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Below are the 30 most recent journal entries recorded in
The Foxy Folklorist's LiveJournal:
| Tuesday, February 8th, 2005 | |
| 12:14 am | mmm, tastes like abjection! My King Bread (or King Cake, as it's also called) is now baked, and shall be frosted come morning. I figured it'd be a nice way of celebrating Fat Tuesday, and baking also tends to be therapeutic for me. I'll be bringing some by the GP in the afternoon, but if anybody else (local) wants me to reserve a piece of it for you to sample, just let me know and I'll try. While I certainly had fun baking,* this bread was a lesson in the abject. It was alternately viscuous and bloated, slimy and spongy. I was actually worried the dough wouldn't rise because it was so damn sticky, but it seemed to rise just fine... and just like a demonic representation of abjection! Heh, I don't mean to make it sound gross or anything, and it certainly tastes yummy, but man, this dough was a handful! It had such a bizarre texture that I thought it was just screaming for ![[info]](http://library.vu.edu.pk/cgi-bin/nph-proxy.cgi/000100A/http/web.archive.org/web/20050208173358im_/http:/=2fstat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} pythia_akrypta to analyze it along with the rest of her collected, abjected oddities! Whereas my favorite objects of analysis are only collected and abjected if you consider fairy tale collections and incestuous, skin-shedding abjections, go figure.*in fact, I had so much fun separating the eggs that I felt inspired to write a poem! which is friends-locked, in case you want me to add you so you can read it. |
| Sunday, February 6th, 2005 | |
| 10:12 pm | eat, drink, and be merry (but don't spill on the pages!) I just posted my paella recipe to ![[info]](http://library.vu.edu.pk/cgi-bin/nph-proxy.cgi/000100A/http/web.archive.org/web/20050208173358im_/http:/=2fstat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} cooking. I thought it was tasty, though I've hardly had anything that qualifies as "authentic" paella with which to compare it.I'm spending most of tomorrow at the library, which'll hopefully be good for getting research done (hence my peace of mind). I know kendokamel, igmula_sapa and I will be brown-bag lunching it around noon, and I'll be sure to track down wadam in the folklore stacks at some point... wow, my social life is beginning to revolve around the library. It's exciting, in a weird way. I'm also tickled that tomorrow my Nalgene bottle shall contain not water, not juice, not tea, nay--leftover sangria. Way to party it up!Which reminds me... I need a bunch of vodka with which to make a new batch of strawberry liqueur. I also need to get my hands on a small-ish reading light. This weekend, I'm trekking to Lexington, Kentucky for the Spark Tour (a day full o' tribal bellydancing workshops and performances) with rhiannon76, and non-LJers Angie and Dale (bellydancing teacher and drummer, respectively, both really nice people). So since we're driving down Friday night and back Saturday night, I'm thinking I can get some reading done in the car, if I'm not called to take a driving shift.I'm still feeling the bellydancing vibes; it's hard for me to stop dancing because I have to do things like, you know, read or go to sleep. I guess I've got my priorities... Current Music: Govinda - Celtica |
| 5:30 pm | pattern-minded I just realized that I haven't played Set in over a month. I know I'm scary-good at Set... but would anybody play with me? Please? *bats eyelashes* Not that I'll have much time for such leisurely pursuits over the next few weeks. The pace of schoolwork is soon to become hellish. I may not be around much at all. |
| 12:26 am | fairy-tale love I miss the Getty Museum, thanks to my sister's photo post. And I miss my sis, and I miss Marina, and sushi, and the list goes on and on. I spent a good chunk of today--when not purchasing ingredients for a king cake and paella--reading East O' the Sun & West O' the Moon, a collection of Scandinavian folktales collected by 19th-century folklorists Asbjornsen and Moe, and translated by Dasent. The problem with me reading folktales, or any folk narratives for that matter, is that I want to start writing them. Twisted, erotic, sexy, violent ones. Chock-full of incest and dismemberment, with maybe a dash of bestiality and cannibalism thrown in for good measure. With characters who shed skins, swallow knives, spew gems, dine on Granny and ask for seconds. Sure, it sounds like I have a sick and twisted mind, but it's the tradition Angela Carter was working in, and hell, her rewritten fairy tales are the subject of essays, theses, and entire conferences! I'd also write something about her, but sadly, everyone else already has. So I'll probably turn to some other vein of rewritten fairy tales for my dissertation (since I might already have plans for my master's thesis), and I can have fun playing with those. But I still want to write... I'm not sure that I have the time, and I don't know what I'd do with the tales, anyway. They'd probably turn out too morbid for the general public. Maybe my sis and I could collaborate on turning them into an illustrated collection... These fairy tales I'm imagining, btw, would be marked for consumption by others, unlike the few tales I've written solely for my own purposes. There are tales I project myself into, which I intend to rework my life in, and then there are tales which are just cool ideas, for fun, etc. Not that they don't have meaning, just a different sort... Sigh. When do I have time to write, again? Current Music: Govinda - Charming the Serpent |
| Friday, February 4th, 2005 | |
| 10:34 pm | raiders of the lost closet I've never done much to celebrate Mardi Gras before. This year, however, I'm being dragged (albeit willingly) to this crazy-looking "Party Mardi" event at Bluebird on Tuesday night. It looks really fun, but... but... what do I wear? There'll probably be dancing, so I'll want to have a comfy-enough costume for that. I guess I have tons of random bellydancing-ish stuff that's shiny, sparkly, and swirly, but little of it is very brightly colored, and I feel like I ought to have an obligatory mask and/or feathery thingie. Anybody have any ideas? Inspirations? Stories of Mardi-Gras-inspired madness? edit: okay, I unearthed an old bellydancing bra, it's essentially silver metal links covering a purple satin base. I could wear that with a skirt or something and be a harem girl... but I'm not sure I'm 100% comfortable with that sort of sexualization of bellydancing (since I would be wearing a lot of bellydancing gear and probably dancing in that vein since it's all I know). It's either that, or go as a gypsy, or desperately wish I owned a corset... |
