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graduation o4 (p.s. i love you) [25 Sep 2004|08:47pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | now you know - hilary duff ] mock assembley and graduation went off without a hitch (in that order). and i must say that i encountered the positively fantastic 'ms k' - hair extension and all. "i've likened it to a quadratic equation - im the equation but without you, the discriminant, i have no value; tell your girls that you love them, and that i do too" - mr mark howden: year advisor to the class of 2004 (howdy, papa [our surrogate dad for always]) 240904 he said something pretty close to that - one of the only constants in the past six years: the man who dressed in a diaper and sang with the staff at year 9 camp, crashes into us in the hallways, takes care of us when we begin to silently break, and the one who stood there on stage in a forestgreen suit (he alwaysalways wears boardies, shirt and clunky skaterboiish shoes) and began to cry ("its the pollen!!!!! and also my emotions pouring out girls.") ill write more later..there's just alot to register right now so that i dont forget anything from the past week. esp. my peersupport sweetheart fiona - a smaller version of me without the dramaticness. she looks at me on friday after mockassembley, tears streaming down her face and says "i dont want you to leave - ill miss you" then she throws her arms around me and doesnt let go. it takes everything i have not to start crying again. in other news: because of the hsc i miss out on the hilary duff concert w my two of my favourite girls - danni and emie. they have fifth row tickets!! because i really am a candy coloured teenybopper at heart. -and boys with guitars make me smile (i swear it's all because of drawalittlestar). esp. when they stand there with beautiful gazes singing your body is a wonderland 5 stars|catch a falling star

trust the jolly girls.. [22 Sep 2004|10:01pm] tomorrow will be positively brilliant, honestly it will. but youll just have to wait because shhhh its a secret. my girls, these girls that hold 6 years of me in their hands. so in true st georgian fashion we will laugh one minute and cry the next, because thats just what we do. catch a falling star

love, actually [07 Sep 2004|06:25pm] [ mood | moody.messy.restless.senseless ] Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think of the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the twin towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. And if you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion that love actually is all around. -Love Actually catch a falling star

hey kiddo, fucking up isnt really an option anymore [25 Aug 2004|07:21pm] [ mood | crushed ] what im doing right now: *avoiding mr allum like the plague because im not stable enough to wallow in my poor performance in the trial. deconstructing exaclty where i went wrong (or right)isnt something that im ready to do just yet. *trying to believe ms coplin when she says that i am capable of writing responses like the exemplar ones that she handed out. "you have time" she tells me as i scurry away. sometimes i fucking hate this school. i hate the way that it can reduce us to tears and stress us out. the way that the marks and the ranks are supposed to justify working and working and the way that they tell us that pushing marks up and stuff will all work out for us in the end. and the way that we'll get exponentially better if we just keep at it but then again its the things like this that make me smile: (by missmarty) What a scary thought to think that in 4 weeks time, when my exams are finished I will be farewelling all my little year 12 buddies including my gorgeous Joey and then I'll be in year 12 *sobs* I don't wanna lose her cos she knows how much I love her =P *mwah* 5 stars|catch a falling star

[05 Jul 2004|01:33pm] Don't know why I'm still afraid If you weren't real I would make you up now I wish that I could follow through I know that your love is true And deep As the sea But right now Everything you want is wrong, And right now All your dreams are waking up, And right now I wish I could follow you To the shores Of freedom, Where no one lives.

gilmoregirls.gilmoregirls.gilmoregirls. :) [season1] [29 May 2004|05:37pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | burn - usher ] MISS PATTY: Walk smooth. That's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be anymore books. i forgot how much i love this show. i also forgot how much of a bitch Paris was. i forgot about how cute/sweet roryanddean were. AND most of all i forgot about chad michael murray. honestly, the guy is not aesthetically challenged;) i'm turning into a fangirl and im getting excited about POA coming out on june10. i swear its because of the influence of this sweetie--> (mellowdee) now i have to jet because lauren and i made fervent promises to be sophie lee for the weekend. which was why we both declined aquagolf and krispykreme at penrith. 1 star|catch a falling star

youve got me in a spin but everything is A-ok [24 May 2004|07:43pm] majorly totally buttcrazy in love with Lemar's cover of i believe in a thing called love. its brilliant. 1 star|catch a falling star

i may never eat again [17 May 2004|09:37pm] [ mood | distressed ] *large rice with beef and blackbean sauce and teriyaki chicken *half an eclair and half a slice of mud cake *1/2 a litre of orange juice and a popper *(when i got home)* *babybag of bbq shapes *custard filled profiterole *dinner *soup why oh why did you let me buy the large rice with the teriyaki chicken and the beef in blackbean sauce?!? on another note: i've moved up a couple of rankings for english ;p (110-->26), yet i still appear to be underachieving stupid "special" school and yes, i will get my act together for business and economics 2 stars|catch a falling star

