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Saturday, April 12th, 2003
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3:36 pm - if i were to kill myself
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| Monday, December 2nd, 2002
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9:18 pm
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if any of you guys get anonymous posts from someone talking shit about me, i'm sorry.
i stopped letting anony people comment in my journal, so now it seems they are going to my friends journals to talk about me.
so i'm apologizing if anything happens
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(9 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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| Tuesday, October 22nd, 2002
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2:25 pm - for the aim user bluemelonsx
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| Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
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6:13 pm
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i just realized that i really don't update anymore. it's not as if there isnt stuff on my mind to write about, i just don't feel like writing all the personal stuff thats in my life right now.
i mean, i use to be all for venting and updating often, but recently it just seems pointless.
even now, when i know there is stuff on my mind, i don't want to talk about it. i don't know how to anymore.
i'm just updating for the sake of it
current mood:  blah
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(3 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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| Friday, October 11th, 2002
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8:31 am - update
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so yesterday jerry and i went to buy our halloween costumes, i got all excited and decided i'd go all out with mine this year. but then we get back home to find out from jaime that he has to work on halloween. second damned holiday that i'm gonna be stuck at home on.
grrrrr.....
so were going to go and return them later. well, i'm gonna keep a few things from mine, like the necklace and stockings i got. *i was going to be a witch*, and jerry wants to save his mask for next year. *he looks like the troll from LEGEND in it*.
jaime and jackson, jackson is jerry's coworker and jaime is his kick ass wife, invited us for thanksgiving. it sounds pretty good, so we might go, unless we decide to spend our first thanksgiving just the two of us.
jaime showed me her page on blackplanet.com, and it was really good. she had pictures of her, her wedding, her kids, her husband, all kinds of stuff on there. she was saying she has the page only to update it and send the link to her family so they can see pictures of the kids and her. and it's free! so i told jerry i wanted to start a page on it with jaime's help, and he made me laugh when he said *but your not black*. i was like, neither is jaime, and i'm waaay darker than ryan is and he has his ass a page on there!!! but jerry just gave me this funny look and so i said *fine, i'll just start a page on migente.com, where my own people are!* haha.
anyways, what else? jaime has offered to teach me how to drive, and she said that if i ever wanted to go get another tattoo, or get my belly botton peirced again, which i do, that she'd go with me. she's kick ass, but what sucks is that she's going to be leaving in early december, as jackson is getting sent to san diego.
so anyways, once i start the page up on either migente.com or blackplanet.com, i'll let you know, i'll have pictures of the wedding and hopefully the house, and when we get a digital camera, hopefully for christmas, i'll put up some of the island. i'm excited.
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(5 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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| Monday, October 7th, 2002
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11:43 pm
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| Monday, September 30th, 2002
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6:03 pm
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i just had the best conversation with my sister-in-law.
we talked, opened up, and it was just good to talk to somebody about how i'm feelin and adjusting to living out here.
not that i don't talk to jerry about it, but still, it was good to talk to her about everything.
it's left me feelin a little down, but hopeful :).
now i have to figure out what i can do with uncooked white rice and 1 pound of ground beef. we don't have butter, soy sauce, or anything else like that.
hmmmm....time to get creative
current mood:  content
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(1 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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| Sunday, September 29th, 2002
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11:21 pm
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| Thursday, September 26th, 2002
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4:53 am
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so yesterday i turned 20!!!
the day started off with jerry letting me open my present at midnight, which ended up being a really good telescope, with 4 different lenses and a bunch of other knickknacks. i guess he had been noticing me pointing out the constelations on our walks and me telling him how i use to go out every night when i was young to see the stars, haha. so we went out for awhile after he set it up, and wow!! the lenses are awesome! i have never had such a strong telescope as this one. and he also gave me a big stuffed white tiger. that was what i told him jokingly that i wanted, haha, a white tiger.
he rocks!!
then we slept for awhile, got up, ate, drove around, ladada, and drove down to jackson's, his coworkers, for some wine he bought last night but hid there so i wouldn't see it. then we came back, kicked out roommate out of the house, and had a nice spaghetti and garlic bread dinner, that he made, by candle light. it was so sweet/romantic/fun/yummy.
oh!! and the card he made for me!! well, actually our friend jamie made it, haha, but it's beautiful. it has a poem in it that he wrote for me, and a picture of him in there, and, it just brings tears to my eyes everytime i see it. he is the greatest husband, and it still shocks me with how lucky i am.
ha, other than that my life has been the same. i'm gonna have to get a tb test and a measle shot for school on monday, not looking forward to that, but i am looking forward to jerry's game tommorrow night. i love to see him play, and not only that, but i hang around with jamie and her friends and we talk shit and gossip to each other, haha, the bored housewives we are :P.