| 9:17 pm | food & mood ickiness Overall, my mood is better, but my emotions still tend to flare up. I'm working on examining how I feel and communicating better, because I don't want to be the Antisocial Bitch from Hell too often. I think I'm going to take a mental health leave this weekend and just concentrate on getting ahead in my reading, so that I can begin to work on some projects for the semester. I also want to make sure I don't get sick, since something tells me I'm more vulnerable these days. (apologies to friends with whom I've been doing bellydancing stuff on Saturdays--I think I need the day to myself) I had a slightly horrifying experience today at the Village Deli (VD... what does that tell you?). I ordered a bowl of tomato tortellini soup after inquiring whether it was vegetarian*. The soup itself was rather viscous and mediocre, but I didn't mind eating it... till I tasted a hint of meat inside the tortellini. To check, I used my fork and dissected one piece of tortellini. Indeed, there were a few small granules of meat-looking substance, and lo, they tasted meaty too, and had the precise texture. I consumed a few of the veggies in the soup, then put down my spoon and declared that I was finished. This was an unsettling experience for several reasons. I don't care too much that I accidentally consumed some meat--but it's a serious breach of trust on the restaurant's part. I don't know if I can eat there again; if I do, I'll probably order something simple with identifiable ingredients, like a grilled cheese. I just feel...betrayed. And once I began thinking about it, I started feeling a little disgusted by the rest of my meal. The tomatoes certainly didn't taste fresh, and the texture of the soup made me think that it probably came from a can. Most commercially canned tomatoes are peeled using lye, which isn't something I'm keen on consuming either. There's no way of knowing when or where those tomatoes were grown, whether they were genetically modified, how long the time span between when they were picked and when they were canned, when they were canned and when they were shipped, when they were shipped and when they were opened, when they were opened and when they were cooked, when they were cooked and when they were frozen... the list goes on and on, and it really disturbs me. I might be eating more meals at home in the future. At least I have something of a modicum of control over the food I eat that way. It's not like this experience made me feel so betrayed that I'll never eat cheap food again (after all, I like to think of myself as flexible when I need to be)... but it made me reconsider some of my basic food issues. The redeeming food experience was that I made a trip to Sam's Club with my housemates this afternoon. I'd never been, so it was like a fun field trip. I mean, of course I've been to Costcos in California, but this was a neat, novel experience. We bought loads of fresh fruits and veggies, which is really exciting (not to mention healthy!). *Note: Though I frequently eat vegetarian foods, I do not consider myself vegetarian, because I still eat animal products in phases of varying frequency. Lately, I've been feeling the veggie vibe more than usual, e.g. I haven't eaten red meat in over a month. I eat poultry a couple times a week, seafood as often as I can get it (which amounts to a few times a week if I'm lucky), and dairy products almost daily. I see no reason to give up milk in my tea or yogurt, though I try to get organic dairy products whenever I can. So, basically, I have no moral issues with eating animal products, I just find the way our society goes about it excessive, and I loathe the meat industry because it's needlessly cruel, unsustainable, etc. That said, I love food experiences too much to place a rigid restriction on my eating habits; I especially like being flexible while traveling or celebrating. |
| Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 | |
| 10:18 pm | you can accuse me of lying by omission, and I don't care Today was rough, for a variety of reasons. Classes were okay, but then I started feeling down (it was really a continuation from yesterday, I suppose), and then my stomach began hurting again, even though I made sure to get a soy chai rather than one with dairy. And then my head began hurting after reading a bunch of fieldwork how-to's, and all I could stomach for dinner was mashed potatoes and tea (albeit very delicious mashed potatoes and tea), and blah! I'm sure I'll be in better shape by tomorrow night, though, and if not... well... all the more reason to drink half-priced martinis! I made an executive decision to give the Scholar's Inn another chance, so our reservation is for 9:30 tomorrow night. If things turn out crappy again--or if people just want a change of scenery--we can take a vote for next week's lush-fest location. It snowed a little today, and I briefly got to enjoy walking through it. Though I'm no Ice Queen, no matter how hard I try... Current Music: Bjork - Immature |
| 12:25 pm | Excuse me, I'm off to douche an alpaca. It's perfectly fine to abuse the library computers by updating on LJ, right? This is right after lapis_lorelei, igmula_sapa, and I abused corvus_sum at his workplace in the library by relating douching alpaca anecdotes and whatnot.While I'm at it, who's coming to the Scholar's Inn for half-price martinis tomorrow night? Does anybody want to give 56 Degrees a try (since they offer half-price martinis indeed on the very same night), after Scholar's was kinda bitchy for the first half hour or so about not letting us split the checks? I'm thinking it won't happen again, now that I've reached... an arrangement... with the management. {insert diabolical cackling here} Personally, I like Scholar's for various reasons, but I'm not opposed to trying something new. Do let me know if you plan on coming, though, as I'll probably be calling for a reservation tonight... |
| Tuesday, February 1st, 2005 | |
| 8:09 pm | Again, I'm not up to stringing together a coherent post. I have just annointed the three cuts on my hands with lemon juice. I hope my pain's an adequate offering, ye kitchen gods! Forget a towel--one should never leave home without a twistie! While doing laundry, I used such a little wire thingie to rescue two quarters from a rebellious dryer... and I performed the same trick to save another girl her two quarters later on. Next goal: picking locks! (er, anybody wanna buy me a lock-picking kit for my upcoming birthday?) Two consecutive days of late-afternoon vanilla chai; two consecutive days of upset stomach. Is there a link? I eat yogurt for breakfast nearly daily... but I suppose it's possible that unprocessed dairy is bothering my stomach for whatever reason. Maybe it's time to switch to soy. Two consecutive nights of chamomile tea with honey. Two consecutive days of worry, relief, worry, relief, worry. The fourth book of Fables really did a mind job on me. I'm not exactly sure why. It's still tugging on my heart, and I finished reading it hours ago. The fourth and fifth episodes of B5 have similarly affected me... not like I was crying or anything, but both felt very emotionally true to me. Part of it must have been the "doomed love" dynamic. I've been there myself far too many times; I'm familiar with the dangers, and the attraction. Be still, my heart... |
