can still remember what it felt like to run into my furnace...sigh...)
2-the steady downpour that is falling just hard enough to tickle your nose. Comfortable Sunday afternoon rain.

This stuff is just gloomy. I am gloomy. I am listening to Paul Simon.
GLOOM SCHMOOM BOOM NOOM

IF YOU'LL BE MY BODYGUUUARD

I woke up feeling like hell. I think it's because my bed was cold and lonely. I've spent the last three nights in foreign beds with my sweet Marla.
a) her body heat is nice b) she's very very entertaining when she sleeps. Exp: 'What the red baba maaaaww? Becca? mmmhhhm...'
Insomnia, oh baby. Maybe there is an upside. I can listen to Molly rantings at 4 AM.

RoxyK211: i love that even when youre upset youll still say babeeeeeeee

Daddy picked us up to go out to Red Robin. Laura, Karyn and I discussed Spanish and German grammar while hamburgering. Why am I so fascinated with that? Why am I such a nerd?
And WHY does Spanish only have a masculine and feminine case for articles? Us Germans get three lovely little possibilities. More for me to remember. Gah.

After that, we went to the mall. I bought 'Drop Dead Gorgeous' and the 'When Harry Met Sally' Soundtrack because I love Harry Connick Jr. YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY???? BITE MEEEEE!!!
When I get depressed I buy things, and I yell. Maybe I am female.

Note to self: you LOATHE the mall when you are depressed. You hate all the happy couples. You hate the smells. You especially hate the gorgeous women who work at Victoria Secret and make you feel worthless.

Hoffman just tried to cheer me up. It's weird thinking that he has a heart.

Now that I've had way too much alone time (I got so bored I even put make-up on) I think I may go movie night at Daddy's.
I'll make them watch 'Drop Dead Gorgeous'.
'Isn't that the movie where she dances with Jesus?'-Nate

And then, I party.

I think I've given in to 'The OC'. I have a crush on Seth. Molly likes Oliver. I want to throw something at Ryan. Marissa looks like a bug.
And Sex & the City ends on Sunday.
...

Off to my fahja's.

[	Current Mood	|	contemplative	]
[	Current Music	|	the bens-bruised	]

It's so nice outside. I want to put on one of my skirts and run around a field barefoot.

When Mary and I went to see '50 First Dates', I cried when they were kissing in the rain.
Mmmmm.

Total shot count for Becca last night: 4/5
Total shot count for everyone else: ...

That was a new experience for me.
And it sure as hell sucked.

They happened to buy the second most disgusting alcohol in the world, so at first I opted out and filled myself up with Cheez-its. Then, 3 'Friends' episodes later, I realized how terribly boring it would be to be the only sober one there.
That's like peer-pressure but not. It's like self-pressure. I'm so ashamed.
I also wanted to be just drunk enough that if anyone puked I didn't feel obligated to clean it up.
I know. I'm a shitty friend.

So, I wandered into the kitchen and suffered through some gross lemon junk.
Uggggggh. I hate alcohol.

Then it got interesting.

MAJOR dance party...to Hanson and George Michael...by myself...wearing nothing but a Gap long sleeve-tee and bathing suit bottoms....

I think I'm done with drinking for awhile. SERIOUSLY.

I decided sleep was more exciting than running into one more damn wall, so I crawled into bed.
3 am- 'BECCA COME DAAAANCE!'
3:15 am- 'You're my best friend, why won't you make out with me?'
3:30 am- 'BECCA WE LOST THE CAT! SCARRLLLEETTT!'
? am- 'I'm glad we're not in the orgy bed'

OHHHH! Molly and I also drove out to the middle of nowhere (aka: Pine Lake Road) just to see Jon Walchlarz. I've missed him. He gives me soft sweet kisses on the ears.

'I feel like we're Jewish, going to see our old Jewish friends after such a long time'-Molla

Shower tizzle

'Your world and my world'

[	Current Mood	|	chipper	]
[	Current Music	|	ben folds five-underground	]

As Molly said, I'm becoming nocturnal.