for every depressed hour i've have, for every panic attack i've had, there have been at least 5 days of good, healthy, happiness to overcome it :).
side note #1: thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, you know who you are and you guys kick ass :)
side note #2: ![[info]](http://library.vu.edu.pk/cgi-bin/nph-proxy.cgi/000100A/http/web.archive.org/web/20050209162538im_/http:/=2fstat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) finnagain , is there a site i can go to to find out info about helping a tiger? making a donation or something? let me know, okay?
current mood:  optimistic
current music: bush: comedown
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(11 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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| Sunday, September 22nd, 2002
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11:28 pm - awww
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i just saw the saddest thing.
i was watching this special on the bengal tiger, and their captivity and breeding, and this one gave birth, with the assitance of a caretaker. it amazed me how trusting the tiger was, but anyways, one of the cubs didn't make it, even though the caretaker was giving mouth to mouth and everything.
but the real sad part is after the baby died, the mother rested her head on it and mourned. she cuddled her dead baby, and it just broke my heart.
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(1 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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4:46 am - just note that my morals have changed since marriage, i'm no longer a samantha
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3:05 am - ugh
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they have these cute kick ass feet kits at body works, and i want one!! i pride myself with my feet, not to sound stuck up, but they are cute and small and i love them!! but i have a bad habit of going barefoot, specially since i've been out here, and damn, my feet are taking a beating. the kit was only like, 15 bucks, so i think i'll use my b-day money on it.
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(have you loved your fairy today?)
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| Saturday, September 21st, 2002
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4:39 pm - blah
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1:39 pm
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| Thursday, September 19th, 2002
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3:28 pm
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fucking lj. this is my 3rd time writing this entry, damnit.
so my birthday is the 25th of this month. this is the first birthday in years that i'm excited about and looking forward to. even though no friends or family will be here, i'll still have jerry and he is more than enough. just spending the day with him is what's going to make that day so great. he won't tell me what he has planned, but just knowing i get all his attention on me is what i'm looking forward to.
i'm gonna be able to start school next month!!! and i thought the only classes i could take were fire safety ones, but i didn't realize that i could take classes on hickam afb, which means i can take english and math and history!!! finding out that i can go to school this semester is a great big relief. it had had me very tense this past month while i waited to find out.
on a different note, it looks like i'll be spending thanksgiving alone this year. my mom was going to try to come out, but she just relocated to new york and won't be able to. jerry is pretty sure he has to work, also :(. ugh, oh well. i'll still make myself a little turkey and stuffing and potatoes.
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(3 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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| Thursday, September 12th, 2002
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5:57 am - i'm gonna puke
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you know, i didn't watch the news. i refused to see any of what was going on about 9/11. not because i didn't care, but because it was just too much to bare.
but damn, i come online and i get so fucking disgusted. first off, i read in a friends journal about how he doesn't care about the date, and how he is sick about the patriotism that will falter after 2 weeks. also about how it made him upset that we spent so much money on flags when so many pakstanians were dying.
but i kept my mouth shut. it is his opinion.
then i go to a harry potter chatroom, shut up, haha, and what do i see there? kids, little fucking kids, who were talking shit about 9/11.
kids, who have no fucking sense of history, who say they don't even give a damn about pearl harbor.
it makes me sick to think that if someone i loved was killed a year ago that people would be feeling this way.
it makes me very fucking sick.
current mood:  pissed off
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(4 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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| Wednesday, September 11th, 2002
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6:46 pm
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well, i feel better now. i talked to sam for the first time since i left, and it was good to hear her voice. not only that, but she sounded happy and okay, which put a smile in my heart, if that's possible.
i feel good now :)
current mood: happy
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(5 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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| Thursday, September 5th, 2002
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11:57 pm
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Do you have a partner?: soulwrit
-What is her/his name?: jerry
-How did you meet?: rather not say
-When did you meet?: a year ago
-Do you remember a song that was popular at the time you first met?: shorty, by shaggy. i only remember because he would sing it to me so much
-Do you have a special song?: haha, this is really corny, but *you are my sunshine*. when either of us sings it to each other we get each other in a good mood.
-Do you have a special movie?: umm...i don't think so
- What is the age gap between both of you?: he's about 6 months older than me, i believe
-Do you like being older/younger?: doesn't make a difference
-Do you know his birthdate?: march 13., 1982
- Do you know where he was born?: texas
-Is he a star sign that are you compatible with?: i looked it up once and i believe we are
-Does he have annoying habits?: a few, nothing as bad as some of mine, though.