| 3:35 pm | random material comforts Ooh, I love Bazaar. It's the bestest cafe ever. Since I'm decently caught up on my class reading, I can actually go and sit and read for fun! Maybe I'll bring along some Russian poetry to translate... it's been far too long since I last translated poetry, and it's one of my favorite things to do. I'm craving lentils. I know I submit my housemates to lentil-y goodness quite often, but perhaps I'll do so again tonight. Current Music: Capercaillie - Ailein Duinn |
| Monday, January 31st, 2005 | |
| 3:44 pm | academic hoops to jump through O FAFSA, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways... -Being a graduate student renders me "independent" for no good or discernible reason. -Your numbers are stupid. -I had to go through this entire rigamarole and I probably won't even get any money out of you. On another note, my eyes have been hurting lately... so much that I'm wearing sunglasses outdoors even when it's cloudy. Sigh. Who wants to take bets on how soon I have to get reading glasses? Still... I get to read The Epic of Gilgamesh today, and that's pretty cool. Though I'd rather be reading Fables... |
| Saturday, January 29th, 2005 | |
| 3:36 pm | a national character-ish question First, I hope nobody is offended by the concept of national character. Stereotypes are necessarily generalizations and abstractions, so they'll rarely hold true on an individual level, nor are they always true. So I'm wondering about Russian national character. Russian women in particular. I'm really just curious what comes to mind when you think about a Russian female. Ideally, this'll be an open forum where people can share their thoughts and not worry about getting chewed out--I understand that these thoughts may be your personal impressions, or things you heard from someone else... I don't really care what your source is, so long as you're being respectful in the way you phrase your opinion. My experiences are pretty limited. While I was dating a Russian back in Berkeley, I got to hang out with the Russian mafia a little, though I never talked much with the girls. They always kinda intimidated me, since for the most part they were fashionably dressed and were always smoking. I totally felt like I didn't fit in. That, and the one time I was in an advanced Russian class with some native speakers along with some non-native speakers like myself, I felt a little hostile toward the native-speaker clique because they acted disrespectul both toward the professor and toward those of us who were struggling to keep up with discussions. Which isn't to imply negative things--I think there were just different social conventions at work. Anybody else want to share? I'm interested to hear what people think, especially because I've got a few Russians on my f'list. This is relevant to a project I'm embarking on, but I may not discuss it much in this journal (or publicly)... we'll see. |
| Friday, January 28th, 2005 | |
| 5:42 pm | sanity is relative, like the Matrix, right? ...I forget who I was talking to about this, but I rediscovered my CD of Sami trance music. Yes, electronica from Lapland. This trumps most of the bizarrely random world music out there, if only because in my Arctic Folklore class back at UC Berkeley with renowned Scandinavianist John Lindow, he said that there was in fact such a thing as techno Sami music--and I found it! The band is called Angelit, the album Mannu. I'll gladly burn a copy for anyone who's interested. I also unearthed a copy of Sahara Lounge. It's nice to know that I actually own it, so I wasn't going crazy when I was convinced I'd heard the album a few times. Speaking of going crazy... this has been a bad week in sanity terms. Last week was bad too, but in a different way. I feel like my intellect ran away to join the circus, and has taken my inhibitions with it. Except it's this insane postmodern mess of a circus, where the ringleader is the phantom of deconstruction, who peers out from empty eyesockets and speaks in polysyllabic shrieks; the lion tamer is a spectre of feminism, but the lion's a female too, and they trade places so often you can't tell who's snarling and who's speaking; the clowns are the gibbering ghouls of psychoanalysis, new and old, while the acrobats are the neglected fetuses of unborn folkloristic theories; the horses and riders are structuralists and post-structuralists, more like centaurs, though, fused at the waist; and the tight-rope walker, well, she's the scariest of all: blindfolded, wrists bound, gagged, the laces of her corset biting into her waist... oh wait, that's me. I've been afraid to talk to people about most anything, due to all the deconstructive psychobabble just waiting to spring to my lips. It's worse in class, because I know I'll come off sounding like a CRAZY FEMINIST, like, in that bad way. I'm just struggling with the flood of ideas in my head, and how to express all the things I'm thinking without coming across as seriously unbalanced. Other than that, though, it's all good. Current Music: Alabina - Baila Maria |
| Wednesday, January 26th, 2005 | |
| 10:47 pm | Medea, oops, I meant MEDIA First, martinis are at 9:30 pm tomorrow night at the Scholar's Inn. Hopefully that gives me enough time to get back from this thing... er, assuming I've got a ride there in the first place (to spam e-mail list or not to spam e-mail list? that is the question). I'm super-excited to be reading Brian Attebery's Decoding Gender in Science Fiction. It's enough to make me neglect my course reading. *gasp* Especially since I just started watching Babylon 5 with ellegua. We got through the first two episodes of season one tonight. So far I'll just say that I'm intrigued. I do adore a good sci-fi story, but some tend to grab me right away whereas it can take a while for me to warm up to others. I also don't want to come off as too critical. I mean, Gundam Wing had me hooked from episode one, though that show certainly has its fair share of problems and detractors.But while I'm on gender in sci-fi... noticing a gender gap or assymetry isn't usually enough to totally turn me off something, but often it'll make me squirm. For instance, in episode 2 of B5, there's a cut to a new scene, and at first all you see is space, and you hear a woman's voice pleading something along the lines of "Please, no! don't!" and it cuts