[12 May 2004|09:39pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | usher - burn ] I'm so tired of dancing around these big words ... I just want to be honest with you ... more than anything. I want to be honest with you. But, do you think we're ready for that honesty? Because honesty is a big word, and it changes things, and it complicates things. Are you sure you're ready for everything that goes along with the truth? - Dawsons Creek

[07 May 2004|09:44pm] He says he loves her. She says she loves him. Yet, they always seem to break each others' heart.

<333 [22 Apr 2004|04:36pm] [ music | into you - fabolous ft. tamia ] but if i take out only one rose and give it to you then i dont think she'll really notice... 1 star|catch a falling star

material girl [16 Apr 2004|04:57pm] so, the way that i justify buying new shoes, purse and jeans is as follows: a)the shoes match nearly everything that i own, and they should, for what i paid for them! b)the purse was on sale ($24.95-->$9.95) c)the jeans were $30. they also need to be altered by about 4 inches, but that was expected;p. all in all, im a happy little spoilt brat. 2 stars|catch a falling star

dreams for sale and fairytales [12 Apr 2004|06:18pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | perfect - simple plan ] "I'm so tired of being looked at all the time. I want to be myself for a change." She leaned her forehead against the bars and after a short silence went on in a thoughtful tone. "I'm not exactly sure what I'd do, you know, but something interesting - something that's all mine. Something that would make some kind of difference in the world" pg.15, tuck everlasting - natalie babbitt *in and out of Luna Park at an alarmingly fast rate (10 mins max). it now goes into the list of interesting places that we've been to. and sometimes it doesnt really matter if you go anywhere in particular, just as long as your with the one person who will try so very hard not to laugh when a bird craps on your skirt at hyde park. and you find out later that they wanted to piss themselves laughing (as did you if you werent so distraught) but they didnt because of the look on your face. because only stupid things like sitting on bird crap late in the afternoon without realising can happen to me. - that and an ensembley challenged old man who looks you up and down, leers and then states 'nice'. and then comes back for seconds as your going up an escalator with your little sister while you wish that your dad was standing next to you instead of being upstairs already. 10 stars|catch a falling star

bubbles and dickhead [20 Mar 2004|07:38pm] so aaron and i have named his new goldfish, he used to have a blue fighting fish but one day it committed fishsuicide and just jumped out of its tank, never to return. funnily enough he still remembers the 'invisible fish' that we used to have. it took him a long while to realise that it was just your ordniary empty fishtank. "i used to stare and stare, wondering why i wasnt special enough to see the fish! damn i was a dumbshit". 4 stars|catch a falling star

right back where we started from.. [22 Feb 2004|01:24pm] [ mood | i dont want to be weak ] [ music | addicted - simple plan ] (after giving her a long list) danni: you cant not go to the places that meant 'me and you' to you. thats just crazy, why would you want to forget? (because driving past the Gardens isnt good for me) why is it that whenever youve convinced yourself that things are okay, you get a little voice whispers "hey little girl, youre not as put together as you think you are/you lead everyone else to believe." all i ever really wanted was to be happy and surrounded by people and the things that matter to me. and i have that, i honestly do, just not as much as i used to.. but as mez says "shit happens". case closed, pick up the pieces, move on - even if it does hurt. i tried to make you happy but you left anyway 3 stars|catch a falling star

hey pretty baby with the high heels on [13 Feb 2004|06:23pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | the way you make me feel - michael jackson ] swimming carnival o4 - painting it black sun sun sun. a brilliant affair of wings, hearts, tutus, blood, liquid eyeliner and dark lipstick. tragic valentines - complete with a funeral procession, roses and kushi looking like death (literally). tiny shining red hearts and plainer red hearts plastered absolutely everywhere. taking photos, playing it up for the cameras. walking around in heels and slowly sinking into the ground. i now know what id look like if i was a refugee. j:"DONT DELETE IT!!" red and black. representing burwood was mimo, sars mask and all :p - long story involving her kicking and attacking with the mother of all water pistols. tanning in the sun and drinking half melted/half made slushies. "why're you dressed like that for?" asked a little year seven as they peered at me and samira (mr murray swears it looks like we were sposed to be clubbing) 'because. we're year 12.' and right now, thats my favourite reason of all. catch a falling star