I just blasted 'My Strongest Suit' from Aida, and then danced around my room in a bra and jeans singing like a lunatic.
It was so great.

Ben Folds, April 3, Hill Auditorium. AHHHH!
Thanks Henry. You're the shit.
I originally had Main Floor in sight, but because my mother is overly cautious I am now stuck on the Mezzanine far far away from my precious Ben.
Who wants to come with me?

TaeKwanChow: when i get my apartment, you should come decorate
star96pixie: why would you nominate me for such a task
TaeKwanChow: i don't know...i lieu of not having a gay guy like on bravo, i thought you'd be the next best thing
star96pixie: i don't know if that is a compliment or not...
TaeKwanChow: lol

This morning Laura and I drove out to Royal Oak to meet Nate for lunch. Since I'm so great at highway driving I decided that we would take 96 instead of 696.
...
What ensued was a whole lot of Patterson screaming, and huge 'DOWNTOWN' signs, and scary men in scary cars that were falling apart.
We called Daddy. He was not pleased.
We took the Southfield Freeway over, had A LOT of problems finding 696 East, and eventually got to Nate a half an hour late.
It was actually kind of fun. And I think all the screaming was worth it for good pizza and that crazy Italian lady who kept flirting with Nate.

I came home, and then passed out on my sheet-less bed without calling back the 3 people I told I would.
Sorry guys.

Tonight, Mary and I movie it up. And then I had better spend the night with Molly. I miss her sweet sweet lovin'.

[	Current Mood	|	hopeful	]
[	Current Music	|	peter gabriel-in your eyes	]

Rachel's latest update is making me beam.
AHHHH! CMU BOYS! I LOVE YOU!

YESTERDAY

Before I went to pick up Rach I killed time at Eric's house, with 'THE BOYS', Alex, Kyle, Eric, Matt, and Josh. I walked in to find another big euchre battle going down. Well, and to find Kyle sitting literally 5 inches from the big screen completely engrossed in 'Corky Romano'.
Something like that is kind of expected from him though...
I miss seeing those boys every day. SOO much.
Sure, they're all throwing their lives away on Marlboro Reds and...other things. But I have such a history with those guys, I can't ignore that. I know that they all genuinely care for me. They've proven that many times.
After the game Eric and I had a long discussion about how tattoo artists lie. That was surreal.

Rachel got dropped off, and then we sped off to 96.
The ride was awesome. We are the Queens of Road Tripping.
No puking or taxidermy this time, but we did have a dance party. And half the things I said came out wrong. Then again that's nothing new.

I managed to get us up to Rachel's dorm alive.
On her wall she has the picture of me and Menzies at the last Lando party. I don't know how I was still vertical when it was taken. Ah hem. Menzies is wearing the plaid pants that were so insanely UNCOOL last year, and I look like a cheap porn star.
THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MY FRIENDS!
Remember Red Fridays?

We then pushed onward to find Allison, Justin, and the infamous Mike Kish. The first thing I saw when I walked into Allison's dorm was Greg Dokshin's senior picture. That was AMAZING.
Then everyone talked about their tongue piercings and I felt slightly out of place.
I never thought I'd be the minority in a situation because I don't have a metal bar through my tongue.
Hey man. I couldn't go 6 weeks without oral sex or wet kissing. I'm good.

Visiting Justin was awkward. I hate having to share him. I like Becca vs. Justin conversations, uninterrupted and loaded with bullshit and a LOT of allusion, thank you very much.
He fixed his hair. Thank God.

We also walked past Mike Kish's dorm. If there hadn't been two huge thugs standing near the door way I swear I would've busted in and found that damn tape.
Who am I kidding? I was born without the Coordinated Gene.

The Slurpee trail left around the Towers was all Rachel. I kept smacking her and she kept spilling. Haha.