to the image of her tied up. Um... am I making too much of this to say it evokes gendered violence? I'm not saying that the creators of the show intended to allude to a rape scene or whatever, but it's a subtle association, one that makes me uncomfortable because... well... because it's there and I don't know that it needed to be there for the plot. Because I don't think the majority of people see any problem with it, and because it encodes an ideology I think is harmful and dangerous. I'm also not saying "oh no! don't depict gendered violence because it's bad!" but rather, I'm questioning the necessity of its presence in certain cases. Anyway, I'm probably making too much of that one tiny scene, and on the whole, I've enjoyed what I've seen of the series thus far, so I'm just going to stop deconstructing now. Other tidbits: I watched Kama Sutra this week (damn, that movie's hot!), and Freeway last week (modern Red Riding Hood, huzzah!). I must say, I enjoy narratives that feature feisty females. Young Reese Witherspoon made an awesome Red, and sure, the movie was over the top and zany... but I liked it. I guess there's just no accounting for taste. Current Music: Kama Sutra Soundtrack - Marriage of the Flying Spirit |
| Tuesday, January 25th, 2005 | |
| 11:25 pm | (public) service (post) Who's up for half-priced martinis on Thursday night at the Scholar's Inn? I'm probably calling tomorrow evening to make the reservation, and I'll probably ask for a table at 9:30 because I shall be attending a science fiction studies group meeting beforehand (if the book I'm supposed to read hasn't come in the mail by tomorrow, then I'm in trouble! also if I can't get a ride). I'm experiencing all the usual nervousness and apprehension that accompanies meeting a bunch of new people, yet I'm excited, because I've never discussed speculative fiction in a critical setting before, even though it's been on my mind for, oh, a decade, give or take. Maybe I should have a martini before the meeting to help me relax. Which, um, isn't a rationalization in order to drink, no it's not. Oh yeah, and by a stroke of fortune (good for me, not so good for others), I've recently acquired a metric assload of anime. The series on DVD I now own are: Ayashi no Ceres Blue Gender Bubblegum Crisis: Tokyo 2040 Crest of the Stars Fushigi Yugi Key the Metal Idol Martian Successor Nadeisco Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water Sol Bianca: The Legacy I've only seen Ceres and FY before (but not the OVAs, which were part of the package!). I don't know a whole lot about any of these titles... but one doesn't refuse free anime, even if there's no room for the DVDs, er, right? Any comments on any of these? Any desires to watch stuff with me? I'm writing a paper on gender performance, the incest taboo, and folk narrative in Ceres one of these days, but I don't have priorities for watching the other stuff. ellegua lucked out and got his hands on Neon Genesis Evangelion, which I look forward to watching again. I'm guessing that multiple viewings make everything make more sense... |
| 6:29 pm | "So far... Indiana is flat." Heh. Here's my first LJ post made from Indiana, back when I was visiting over spring break last year. And I say "heh" with a polyvalently pleasant twist to my metaphorical lips. I am now a confirmed performer for the Folk & Ethno coffeehouse on Friday, February 18th, at 7 pm. Does anybody know if I can just walk into the Collins coffeehouse to scope out the space where I'll be performing and stuff? I'd like to know things like whether it will kill my knees to do floorwork, whether I'll have enough room to spin a veil, and whether I'll get yelled at for bringing in a lit candle (and where I would put said candle when I wasn't dancing with it). Speaking of bellydancing... who thinks it'd be totally hot to choreograph a duet to Garbage's "#1 Crush"?! Any interested parties? Current Music: Garbage - Queer |
| Monday, January 24th, 2005 | |
| 5:35 pm | for example: new territory sparks my Hood nature I had a jam-packed day, mostly in the last few hours! I visited two professors' office hours, and was met with astounding success. The first professor (folklore-in-lit) agreed to consider my request that students interested in presenting papers at conferences be allowed to write a paper in place of a final exam; the second (intellectual history) validated my research paper idea of tracing the effects of feminist theory on folkloristic research. I'm especially excited about this idea, because I've been wanting an excuse to read every bit of feminist-folkloristic writing out there, plus I can correspond with cool scholars, requesting resources and angles. The hardest part will be to focus in on a particular aspect of how feminist theory has influenced folklorists; thanks to last semester, I have enough feminist theory that I can pick out which theoretical strands folklorists have snapped up and which they have ignored. Asking "why" would be the next relevant step, but I don't know if I'll get to that this semester or not. Then I bumped into a favorite professor while on my way to the library, and arranged for a meeting later this week. Hopefully a discussion of thesis ideas and possible publications will ensue. And while in the library, I found myself sharing an elevator with the folklore librarian, so I harassed her about some of the research I want to do this semester. I'll make an appointment to pick her brain for resources later. The most invigorating thing about this semester--which is also the biggest challenge--is the degree to which I'm branching out in my research. I'm engaging in real, honest-to-goodness fieldwork for the first time ever, so I need to read up on workplace folklore; I'm engaging in an intellectual history of feminist folkloristics; I'm translating some Russian folklore scholarship; and I'm doing more with folklore & literature than I've ever done before (though it's up in the air as to whether I'm taking exams for that class or writing a paper on fairy godmothers). Oh yeah, and I've gotta keep up on the reading for my classes, without burning my brain to ashes. Yesterday was one of those days when I was like, "If I see metadiscursive or etiolating one more time I'm gonna hurt somebody!" Current Music: Garbage - The World is Not Enough |