gutterflower [09 Feb 2004|06:56pm] [ mood | im not the one who broke you ] [ music | here is gone - the goo goo dolls ] my sister: 'yea, youre my muse! we gotta write this journal entry for school about meg ryan's character, and she's neurotic, like you!' things are falling back into place. humid days at school. pancake/brownie cravings of The Oracle, stifling fits of laughter in meetings, boldly meeting the accusing gazes of younger years, undoing things that shouldnt be undone, choices for jerseys and spluttering water features. yes, even the heat effects the water feature;). "are you crazy, you dont need to try a jersey on, youre the smallest size!" mimo having the wayyyy difficult choice of writing "SARS" or "FOB ^.~" on the back of her jersey. painting it black on friday, being accused of having skank/whore clothes (yet they still choose to borrow them, so they honestly cant be that bad. and my defence? 'my legs are littler than yours so the skirt doesnt look that short!/i wear another top when i wear this one, so i dont expose much!') the art of letting go possibly involves feeling comfortably numb(which never ever really works) for a while, or just trying very hard to fill the space with anything and everything - friends, family, sunshine, coffee, tiny shiny silver hearts from people that mean everything to you, having d+ms with my cousin/twin/partner-in-crime (just sitting in the car, not ever really moving, lights blink, music blasts, yet when it comes down to it all he knows what im thinking/feeling without many words spoken). "yea, i better save that story for another time, take care, okay?" simon suprised me, he kept berating himself and claiming he wasnt being/hasnt been a good friend, pschhhhhhh. liarrr, the boy keeps me grounded. i dont want to stumble anymore, i cant stay here anymore, it isnt working for me. i guess i gotta get my act together, let go and move on. (tho it hurts,it really really hurts) at the end of the day, its only me who has to sift through everything and work out what it is that i really want and how im going to get there. words flowing out and letting people mind them for a while, finding a familiar pattern of normalcy so that things can become stable. dad on saturday - 'are you okay? you look kinda spaced out' "what, huh? yea, im fine" (big eyes and pretty smiles gloss over the fact that anything is up) And I dont need the fallout Of all the past that's in between us And I'm not holding on because in the end, it doesnt matter if its good enough for someone else. 3 stars|catch a falling star

(lost: happy bright eyed girl, found:bright eyed girl falling apart) [30 Jan 2004|06:40pm] [ mood | thinkingofyou ] [ music | if.its.all.been.done.what.is.left.to.do. ] nearlysixmonths masterplans that my girls have indicates that im going to be okay. sulk and bee have already determined the occurences at pending events for me. insane plans(operationblackfriday) from the boys means that i'll have some fun. "yea i promise to take care of you" forever seems like an awfully long time currently (reduced to) listening to hilary duff, everything else means too much (here without you, sexed up, tonyrichproject, slowjams...). note to self: must lend 'love actually' soundtrack to bee and not get it back until..well, a long time. if your over me im already over you if its all been done what is left to do how can you hang up if the line is dead if you want to walk out then step ahead if youre moving on im alredy gone if the light is off then it isnt on... a myriad of images of that refuse to move/fade away allthatsleftareapocketfulofpictureperfectmemories 2 stars|catch a falling star

all of this noise is what keeps me from making a mess [26 Jan 2004|08:30pm] [ mood | busy ] [ music | if you could only see (acoustic) - tonic ] Whipping past the reflecting pool me+you skipping school How did it go so fast you'll say as we are looking back and then we'll understand we held gold dust in our hands talking(rambling)on the phone to a favourite girl(i wont let her go, shes mine!). making plans, and lists for the near future. post class of 'o4. people, places, drives, bonfires, whatever takes our fancy. one of the few people in this world who understands exactly what im saying (reading between the lines) and helping me to regroup. "joey, its bad to start arguments!". making tentative plans involving a ballpit(or many babyballpits that can eventually become a huge ballpit). i think i have research to do... catch a falling star

[21 Jan 2004|09:57pm] Live life by the harmless untruths that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy. - Bokonon

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