Then, we visited Mike and Eric. We had a jam session, and I guess made a music video?
'Hold me closer, fatass dancer!'
Rach and I did the entire Spice Girls dance in maybe 4 sq. feet. That was awesome. Then I ate Cheetos for dinner.
Mike is cool. Eric is whipped. I am whipped too.
Amen.

THEN, we ended up in Trout 216, with all the rest of Rachel's boys.
We found them in the hall wrestling. Tyler and Frank in his satin pants. I almost peed myself I was laughing so hard.
The next 2/3/? hours were amazing. They blasted weird music, beat each other with a 'WET FLOOR' cone stolen from the dining hall, threw around EVERYTHING, and fought over the chairs.

'Down in the kitchenette, if you take the broom thing off of the broom, it turns into a ninja stick'-Frank
'You're making the boys of 216 sound real cool right now, Frank'-Jake

I was dying. They started speaking Simple Plan lyrics, 'Molly style'. People can't do things like that to me at 3 AM. I almost fell off of the couch.

I don't know when we ended up back in Rachel's dorm. But my poor little high school body was screaming for sleep, and I did not even last through half of 'Wayne's World'.
I did fall asleep smiling, though.

'Frank, do you ever try to hop into bed and just slide right back out?'-funny black kid who I didn't really meet

TODAY

I woke up to Simon & Garfunkel. No better way, I tell ya.

John came bursting into the room. Wonderful, big, tall, whitty, insanely intelligent John who helped me get through a haunted house back in the day without killing myself. That kid is downright spectacular. I don't know where Rachel found him, but damn...I wish he didn't prefer the cock.
We played the 'Gay or Not?' game while eating lunch. I learned a ton.
Then I got to meet Shawn, who I guess normally doesn't talk to people. Well, he talked to the makeup-free, unshowered nasty Becca, and he was cute, and he made me smile a whole lot.

Simply put, I am madly in love with all of Rachel's CMU boys. They made me laugh. They got me free food. They made me feel included. The all listen to good music. They all like my eyes. They don't mind that I snort when I laugh. (<-that's pretty big, ya know?)
And most importantly, they made me feel good about myself.
I'd almost forgotten what that felt like.

I guess Jake from Trout 216 also happens to be madly in love with me. They talked about me during dinner...
He hardly looked at me last night! I don't get it! I thought he hated me or something!
Gah.

I just found out that Shawn plays the drums.
Oh. Man.
I think I just stopped breathing.

'You've got a luuuucky boyfriend'-sweetass random black man

After lunch, I had to leave my Chaych. But, I had a damn good time in Mt. Pleasant, and I will be back soon.
Right now I am talking to 6 people who live in Trout Hall. Apparently I am 'creating quite a stir'.
YUUUUSSS!

I smell like college.

For an hour on 127 South, Miss Spears and I bonded. Good times.

I stopped off at State to see Ben. Dammit. I have no self-control.
He is the master of mixed signaling. I learned this awhile ago, but back then it used to be fun. Now, I am sick of it. I wish I could talk openly about...stuff but that's goes along with my NUMBER ONE BIGGEST FEAR EVER, so it's not so simple.
Gah. I hate feeling that I'm wasting my time, and my emotions.
Those are a hot commodity these days.
I'm wrestling with my heart. I need a ninja stick.

The college girls DID notice me on Saturday night. That's depressing. I really do stick out, I guess. I'm never going to another Dischords concert again. They might stone me or something.

I did get lost trying to find 96, so the 'Becca always gets lost in Lansing' curse still lingers.
Good thing I'm not going to MSU. I'd never make it to class. I'd always be on the wrong street or something.

Now, I am home. Tomorrow Laura and I go lunching with Nate down in Royal Oak. I have a feeling this week is gonna rock.

DAMMIT! THEY'RE WRESTLING AGAIN AND I'M NOT THERE!
Maybe I'll go check out e-thug.net

'The heat I see in your eyes'