| 9:31 am | home again, home again [insert rhyme here] I had some weird and creepy dreams last night. Not all entirely bad, but definitely weird. I find that I'm dreaming with more regularity and intensity since... hmm... about a week ago. But I'm less inclined to share my dreams. In one part, I was at a folklore-in-literature panel, or conference, or section of a conference. I was talking to some huge scholar in my field (maybe Jack Zipes?) and he starting spouting citations that I scrambled to write down. I was impressed that he was quoting all these works off the top of his head, and then he flipped to the last page of his conference paper and showed me his references, and said that he'd just been glancing over them. Still, I was like, *swoon* (meaning: academic crush!). There are few bigger intellectual turn-ons than thoroughly researched scholarship. Slight shift, and I was at a panel (or putting together a panel?) about the poetry of yuki_onna. IRL, I haven't read much of her work, though I'd really like to, but in my dream I had at least three works I planned to discuss in relation to folklore. Some of it was Snow Queen stuff, and some of it was more generally related to folktales, myths, and legends, and I was getting pretty excited about the discussion that was to come...Then I was walking home (my L.A. home), up the hill that turns off Valley Circle. I noticed a man following me. He looked hostile, so I quickened my pace, but the asphalt-paved hill itself responded, and the slope increased so that I could barely see over the crest of the upturn in the road immediately in front of me, and my legs began to fail from the strain. Still, I persevered, and I got home (though home was not the tiny hilly neighborhood it is, but rather a long block of houses on a straight and level street). I warned my family (again, different from my regular family) about the threat, and we cloned all of them twice over so they could escape and hopefully not all be killed. But in horror, I saw the van departing with the two sets of new, cloned family members get stopped by the man, who promptly murdered them all. I retreated into the house, and had my remaining family members hide upstairs. I channeled some avatar of an older, more mature, stronger woman (Ani di Franco comes to mind, for some reason), and the man and I fought. His malevolent energy nearly overwhelmed me, but in the end I triumphed, and my family was safe. Next, I was still in L.A., with my real family, and I was to be starting grad school at UCLA. I was excited yet apprehensive--how would I adapt to the quarter system? to the soulless commuter-school atmosphere of the campus? and so on. I think I was buying things for school, maybe textbooks, while my mom, dad, and sister were hanging out with me... but something was weird about the whole thing. Finally, I was a princess, just beginning to come into my powers. My manse resembled a place I remember from Ireland (I want to say County Derry, but I'm not sure), with closely-grouped stone buildings and immense green lawns. As I walked from one building to the next, intending to start my studies for the day, a citizen of my kingdom approached me to talk to me. He was an older man, obviously an accomplished scholar/scientist, and well-respected for his humane approach to, well, everyone and everything. Albert Einstein and Henry Glassie both come to mind. Anyway, I think I wanted to talk to him, even though his picture had been removed from the inner wall of my studying building, due to someone's decision that he was a dangerous citizen, or something (more like thoughtcrime than actual offenses). Regretfully, I had to turn my attention away from him once I entered my study... but shortly after, a tantalizing door opened, which led to an entirely new realm, one which held the promise of more equality and brighter colors.... Those were, I think, all my dreams. Only the part with the murderous man was truly frightening. The others were more... interestingly weird. And I keep dreaming of home, in various manifestations. I'm serious, I think every dream I've had for the past week or two has taken place at my home. I know I miss the people there, but I wonder if there's another reason? Current Music: Cirque du Soleil (Dralion) - Ombra |
| Saturday, January 22nd, 2005 | |
| 7:29 pm | psycho-what? So, being a nerd as usual, as well as a dedicated academic, I'm looking for an outlet in which to publish a paper I wrote a year ago, my last fall semester at Berkeley. It was a final assignment for this awesome class comparing the Holocaust and Hiroshima & Nagasaki as two of the greatest tragedies of the 20th century; we asked, first of all, whether one can compare human suffering at all, especially under such different circumstances. We studied various materials--poetry, memoirs, art, music, historical narratives, fiction, and so on. Depressing as could be, but still an awesome, thought-provoking class. Anyway, I wrote my final paper on Anglo-American responses to World War II, based on data culled from the UC Berkeley Folklore Archives. I dipped into some humor theory (mostly psychoanalytic) to explain jokes, slang, and related forms of folklore as responses to grief based mainly on projective impulses. I looked back over my paper a week ago, and decided that it's halfway decent, hence I should make an attempt to publish it. As much as a psychoanalytic publication might put a dark blot on my name--in addition to carrying on Alan Dundes' psychoanalytic folkloristic legacy--I think it'd be cool. So I was shopping around for journals, and I settled on American Imago. Does anybody have any experience with this journal? I skimmed some of the essays, and I don't think my essay is too far off from them in quality, length, or number of citations (I used some primary sources from Freud in my essay, too!). One of the advantages of my paper is that I wrote it for a non-folklorist, hence it already has the "here's what folklore is & why it's relevant" introduction. If I tacked on a part about "and folklore's been relevant to psychoanalysis since the days of Freud!" that'd be even better. I think I'll ask around in my department for advice and for help editing my paper. Most of the faculty seems pretty enthusiastic about helping us get our professional careers started... though I know psychoanalysis isn't the favorite theory these days. And now, back to reading... *contented sigh* |