-Have you told them about their annoying habit?: maybe, if it really bugged me, but always in a tactful way
-Does he snore?: sometimes, hehe, but it's always softly, and cute, and i love the way his lips part when he does
-Do they hog the bed?: well, jeese, he is over 200 pounds and 6'5, but then again, i think i'm the one who does
-Do you have similar interests?: most cases, yes. cept the football, i liked it until him :P
-Do you have similar tastes in music?: for the most part yeah. he doesn't like rap as much, though. and i definitely have a more eclectic taste in music than him. i love showtunes and soundtracks!!!
-Do you have kids?: No. not even a cat, but he promised me a cat soon :)
-Do you know what your partner is doing now?: he's at work, probably watching tv right now.
-When did you last have a fight?: ummm...we don't really have fights. we argue, but always make up. probably when i got upset over his football game last night, even though i wasn't really upset with him.
-When did you last kiss?: right before he stepped out to work
-When did you last hug?: before he left for work
-What colour are their eyes?: green
-What colour is their hair?: brown
-What do you think their best asset is, physically?: his whole body
-What is their worst asset?: hmmm...i can't think of anything
-Do you know their favorite song?: nope
-Do you know their favorite movie?: No, but i know alot that he likes, since we have the same taste in movies
-Do you know their favorite book?: no, he doesn't read much
-Do you get along with their parents?: yes. his mother is the sweetest thing and i got lucky to get such a kick ass mother in law.
-Do you know what really annoys them?: haha...a few things, hawaiian drivers, me putting myself down, etc
-If yes, have you ever done it to annoy them?: probably
-Do you know the name of their last partner?: Well, his last serious one was dorie. *goes and pukes in the sink at the thought of her* JK
-Do they ever talk about them?: yeah, but only when i ask about her. he does the same about kevin. they only come up when we have our long kick ass conversations about our pasts and all.
-How do they feel about your last partner?: the same way i feel about his
-What is the best thing they have ever done for you?: everything he has ever done for me...love me like he does
-What is the best thing you have done for them?: i dont know. i have no clue :(
-What is your favorite thing to do together?: make love, just be together cuddling and watching movies, at least for me
-Where is your favorite place to go together?: for our drives. well, at least for me, once again
-If they are employed what do they do?: he's in the navy
-What is their favorite food?: anything i make, haha. he's sweet like that
-What was it about them that made you fall for them?: his eyes....the way he didn't seem like every guy i knew...the way he cared about me, god everything about him
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(2 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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11:52 pm - hell yeah!!!
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| Monday, September 2nd, 2002
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2:30 am
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so my mom will be leaving in a few hours. she's been here since last sunday. we've had a great time, driving around the island and being beach bums. we went to diamond head, dole plantation, alot of bays and beaches, and other sites around the island.
jerry even took us on a cruise boat thingy where they take us out deep into the water, well, not that deep, and give you snorkel gear and real cool water toys to play with, then feed ya lunch. they had alot of fun. i stayed on the boat the whole time, i'll get into that later.
we went to the beach everyday of the week, but i never went in past my knees. not until today, when me and my mom went snorkeling in a shallow bay. *keyword: shallow*. i made myself go in this time, and only because it was very very shallow. we saw the most gorgeous fish! there was this one, my favorite, that was about a foot and a half long, with beautiful green and purple scales. it was a wildlife preserve/beach/park, so there was alot of sealife there. i'm very proud of myself, for swimming out there with the fishes. i think that that bay will be my favorite spot on the island.
my mom has also spoiled us. we haven't been able to save any money yet, because were getting the house and our lives situated, so she bought us stuff for the house and everyday items we need so we could save some money.
i'm gonna miss her a whole lot. it's nice having a familiar face around to talk with, and me and her have gotten very very close this last year. she's promised to try her best to come out for thanksgiving. i'm hoping it works out.
alright, this is my update for now.
hope everything is going well
love,
amanda
haha, oh, and that thing about me staying on the boat the whole time, well, since i was little i've had this amazing fear of the ocean. it fascinates me, and i want to be a marine biologist, but i refuse to go into the ocean. if i go to a beach i will never go in past my waist, if that. i see a special on sharks on tv and my chest tightens so badly that i have to change the channel before i panic. well, i was all ready to conquer my fear and go into the water off the boat, but as soon as i got in, i screamed for jerry and started to panic. he had to hold onto me and take me to a innertube, where i finally stopped crying. i refused to look into the water while i was in the tube, and even though i wanted to get out i was too scared to leave it and get back into the water. jerry finally made me jump into his arms so he could take me to the boat, where i took a dramamine because my nerves were so bad i was nauseous. once i was back on the boat i was a happy camper, and looked over the edge to see the schools of fish. i told myself to take baby steps, so instead of jumping into an ocean with a floor too deep to see, i swam in shallow water and did just fine. baby steps!
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(2 flying high from fairy dust | have you loved your fairy today?)
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sick