| 4:20 pm | winter malaise: remythologized I realized, after spending half the day alternately napping and moaning in bed, that I need to make an active effort to combat the effects of winter on me. I already got some reading done, but my eyes and head began hurting long before they usually do, and I can't afford for my productivity to plummet, especially since I'm already behind in my reading and it's barely the third week of classes! Winter, true winter, like the kind we're experiencing today with blizzards and freezing temperatures, does awful things to me. On the one hand, I feel antisocial and have no desire to stir from my apartment; on the other hand, I feel stir-crazy, terrified of being snowed in and stuck in one place. It's hard to function normally when I feel so unbalanced. And then there's my body. For those of you who didn't know, I'm cold-blooded. I have horrible circulation and my extremeties are always chilly to the touch. In my better days, I am a siren, basking in sun and sea, luring people nearer with my songs. Lately, rather than drowning sailors, I have taken to ensnaring unwary souls who show the slightest interest in folklore. I weave enchantments and tales into my call, and if you happen to see a sensuous scholar rather than a scaled siren peering out between the pixels, or toasting you with a blood-red martini... well... what's the difference? Winter brings out the Medusa in me, though. My skin grows dry and flaky, and I itch constantly, longing to shed. My hair becomes staticky, unpredictable, likely to slither in coils around my neck. My face... well... you do know that Medusa is beautiful, right? She's beautiful and she's laughing--go read Helene Cixous if you don't believe me. In short, you don't have to worry about turning to stone around me--unless you're afraid. I want to curl around myself and hibernate until the sun dominates the sky again, when I can crack the frost that's grown on my scales with a powerful convulsion of muscles, when I can taste the air with my forked tongue and not recoil in pain as the cold floods my senses. But I'm no Ouroboros, no symbol of eternity; my next tattoo will be a complication of Ourboros, two snakes, a horizontal version of the cadecus, a feminine, spiraling, Celtic-knot revisioning of the more commonly phallic serpent. Alas, the commitments I've taken on in the university don't allow me to hibernate or flee for warmer climes, so I'll have to persuade my serpentine nature to cooperate in fulfilling my obligations here till the weather clears up. This means lots of fire, lots of incense, lots of tea, lots of hot showers. Lots of bellydancing, lots of reading, lots of indulging myself--even if that means going back on what I've said earlier sometimes. I apologize if I flake on people or seem distant in the next couple of weeks... but really, do you want an unhappy Medusa on your hands? I didn't think so. Current Music: Omar Faruk Tekbilek - Shashkin |
| Friday, January 21st, 2005 | |
| 6:16 pm | is it really pimping if you pimp yourself? So, partywhipple has honored me and my sis sealchild with an appearance in his Cutie of the Day series in this post. So, go check out the pics... and since this is my journal and I can say whatever I damn want: keep in mind that my sis is jailbait and I will say nasty things to anyone who hits on her! (Sam: sorry, hon, I reserve protective older sister rights!)I might try to catch up on my reading this weekend. I also might try to plan Worldcon craziness, and write an application so I can teach next year, and bellydance (possibly w/ anyone who's interested in a quasi-lesson?). I had a fabulous time last night at martini night, despite knocking over a delicious chambord drink and breaking the glass. I'm so glad that more people are coming and making new friends and that kind of thing! And then today... I got a haircut! I know, maybe it was only exciting for me. Though I barely had any length taken off, just the ends, so it's still long enough to get tangled whenever I'm in bed (*cough*) or out in windy weather or whatever. While reading in Cafe Bazaar, I had a weird experience. They were playing a CD which sounded so intensely familiar to me, but I don't think I own it. (it's Sahara Lounge, a Putumayo compilation) I had the weirdest sense of deja vu... but the CD isn't anywhere in my computer, and I don't have all my bellydancing-ish CDs with me right now, so I can't rifle through them to look for it. This was just yet another "am I losing my mind?" moment, many in a series this week. Where in town can I buy good world music? The best I can think of right now is to have someone drive me to Borders or B&N.; Current Music: some song from Arabic Groove |
| Thursday, January 20th, 2005 | |
| 2:16 pm | want drink, not book! OMG, it's snowing outside! *does silly SoCal girl dance* The weather shall not deter us from martini goodness! Here's the plan: meet at my place at 9-ish so we can leave on foot around 9:15, or meet at the Scholar's Inn at 9:30, which is the reservation time. Do let me know if you're stopping by beforehand so we'll know to wait for you (and don't park in our bloody parking lot, the towing agency is very active). I feel like I'm undergoing an existential crisis right now. And I'm fairly sure it's linked to what was happening with my mom; whenever a family member or close friend is in trouble, I feel forced to examine what I know and believe (what I know I believe? what I believe I know?). One good example of this is when I broke up with my first college b/f right after a visit from my sister, who was distressed at the time... which provoked a major reevaluation of things on my part. ..."Things" ... yes... purposefully vague. Let's just say, spiritual repression is at least as detrimental as emotional repression for one's well-being. And I've got plenty of both to work with! |
| Wednesday, January 19th, 2005 | |
| 10:53 pm | I am insecure and freaking out. I like to think that I'm usually pretty confident... but I've been awfully moody tonight, and I would feel better with a little venting. I feel the urge to seek reassurance that I'm capable of planning my own trip to Worldcon in Glasgow this summer (after my conference in Estonia) and presenting an academic paper on the Matter of Britain, for which I have less than a week to research and write the proposal. The problem is that I have very little con experience--I've just been to Anime Expo twice, and it was easy to plan the trip because Anaheim's only an hour away from my home. I have no clue what Worldcon will be like, and I don't know anybody going, so I'd be totally on my own (though I could meet people through their LJ community, inter_action), I'd have to plan my own transportation to and from London, book my own hotel room, figure out what one does at Worldcon, how to budget the damn thing, and... and...*sighs* The bloody conference is expensive, too... like $150 for a membership, and that's if I try to cut a deal with someone. Add in hotel, and train tickets, and ugh! Though it'd be nice to have another international conference on my CV, assuming my proposal is accepted (they seemed in favor of "papers on other subjects--particularly non-English language SF and fantasy", and really, what else is anime?!). Maybe I just won't go if they don't take my proposal... though it might be fun enough to justify going anyway. I just don't know if it's the kind of experience I want all by myself, you know? Though I've been a fan of sci-fi and fantasy for ages, I know nothing about interacting with fan culture on a con-sized scale, and moreover, doing it on my own. I was gutsy enough to shove a proposal at the organizer of Schoolgirls & Mobilesuits and go to that conference even though I didn't know anyone who went, and that turned out great. Maybe this will too. I'm just too stressed to be making big decisions right now, yet time is becoming an issue. My other big deadline is for next year's assistant instructor application, which I'm excited about because I'm in love with the idea of teaching, but... but... Hey, I just found out my mom's out of the hospital! Yay! Current Mood: icky |
| 4:15 pm | muy importante! Okay, I'm calling the Scholar's Inn tonight to make a reservation. Who's coming to martini night tomorrow? (and now, to drown in some reading...) |
| Sunday, January 16th, 2005 | |
| 5:27 pm | not an emergency, but still icky. I was wondering why I'd been dreaming so vividly about my home--yesterday morning, while dozing off a hangover, I'd dreamt that I was at home, walking around my house and looking at things, in detail so realistic that I suspected it to be an astral projection; and last night, I dreamed that I was home and preparing food with my mom, which we were bringing downstairs in courses to the guest house, where my father and an unidentified guest were sitting and waiting to eat, and my sis and her b/f were there too, but suddenly my mom decided that she wanted to eat at a restaurant in the Bay Area, so we drove up there and it only took about 2 hours, and as we drove around Berkeley, I mused how odd it was that I was finally back in Berkeley, but hadn't let anybody know that I was coming. And I just now found out that my mom had surgery yesterday to have her gall bladder removed. In, you know, an emergency kind of situation. Having talked to my sister and my grandma, I know she's doing okay, in that "surgery sucks but I survived" way. I'm going to call the hospital so I can talk to her later, unless my dad gets back to me first and he happens to be going over there again. So... sigh... slightly unsettled... but somehow I've got to focus on my readings about solar mythology.... Current Mood: kinda upset Current Music: Massive Attack - Better Things |
| 2:20 pm | dancing babble I went to an intermediate-ish tribal bellydancing class today with pythia_akrypta. The pilates in the beginning was tough, but I had a blast. The last tribal lessons I took were over a year ago, so starting at this level provided a good refresher for me. I'm going to attend these classes for a while, as well as work with the FatChance DVDs (when they arrive), and then see how I feel about exploring other classes.There are two other developments in my dancing life. The first is rather political, so I don't know how much I want to discuss it publicly... but basically, I would like to start teaching classes here in Bloomington. I believe that I have something unique to offer: a style that is adaptable to both cabaret and tribal modifications, with a heavy emphasis on technique. See, I find neither style fulfilling on its own, so I perform a sort of fusion of both. Cabaret doesn't interest me as much because I find a lot of the music, movements, and costuming styles not suited to my tastes, whereas tribal has the benefits of music, movements, and costuming styles that are extremely interesting to me--but I feel that unless you're performing with a troupe, tribal's dance vocabulary can be very limiting (e.g. a lot of moves you only perform on one side, etc.). So I like aspects of both, but for different reasons. But so far in town, I haven't seen a lot of rigorous technique, which is what I learned from studying with Nanna in Berkeley for 4 years. Thus my class idea--a class for dancers of any level, any school, in which I teach things like isolations, how to shift your focus, how to shape your hands, and so on. I'm afraid of the political ripples that starting my own class might cause in the dance community here, though; I don't intend to draw students away from anyone so much as offer a class that can supplement the other classes being taught. My ideal location would be the Waldron Arts Center, primarily because of its location, but they've already got a bellydancing class... so I'd need to market myself as offering something different, something that wouldn't make having another bellydancing class redundant. I suppose I'd need to go observe the first class, but having seen that particular teacher dance, I'm fairly certain that our styles don't overlap too much. So I'll contact the Arts Center and see what they think... and till then, I'll try not to stress over it, because I don't want this to be seen as too aggressive, threatening, etc. by others in the local dance scene. It's just... I want in on the dancing action, too! Second exciting thing: I'm making myself a Skorset! (similar to a corset belt, but with skirt-like panels) My housemates and I went to buy fabric yesterday, and I bought a black brocade with silver swirls for the belt panels; a shimmery silver fabric for the bottom skirt panel; and a black netted fabric with sparklies for the top skirt panel. This is the Skorset I'm using as a model for mine:  Except mine will be in blacks and silvers. I don't know how to wrap tassels either, but I've got some neat antique coins I can hang from it. I also don't know how to sew, but my housemates will help me with this project. My rationale is that if I make something really cool for myself to wear, I'll be even more motivated to dance. ...except for if I get really, really sore. Maybe I shouldn't have continued to practice dancing after I got back from class. But once I put that candle on my head, it was too fun to stop dancing.... |
| Saturday, January 15th, 2005 | |
| 11:40 pm | course+work I barely noticed LJ was down. I was too busy partying, PMSing, and sleeping off half a hangover (um, yay?). I've also been a little productive. After trekking to the library to xerox essays from books supposedly stashed in the reserve room, I was frustrated enough to send bitchy e-mails to my two professors who are still doing things the old-fashioned way instead of having the library people scan the essays into the computer where we can all access them on our own time. One of my classes only has a dozen people in it, so a dozen people over one week, where you can only check out reserve books for 4 hours at a time, ought to be able to all get the essays... but my other class has two dozen people in it, so the time frame gets tight, nearly impossible. Plus, we can print 1,000 free pages from university computer stations, which is how I got all my course reading off the class website last semester, but making copies costs 10 cents a page, which adds up pretty quickly. So, wrote two bitchy e-mails, and then wrote a third for good measure to my professor who is supposedly putting the reading up on the class website... except it's not there yet and we have to read some three or four essays by Wednesday (okay, fine, I've already got both Dorson and Dundes on folklore & literature, but ssh!). And now half the faculty must hate me for bugging them about the course readings--what a great way to start the semester! Oh, don't get me started about my classes. Okay, so I'm really excited about my fieldwork class, because I know next to nothing about doing fieldwork. We're learning really practical things too, such as how to write a CV, how to apply for grants, how to write alternately for publication or for presentation, and so on. I was feeling a little ambivalent about doing my fieldwork at the Game Preserve, but a martini-inspired conversation with ninja_turbo helped me feel more confident. See, I'm alternately excited and nervous because doing fieldwork there is so far out of my normal research, which usually involves fairy tales and feminism in some way. Whereas researching the folk group composed of game store employees isn't connected to either of those things, and moreover, it's dragging me out of my text-based bias. But learning to interact with people will be good for me. Same thing goes for modern forms of folklore as opposed to the centuries-old stuff I normally write on. This project will provide a great springboard for future research ideas I have--the Berkeley co-ops, various schools, and so on.The other main defensive factor was "oh, and my boyfriend works there." I feel like it's unprofessional in a way to allow my research interests to flow toward the person I'm involved with, and it's this huge pattern with me, too. My interest in linguistics, in Russian, in postcolonialism: all have their roots in love interests. Yet, as I've been persuaded, there's not necessarily anything wrong with that. If there weren't something inside me that connected with the material in question, I wouldn't have gotten involved with it. It doesn't make me any less an independent person, or any less a rigorous scholar... right? While I'm venting, I'm annoyed that in my second class, folklore & literature, we have a take-home midterm and exam rather than a paper. I loathe taking exams in grad school. Sure, they're good practice for my qualifying exams, but goddammit, I had a paper I wanted to write in this class! Grr. However, the class looks like it'll provide a good survey of folklore & literature techniques, so that I can successfully teach a folklore & literature class in the future. My third class, history of folklore, looks interesting. We're tracing more the general intellectual currents that intertwined with the developments in folklore, rather than examining specific folkloristic data, which is fine with me, because I've got a weak background in some of the other social sciences. I still have to decide whether I'll write two short papers, based on prompts, or write one long research paper... on historical research which I have no idea how to conduct. Now there's a good idea! My fourth class, of course, is the reading Russian one. Which looks to provide no huge challenge. I have to pick 7-ish pages of a scholarly text to translate into English... I might do Vladimir Propp or one of the other structuralists I like, such as Meletinskij, unless I find a good intro-to-folklore book in Russian, 'cause that would be fun to translate too. So, my four classes are: fieldwork, folk&lit;, history, and Russian. They'll all be a mixture of fascinating, fun, and challenging (some more than others), and I'll chatter incessantly about them whenever I feel like. I've already tackled some of the reading, and it's mulling in my brain, studded with cloves and wrapped in orange peels. Yum. Current Music: Pink Martini - La Soledad |
| Thursday, January 13th, 2005 | |
| 7:15 pm | oh ye gods, a performance! I just found out that the Folklore & Ethnomusicology Dept is putting on their annual coffeehouse--a.k.a. student talent show--on Friday, February 18th, 7 pm, at the Collins Coffeehouse. I'm going to sign up to bellydance, even though I'm horribly out of practice. But this shall be my motivation to practice religiously and choreograph fun, new things! (well, I'm not actually going to choreograph anything till I have an idea of how long I can perform for and in what kind of space, but ya know...) As part of my re-inspiration, I shall immerse myself in dancing favorites. I'll watch Rachel Brice's videos and look at pictures on the Gothic Belly Dance Resource site. I'll listen to all my favorite bellydancing music and prance around in my gypsy skirts and jingly jewelry. I can wear smoky cat eyes with the best of them. Balance candles on my head. Whirl with a silken veil. Isolate my muscles--ribcage, hips, arms serpentine. If you're in Bton, come watch me dance... |
| 3:44 pm | briefly, before seminar... Seekers of half-price martinis: our reservation is for 9 pm tonight (you're welcome to meet at Chez Berkeley earlier and walk over at 8:45, just let me know if you're coming). Make sure to wish my lovely housemate lapis_lorelei a happy birthday!I've been back in Bloomington exactly a week now. How odd. It feels more like home every day... though really, the sidewalks are wretched and flood every time it rains. Ah well. (I can't say my native SoCal fares much better in wet weather...) I intend to do a write-up of my classes sometime soon; I'm already feeling conflicted about a fieldwork project I'm planning for this semester. It'll be really fun, but I feel defensive every time I explain it to someone, so I need to get to the root of that. Martinis cannot come soon enough, I've decided. I'm horribly moody, could be any number of things, but as europa_theosoph suggested over lunch today after our workout, it might be linked to decreased iron intake. I'm not eating much meat these days, but I'm eating lots of spinach and legumes, so go figure. Current Music: Garbage - Push It |
| Tuesday, January 11th, 2005 | |
| 11:04 pm | not so coherent. it should be martini night tonight. I'm feeling mildly down. It's probably because I'm just really tired, and sore from leaping back into an exercise routine. The good news is that my Russian class is SO chill. Like, five students total, and a kooky old professor who's nuts about word roots. I just need to remember to study for the quizzes. I'm in class 9:30 am-3:30 pm tomorrow, with an hour-long break in the middle. I hope I manage to be productive--beyond just cooking dinner--in the evening. Food is a really integral part of who I am, and being able to nurture others with food makes me really happy, but at the same time, without academia I think I'd feel hollow and bitter all the time. So I probably won't go off and become a chef. While I'm posting, I suppose now's a good time to ask--who's up for half-price martinis on Thursday night at the Scholar's Inn? It's also my housemate Sarah's birthday. Which means weekend debauchery, yay! Current Mood: my legs hurt Current Music: Nine Inch Nails - Into The Void |